Why I most likely will not bear children

[Anonymous]

This is a mytake about my personal reasons on why I don't think I'll ever have children unless I meet specific criterias first.

Income

So this is a big one, I want to be able to buy a house when I have children, maybe not 'outright' I don't mind mortgages however what I do mind is renting to a landlord that could up the rent whenever he feels like he wants to, also the restrictions on rented houses vs owning your own are something I don't want to deal with. Renting requires long-term stability and sometimes that cannot always be foreseen. Circling back to the word income, I don't believe my income will be much more above minimum wage and I want my children to be able to experience the life I didn't, experiencing different cultures, going abroad, tasting different foods, never having an empty fridge, not having to think about adult problems before the age of 16.

Divorce rates & how common cheating is.

'A staggering 67% of couples in the study reported a decline in relationship satisfaction after the arrival of the first baby. The decline typically shows up between six months (for women) and nine months (for men) after the baby comes home' - Washington Post

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey(GSS)

The UK divorce rate is estimated at 42%. Over 100,000 British couples got a divorce in 2019. The average UK divorce age is 46.4 for men and 43.9 for women.

Right, so now that's out of the way. Could you imagine raising a child in an unstable environment where you aren't happy with your partner romantically because of cheating, physical attraction, etc, not to mention the big one, divorce and separation, all of a sudden a financially comfortable family becomes a single parent with a little child support. (child support is a lot less in the UK). No, I am not bashing men, my dad was a single father. This environment would be harmful to the child and unsteady.

Mental wellbeing

So throughout my teen years I had a lot of mental instability, it's now resolved however I still have down days, as a mother, you cannot afford down days you must be there for your child 100% and I believe that. If I cannot do that, then why would I have a child?

Bodily changes

The majority of women (up to 9 in every 10) will tear to some extent during childbirth. Most women will need stitches to repair the tear. Most tears occur in the perineum; this is the area between the vaginal opening and the anus (back passage). NHS UK

Now if you ask me that's pretty traumatic, and of course, your body will never quite be the same even after vigorous exercise and diet, which can be hard to deal with in itself, and often SOME men stop being intimate with their partner after childbirth, even months after.

Seeing your body as never before which creates insecurities, raising a child for the first time, and having your husband not giving you the same intimacy anymore sounds like a hard thing to get through and anxiety-inducing. (I understand not immediately after, I'm talking months.)

My mother also almost died during childbirth because she has a very small pelvis for some reason, this makes me paranoid that maybe id be the same.

Stretch marks usually fade over time but may not disappear completely. Many creams and lotions claim to prevent, reduce or remove stretch marks. But there's very little evidence these work. There are some treatments that may help make stretch marks look better, but they will not get rid of them. - NHS UK

This concludes my my-take, I've summarised it quite a bit but I'm going to answer some common misconceptions I have:

The real reason is because you're not a traditional woman! Yes, I am not in the way I want to go to university, but I am very much traditional in the fact that I would love a husband and children.

Do you hate children!?!? No, I do not although they can be a struggle, you're raising a whole human! Of course they will be 'annoying' sometimes, id actually love to raise a child, and I'm quite good with children already.

[SkyCastle90]

Before I begin, this is constructive criticism, please don't take this as an attack; block me if it makes you feel better, no hard feelings. I just hope this helps.

No children yet, but you're talking like a single mom already; "I don't believe my income will be much more above minimum wage and I want my children to be able to experience the life I didn't."

This negative thinking is setting future relationships up for failure. "Could you imagine raising a child in an unstable environment where you aren't happy with your partner romantically because of cheating, physical attraction, etc, not to mention the big one, divorce and separation, all of a sudden a financially comfortable family becomes a single parent with a little child support."

Why are you dreading body changes? If having a child is something you want, then changes are to be expected; you and your body will never be the same and you're a mother for the rest of your life. "Seeing your body as never before which creates insecurities, raising a child for the first time, and having your husband not giving you the same intimacy anymore sounds like a hard thing to get through and anxiety-inducing."

Finally, what type of man are you plan on marrying and reproducing with that's going to cheat, ignore, criticize your body, and divorce you? You're letting your anxiety run rampant. You sound smart as hell, no way you're going to pick a good-for-nothing chump.

