Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated?

Question

For years, i had been satisfied with my single life. I am not used to commitment. My best friend and i have messed around before, and everything was fine until i met my boyfriend. 
We met through mutual friends and i was instantly head over heals. We dated for a few months before he travelled to Canada for a summer semester at university.
He's been gone for two months now, and a few nights ago i was with my best friend in his car, and we had a small makeout session. 2 hours worth. 
i feel terrible, and i know this would KILL my boyfriend because he doesn't even like me hugging guys. 
I would tell him if it was a stranger, but i don't want him to get uncomfortable and hurt whenever i'm around my best friend. 

it's killing me, i haven't spoken to him properly since, and refuse to Skype. any advice is appreciated.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I do not understand why the overwhelming majority say you should tell him. That's dumb and stupid. Okay let's think together. You may out with a guy for two hours. Did you fuck him? (I am being blatantly and overtly vulgar – to make a point I don't usually speak this way – big fucking deal). You were lonely it's been a long time since you had human contact and this guy was not a stranger but a close friend. You are correct you would be destroying your relationship with this guy if he found out. You obviously don't want to end this relationship so you have no reason to tell him. Now guys who tell you that you're being selfish by cheating and that you were cheating are out of their mind and they are coming across like jealous guys. Hell with them! Keep it to yourself. Did you fuck him? Did you blow him? I don't care what the answer is. The only way I would say that you, "cheated" on him was if you did one or more of the two things that I mentioned as above. So, the first thing you've got to get out of your head (unless you fucked or blew him) is that you cheated on him. Thinking that you cheated will screw your brains out and I don't mean sexually I mean emotionally and mentally if you cheated on him then you certainly shouldn't tell him but if you didn't cheat on them as defined above then there is no reason to tell them at all because he didn't do anything wrong. And right now you are thinking, "wow this anonymous chick is really fucked up." But I'm not; you did what any normal person would do. You were vulnerable as you had not had human contact in months. Have you been alone in the car with a girlfriend you might have done the same thing and I'm not saying you're bisexual. You are not 12 years old. You are an adult as emotional needs. Sure you wish you didn't do it did you do this with a stranger. Nope you did this with somebody you really know which shows how vulnerable you really were. So telling this to your boyfriend makes no sense at all. It will only damage or it could only damage or and this supercool relationship that you have.
What you need to do is talk to the guy in the car. Tell him you made a mistake tell them you were vulnerable tell him you were lonely and this will never happen again. That this one time deal was a one-time deal. And thank him. Thank him for the companionship that he gave. That you were needy and he helped you out and it's better him than some stranger at a bar.
And get off your guilt trip or I'll hit you in the head.

TiredGirl123 · Accepted Answer

Right now he is probably really worried since you haven't talked to him in awhile.

If you aren't ready for a committed relationship, you should tell him because this will probably happen again and you will hurt him again. Alternatively, it sounds like your boyfriend may have some possession issues if you can't even hug your guy friends. Did this play a factor? With these cases you should still tell him and discuss what you both desire in the relationship... With the high probability for breakup. Trust is extremely important and you just broke that.

Alternatively, if you are totally committed to the guy you should still tell him what happened and explain it was a mistake and you just want him. You'll have to give up being friends with that one guy. You guys may stay together.

Either way, tell him the whole truth.

PinkT15 · Accepted Answer

Ik that it's going to be really hard but I think you should tell him. Ik you don't want to hurt him but the longer you wait the more it'll eat you up inside. You'll crack eventually and it'll hurt him even more knowing that you kept it from him. Even though you enjoyed the single life, things could get more serious between you two, If you end up getting married down the line without telling him about what happened, he may feel that your relationship is based on lies and it'll hurt that much more that you've been keeping it from him. Good luck with with whatever you choose.

BuchitaBuchys · Accepted Answer

Hmm, making out for 2hours? That doesn't sound right lol Either y'all fucked, or it wasn't that long.
Ain't no man has the patience or stamina to last 2hrs haha.

