Introvert Survival Techniques

[Anonymous]

Extroverts tend to be very challenged by the thought that someone could be an introvert. Our whole lives its been hammered into our brains that survival is a social thing. Of course in order to meet friends, date, network, party, we must all socialize to some degree, but the misunderstandings tend to come into play in the erroneous belief that an introvert cannot do those things or does not want to do those things. Life as it turns out, can be done in several ways. There is no one correct way to socialize or party or network or date that applies to or works for everyone. If there were just one way of doing things, than literally everyone would be successful and that one way would be written in as fact, but it's not and never will be, because people just operate differently from one another and introvert and extrovert alike must learn through the course of their lives, what works for them and what doesn't.

Back to the introverts then. Introverts like people, but they like them in smaller doses. They generally prefer it if they weren't in the spotlight or the life of the party, but observing it or hanging with just a couple people throughout the night. An introvert might go to a party or an event and stay for just a little while before needing to retire for the evening. An introvert may like entertaining, but not for big groups or in front of large crowds. A small coffee shop or walk in the park with a date tends to be better than a concert or a game in a stadium full of people.

Here are some tips for helping you as an introvert, survive the social scene.

1. Before and After Quiet Time

Before you need to go to a big event, party, or work thing, take some quiet time out before it begins where it's just you and some nice music or relax with a good book or just close your eyes for a minute to get your head in the game. Afterwards, make sure you have scheduled in what will be some much needed downtime after having to deal with so many people all at once which can be completely draining.

2. Know Your Emergency Exits

If you know an event is going to be a long one that you aren't required to stay for, have a plan of escape; know where the emergency exits are so to speak. Typically I'll let a host know that I have early morning plans the next day, so I'll be staying for about an hour or two, and then I'm off. It can bring you a bit of piece of mind knowing that you can still have a bit of fun, but it won't be too long to the point where it isn't anymore.

3. Don't flake on everything

As much as introverts love peace and quiet and small parties and such, sometimes you do need to bite the bullet and show up and show out when it counts. Don't flake on everything. A mom's birthday, your brothers graduation party, an extremely important work event that may help your career, being a groomsmen in your best friends wedding, a party your best friend has been begging you for months to attend. Some times you really do need to suck it up for the benefit of others. Think of it this way, your extrovert friends don't necessarily enjoy your small gatherings in the same way you don't really like large ones, but both should cross over from time to time to support and hang out with each other anyway.

4. Take in some air

If you're in a big crowd and it's starting to get to you, you can take a break, full stop. Go to the bathroom and just sit for a minute, step outside and walk the grounds, offer to go to the store to pick up more ice, pull someone aside and just go for a quiet walk around for a chat. This can help give you a bit more energy to endure the rest of the night.

5. Be strategic

If you are going to an event, rather than try to do what extroverts do which is hit up the crowd, talk to and dance with everyone, or at the work event they hit up everyone in the room and hand out their card and ply them with work talk, be more strategic with your approach. Like air, your energy for this kind of stuff is not going to last long when you're suffocating so make sure you spend it where it counts. Make a bee line for the host, the cute guy or girl, the artist you really want to see, etc. and give them your full attention. Get out on the dance floor and dance for a little bit and try to enjoy the time, and then you can go wall sit a bit later when the masses are taking over. Make sure you are of course seen with the right few people if it's a career thing. Spend your time on the person(s) who's going to help your career the most.

[MarriedMale43]

Well said, thank you.

I'd add one more thing: As an introvert, I find games to provide just the right level of structure for me, in a large group setting.

A good game provides a structure for my interactions. It forces me to talk to people, and gives me a good reason to talk them. It also tells me when to shut up and listen, so I don't talk too much or bore people.

Games which both require or prompt interaction between the players are perfect for this. Whether its a short and simple game like One Night Ultimate Werewolf, a classic "party game" like Times Up!, an off-color laugh-fest like Cards Against Humanity, or a lengthy detective game like the How To Host A Murder Mystery series, it has fit the bill if it has given introvert-me a good reason to talk to somebody I feel too shy to approach, and has given introvert-her a good reason to talk to me beyond those awkward moments of silence after she gives an awkward monosyllabic response to my cheesy pick-up line.

A classic Miss Manners host/hostess knows this, actually, and is supposed to provide an introduction between two people who don't know each other, but whom she thinks would have a good conversation.

"George, Ellen; Ellen, George. George is a software engineer who works the fencing booth at RenFaire on weekends; Ellen attended NYU on a fencing scholarship and is now working in advertising."

If George and Ellen can't pick that conversation up and run with it, there's no hope for them!

If their host/hostess, however, had just given them, "George, here's Ellen, she's in advertising. George is an engineer," and ducks out, that conversation is going nowhere and lasting 60 seconds or less.

[myTake Owner]

Ah, the fine art of hosting. So so sooooo many people don't really understand it, but you're absolutely right. I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom had figured upon this, that certain people wouldn't know each other and may never speak beyond a few tid bits of small talk, so on each table, according to who was sitting where, they had created a chart that showed like a sort of 6 degrees of seperation between all who sat at a particular table... some likes, some similarities, some fun questions the table could answer. It was great. It made everyone seem far less like strangers especially when you read for example, you both attended the same school, or you both have twins, or both of you enjoy white river rafting, whatever. Great simple icebreakers.

[Tony1974]

Great point!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your advice.

[AlienIshboo]

I feel like I'm forced into being an introvert, despite wanting to be extroverted. My personality is very energetic, sometimes even loud. I'm very animated and humorous, but also provocative, thoughtful, and emotionally engaged.

Most people don't respond to that. They want simple, easy to understand, easy to deal with, and nothing they can get emotionally invested in. So when I have to engage in crowd activities (especially with people I don't know) I have to restrain my personality to the point where they're only getting about 10% of me. That restraint gets tiring, and all the while I just want to let loose and relax.