1. If you haven't already, seek therapy and establish yourself with a trusted OBGYN.
2. Choose a partner that has the same core values. Have those important conversations from the start, and walk away if he refuses.
3. It takes two. Whatever combined income you and your husband make, always remember to never live above your means. Children don't care about traveling, fine dinning, and culture, they can do all that when they're grown; don't overthink it.
4. Lot of women aren't traditional it's not the 1950's anymore so it is to be expected; many of us want to continue working, hate cooking, and aren't homemakers. But guess what? We can still get a husband and have children too.

Basically, I feel like your MyTake is based on fear. Don't be afraid to live your life.

[midnightmoon05]

SkyCastle - I totally agree with you, very smart... many forget the core issue is FEAR...

Asker:
my body was fine after 2 kids... my kids are amazing.
my body changed back
my body change a yr. ago (40ish) not enough excerise...

many i know around my age... m/f... are regretting not having family/kids...
they are starting to feel lonely

good luck to you both..
a proud mom of 2
a proud wife to a loving partner
and a proud teacher to my students
having a positive outlook in life with change the inner fear

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your input, I agree it's a lot to do with anxiety and fear. You didn't offend me whatsoever, I understand a lot of this is self doubt. I also mainly do not trust myself to have children as well, as for the men aspect of things its hard for me to figure out who is a trustworthy man. I've gone to therapy since I was 13 and was discharged at 17 because I overcame my issues, and now I suffer from just anxiety sometimes, which all of us do to an extent.

I really appreciate the perspective and input, my mind could change, and my life could go in a completely different direction (I hope it does!).

[Qmt8112]

It's your choice, no worries. Do I want kids? Most likely, I just want to continue my bloodline. How I see it, we're all going to die one day and join God. Just live life how you want to.

[KirbyFan246]

You sound as if you're focused more on the worries, as opposed to loving.

That's your mistake, you're focused on doubt, which is the heart of all Evil and the only devil, including fear.

This is why I think you can't see yourself having children, because you're actively giving yourself anxiety, and removing yourself from the opportunities you have to love.

There's an old saying, "Only the Loving are Loved." The right man will be there for you through thick and thin, and that kind of consistency and confidence is what you really need, in not only yourself, but most definitely your partner.

If you believe in yourself and have faith in God, and that your wishes will be fulfilled,(And let me tell you, your desires for a relationships are not out of your reach), you're already there. You need to live in the end, in the wish fulfilled, find contentment there, and by doing so, having full confidence that no matter what, things will go on, and all will be well.

You will make it, and You are lovable, and capable of showing love to beautiful children whom came out of your womb, and the right man will care not of how you look after childbirth. In fact, I would be to tell you, that you tend to look better following the childbirth, because you'll be a mom, and moms have more to love.

Sure, you could argue taking care of a baby is not an easy job, but children don't remain babies, or toddlers, or even little kids, they grow, and little by little, and you'll enjoy every moment of that. They learn to take care of themselves more, and your life becomes easier little by little as you go on, and it's a gift to see them flourish, to know that all of this was possible because of you, and the teamwork you had with your husband, and perhaps other people in your life as well.

The stats you talk about point to averages, but you are not a number, and you are more then capable of finding, cultivating, and living love in a healthy relationship for the remainder of your life. That can be yours if you want it. All you have to do is lean into that desire of family life of what you want, and truly believe you have it, and it will come to pass. Live in the Wish Fulfilled, and get out there and find yourself a good man and you will find the Kingdom of God, for it is within man, within you, and all human being whom desire to love, instead of worry.

If you don't believe me, See what Jesus said himself in
Luke 17:21.

[Lliam]

I never wanted children because I didn't want the responsibility. My only motivation would be to pass on my family name and continue the genealogy. I thought about it, but decided it wasn't a compelling enough reason to dedicate my life to it. It's sad in a way because my genealogy obviously goes back to the beginning of time and it stopped with me.

I don't get all mushy at the sight of babies. I don't even think kids are all that cute most of the time. I didn't want to deal with poop, pee, vomit or drama. Then there are the endless expenses - doctors, toys, entertainment, school, including college.

You have to be all in with good example, attention, life lessons, training, involvement with hobbies, sports, school, etc.
There are constant worries.