Tell your man though. It's up to him to decide what to do next. You made your bed now lie in it, by yourself of course not with other men haha.

hellionthesage · Accepted Answer

Well yes you should because you destroyed his trust in you, you showed that you are not trust worthy. As for him not being able to trust you around your friend anymore, well one you proved that he can't because you can't be trusted to do the right thing both in cheating on him and with your desire to withhold that information and two it will likely not be an issue because he will more then likely break up with you because you cheated on him and destroyed his trust. Thats never coming back, you fucked it up he is likely not going to be able to trust you ever again even if he is stupid enough to maintain his relationship (if you can even call it that) with you. Two hours isn't a little problem, thats a long time with repeated choices to continue and thus repeated betrayels, clearly you can't handle being with some one so you should tell him and then break up with him so that he can be with some one who actually cares enough about him not to rip his heart out. Also I feel the need to point out that this has nothing to do with hurting him, if you where concerned about his feelings and how this would affect him you wouldn't have done it, its about you. You don't want to suffer the ramifications of your actions, you don't want to lose your relationship because of your choices. Thats all this is about you trying to avoid responsibility. Thats why your here asking people this, you know what you need to do but you want them to tell you its okay to lie about it, its okay to pretend it never happened so that you don't have to tell him and have him hate you for what you have done. Oh, and I saw one of your comments, when you say you made out with some one you where not being honest you wanted to downplay what you did so I'm going to guess if their was no sex, you did pretty much everything but (if your statements can be trusted, which they can't) so your even lying about that. What you did was probably one of the shittiest things you can do and you chose to do it, it wasn't because he was far away it wasn't the heat of the moment you chose to do it, you knew the consequences and you didn't care and despite what some are trying to tell you, cheating IS wrong it is a choice and this is what you chose. If you didn't want this guilt, if you didn't want him hurt, if you didn't want the inevitability of him breaking up with you you wouldn't have done it so clearly you wanted this to happen. Tell him and let him find some one worth having.

Fearless_banana · Accepted Answer

First off who df makes out with someone for 2 hours.. BRB getting lockjaw. Second off you should tell him. You're a sloot and obviously not capable of a relationship. THis is why I can't take girls like you seriously this age. This is a good reason to fuck women and move on to the next one.

mrfoox · Answer

I think you should tell him. Be honest with him. You said this is killing you, so don't keep it in. You regret what you did, tell him how you feel, and how sorry you are. If things doesn't work out between you, at least you were honest and upfront with him.

Prolific456 · Answer

First of of all you already messed up big time, and there is no way you could officially have something real if you're being deceitful, lord knows how honest you're being with us, and how far you really went, thats why love is no more than a myth, or a legendary, ancient idea, nobody can't be real from day one or hold it down, and its sad, lol, its not like he away for two years, its two months, he should leave you, due to the fact that you're will is weak, and you will probably always fail him. Honestly, i dont have faith in you're judgment, thought process, or chain of thought, simply because you did what you did, and you have no plans of lettting your best friend go, you let go of you're new boyfriend way faster then your best friend. Which leads me to my following suggestion, since you where willing risk the possibility of something good with your new guy with your best friend, you know your best friend for mad long, aaaaand, he is your best friend not your boyfriend lol, you need to get into a relationship with your best friend. How can passionately make out with someone for two hours, not be in love with them, and claim to love the one they are with, lol straight bull shit, your in love with your best friend hun, cause you would of never risk doing that, lol, but, lol, this is the real reality, your best friend is not in love with you, lol, and has you wrapped you around his finger or something lol, if if you won't admit it, cause im with someone that i genuinely care about, and i know they genuinely care about me, why i do something like that. You can't have ya cake and eat it too. Bottom line, if you love ya best friend, be real put all on the table, that you know once and for all, cause if you dont, you are gonna regret it. There is no such thing as a best friend that you mess around with, thats called your lover sweetie, lol. If you are not in love with him, sorry but you got to cut him off completely if you not trying to be with him, you are always gonna cheat on other people with him. Tell your man the truth and tell him you not gonna talk to him no more. do it nicely and respectfully, when you tell your best friend, that you have to sever ties, which i doubt you gonna do. Just being honest, lol, but thats what you have to do, and if you lucky by the grace of god, he's forgiving. The moral of my opinion is, you have to be 100% real, honest, loyal, and faithful to your self before you could be that to any one else, lol, i doubt you would forgive him.

