Search Results: love vs. sex

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

Going to be 30 soon & ask myself why I’m incapable of being in a relationship with a man, people can say that I’m picky but I don’t fully believe I should take all the blame. Female friends I’ve had in the past seem to get dates easier/are okay with putting out & some have unintentionally made me second guess my looks, as they seem to have it easier yet other people have told me I’m equally/more attractive than they are. The last time I “dated” someone was when I was in my early twenties & I’m glad that ended because this guy felt like settling. It justifies that love isn’t blind & it’s better to be alone vs being in a mediocre relationship. I know I’m not all that but I feel like I should be able to attract quality men, all my life I feel like I’ve been invisible to men. I’ve never been approached in person by a guy I’d like to date (don’t count dating apps) & the very few times someone told me that a guy found me attractive (normally a guy I also thought was attractive), they never told me directly & it was always word of mouth.

I feel like I am cursed, that last person I saw in my early twenties was through a dating app & that’s how I’ve met all of these men I’ve met up with. The apps are continually getting worse & they’ve always had a bad rep, getting matches are never an issue it just fails to go anywhere for a number of reasons. And sometimes when I’ve met guys in person & it didn’t work out, there’s just something about them that doesn’t live up to my expectations (even though they look like their pics). I’m unsure if my dating logic is unrealistic, dating apps are the only way for me to meet people & don’t understand how I can be this old & haven’t been in love yet.

The last thing I’ll add is my lack of sex drive, masturbation doesn’t do anything for me & I haven’t had sex since I saw that person back in my early twenties. However, it’s known that some women need to be in a healthy relationship in order to have that *sexual desire*.