If I did have a kid, I would be 100% dedicated to keeping them safe, raising them right, and giving them a good life. It just didn't seem worth it to me.

I realize that my attitude is unusual, but it is what it is.

I do love being married, though. I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. I LOVE women. But I didn't even consider the thought of finding a life partner to settle down with until I was in my mid-30s. I was too interested in being free to enjoy life to the fullest.

I finally met my future wife when I was 40. She's 2.5 years younger. We got married when I was 42 and she was 40. Neither of us had ever been married, but we both had full lives before we met. We've been married now for over 25 years and couldn't be happier. We're best friends, trusted partners, and lovers. We've had so much fun together and still couldn't be happier. We're both happy not to have the responsibility of children but we look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.

[TommyWiseau69]

No one is forced to have kids, at the rate its going our world population and population by country is going to get really big that there might have to be some serious population control. I think by like 2050 the population in the world might cause serious problems, but it'll keep growing so you're preventing from anything from happening. If every couple were to not have kids for a few decades, that would help balance out the population and stop issues from arising as it would probably be equal or about equal to the death toll so our population would remain stable or just slightly decline.

I think people that usually have kids earlier are more likely to be less prepared than people that have kids later. I can't really imagine how people in their 20s are parents. At that age you're super young and still establishing your life. Some people have kids right after they get married so the life they have as a couple is basically gone as they now have to focus on a kid. I think your points are valid. there's nothing wrong in choosing not to have kids, some people might shame you on it, but its your choice. Having kids also has perks too and it can be rewarding. To each their own

[AviatorTom]

I understand your concerns, but...

1. You are thinking of having children without a partner. Why? The best stable environment to raise a child is with a father and mother, in a marriage, where both partners contribute economically and emotionally.
2. You seem to think that marriage would inevitably end in divorce. Using your own UK statistics, more than half of marriages DON'T end in divorce.
3. Your body over time is going to change, whether you have children or not. That's actually one of the interesting things about long-term relationships, watching each other physically change, and learning to understand and deal with it.
4. It's one of the most rewarding things one can experience to nurture a child, teach them and watch them grow. I have 3 adult children and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I'm not sure why you posted this anonymously, and don't know how old you are. You sound young, maybe in your early 20s. You might want to rethink this, especially as you mature.

One more thing. Havign children is about the children... not yourself. It's how they turn out, not how having (or not having) children affect you.

[TransAm85]

I had one miscarriage and 1 premature who died at 22 days. I decided to get my tubes tied in '19, not b/c of the burden of a child, but b/c I knew my husband and I just weren't meant to be parents. Both births gave me some stretch marks and I gained a little weight, but I lost it quickly. The problem is my husband and I. He is a functional alcoholic and I have very thin patience for children I figured out. I grew up w/a little brother w/ADHD and Autism and that was my child. Despite my husband's alcohol problem, he still has stuck w/me. There are good men out there. Don't assume all just get women pregnant and run away. My father was one, but that was back in 1985. I think my mother had something to do w/it as well. If you find a good man, have a stable job, and want to start a family - go for it! He won't leave you just b/c u gain some weight and get stretch marks! There's only a few Kardashians my dear.. lol

[JohnK123]

Sorry to hear that first part

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Welcome to being Childfree! You're among great company.

I share many of your reasons, though ultimately for me I just simply do not want kids.

If you live in America, consider starting your search for a specialist referral to get a sterilization procedure done.

Take your time to consider your options for birth control, as well.

Personally, I went for a bilateral salpingectomy, which removes the fallopian tubes (a large risk factor both for ectopic pregnancies and most types of uterine cancer). Surgery was 5h in and out, up and doing physical activity within a few weeks, contact sports within two months.

In Canada, the procedure is completely free, except whatever you spend on your prescription painkillers (which I hardly used any of).

[Cuminginside]

PID?

[myTake Owner]

Please do not come under my MyTake being pro childfree, I have seen the subreddit and how nasty they can be towards children. If you read my Mytake says 'why I most likely will not bear children', not 'why I will never bear children' I do not want to be sterilised or get my tubes tied, because if im ever in the right financial place and mental mindset then I will have children.

Also Im from the UK so medical costs are not a worry.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Ah, my apologies.

Yeah, the subreddit is full of some not so good people. I prefer TrueChildFree. It's much better and more positive.