JudgmentDay · Answer

Was it really just "small makeout session for 2 hours"? Really? Are you sure that's all that happened or that you are willing to tell us? For 2 hours? I doubt you are telling us the whole truth and the full details here.

But it seems that you are interested in both your best friend and as well as your boyfriend. Attracted to both, but maybe more on the physical and sexual level for your best friend, other wise why'd you to make out for 2 hours?

If it's really just this one time thing, you should never do it again in case in ever becomes a habit in the future and then you run the risk of being suspicious of.

But sooner or later you will have to decide, do you have feelings for your best friend and your current boyfriend? Torn emotional attachments and feelings for 2 people, now that's going to be a difficult one, but you can really choose only 1 or the other. Unless they both can get along and don't mind sharing you exclusively together in a semi-open relationship of some kind, but that doesn't seem to be the case since you KNOW your boyfriend is not comfortable with you around other guys and potential competitors for your affection and attention.

It's really up to you. Tell him if you really want to, don't tell him if you don't ever want to. Take your pick, either comes with consequences. I think you should only tell your boyfriend when you feel the time is right and you actually feel you need to tell him about it.

Rawrzz · Answer

Your punishment for cheating should be living with the guilt. Telling your boyfriend would be a selfish thing to do. You would be harming him for no real reason. If it becomes a habit, then you'll be harming him if you don't tell him; because, it will hurt him progressively more the more you cheat and the longer you keep it a secret. And really, kissing isn't that big of a deal, honestly. It happens.

If you don't want to be selfish, then suffer with the guilt and don't put it on him. People tell their SOs that they cheated mistakenly or impulsively, because they want to get it off their chest and they want forgiveness, more often than not. They seek to stop feeling the guilt for what they did. So, you can either choose to punish yourself or punish him.

knightengale · Answer

I think it depends.
If you feel the guilt will destroy the relationship then you have to tell him and deal with the damage
If you feel it will happen again then you have to tell him and deal with the possible breakup

If you feel that it will not happen again and that you and your friend will not get into that situation again and have learnt the lesson. Then keep it to yourself and learn from it.

If it does happen again though. You have to walk away from your boyfriend as you are not ready for what he is looking for.

DodgersGM · Answer

A small make out session of... two hours? LOL Something seems off about that.

Anyway, yeah, you need to to till him. Brace for le dump, which is what the situation calls for. Take this as a lesson that you can grow from.

Mary_Barry · Answer

telling him is your way of releasing your guilt, and putting it on him. making him think "why him, what did I do wrong" when in fact it was all you. by doing that you are causing psychologically issues and power imbalances which involve trust within your relationship that will never fix itself. DO NOT TELL HIM THAT I SELFISH. if he finds out, admit it apologize and try to fix it. if you don't feel bad and would do it again, you're a bitch and should leave the relationship because he deserves better. if you feel terrible and wrong about yourself than it's okay we all make mistakes keep it a secret live with your guilt and NEVER do it again.

Paris13 · Answer

You got Lonely is all, I see the Sure Signs with these Lonesome... Times.
Do not Open a Smelly can of Worms by Spilling out these Venomous Words. It will only cause Disaster and you will for Sure, End up Losing probably the Best from the Rest kind of Guy you have Most likely ever had.
The cat is away so you thought you could Play and it was a Bestie, who you felt comfy with.
Leave sleeping dogs to sleep, don't Weep, then Again, do not go Barking up the tree with your Honey bunny or you will end up Losing him Forever.
However, if you plan on Swapping Spit with anyone 'Again,' it's 'Best' to Go... Single Again.
Good luck. xx

10dsw · Answer

This is why I have a hard time taking any girl seriously in 2016.

There was a time in my life when I was legitimately interested in having loving relationships with women, but then I ran into 2 college girls (when I was in college) that hooked up with me and then only after told me that they had boyfriends. Let's just say that I quickly got a whiff of real life.

