Why am I beating myself over and over? He broke up with me.

Rather than respond to your comment in that small space, I wanted to post this comment cause I have gone through something similar in my life so I hope it can help.

In my experience, the best thing you can do now is let him take the time he needs to heal. I know as a woman that is terrifying to not be involved in the healing process cause it feels like that would bring you together. But he isn't a woman so he needs to do it in the way he feels comfortable. I have gone through something similar where I met a man who had severely injured himself on the job and because of it was out of work. I pushed cause I could tell we cared for each other. And when he pulled away, I was hurt terribly. But I noticed that even though he wasn't ready to be with me romantically, he was there everyday for me. He was always there. His consistence made me realize he cared for me and in his own way he was saying "Not yet." I realized the best thing I could do is to step back, let him do it on his own, and just let him know I wasn't going anywhere. Standing by a man as he goes through it means more than trying to fix it for him. It says he is capable of doing it on his own and you are willing to wait for him to figure it out. One of the most loving things you can do for him now is let him know that he can take the time he needs to get better.

Cause, oddly enough, I had a flip side experience where a time of my life was insane and the man in my life was pushing me to get it figured out. Not that you are pushing him. But when your life is in chaos you don't even know how you are going to make it another day. You are sensitive to anything anyone says or feels, when normally you wouldn't be. So even them always wanting to talk about it can make you feel like they are pushing. You are so full of frustration and confusion that you feel like you are drowning. And you have this person who you care about in your life and they can do one of 2 things: make you feel like you are drowning even more or ease your frustration by them just being there, knowing that they are waiting and it's OK to be crazy on Monday and sad on Tuesday and angry on Wednesday. They aren't helping you fix it. They are just there if you need them. So that means if you can't call for 2 weeks, they are OK with it cause they know you have nothing to give right now. But if you did, you would give it all to them. Having someone that does that actually lights a fire under you to find out what the problem is.

I think if when you call him, you tell him that you want the relationship but want him to be comfortable with it even more. And if he needs to not have the relationship now and figure his life out but you will still be there for him, you will be amazed how different he will act.

Cause isn't that what everyone wants? Someone who is willing to stick by you in the bad times even when you have nothing to give them but your presence?

Do not feel discouraged at all! You unfortunately got to him at a time where he felt he had nothing to offer and pulled away. The most important things to a man, he lost all of them. He lost his job. He lost his health. He lost his desire for sex. He was probably feeling like he wasn't even a man at that point.

Men think logically about relationships while women think emotionally. To you, you were in the best possible place. You were so emotionally close you couldn't believe it. But to him, he was in the worst possible place. He felt he had nothing to offer you but a depressed guy who would probably start crying during sex if he ever had the desire to even have it! That is a terrifying thought to a man.

Men don't want to be fixed. They don't want us to come in with our sweet compassion and say "I know you have nothing but I still like you." He wants to be your hero. He wants to be the one you come to for help. So even though you see you being there as a great thing for him, it probably made him feel even less like a man that you had to come in and pick up the pieces of his broken life. Ever notice how if someone falls down, a woman will run over to help but guys just stand there and watch? It's cause a man isn't going to help unless someone asks him for help. If you offer someone help without them asking you are basically saying that the person is incapable of doing it on their own. So when you gave him all your help, what he read was that you thought he was pretty incapable. That isn't your fault at all. And it might be something you want to explain to him so he understands your motives.

I know it made you feel like you weren't appreciated but he really didn't mean it that way. He wants to come to you in a relationship on an equal footing, if not better footing. And he couldn't do that a month and a half ago.

So what's happening now is he got a new job or his health is back or he is feeling better over all and he truly, deeply cares for you and wants to be with you. You may never hear him say the reasons he walked away. Cause that's him admitting he failed or messed up. He will probably take everything really slow now cause he knows he left the waters a little murky and isn't going to jump back in.

I hope you guys can work it out cause I think he truly cares for you. Enough where he couldn't stand the thought of you seeing him that way.