So, my wife wants an open marriage, I don't want it, what do I do?

Question

I 38M have been with my wife 30F for 5 years and we’ve got two kids (3 and 1.5 years old). For the first year of our relationship, we had frequently sex and after that, my drive kinda dwindled and it went from a daily thing to a weekly, more or less. I’ve never had that big of a drive and my partner has a very high drive plus I’m very vanilla vs her being more exploring (which I absolutely don’t mind, I just don’t think about trying new stuff regularly). We have talked about this ever since our second year together until now and for a period (think a couple months) sex has increased but went back down again. I do desire my wife and love her with everything I feel inside of me, so it’s not a case of “she’s ugly now” - I just don’t have a big drive naturally. The low sex drive has been a challenge even before kids, so that period (and still a bit) obviously doesn’t help but I’m not going to excuse the kids demanding a lot of us for my low drive.

So now we are here, where she feels her sexual needs aren’t met through the relationship (I don’t disagree), she also feels “terrified” of the thought of only having one partner rest of life and now wants to feel “free and desire” in order to reignite our relationship. She has also added it could also ”just” be kissing, and not anything more.

We don’t want our relationship to end because we still love each other with every other regard other than the intimacy not matching each other. We’ve agreed to never split up while the kids are small for their sake, as we can still be parents together (which is all we’ve been for the last month, really). I also know that I would most likely be lighting myself on fire in order to keep everyone warm with an open relationship and I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

I’m not really comfortable with the thought of an open relationship and any way you put it (break for a period, only kissing etc) is something I feel terrible about.

And I have told her, if she wants it, divorce.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

She probably already cheated on you man or planning to cheat on you , especially if she is insisting on an open relationship with you , she feels frustrated and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings , so she is proposing an open relationship with you , to make herself feel better for her sexual wants and needs. Whether she is physically cheated on you or not? , she more than likely emotionally cheated on you already , by having someone else on her mind that she wants to fuck. You have 2 choices here man , You can either stand your ground to her and tell her you will file for divorce , if she doesn’t want to stay loyal and faithful to you , if she chooses an open relationship with you or you can save your marriage and go see a doctor and find out why you don’t have a high sex drive , and try to get that fixed , , to be able to meet her sexual wants and needs. If you love her and care about her , go get help and find out ways you can increase your sexual drive and fuck the shit out of her on a daily basis , this sort of thing happens in a lot of relationships, most people end up in marriages with the wrong people , when it comes to sexual compatibility, most marriages end for this reason. So if you want to save your marriage? , have a sit down talk with her and explain to her , you love her and care about her , and you want to know the truth about everything , and tell her you are going to get help with your sexual drive as well , so you can match her sexual chemistry. If she loves you and cares about you , she will support
You on it , if not? Then divorce her and move on and find someone that is more on your lines. You have to understand females’ are human beings as well , and they have sexual wants and needs like most guys’ have , denying your partner sexually , sadly makes you a selfish person as well. Being
sexually frustrated is not a good feeling whatsoever, so for any relationship to work and survive , you have to wear your partners’ shoes the same way you expect them to wear yours. It can’t always be your way or no way. If you think that way , your relationship is doomed and it will be a matter of time before she goes and spreads her legs for someone else or leaves you for someone else So swallow your pride , and go get help , to save your marriage , your wife is clearly sexually frustrated, so it’s your duty as a man and her husband to go fix that shit. People cheat for these reasons. There are medications that can help rise your libido levels to make you want to fuck more, Go see your doctor before you end up in divorce court and break up your family. Be thankful you have a girl that wants you sexually , you know how many men are out there that wish they had a girl like yours? Don’t fuck it up brother trust me , go see your doctor and get
Your ass on some medications to rise your libido and testosterone levels and Rock Her World , Shit, take Viagra if you have to or Hims or Blue Chews , , you will tear her up to a point she isn’t going to want any other man or think of another man after
You take her to pound town. You can save your marriage bro , trust me

BonzoInBitburg · Accepted Answer

You have every right to say no. If that doesn't stop her you have grounds for divorce. Because her actions caused the divorce, you may be able to get custody and she might be on the hook for child support. Talk to a lawyer but you can make a case for it especially since you work from home

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Don’t do it if you don’t really want to. It’s a very big and complicated thing and if both people in the relationship isn’t 100% in on it and really want it because that’s their sexuality. It’s not something you should agree to just to please your partner or avoid divorce/breakup. If you do it’s going to make things worse and you’ll hurt yourself in the process.

I don’t know if you’ve already done so but if not you could go and see a doctor. Low libido can be due to things like hormonal imbalances, depression, disease or deficiencies. They can do a check up and check for those things.

If nothing else, viagra may help you if you want sex but like your libido is low and you physically can’t do it. This is provided you actually want sex more frequently. You shouldn’t do it if you don’t want to. But if you don’t want to then there’s a reason and you need to do some thinking about what causes you to not want sex more often with your wife. A therapist could help with that.

XHopelessRomanticX · Accepted Answer

Chances are she already has someone in mind. She just wants to cheat without feeling guilty.

The good news is, because you are a stay at home dad, the gender-neutral laws of today are in your corner. It’s just up to you to set yourself up for success and make a good showing in court. You can do this by presenting evidence that you have been the primary caregiver, and that it is in your child’s best interest that you remain the primary caregiver.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the choppy waters of mismatched desires in a relationship is tricky, but it's all about finding a balance that respects both partners' needs while maintaining the love that binds you. It sounds like you've hit a significant crossroads, where compromise and understanding are crucial. If the idea of an open relationship lights up your warning signals—like a red flag in a love story—it's essential to communicate that feeling honestly.

Open and heartfelt communication is the lifeline here. While she's seeking exploration, you're anchored in monogamy, a sign of the deep love and desire you still hold for her. This isn't about drawing lines in the sand; it's about weaving a tapestry that honors both your feelings. Can there be a middle ground? Maybe exploring new ways to satisfy her adventurous spirit together or seeking professional guidance to navigate this phase?

Remember, your feelings are valid, and sacrificing your wellbeing for the sake of keeping peace is no solution. It might be worth exploring counseling, not just as a last resort, but as a way to rediscover each other within the confines of a mutual comfort zone. Love, after all, is about growing together, sometimes in ways we least expect. Keep the communication lines open, and let love be your guide. 🌟

DishLady · Answer

Tell her you don't want it.  If she insists, give her an open OPEN situation by filing for a divorce.

avery58 · Answer

Do you really think she would keep it just at kissing? I think it's a terrible idea.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Get a divorce and find a woman who is more into a singular committed relationship/marriage.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Shit, man. I think that relationship is done. She is gonna sleep with other people whether or not you allow her to by cheating (if she has not done it already) or by open relationship.

slatyb · Answer

There's nothing you can do to prevent her from having sex with others. If she does, your options are to stay in the marriage or leave it.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Just kissing will turn into triple back flips. You need to decide if you are okay with her getting slammed by other guys.

gorydetails · Answer

You divorce her. She straight out wants to fuck other dudes. She'll do it behind your back if you dont' give in to her.

Anonymous · Answer

just make sure you don't lose half your shit in divorce court but that may be unlikely

Dongie · Answer

Why not pursue aphrodisiacs? That could do the trick. Have you chasing her through the house.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Does she just want more (of your) cock, or more cocks in general?

Anonymous · Answer

She's saying you aren't enough. The relationship is doomed.

So, my wife wants an open marriage, I don't want it, what do I do?

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