YOUR THOUGHTS ON actual LOVE? (vs. thinking you love someone, and vs. being in love if you get the difference)?

Aka this was supposed to be me ranting my heart out while I cry it out, but then I realized sth, so would like your input.

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Any time I try to think that maybe he just didn't get over the last girl he dated, and that the outcome would have been the same regardless of anything I said, more things start popping to my mind that show me even more obviously that he liked me, and that he had romantic intentions from the beginning instead of just sex (obviously he started showing it more when he got to know me a tiny bit better), and that I was indeed the one who messed everything up because of one stupid sentence, because I was confused about everything and couldn't figure out that he showed romantic intentions from the beginning 😭

And I apologized, he knows now I like him, but he still won't talk to me. Despite me being totally "another one will come" in my head, which usually means I'm basically over someone close to 100%, I still cannot stop feeling like I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I've never wanted to turn back the time and change sth in the past, not even after breaking up with the only man I loved so far (nor at any point after), but I wish I could do it now. 💔 I even lost all desire to have sex with him, I just wish we could spend some time only talking and getting to know each other and then have sex when we're ready again. And I haven't had that happen neither with the ex I loved, nor the second guy I was in love with. With both I imagined we would get back together, talk the issues out and go back to normal soon enough (i. e. I still imagined us going for it). But I just want to talk to him and spend time together for a longer while, enjoying.

Does that mean I like him more than I did the ex I loved? Or maybe what I thought was love was a higher form of being in love and respecting him as a person? Though I'm pretty sure I loved him, but this is just different. I just wish I could stop feeling this way and stop crying periodically

Updates
8 mo
ETA: I messed up some things with my ex too (we both did), and I didn't feel this way about him. And I also thought I messed sth up with the second guy I was in love with before finding out he just didn't get over his ex, and I didn't feel this way about him either. So I doubt this is the issue.
Plus, I felt this way before realizing I was the one who messed up.
YOUR THOUGHTS ON actual LOVE? (vs. thinking you love someone, and vs. being in love if you get the difference)?
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