I do have a girlfriend at the moment but if/when we break up I will likely go back to the no commitment hook up lifestyle because it's just easier nowadays, probably up until the age of 30.

SilenRose · Answer

I'm sure you already knew the majority would vote "yes". I also voted yes but here is what may occur if you confess to your boyfriend.

1. This is completely unlikely but could happen. He'll forgive you and the friend and all will be good.

2. He may forgive you but he will make the requirement you never speak to your best friend again. This will be a tough choice but you already proved you can't be trusted with this friend.

3. He won't forgive you and will break up with you.

hanbanana · Answer

Yeah i think you should. he deserves the truth. And if he gets mad or break up with you then that's what you deserve. But if he really loves you, he'll eventually forgive you, you just need to make it up to him and never do it again! If you really love him, you should accept all the consequences.

raichuloha · Answer

Never tell your boyfriend! I'm not proud of that but I cheated before, and when you tell, it's never a good thing. Things gets worse when you tell, and your boyfriend doesn't have to know that you cheated on him, specially with your best friend. It would be difficult for you both, and it would lead to a little "war" between the two of you. BUT CHEATING DOESN'T MAKE YOU A WHORE. Talk about it with your best friend, talk a lot to get over it, and you'll see, soon you'll no longer have regrets and you'll be able to look at your boyfriend like nothing ever happened. But hey! maybe if you cheated, you're not with the good guy? Ask yourself if you want to be with your actual boyfriend or your best friend. It will help a lot ;)

Anonjane83 · Answer

I once read in Cosmopolitan, that if u cheated and seriously regret and KNOW for sure that you would do not repeat it, then don't tell him. It will cause a huge rift between u and him and possibly j and ur friend. If it happens again then tell him b/c clearly there is some connection with ur best friend that u can't shake and maybe it would be worthwhile exploring that. If is a one time, never gonna do it again thing, then don't do it.

UncagedAgent · Answer

Yes, I believe you should.

Firstly, relationships are built on trust, so when you tell him that you cheated, even if he can't trust you to be faithful, he'll know you're not a liar. He can trust you to be honest with him.

Secondly, if your boyfriend had cheated on you, you would want to know wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to have that secret between you.

I think you should, good luck with what you decide to do OP.

Anonymous · Answer

'' I don't want him to get uncomfortable when I'm with my best friend.''

... Seriously?

First off, he is not a friend. It's the fucking truth. He made out with you right? He used you, he's a scumbag who knew you had a boyfriend and he made out with you any way, he OBVIOUSLY doesn't see you as a friend.

Second, you'd still hangout with your ''best friend'' after you told him you cheated with him? Wow, mental torture. You should break off the ''friendship''.

You are obviously not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Also '' I was head over heels'' you're a liar also? If you were head over heels you wouldn't have cheated.

Prof_Don · Answer

Tell him, accept the tongue-lashing and breakup (which you deserve)... and next time don't commit unless you're ready to sacrifice attention and sexual play from other guys.

cheapshotbob · Answer

your best freind was a piece of shit for even doing that to begin with so you equally are to blame for not being able to control the damn hormones. i dont mean to sound harsh but what freind in there fucking right mind does that knowing your with someone?

a piece of shit freind is my answer

funny_strange_man · Answer

If you actually cared about and loved your boyfriend you would have never cheated on him. If you consider 2 hours to be a small make out session then what would you consider a full on make out or sex session to be like 4 or 5 hours. There had to of been more than kissing and groping going on. You need to tell him since he deserves it or he could go on with a false sense that everything is good between you two when in fact it is not. If he stays you would most likely have to earn his trust back. If he dumps you then you have no reason to complain since you caused it.

NJ_Casanova · Answer

I would say don't tell him. But the fact that you did do it... tells me that you don't care about your boyfriend as much as you lead on. If you think you will do it again... you have to decide if you really want to be in a relationship, or you have to talk to him about having an open relationship.

How would you feel if he was doing that behind your back?

Soshy · Answer

If you want to mess around then you need to let him go. He deserves to be happy with someone else

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