Search Results: staying friends with an ex

I keep thinking about this.

My ex spent a lot of time and energy getting me to like her which I resisted at first. But then I fell for her and I showed her love in the ways I did like planning out thought out dates for her, getting her things which I thought she’d like whenever I saw anything on trips away and planning special things for her birthday. After a while, she occasionally dropped hints that she wanted me to show love by telling her I like her and that I think about her and she wants more of my attention and she sighed when I did things I don’t like (like go on my phone sometimes when I was with her) but she never said anything about thinking about ending the relationship or that it was affecting her a lot. Then she went away for a couple of weeks then she went silent then when I messaged, she was saying things like we’ll find a time to get together. Then she said she wanted a chat. I asked if everything’s ok and she said yeah, just wants to catch up. Then she seemed normal and had a chat with me about unrelated things then after some time out of nowhere towards the end of our catchup she said she’s starting to feel we’ve become more like friends recently and that she’d been thinking that for about a month. She said she’d discussed it with friends who said if she feels that way after a year it might be time to leave then she said she doesn’t see a future together but genuinely wants to stay friends. I had an inkling this was the case when she stopped messaging during and after her trip. 6 weeks on she keeps messaging me even if my responses are brief.

but I still feel confused, betrayed, angry and sad. And I don’t know how I should feel.

A discussion recently occurred on r/Asianmasculinity, where an Asian male was talking about the complete double standards that Asian women have for Asian men and white men.

A snippet from OP discussion called "Different Dating Requirements for Asian vs. White Men"

"I’ve noticed that Asian women (ex. my female friends) hold Asian men to much higher standards—expecting them to have a car, a house, or a high income—while not requiring the same from white men. In addition, these women expect Asian men to pay for dates and experiences, but are fine to split with white men."

Many users were in the comment in agreement and even cited a Yale study that supported it

Yale sociologist Grace Kao: “In fact, we find that despite the higher education and income of Asian American men, there is evidence that they are systematically excluded from having romantic relationships during adolescence and young adulthood”

Some even explained why so many non-white women see white men as gods and chase after them in the west.

"Social status: white men in white circles gain immediate acceptance due to familiarity bias.

Pretty privilege: White men in Asian circles gain immediate acceptance due to pretty privilege (it is internalized that euro features are more handsome)

So in the eyes of a white worshipper, the white man already brings those values to the table by virtue of being white."

". Being with a white partner gives prestige that being with an Asian cannot. So Asian guys are required to compensate with material success.

Just stay away from these types of women and find someone who’s actually ride or die. I’m not saying don’t strive for success of course. But give it to someone who isn’t fucked in the head by internalized racism."