To Confess Or Not To Confess: I Cheated On You, What Now?

There are two different forms of cheating:

Emotional and Physical

Emotional cheating - A bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while never being physically consummated.

Physical cheating - The act of being sexually intimate with someone other than your spouse or significant other.

Although two different types of cheating exist, the pain is equally as devastating to any relationship because the trust barrier that was formed over a significant amount of time, has now become broken by an act of deceit.

To Confess Or Not To Confess: I Cheated On You, What Now?

Why do you cheat on your significant other, when you are in a committed monogamous relationship?

Meghan: I don't know why I cheat.....

It's not that I don't care about my significant other.

It's just that the feeling of being with someone else gives me a "high"

and "excitement" that I don't get when I am exclusive with one person.

David: Perhaps, it's the fact that I'm not mentally mature enough to handle a

committed relationship. I've tried my hardest to remain faithful throughout every

relationship I've had, but I always end up cheating on the person I thoroughly care for.

Kristal: I have voiced to my significant other time and time again, what I need from our

relationship. It's like talking to a brick wall! He never listens to me! Call me guilty,

but I went outside of our relationship to get my needs met.

Tom: I felt like she was cheating on me, so I decided to take the situation into my own hands,

and do so in revenge.

Will you confess to your significant other that you have cheated?

Meghan: Why would I want ruin my relationship by confessing to cheating? What he doesn't know will not hurt him.

David: I feel guilty about my actions, but the reciporations of them is far more than I can deal with.

I'll keep this hidden as long as possible.

Kristal: Eventually my guilt will subside. Why should I feel guilty when my boyfriend is the one in

the wrong for completely ignoring my needs?

Tom: It wasn't right what I did, but it sure feels that way. I'll confess to my cheating when she does so with what I have speculated.

Is there ever any real justification for betraying your significant other's trust?

Isn't wrong just wrong? When we try to formulate in our minds, why it's okay that we were deceitful we are making an excuse for our actions.

Excuses are never okay, no matter what one's story line is.

Trying to create a logical reason that makes sense to oneself of why their infidelity was okay, gives them more room to want to continue the cycle of cheating.

If someone doesn't feel what they did was wrong, why would they want to stop? After all, their reasons are justified.

What's done in the darkness will come to light.

People can try to hide their infidelity, but it's only a matter of time before their lies catch up with them. I believe the truth has a way of revealing itself over time. It may not be as quickly as one may hope it to be, but with time it will happen eventually.

The longer it takes for the lies to come out, is the more devastation and destruction it will cause the person who was betrayed.

Not only did their significant other cheat on them, but they hid their deceit for a significant amount of time.The issue is now, not only do they fear they may cheat again, but it has become a question of , if they can ever trust that person to tell the truth if they ever do cheat again.

It's hard to rebuild something that has no foundation.

In every relationship, the glue that holds it together is trust.

If that is non-existent then the relationship has no basis.

Cheating on someone has become extremely accessible over the years. There are websites such as: Ashleymadison that are created for those in marriages to actively have affairs with others in similar situations as themselves. The ability to cheat has now become a form of convenience, that is only a click away.

Ashleymadison, has over a million members, some of which pay for their membership.
Whoa...wait they're pretty much paying to live a secret life!

Although cheaters face a dilemma of whether they should confess to their wrong doings or not,

the person wrapped up in all of the turmoil and deceit may choose to not want to know because the reality of being hurt by someone you love is far too painful.

It's so much easier to not acknowledge what hurts us (even if we know it's going on), because dealing with the truth is something that can break our souls.

Who wants to walk around broken?


I don't want to.

But I will walk around broken because I know it's only a matter of time before I will

be whole again.

I do not want to fool myself into believing an illusion that is created by my mind,
because it's something I want to see.

I wanted to think this person is the world, but the reality of the situation is that he wasn't.

He lied to me.

I will acknowledge my pain.

I will acknowledge my hurt.

I will give myself time, in order to heal my wounds,

I will gather the pieces of my heart, and move on because

I know that I am deserving of more.

I deserve to be loved in the same way.

I deserve to be respected by someone coming forth with the truth.