Well, I hope your life situation improves and you do get to bear children, then. I think it's great if people who want kids get to have them, and can genuinely care for them.

Good luck in improving your life to the point you can have kids!

[Anonymous]

According to statistics men cheat more in their 30s,40s,50s aka when most of them are married while women cheat in their teenies/20s. I may get hate but in my opinion it is ten times worse to cheat on your wife/husband than cheating in your teenies/20s due to your stupidity, immaturity, etc. It is proven that your brain-development influence your maturity/personality till in your mid 20s.
There is no justification for cheating but if i have to explain it, I would say that cheating in your 30s makes you a pure evil and NOT immature since your brain-development is completed while cheating in your teenies/early 20s makes you just stupid, immature, unstable etc.

You cheat despite being a grown ass adult. How evil is that? No wonder why women initiate the divorce.

[Agagagagaga]

So you’d rather someone thoughtlessly cheat and give in to their sexual urges rather than making the decision after giving it thought and weighing the options.

You never seem to ask yourself why the men are cheating during marriage. Clearly it’s their fault and their wives treat them like kings.

[Opinion Owner]

🤡🤡🤡 what?

[Opinion Owner]

So they cheat because their wives treat them like kings?

[Opinion Owner]

By the way both women and men should try to please eachother.
If you want to cheat, you can break up.

[myTake Owner]

@Agagagagaga It's no one elses fault but your own, you have willpower and a mind. If you're unhappy and cannot say 'I am not attracted' or 'I am not getting enough from this' as a fully grown adutl to your partner then you have NO ONE to blame but yourself. If you find someone else more attractive, or fulfills your needs better how hard is it to COMMUNICATE THAT and cut it off.

[shaysh87]

you need to understand that a parent is self-sacrificing. If you are selfish person who cannot sacrifice your own wellbeing for your child, then you are not fit to become a parent. There will be many nights where you won't get any sleep at night due to your crying baby, yet you will still have to go to work. Marital satisfaction does decrease after the baby arrives, but does everything need to work to feed your own satisfaction? what about the baby's wellbeing?

And if you think that the way your body looks is more important than seeing precious little kids, then you don't understand the value of having kids.

You're correct that you aren't fit for the role of parenting. Such a noble role should not be given to just any random person.

[myTake Owner]

Its hilarious how you managed to miss the point so badly, im the opposite of selfish since I wouldn't have a child until my financial and mental wellbeing is stable LOL. Which I stated in the my-take why would I have a kid if im not financially stable? just to traumatise it.

[shaysh87]

people can become financially stable in life. Nobody turns 18 and immediately becomes financially stable. For me, I worked my hardest to become financially stable so I can support my own kids. But you're acting as if motherhood requires no sacrifices or hard work. There are single moms out there who are incredible moms that work so hard to raise their children into successful , well adjusted adults. I've met plenty of kids in college who have single mothers paying their tuition.

If you're not happy with a baby deteriorating your marital satisfaction, then you aren't a parent. Because you care more about your own marital satisfaction than about your own child. If you care more about the way your body looks instead of your child, you're not a parent. Because being a parent is a self sacrificial role.

If you want to be a good mother, your kids need to come first. You don't come first.

[shaysh87]

There are people who spend their youth working very hard on education / careers to become financially stable as they get older so that they can afford to have children.

[myTake Owner]

And I cannot gurantee my financial situation? I am not there yet, so there may be a never which I will not put a child through, I grew up poor and that is selfish. I had to wonder when we next get paid, or sit in the dark because we ran out of electricity.

I never said I won't make sacrifices, you're reading this completely wrong and delusional. Im the opposite of selfish because I won't have children if I A. Do not have a stable relationship so my child doesn't have to see argument/DV backgrounds like I did, thats HARMFUL to the CHILD, not me I've dealt with relationships before. B. Financial SAFETY, Which I cannot always promise and do not want to put my child through POVERTY which is selfish. and C. Mental wellbeing, if I am not mentally well before I have a child then I would not be looking after one properly therefore SELFISH.

If you think me considering these things before having a child is selfish, then you're the horrible person here and selfish one as you'd probably have children before even considering if you're ready.

