Search Results: scared of the future

Long story short, I started facing forced marriage threats from my dad since I was 5. It started with my parents telling me how they got married and that it is the norm in our culture. I was pretty much feeling really scared and anxious, so one night in 1st grade I couldn’t sleep from fear and anxiety, so went to looking for comfort from my parents (mind you they were still awake and chatting to each other).

I had this “you’re my parents you’re not going to do that to me right?” as my actual intention when confronting my parents, because as a kid I somehow understood all of the downside of forced marriage including marital rape—which now as a grown adult with a BSpsych + master in psychotherapy and training in working with forced marriage survivors/girls at risk, I can confirm my understanding back then was oddly correct and logical for a 5-year-old kid (which I got no idea how child me understood the concept so well just from reading and observation but adults didn’t?).

Anyways, continuing the story, instead of reassurance from my parents, what I got was my dad becoming furious, red, and started yelling about obedience because apparently I wasn’t “submissive” or “obedient enough” for a Asian little girl. I was constantly seen as a disrespectful brat because I wanted autonomy, and they are more than wrong, because revenge is the main thing that I aimed for.

I wasn’t just a disrespectful brat, I started having this desire to kill and to destroy anyone that attempted to hurt me especially and specifically my family. When i was 7 years old the plan was final, how i want to live my life, how i will destroy people involved if i were forced by my parents to marry, how much force would be appropriate, who to hurt and not to hurt,… back then i grieved my potentially muddy future, and now i grieve for my lost childhood.

Anyways, i’m interested if you had a normal childhood

We been married for a while but he just returned from overseas. Also there are changes happening in our lives. It scares us about our future. So many people getting divorced and it scares us. These days it’s difficult to not see the future. We love each other deeply. It’s the transition from overseas to here

I've met this guy 2 months ago at an extracurricular activity and immediately thought he was cute and I had the vibe that he liked me too, he even asked for my ig. Around 2 days after that, I couldn't stop thinking about him so I sent the scary first text and that's when we started texting constantly, he asked me "out" but didn't say it was a date explicitly, we had a lot of fun and saw each other 2 days after that, and so on. He initiates physical touch like back patting or holding my hand for a second etc, he gives me flowers, we talk about deep stuff sometimes until dawn, and overall I'm completely sure we like each back. However, even though he always has fun on our dates, I have to initiate them almost all the time. It's like he avoids telling me the exact day he will be free so I always have to suggest it. I'm feeling really uncertain about this whole situation and want to let him know how I feel because I'm a 100% sure he feels the same way but he's either scared of rejection, or scared of getting hurt in a future relationship. What do you think I should do?