I deserve to be with someone who doesn't justify their actions by making

it seem right when it isn't.

We cannot control what happens to us in life.

We can only look at each and every situation for what it is, and take from it.

Will you allow someone's betrayal to keep you down for your entire life? or will you eventually

rise above it?

I was created with wings.

I was created to soar.

I will fly instead of clipping my wings.

I will move on because I know that isn't the only door.

It's one thing to cheat.

It's another to continuously try to hide it.

You are creating an even bigger problem than what you started out with.


Shoutout to: @KaranSharma55 for requesting this topic.


#StacyTellsAll


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Stacyzee is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Lots of layers there. First thing I noticed was the physical and emotional cheating. Obviously physically cheating with an emotional bond would be the kicker but physical and emotional cheating can be somewhat explained away, but is one worse than the other.
    Lets stick to the first case physical and emotional bond, something is wrong with original relationship that moves a person to new relationship. So in my view you have to confess and thrash out the issues of original relationship whether you want to save it or break up etc.
    Physical cheating without emotional bond, we will just call it "horny" for want of a better word. If you want look at yourself in the mirror each morning, I would confess and discuss the issues of original relationship plus future trust issues.
    Emotional one without physical consummation, how close did you get to sexual intimacy and how much did you want it. The reason I ask this is the notion that it could be a very close friendship rather than cheating. Still and all I would discuss it why I felt I had to turn to someone else and explore the issues of original relationship and possible future problems.
    A lot of you are screaming "Why confess in all situations?" - What you don't know won't hurt you and if you promise yourself to be good in future. Also I know probably most of the original relationships won't survive if confessions are made but there are gaping holes in the relationship that will fester if not discussed and no matter how hard you swear to yourself there will always be a little devil on your shoulder whispering "You got away with it before".
    If you confess and relationship survives, you have chance to discuss issues that caused problems and 100 times the guilt because your partner knows which should make you work harder at the relationship.

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    • Yes, a lot of layers indeed.
      Emotional cheating - I'm not just speaking about the closeness of a relationship that is perceived as something as by your significant other.
      I am speaking about someone looking for another to fulfill that lonely void they have emotionally. Perhaps, they want to be complimented all of the time, perhaps they want to talk for hours on end on the phone etc. They are fulfilling a void which they are lacking.
      I think cheating is cheating no matter which form it comes in.
      It should be confessed to , no matter what.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I am not sure if confessing is a good idea or not. It brings on SO much pain, heartache and insecurity. It ends so many relationships and marriages. Destroys so many families. For what? For the sake of transparency? To ease the guilt of the cheater? Because they might feel like a weight has been lifted from their shoulders, but all they do is crush their partners with that weight.

    The truth is... lifetime monogamy is a ridiculously difficult standard to hold some people to. Some are fine with it; other struggle to stick to it. Not saying one is better than the other. Just saying. Monogamy is a little like alcohol (no, not that it's poison!): how well people manage it varies greatly. Some never drink and never want to, some drink on occasion but it doesn't make them lose control, some have a drink after work every day, and some are consumed by it to the point that they can no longer function properly. So it is with the concept of being with only one person amongst billions of people on the planet for the entire course of one's lifetime. Sustainable for some, not so much for others. But why hurt the one you cheated on by telling them that they were not enough for you? Because that's all you are doing when you admit to cheating. You throw it in their face that you wanted someone else more than you wanted them.

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    • I'd rather know. It will hurt less than the pain of knowing i lived in a fantasy world someone tricked me into. Also i believe i deserve the respect to be given the option to break up with them.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 11

  • stacy well written like always. there is one thing though. you said we were given wings but what happens if we are to scared to fly

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    • Life is full of uncertainty. I think the person afraid to fly is scared of what will happen if they do. They have to understand that if they don't fly they will possibly face far more injury in the relationship they are in, rather than if they were to pick themselves up and head towards a different direction.
      They have to weigh their options.
      Although they are scared of uncertainty, they have to break the cycle of what's being done to them or the person will continue it.
      "People only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated."

  • People who cheat and then confess without being caught are cowards. They cheat out of selfishness. The only reason they confess is because they feel like shit and want forgiveness to relieve their pain, so they confess and give their pain to the person they cheated on to get some relief.