[shaysh87]

[Do not have a stable relationship so my child doesn't have to see argument/DV backgrounds like I did, thats HARMFUL to the CHILD, not me I've dealt with relationships before. ]

I am planning on coparenting a child with a man that I have absolutely no romantic relationship with. We get along with each other well and have full respect for each other. We plan on splitting expenses and juggling child care together. I think that if you want the best for your child, you would try your best to find the right man to make things work. Things don't have to be turbulent or abusive. Its entirely your choice.

[shaysh87]

[B. Financial SAFETY, Which I cannot always promise and do not want to put my child through POVERTY which is selfish. and]

If you wanted children badly enough, you would try your best to become financially stable to support kids. The fact that you wouldn't even try your best to become financially stable, it shows you have no drive or motivation towards having children. Financial stability comes from having a decent education or developing a skill. If you are too lazy and unmotivated to do that, you have no right to be a parent.

[ C. Mental wellbeing, if I am not mentally well before I have a child then I would not be looking after one properly therefore SELFISH.]

you will not have your own mental well being after having a baby. you might stay up all night without sleep , tending to a crying baby, with NO SLEEP. YET you still need to continue going to work full time 8 hours , so that you can support your child. This is the reality of motherhood. There will be times where you have so much to do in a day that you have absolutely no rest for yourself. After working 8 hours a day, you have to come home to cook dinner, wash the kids, do laundry. This is what vast majority of mothers go thorugh almost on a daily basis. If you're unwilling to make this sacrifice then, you're not fit to be a mother.

Motherhood is SUPPOSED TO BE HARD. If you're gonna reject motherhood because its hard, then you shouldn't be a mother.

[shaysh87]

Why don't you stop pointing fingers and realize that you are not a self sacrificing person?

[shaysh87]

Providing your children with a good childhood is something you WORK TOWARDS. Its not something that just falls into your lap without doing any work or come at any sacrifice to yourself. If you do not want to work hard to raise your kids, DON'T BE A MOM.

[myTake Owner]

Self sacrifice? You know nothing about me, I am studying to get into university, I have my exams in June. I am working towards a financially stable life, but I cannot gurantee that how is that selfish and not self sacrificing? lol.

[myTake Owner]

Also who the fuck, and when did they say I am not working hard to be financially stable? I was forced out of education in 8th grade by my mother, and it was extremely hard to get back into it, but I managed, now I've got my highschool qualifications, im finishing up my college qualifications and now working towards getting into university, how the hell am I not working hard for a better life when I was literally forced out of education, but worked tirelessely to finish it anyway and did?

You are one delusional mofo.

[shaysh87]

I know you're not working towards anything because in your post , you acted as if you were gonna have no real future. You acted as if you were always gonna be under poverty. You had a very hopeless attitude.

Im glad you learned a thing or two from our conversation. And i do hope you become financially stable some day too.

[myTake Owner]

"I know you're not working towards anything because in your post , you acted as if you were gonna have no real future."

I already told you, I re-entered education after missing 4 years. Succeeded and got into college to gain the qualifications I missed out on in highschool, then after that I took on a level 3 at college, which I will have finished by August, and if all goes well I'll be going to university.

[myTake Owner]

So actually, as I said previously I am working extremely hard to be financially stable and secure a career.

If you would've read my post properly you wouldve noted I said 'why I most LIKELY will not have children.' Not I will never have children, but it depends all on what happens in the next 4 years.

Whether you believe those achievements or not is up to you, but I have the paper with my qualifications, and im the one attending college and an exam my final exams on 17th, 20th and 7th of June. I do not need a random person who cannot even interept my post properly, to confirm Im showing up to my course daily LOL.

"You acted as if you were always gonna be under poverty. You had a very hopeless attitude."

If you had to sit cuddled next to your mother in the dark, with cold rice to eat for the next 3 days until you got paid, you'd also be pessimistic. I was raised with a pessimistic attitude from my mum, they didn't try to shield the fact we were poor, which obviously impacted a young girls mind. So yes, I underestimate myself and am very pessimistic because of the way I was raised, even after my teachers have told me how far I've come, and how mature I am for my age, and I see the qualifications I have on paper, I still underestimate myself and see myself as living impoverished in the future, because I never saw myself reaching this point, I had no time to process, but why does it matter? I got there. I doubted I'd get into college without finishing secondary school, but I did.
I doubted id finish the first college course, and I did. I am allowed to be pessimistic.

