Should I tell my current boyfriend that I’ve cheated on a past boyfriend?

Question

Two years ago I had emotionally cheated on my boyfriend at the time, P, with my girl best friend of 3-4 months, M. I confided in M in ways I wasn’t with P, looked at her with love, and imagined a future. I kept telling myself “you’re just close, you don’t love M. You love P. Stop jumping to incorrect conclusions.” I slept in the same bed as her, laid my head on her shoulder while watching tv. All those things were things I normally did with my platonic girl friends in car rides and vacation trips. so I thought it was excusable. But with time I realized the intention was different than with my other platonic girl friends, and I’ve carried that guilt since and told P at the time.

I’ve been with my current partner, L, for 3 months. I’ve truly never loved someone more and we are extremely close. And as I carry this guilt, I feel as though I’m obligated to tell him. He’s not very fond of cheaters, which is valid ofc. Cheating is horrific. I’m less scared of him leaving me, and more scared he won’t while fear eats him up. That he will be jealous everytime I hug a girl friend and wonder deep down if my intention is romantic when it’s not. Which again is valid to worry about. He’s prone to jealousy and I don’t want a good relationship to turn bitter due to my past. I would never hurt him or anyone like that again. The guilt will carry with me for life.

So with that info:

Should I tell L about cheating on my past boyfriend P, or would that be more so clearing my conscience than honoring honesty/trust in our relationship? I want to make the right choice even if it means loosing him.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

If you know for a fact that you will never do that again , then don’t tell him , what you did in the past was something your current boyfriend wasn’t a part of , so no need to make him feel jealous or insecure about it , especially if you know for a fact that you aren’t going to do that again , because the thing is , he wasn’t a part of your life when that happened. So if you tell him the truth, he might have a hard time trusting you if you ever hug a girl friend again I once dated a girl that eventually told me she fooled around with another girl before her and I met , and said she was just curious , I thought to myself why are you even telling me this , if this is something you know for a fact that you will never do again? So by her telling me that , at times I did feel maybe she wasn’t being honest with me completely when she was around other girls’ that were a little too close for comfort and then I would question her again on whether she was being honest to me or not? I thought maybe she was just nervous to admit that she is bi sexual , so i questioned her on it and she would say no that she wouldn’t do that to me. So I told her , if she did it again , without my consent , that is still considered cheating , so just be honest with me if that’s something that possibly could happen again? I rather you be honest about it than lie to my face about it. And told her indated a bi sexual girl before , so no big deal , plus I was thinking 3somes lol. But she swore she wasn’t Bi , to find out that was a lie , because she did end up making out with another girl behind my back , and lied to me about it , little did she realize my female cousin that she never met yet busted her at a club and she immediately called me to tell me the truth and sent me a picture of my girlfriend making out with another girl. I then called my girlfriend and told her that she is a liar and a cheater and told her I no longer want to see her anymore because she is a cheating liar . Of course she tried lying to me and saying that never happened , so I sent her the picture and said explain this then? She then said who did you get that from? I said little did you realize my cousin was at the same club you were and I just recently showed her pictures of you and she spotted you at that club, so you’re busted and I don’t date liars and told her if she was honest with me about it when I talked to her about it the first time around , than this wouldn’t be that big of a deal , if that was the case. But since you are a liar, I want nothing to do with you anymore and hung up the phone on her. A few months later I went to a concert with my cousin f that busted her , and she spotted my ex with the girl she cheated on me with , My cousin ran up to her to have words with her and to tell her she is a cheating fucking asshole for breaking my cousin’s heart and then my cousin threw a big cup of beer into her face in front of everyone at the concert as she yelled Cheater!!! I’m not going to lie , it was kind of funny because my cousin doesn’t fuck around , a lot of the people in the crowd. were getting all excited and trying to get my cousin to kick her ass, But I immediately grabbed my cousins arm to pull her away from her because my cousin was about to attack her So I told my cousin that she didn’t have to do that whatsoever, that I am already over her , but thank you for having my back , and told her the look on her face when you threw that beer into her face was funny as shit. My cousin said she is sick of girls’ that make other girls’ look bad for being cheating assholes , for no reason at all. So she said she wants to go beat the shit out of her , my cousin was a little boozed up as well , but the crowd was cheering her on to go kick her ass , The crowd was also yelling CHEATEr to my ex so my ex and her girl friend ended up leaving the concert because they were so embarrassed and other girls’ were throwing beer on them as they were leaving. I have to say I did feel bad but it was the best revenge on a cheater even though I didn’t do shit , I have a cousin that did it for me lol

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Don't do it. It will only complicate things, thoughts or feelings for him... and yourself. The past is the past unless it's not going to stay there.

To clarify... the other relationships were with girls? If you're dude is like me, he'll view girl on girl as very different and also as not cheating unless you two girls dragged another man into the mix.