This is why I need, as you described, that moment before and after... uh... peopleing.

I can concur, however, that the advice you've given works. I learned all of that on my own, so seeing it here reaffirms what I've already been doing. It absolutely works. Especially that last point.

[myTake Owner]

If you don't feel like you're an introvert or are an ambivert, than just be you. I think to some extent, you just have to stop caring how people think you 'should' act, and just be you and let them adapt to your personality especially if you feel it's stifling the real you.

[AlienIshboo]

Haha well, that's precisely the attitude I had when I was younger, and boy oh boy did it alienate me. Putting that idea to the test shows poor results.

I agree with your sentiment though, and my greatest gift to anyone is to let them be them... to relax and let go. I feel that's the most courteous and respectful thing you can do for anyone. Nothing bothers me (unless of course they're being harmful or toxic).

[vonasaurus]

those pictures are my life, esp. #3.

i'm that person who will go to a party to be polite, then spend half of it hiding in the closet before holing up in my house for a week (no facebook, no phone calls, no contact with the outside world) to recover. people drain me, and i need alone time to recharge.

when the man and i go grocery-shopping, i'll be like, "honey, it's too peopley out. can we go home now?"

[myTake Owner]

LOL, yes! One of the best birthdays I ever had was just me and my best friend holed up in a hotel room watching a movie and eating birthday treats. I remember her apologizing afterwards and saying how she felt it must not have been a good birthday for me because we didn't go out or "do anything," and I was like, ARE YOU KIDDING, this was the best!!!

[vonasaurus]

kinda like our first Christmas together; the man and i had a quiet day, just the two of us... people were like, why aren't you out celebrating with friends? and i'm like, "celebrate what? crippling anxiety?" lol

[myTake Owner]

Yup, you cannot determine for someone else how they should feel about the way they choose or do not choose to celebrate or party or whatever. Extroverts tend to push their ideas of how things ought to be on introverts, but we simply could not have a world where we had all introverts or all extroverts. The world needs a balance because not every moment needs to be loud and crazy and involve every single person on the planet in order for it to be good, or meaningful or productive.

[sovetskii13]

Well written. I gained some greater understanding of who I am. Thank you.

[Smarter]

introverts can do it all they are the one you find at the top. introverts can do one thing then do the crowd thing then socialize if they want to or have to but they always have the spot to recovery and laugh at the people who can't handle one thing and the next thing. we can do it all extroverts can't.

[ColinHarvey]

Ugh boo-boo I'm an introvert ahhh my life is so bad my horoscope confines my personality to a small square of socio-economic status. Everyone look how sad I am and I have anxiety that's why I can't do all the things that other people can boo-hoo poor me I'm underprivileged uhhhhhgggghhhhhgggggblaaaaa just gimme free SSRIs for my depression ughhwwaannnnhhaaaaaa

[MaciJ]

What a stellar specimen we have here😒

[Tony1974]

@MaciJ Extroverts can be such douches and they miss a lot of nuance. They think they're smarter and better than everyone else. I let them drown in their superiority and allow them to make utter fools of themselves when they think I'll continue to be passive. They don't realize we have patience and are waiting for the right time to make a move. They always seem to overplay their hand.

[MaciJ]

@Tony1974 plus they laugh all the fucking time at things that aren't even that funny.

[ColinHarvey]

@Tony1974

No such thing as an introvert or an extrovert, sorry guys, I know how hard it must be not to be able to put a label on yourselves again to solve all of your problems. But hey, tell you what, get off your asses and stop making excuses and maybe you'll learn a new side to yourselves you didn't know was there.

[MaciJ]

If I get off my ass will you pull your head out of yours? Fuckwad😒

[Tony1974]

COLINHARVEY I'm sure the social scientist that taught the emotional intelligence class I took would find that to be a revelation. He's been teaching the class for years. Everyone took tests to see where on the scale we all fit. I was a solid introvert while most of the class was extroverted. he did say we can flex when we have to but most of us are what we are. Colin you're ignorance is showing. It's not like introverts stay home all the time and hide. We do what we want to do when we want to do it. We're just not crazy for big crowds... lots of loud, obnoxious people such as yourself who seem to know it all (even when you haven't a clue).

[ColinHarvey]

@Tony1974

Yes I'm sure your, "social science" teacher would also be shocked to find out that social science is an oxymoron, and personality tests are as broad and bogus as a Chinese-year calendar or astrology or anneagram tests.

You may now return to your xanex, citizen.

[Tony1974]

Seeing how I don't know you from a hole in the wall Colin, your OPINION isn't worth shit in my book. After reading some of your most recent opinions, it's clear to me that I'm correct in my assumption; you're just a stupid troll out to get a rise from people. Typical of the immature chattel that call themselves adults these days... come back in 10 years IF you're grown up and have something productive to share.

[ColinHarvey]

@Tony1974

Tony,

You're fucking forty-two - fuck off this website unless you're trolling, bro.

This is a place where thirteen-year-olds go to cry about Trump, and ask if their tits are growing in right. The only thing to do here is troll and get a rise out of people.

[Tony1974]

Spoken like the true man-child you are. I think you need a Colinoscopy to remove you head from you ass. And don't call me bro; I have a brother and you could never come close to measuring up. Also, with age comes wisdom but I don't you'll live long enough to attain any the way you go around throwing insults at complete strangers you internet tough guy you.

[ColinHarvey]

@Tony1974

And... There's the rise.

[Liisjak]

I'm so introverted my mind screams to people, so it's fine we get along.

[QuietFawn]

Very nice Take, thank you <3

[Blueeyes2016]

This article is helpful

[MaciJ]

Yep, definitely me.