The only thing I learned from your replies is that you cannot read contextproperly, and have a very narrow-minded privileged view.

[shaysh87]

If you knew you were on your way to becoming financially stable, why would you act as if you would never ever be able to afford children?

You dont need to put on a defensive pretentious attitude. Because your behavior and words contradict everything you're saying right now

All your listed reasons on why you shouldn't ever become a mother is due to the fact that you dont realize motherhood is a self sacrificial role. You think that motherhood is easy and all has to do to suit your comfortability benefit and needs.

If your marriage satisfaction matters more than the well being of your kids, you shouldn't become a mother. If the way your body looks matters more than your kids, dont be a mom. If you think you will be poor for your entire life , dont be a mom. Because you won't be a good one. Sorry if this offends you but all of this CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

[shaysh87]

I garauntee you if i had a little human to take care of and to raise. This little human will be the most important precious thing in my life. And i will stop at no bounds to successfully raise the kid. Things such as how my body looks will be insignificant compared to the enormous and noble duty i have to my kids. I wouldn't care if there is a decrease in maritial satisfaction because my child wouldve already added so much nore satisfaction to my life. A temporarily decrease in satisfaction is worth it if i can raise my kids into successful adults

[myTake Owner]

You're again cannot read context, old people make me laugh! "Could you imagine raising a child in an unstable environment where you aren't happy with your partner romantically because of cheating, physical attraction, etc, This environment would be harmful to the child and unsteady."

The reason marriage is an ISSUE is because if it went wrong, and me and the father were arguing or what not, it greatly impacts the CHILDS wellbeing, I can deal with breakups fine but a child CANNOT. especially if its between two parents.

[shaysh87]

You dont need to put on a defensive pretentious attitude. Because your behavior and words contradict everything you're saying right now

All your listed reasons on why you shouldn't ever become a mother is due to the fact that you dont realize motherhood is a self sacrificial role. You think that motherhood is easy and all has to do to suit your comfortability benefit and needs.

If your marriage satisfaction matters more than the well being of your kids, you shouldn't become a mother. If the way your body looks matters more than your kids, dont be a mom. If you think you will be poor for your entire life , dont be a mom. Because you won't be a good one. Sorry if this offends you but all of this CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

[shaysh87]

@

You dont need to put on a defensive pretentious attitude. Because your behavior and words contradict everything you're saying right now

All your listed reasons on why you shouldn't ever become a mother is due to the fact that you dont realize motherhood is a self sacrificial role. P You think that motherhood is easy and all has to do to suit your comfortability benefit and needs.

If your marriage satisfaction matters more than the well being of your kids, you shouldn't become a mother. If the way your body looks matters more than your kids, dont be a mom. If you think you will be poor for your entire life , dont be a mom. Because you won't be a good one. Sorry if this offends you but all of this CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

[shaysh87]

you're dont want a decrease in marital satisfaction after having kids? Then dont have kids! Because a decrease in marital satisfaction happens to all couples after childbirth. If you're that selfish that your happiness comes first, you shouldn't be a mom

[myTake Owner]

Thats not what it is, again old woman cannot read context. I do not want my children to be in a toxic enviroment because of divorce.

[shaysh87]

you're not a selfless mother, regardless. Youve proven that with what you mentioned in your question.

[myTake Owner]

No I'm not a selfless mother because I am not yet a mother. You're just too stubborn to accept you read my whole take wrong, I would be a selfish mother however if I just had kids without considering all the things in my mytake.

How DARE I want to be mentally stable before I have children so I am more capable of raising them.
How DARE I worry about financial wellbeing incase I dont make it this year, I should just have kids now! Even though I dont have money for them, You're totally right!
How DARE I consider divorce rates, and how divorcing parents impacts children! I should just have a kid in an unstable relationship and let them witness all the abuse!

You're totally right OMG! I am selfish for being considerate before I have a child!!!

[shaysh87]

and yet you're also the one saying that you won't have kids because you want to preserve your "beautiful body" because you can't stand the idea of your man not being attracted to you after childbirth. does this sound like motherhood is a top priority to you? NO

[shaysh87]

If I had a kid, my body is the last of my concerns , as I have such an enormous responsibility over the tremendous gift of a child that god has given me. I would give everything I have for my child to have a great upbringing.