My woman can lick all the pussy she wants and I don't care. Ususally I'll fuck them too if the desire is there but if it's not... my wife and I have safe words. She likes thicker girls than I do. I like skinny short girls most of the time.

The bitches that get on my nerves is the ones that start trying to split us up or drag a man that isn't me into the picture. They can fuck right the fuck off. The mind manipulations and yeah that stuff... women tend to excel in that department on other women and I will come down on that like a ton of bricks.

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DishLady · Accepted Answer

Did you cheat on the past guy with this guy?

Does he know any of your past guys?

Do you HAVE to tell him bc you're cheating on him now?

Come on... I'm sure HE ALSO has a past. You're just stirring the pot for no reason and creating drama.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Hey there, lovebird! The past can be a sticky spider web, right? 😅 Transparency is a wonderful cornerstone of any relationship, but since L isn't fond of "cheaters," proceed carefully. If you believe your secret isn't impacting your current bond, maybe keep it in the vault. Protect what's special between you two, and learn from those past slip-ups instead. Honor your trust with actions today rather than rehashing yesterday. Keep loving genuinely, and let guilt melt away into positive change. 💕 Keep rockin' that love thing!

HawkPerception · Answer

I would personally prefer that my partner tells me. There's no secrets about the past. Transparency is key to trust in a relationship. I personally don't understand how others are giving you the advice to not tell him.

Lliam · Answer

I can see no benefit in spilling your guts about something so inconsequential. Do you also feel the need to confess that you once had impure thoughts about a celebrity idol? Any other teen drama?

Tell it to a priest and get absolution if you feel so wracked with guilt. Then move on with your life.

BadApple69 · Answer

No. You didn’t cheat on L and what you did was have feelings for M. In my books you didn’t even cheat on P but you feel guilt, I understand that. But this relationship with L is a new beginning. If we all told our new partners all the bad we did, there wouldn’t be relationships anymore.
If what you did in the past was actually a mistake then learn from it, and move forward. don’t keep bringing it up to the new people in your life. I will only ruin everything you have.

Anonymous · Answer

No!

Normally I would advise, "YES". But I say "no" for a couple reasons. 1. You seem to show genuine remorse about it. You regret that you did it. Most people only regret the possibility of thier partner uncovering it. 2. The person you cheated with was female. That's a BIG difference with most guys. Most guys do NOT view other women as a threat. In his mind he probably won't be able to conceive of you actually having deep feelings for another women and rather just a passing fancy. Odds are more likely he might question your taste for men... like at all.😆

If you were to tell him I'd frame it as girl moment that got out of hand.

Flower7 · Answer

Don’t bother telling him. The cheating wasn’t sexual and it wasn’t even done to him. It’s just something in the past. There’s no reason to make him paranoid.

slatyb · Answer

No, forget about it, and behave differently this time. Maybe you should just come out as bisexual, and see how your current boyfriend feels about it. There are men who wouldn't care if you had a girlfriend.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Well... Past is Past, Present is Present and Future is Future... so i guess you know what you need to do...🤔🤷‍♂️

StephanieChick111 · Answer

No, don't tell him. You did nothing wrong. It is perfectly fine to love more than one person.

exitseven · Answer

No, learn from you past mistakes but leave it in the past.

Staximus · Answer

Laying next to a girl on a couch isn't cheating. You're being dumb and really overthinking too much.

SotiCoto · Answer

Don't tell him. But if the subject comes up on its own somehow, don't lie about it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Is there a benefit to your relationship from telling him? If not, I probably wouldn't mention it unless he asks.

blackeagle007 · Answer

He’s going to think twice about you if you say anything.

Alex-Snow · Answer

No your past can remain your past. Focus on the present and the future.

gangster123 · Answer

Not necessary I feel, unless you don’t want to repeat this and loyal today.

msc545 · Answer

No. Pointless to do so and it invites trouble.

Vick2828 · Answer

I hate cheaters, but that’s the past. If you are loyal to him, then just be loyal. The past doesn't matter.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I’ve neverer been cheated on and I wouldn’t want to know if I had been.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him but make it clear you didn’t really cheat. All you did was snuggle.

queenofcardio · Answer

It's not worth sharing , if you won't do it again

Anonymous · Answer

Why do u think this person is so special and makes u capable of loyalty?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't mind if she's into chicks just as long as it isn't with other guys

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nope. It is none of his business.

zombiewoof · Answer

Would it help anything

Nerdvana · Answer

So you guys never did anything sexual?

Anonymous · Answer

I believe you should.

Anonymous · Answer

there's no need dude

cavedweller1973 · Answer

I would

Neliii1234 · Answer

Yess

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Nope. 👎

Anonymous · Answer

Be honest

Should I tell my current boyfriend that I’ve cheated on a past boyfriend?

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