Am I overthinking or is my ex right?

Question

So I just got done talking to my ex (we're friends now) on the phone and he brought up a great point about my date on Saturday. The guy is coming an hour away at 9pm. We're going to be at an arcade/bar/restaurant.

My ex brought up that he may want to stay the night at my place since it is a long drive back late at night plus it will be raining that night. He kind of suggested if that were to happen that things could lead to something more happening.

I'm so not prepared mentally for sex on a first date. I'm not even prepared for him to be back at my house, but I can understand why that may be the courteous thing to do since he's coming an hour away. But I hope he doesn't expect there to be sex involved.

I don't know where his head is at because we haven't really talked about that kind of stuff.

But a part of me doesn't trust myself being alone with him in my place because I am very sexually frustrated and honestly if the date goes well don't know if I would give in. I didn't tell my ex this but I feel like I would.

Does that make me a slut if I were to do that?

Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe we will just go our separate ways after the date but if we don't, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Jay-_- · Accepted Answer

He is not entitled to go back to your house unless you want to. Its your choice forget what your ex said, whatever you want to do you do, mostly when it comes to giving your body up, no your ex is not right. Also if you want to give it up do it, me personally I wouldn't want my future girl to give it up so early for personal reasoning but if it's feeling right for you in that moment if it was to happen then who's to say, I wouldn't call you a slut for that (unless you do it frequently that's another story) if you are uncomfortable don't do it, he's not entitled to anything, it's your first date. Just stay calm, it'll be fine. 😌

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

You're not overthinking i. Just remember to stay in control on your date. If the date goes well, tell him that and hope you will see him again. And then, wish him a safe trip home. Do not offer him to come into your place, and if he suggests it, just tell him it's late and he should be getting home; he'll get the hint.

FYI... an hour's drive is nothing in today's world.

He may well be thinking that sex is a possibility. When I dated, I often thought that, but never forced the issue. He'll understand if that doesn't happen. If he gets upset about that, he's not the right guy for you.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I can help you here.

1. He has to drive home. He ought to expect to be driving home that night. There is nothing about the distance that implies you are obliged to have him back to your place.

He won't be expecting you to ask him back to your place, but he certainly wouldn't say no if you did. It is fully your choice. No obligation whatsoever.

2. If you are not mentally prepared for sex on the first date, do not have sex after this date.

3. If you are concerned you'll make an impulsive decision you might regret if he comes back to your place, don't invite him back.

**If you do invite him back to your place after a date, THAT implies sex. So if you do invite him back, but not for sex (a bad idea, as you say) you will need to be explicit that you are inviting him back, but you don't mean sex.

You're right about the temptation thing. Don't invite him back unless you decide you want to have sex and consult point #2 above.

4. If you do have sex with him after the date, that does not make you a slut.

The worry is that you would have sex with him and regret having done so afterwards.

If you know you want to have sex, go for it. But making the decision you make before meeting is probably the better reflection of "how you really feel about having sex with this person".

That being said, you are definitely allowed to change your mind and decide you do want to have sex with him after all. Just make sure you're not letting your desire overwhelm what you truly want.

Nothing wrong with having sex, if that's what you want to do.

You are overthinking this in the way anybody would. There is nothing weird about your friend's observation freaking you out and making you overthink all of this. It's not you.

Nothing to worry about though. You got this.

I hope you have a wonderful time on your date. I'm excited for you!

🙂

ohsheeT · Answer

Ok so every thing that I heard as I read your question is

I'm going on a date it's about time because I'm lonely I need to be held inwant to be loved I want to feel love passion I want to be touched in the worst way

But I also don't know if I'm ready for this. .. when the date ends it's going to be late. And might be raining even tho it's an hr drive back home. Should I ask him to spend the night

Don't judge me you guys don't understand how hards it's been lol.

I don't know what to do I mean what happens if I lock him in my room for a few hrs he won't think I'm a slut would he

So stop it don't judge me. So am I overthinking. Or do you think it's a good plan

Well it all sounds good to me if I was the guy

But it's all in your hands. He will get there you will go o. Your date. If he kisses you at any times during the date that is you saying he's spending the night if he doesn't then he's going to be a good guy and come in for a few and then say good night. And he will kiss you good bye and leave but if you fall to your knees and wrap ur arms around his legs and he drags you each time he takes a step and you say wait it's raining. And you don't understand how hards it's been lol well I guess he's going to spend the night

But you can always say you can sleep on the couch. That would be cool as long as there's no room for 2 people because you will be getting under the blanket with him saying I'm so sorry. But you just don't understand. It's been so hard lately lol so tbh what ever happens its going to be your choice hell maybe it's me over thinking it

Finchie40 · Answer

Word of advice don’t take advice from an ex period , go on the date and just be yourself , if things go well you will know , if things don’t go well , you will know

Lynx122 · Answer

Ehm I'd just try and enjoy the date. Personally I wouldn't take advice on dating someone new from your ex. Even if they've moved on you can't trust that they're actually thinking about your best interests.

It just feels like you've already taken a negative outlook on this situation now without any concrete reasons for why things should go badly. And it seems like your ex is the reason for this negative outlook so that is concerning to me.

But I don't have any experience dating as a woman so I don't know.

BadApple69 · Answer

I would make it clear to this guy that he can’t stay at your place that night and maybe he would want to come earlier. You can even say your sister or a friend is temporarily staying at your place. I hate lying to a date BUT if not he might push you on the subject and talk you into something you don’t want to do.
You might get an insight into his motivations too. If you tell him ahead of time he can’t stay then he might cancel all together. Then you know he was just looking to stay and hoping for sex.

Lliam · Answer

An hour drive isn't that much. He should have the expectation of driving home after the date even though he may hope to spend the night with you.