[shaysh87]

if you want people to see you as an amazing mother, maybe you shouldn't have wrote all the crap in the details of your post. its quite contradictory to what you're desperately trying to prove now.

[lucas262]

Reasons I wouldn't bare children.

Feminism.

In a world a no fault divorce, exuberant child Support and custody laws toss in alimony I wouldn't want to marry a large portion of women today.

In a world that tells me as a father I can't instill values and morals I'm my kid it's toxic

In a world rapidly normalizing pedophiles
And brain washing kids in schools I'd have to homeschoole them or throughly screen their school

Trauma Iv got baggage from my own childhood and I wouldn't want to bring it into my relationships

Economy a child not including college cost around 250,000 per kid.

2 people working still couldn't afford it without going for government money.

It can be done but the world seems to be making more and more difficult to have a home, have a quality partner and children.

[ChrisMaster69]

Good MyTake and I agree with you.

If you doubt that you could raise a child how you would like to with security (emotional, physical, financial) you want, then yes do not put yourself in that position

Obviously the hard bit is finding a partner who also does not want kids.

The rest, such as stretch marks, tears etc, are part of being a mother, yeah it’s a bugger, however it’s a large bundle of love being forced out of a small hole.

[Cherry234]

Thank you for writing this myTake. I'm considering not having children either for some of the reasons you mentioned. They're a huge financial burden and it's a huge responsibility. You have to be there for them 24/7 (at least when they are still kids and living under your roof). I'm also concerned about bodily changes and weight gain too. I'm in a lot of debt right now so I'm certainly not ready to raise a child anytime soon.

[FictionalCharacter]

To my surprise, stretch marks actually do go away with exercise. You probably think I’m bs-ing, but my older had 2 children and she had surgery on her vag as well.

She had stretch marks and she did lose weight. But the stretch marks were still there. Till she did HITT exercises, and all her stretch marks disappeared. I kid you not.

[FictionalCharacter]

*sister

[Avicenna]

While I personally don't think the reasons you gave would deter me from having kids, it's your life to decide what to do, and if you've decided you don't want kids, that's fine. My ex said for years she didn't want kids and we ended up having three (the first was unplanned). She agrees that it was better to have had them than not to.

[DCPowered]

There's never a good time to have kids. 200 years ago you would've said "I'm not having kids b/c there's too many bears eating people". It's like deciding when to jump off a moving train, your always going to come up with an excuse to not do it. You'll tell yourself "Maybe if I wait a bit it'll slow down and that's when I'll jump off." People have been having kids during war, famine, depression, name a terrible point in time and I can guarantee somebody was having a child.

[SmokyOne]

Also the statistic shows the percentage of people that SELF reported cheating. Literally a garbage statistic. The only actual information you can get from it is that men are more likely to admit to it.

Most researchers believe that men and women cheat at about the same rates.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing and you're very smart and I agree with everything you said. If only all women thought about all that before having children. In California, some woman killed 3 of her kids on Mother's day, (1) 12 year old girl and (2) 8 year old boys.

[exitseven]

KIds are not for everyone. I have neighbors that chose not to have kids. They seem pretty happy going on vacations and eating out a lot.
I had 3 kids in 3 years and 3 months so they grew up together and it was very challenging to have 3 in diapers at the same time. Also there was on year when they all were in college at the same time. I had to borrow money to pay for it all.
Now that they are all grown and are doing well I am glad I have them

[ArtemisSilver]

You're missing the joy that loving your children can bring to your heart.

Also if you're that fearful about economic conditions you are technically the victim of economic genocide, are you going to stand for for that?

Finding a good partner might ease your concerns, but it's your life to live.

[JamesDiaz11]

None of these are good reasons; they’re cheap justifications for you not wanting to be responsible for anyone but yourself.

[myTake Owner]

Not being able to provide for children is a cheap justification? Lol. What a load of trash.

[JamesDiaz11]

That doesn't stop 90% of the world from reproducing- if you at least have the intelligence of the average person you can move beyond a minimum wage gig.

[Noodle_fan]

being parents is hardest job human can do , i think ur decision is right , many adults think they are capable of that , but in the end they become just another abusive parents