    Doubly selfish.

    If you cheat and feel like shit, you deserve to feel like shit, so keep your mouth shut and bear the burden of your guilt instead of dumping it on the person you betrayed.

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    • I can see what you mean, but I disagree. I think it's more about being honest than trying to "give their pain to the person they cheated on". I mean honesty is very important in a relationship and the person has a right to know if they had been cheated on. Plus, it's way more hurtful to find out someone cheated on you rather than your significant other having enough courage to be honest. Otherwise you feel betrayed by the cheating and you also feel lied too. I would say being lied to is just as bad. So, I would say the opposite - it TAKES courage to be honest.

    • Show All
    • You're right, the cheater has already betrayed the person, so they should stand up and be honest to the other person, so that person may decide if they want to continue the relationship. I don't know about you, but if my significant other cheated on me, I would like to know. My feelings would be hurt, but I rather know truth.

    • Interesting opinion! I want to know more :) about whether your belief is case-specific or in general. What are your thoughts on:

      - If they can no longer bear the guilt, should they disclose the infidelity when they break up with their s. o. (unsolicited)? Is it ok to have them bear the burden then since its a clean break? Or should they continue to not pull their s. o. into it and never tell them?
      - Does your opinion change if they are a serial cheater vs. a one-off?
      - If their confession is unsolicited, they're cowards. So if they're confronted and then confess, are they still cowards? Or something different?

  • If one is getting what they need from the relationship, chances are the cheating won't matter. Don't confess to it, but be honest about it if asked.

    If one's needs aren't being met, chances are the cheating is a factor. They'll voice frustration, and hopefully GTFO of that soul-killing situation without having to deal with anything other than "not suitable to our needs at the present time."

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  • I don't know where to start. Lying is not way to start a trusting relationship. There is so much pressure to be a certain way that I can understand why people do it. Interesting that this article or blurb primarily focuses on only two forms of cheating.

    Honestly, known or unknown, it is better to forgive before anyone has to ever ask. Human existence is practically a lie, and sometimes a lie may be all that holds a universe together. Not a justification, just a realization.

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    • "Interesting that this article or blurb primarily focuses on only two forms of cheating."

      -what other forms are there? I'm curious xD

    • @theccanyon

      My mind must be failing these days. You caught me off-guard. Well I can't come up with any concrete examples at the moment, but I suppose cheating does not have to be physical act or emotionally bonded, maybe mentally which would be close to emotionally like desiring someone or something else. Flirting can be social, yet maybe not physical. Again, lines aren't always clear. Cheating could be one or the other, both, neither, or include subtypes/elements of both, depending on how one classifies it. This is why defining cheating in a relationship is so important. Desiring anyone or anything could be cheating. Flirting could be cheating. Kissing could be cheating. Really physical (sexual) acts could be cheating. There may not be any actual or theoretical cheating at all. Just my thoughts on the issue.

  • Thanks for considering the Topic

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  • I don't have to read all that. It's this simple: you cheat, you're gone. Goodbye.

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  • Pack your things and go, that's what's now :)

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  • How about don't cheat? maybe that would have been a better way to go no?

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  • I would like to know, why do some girls cheat on their bfs for another girl even if they're considered straight themselves?

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  • lol women are disgusting

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    • So cheating is only a woman thing? Men don't cheat?

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    • I take it you are gay then?

    • no a wannabe womaniser

  • yup gotta love the internet. it taught me to never mess with women and all their cunning and mindfucks without even having to suffer them myself.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I believe this question has multiple answers depending on the type of relationship. Cheating is only cheating if one is in a committed relationship at the top of the latter being marriage. Afterwards it goes down drastically but again depends on the intensity of commitment. Is dating someone for two months and then being with someone else considered cheating? Not in my book. I'm 21 years old and have my whole life ahead of me to be committed. At this point I would rather be, "committed" to a psych Institute then to feel bonding loyalty to a guy I've known for eight weeks.

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  • I think a lot of cheaters just don't have any elf control. I've noticed a lot o those same people don't like to have responsibilities in real life.

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