If he tries in invite himself to your place, that's a bad sign. It could mean that he doesn't respect you.

If, on the other hand, you two get along really well and you invite him over, that's fine. It doesn't make you a slut. There is nothing wrong with sex. And it might even lead to a steady, infatuated relationship. That has happened to me before.

NathanDavis · Answer

definitely overthinking, an hour is nothing really...

and it's just rain, not a hurricane... lol

I'm sure he's a big boy too and should not be afraid of the night either and if all this is a problem he can't handle, do you really want a guy like that? lol

bowenw · Answer

That is kind of late for a date to start, so I can understand why your ex thinks it may lead to you feeling obligated to have him spend the night. Perhaps try to schedule the date for earlier in the evening or tell your date ASAP that it may be best to postpone it for a night with no chance of rain.

It wouldn't make you a slut if you did end up having sex after the first date.

Twalli · Answer

If sex feels right, then do it. I know I wouldn't consider a girl a slut if she wants sex that early. I don't have sex that early, but I would go down a girl that early. Sex, to me, requires a strong relationship before happening. Orally pleasing each other can happen as soon as we're ready.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I wouldn't invite him to my home if I had doubts as you have

I would tell him about the forecast and asked if he wants to change the day you meet... so he could return safely home

it would also set a clear boundary for the future

fantasticass · Answer

Do not invite him to your place. Do not have sex with him either. He can sleep somewhere else regardless of how far he is driving. Why is he so late? He should be at your place earlier than 9pm. Sounds like he has a girlfriend, so be careful ✌️

Bricealan · Answer

@simslover92 My view is that you over-think the whole thing... you are 33, and a mature woman... you make that decision based on your experiences and attitude toward the man. I don't know what a 'slut' is "Sims"?

Shiprex · Answer

An hour drive isn't far, that sounds like a push that he wants to get intimate quickly. That's not a bad thing but perhaps it's a strategy this guy uses to get some action. It's not slutty to have sex if that's what you crave but it sounds like you're not THAT ready for this so maybe let this one slide. Nothing wrong with next week is there?

WhitneySnow · Answer

Don’t let him stay overnight at your house unless you’re prepared to consider messing around with him (not necessarily going all the way) if things go really well

LiamS95 · Answer

You may be overthinking this or your ex knowing you well might of purposely planted this in your mind. Just be aware of your boundaries and set them so your date knows what your boundaries are. If it's rainng and he's tired offer him the couch to sleep Anand go to sleep yourself with no further thought if him. I highly doubt he's expecting sex on the first date. If you have to rub one out and go to sleep.

nawtee_me · Answer

You are going to be you, that is all you can do. Will it make you a slut if you do give in and have sex on the first date? Not at all… however, trying to predict the future and its outcome never works for me. He may want to drive back and not spend the night. If so don’t take it personally

OddBeMe · Answer

Firstly, the term slut is stupid. What’s the definition? Having sex with your boyfriend would certainly not qualify.

What I do see a sheltered self that should NOT have a bad first experience at it. I would not do anything just to please your boyfriend. If he’s worth it he’ll wait.

I waited 3 months with a girlfriend. Who was very sheltered Catholic Latina.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

No it wouldn’t make you a slut but don’t feel forced to have him at your place to spend the night… he’s a grown man and can literally stay at a hotel.

Raceandgendertheory · Answer

You're not a slut for feeling desire or being honest about temptation. You're human. The real strength is knowing your boundaries and honoring them. If you're not ready, it's okay to say no or to change the plan entirely. You don’t owe anyone access to your space or your body just because they traveled. Trust your gut. If you're already unsure, protect your peace first.

bunny234 · Answer

dont shave, that'll give you an incentive not to put out.

OneViewpoint · Answer

An hour? The dude can drive an hour. Have him stay over and fuck him if you want to. Have him hit the road if you don't want to.

slatyb · Answer

Do not invite him into your home. He is an adult and should make arrangements or else plan to return home.

Jerre · Answer

No, it definitely would not make you a slut. It is more common than most people believe.

Staximus · Answer

You don't know if it's going to rain or not but that doesn't matter. You are not obligated to invite anybody back to your place, no matter what.

HighValue · Answer

Before having sex, at least be up front and tell the guy that you still have contact with an ex. Many good quality men will find that unacceptable. If he doesn't care, he is likely just wanting to use you for sex.

blackeagle007 · Answer

If you’re not ready, that’s how it is then. You have no obligation to house this guy. I overthink stuff too and older than gray. But just enjoy the time out. You don’t have to take it so fast

PeterLegg91 · Answer

I don't think the guy will be after staying the night, or to be on the safe side ask you going home after? And say as a joke BECAUSE YOU NOT STAYING THE NIGHT 😆 or make something else up

Anonymous · Answer

Honey it’d never make you slutty. As long as you want to sleep with him and it’s consensual then it is good:)

DrPepper12 · Answer

No such thing as a slut first of all. Do what makes you safe & comfortable.

spartan55 · Answer

Why are you taking dating advice from an ex? Not a good idea. He:s already trying to play bouncer. 🙄

Miristheiss · Answer

Yes. Slut. Letting a new date stay at your place and sleep with him. Tramps do that. Still in contact with an ex. Red flag.

Manuelwe · Answer

Why are you asking your ex about your new love. WRONG.
You are very insecure and it would not surprise me that your ex left you because you have a simple problem. You are a perfectionist.
Live with your mistakes stop trying to correct them

Mrtcn01 · Answer

noo of course not.. he sacrifising to come your place in rainy day you still think you are slut come on

Somec · Answer

Sex on a first date makes me wonder how many first dates has she had... I have said no thank you and broke off contact. I do not want to be dating a slut.

kaucky1 · Answer

If they already know eachother they should just slurk eachother anyways

Am I overthinking or is my ex right?

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