You Cheated On Me With My Best Friend! The Cheater's Perspective

[Anonymous]

Please refrain from any negative judgement. Cheating is 100% wrong, and although there is no excuse for my actions - I was young and foolish. I truly regret it.

Well here it goes. I was 22 years old, recently single after a 6-year relationship, fresh out of college, and I was fortunate enough to land a job in marketing. It was Thursday morning when I saw two gentlemen walk into the office; both were average looking. I didn't pay too much attention until my boss introduced them to me. They were going to be clients of ours. I showed them around the office and one of the guys (Alan), quickly took a liking to me. He gave me his business card and told me to give him a call.

I wasn't one to chase guys, so I went on with my day- until that evening I received an email from Alan. He told me it was nice meeting me and asked me some questions about myself. We ended up chatting via email for a month, until he finally invited me for dinner at his house. I wasn't physically attracted to him, but his personality made me want to get to know him further, so I took him up on his offer.

I got to his place, only to run into the other guy that I met at my office, Greg. Both Alan and Greg worked and lived together, and were very good friends! Alan was keen on trying to impress me, and for the next month we enjoyed going on several dates. The issue? There was no affection from my end...but this didn't stop Alan.

In fact, exactly a month after meeting me, Alan proposed! I was very hesitant and it wasn't long before Alan and I got into fights. Finally, one evening Alan was on his way to another city to visit family, and I told him that I want him to have his ring back. Alan was fuming and told me to return it to Greg.

When I got to the house Greg opened the door and I handed him the ring. Greg invited me in for a drink and to talk. A few drinks later, Greg kissed me. And I didn't stop him, because I realized that I had a crush. Unlike Alan, Greg was attractive in a boyish way to me...

Two days later, Alan came back to town and requested to see me. I was scared beyond belief, but agreed. Alan was crying and begged that we give things another try. Looking into his face, I knew that he cared about me and wanted to take care of me. So I said "let's give things another try".

Another month went by and Alan invited me to his place to have Thanksgiving dinner with some friends, and him and Greg. I came over and we ate, and a few drinks later- Alan went to his room to lie down and just Greg and I were in the living room. We were laughing and flirting, until finally Greg grabbed my hand and held it...I was so happy, and I guess we let time fly, as I turned around to see Alan standing over us, "WHAT'S GOING ON?" Greg and I quickly let go, as Alan stormed out of the house. I called him and told him "I'm sorry", and surprisingly Alan was quick to forgive.

A week later, I got a call from Alan while I was at work. "You and Greg kissed?" Before I could say a word, Alan hung up, and momentarily Greg called me. "I like you, I want to be with you, and Greg found out from a mutual friend that we kissed." My heart sank and I was speechless.

Greg and I have been together for two years so far. We fight constantly and have broken up several times. Alan has not spoken to Greg for two years, while Alan and I have spoken off and on again, as he said "I will wait for you, I love you"...

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret what I have done. And Greg is my reminder of how we got together. Shady and just so wrong... Whether it will work out or not, I don't know. I wish I hadn't hurt Alan. Only time will tell what will become of this mess.

[FashionQueen86]

Alan is one of those rare jewels of men that are taken for granted and mistreated. I applaud him for being forgiving, patient, and even having a character of not giving up when he should have in this situation.

However, he should have understood that he can't get anybody to like him, or make something work if not even the other person really wants it. He sounds like a guy that wears his heart on his sleeve, especially if he was quick to propose after just one month. That's WAY too soon, so I tend to question his ability to really comprehend what is love, what is appropriate, and the right time to initiate something that huge.

[Gommers]

Rare jewels? No.

[Prof_Don]

This is why you don't date people you aren't attracted to.

[goodman101]

HOW STUPID CAN SOME PEOPLE BE LOL?

Animal couples are TEN TIMES more loyal to each other than Human couples. It's sad when you think about it.

[YellowCactus]

@goodman101 "Animal couples are TEN TIMES more loyal to each other than Human couples. It's sad when you think about it. "

Why are you so sure? Are you some professor or some shit? 😂 😂
but if you look at that topic this way, it really makes sense because in recent years people's royalty have fallen down soo much...

[goodman101]

@YellowCactus See I'm right hahaha

[YellowCactus]

@goodman101 Also I'm not surprised that most people rather be single than enter a new relationship and be cheated on them again...😂 😂

[FýrdracaDócincel]

I second this a thousand times over.

[Realistic07]

Well it seems that you fell in to a very common situation. You see you didn't get to know the person you where with long enough so you rushed in to something with Alan you weren't really ready for nor really wanted. Messages whether it be threw text or threw email does not constitute getting to know someone which can only be done by spending real time with that person in person. Corting and for that matter dating have there place why do those exist well it's simple so one dosent throw their life away in misery with someone they don't really like. The other reason is so as to avoid cheating when you love the one your with and you both can talk openly and communicate properly with one another then one is never alone the lonelyness comes with the arguing and that comes because the time wasn't taken to get to really know one another and decide if the relationship was a good fit which is what happens with proper dating and in taking the proper amount of time. So you argue you feel alone and sad then someone comes around that is new and makes you feel like you can talk openly but your still in your relationship and are unsure of what to do so you fall in to the same old issue. You don't take the time you need to get to know Greg and don't properly take the time to break it off with Alan and deal with the issues of divorce before entering in to something new. Now ultimately your stuck in the same problem with Greg that you were with Alan sure your arguments may be different but it's still in the end the same problem and the only change is that now you feel guilty for having been in the situation and blame yourself for everything and everyone's issues. So the question now becomes what to do? Which is simple you don't like your situation then leave it break it of with Greg except that Alan isn't with you anymore and take the time you should have before to work on your own life after the break up then when you're ready to date take the time you need to too really get to know the guy and give yourself and what ever relationship you have a max of four years which in that time is dating in the first year, typically moving in with one another in the second year, living together and growing together in the third year, and then on the forth year marriage if all that went well which typically when one really takes the proper time to let things grow and develop properly it normally dose.

[Realistic07]

Your current situation is one of the most common and is most commonly attributed to divorce. You'll be fine don't rush thing break up with your current man because clearly you're unhappy and you really don't need to be. You don't need to live in misery and you don't need to hold on to guilt about a mistake you made years ago because that's not helping you nor the relationship face your shit strait up accept that your situation is crap and deal with your problems and learn from your mistakes. The only one keeping you in a crappy situation is you and you don't have to live that way if you don't want to. Now it is going to be difficult that's no lie, but it's also true that with time and effort it will get easier and that anything doing is hard but one should not live in misery when one has no need to and has every means to not live that way. Well that my two cents in it I wish you luck in life and with what ever you decide. Good luck dear.

[redeyemindtricks]

This story sounds fake as fuck, in several highly conspicuous ways... but, let's just give the benefit of the doubt, and assume it's all the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

In that case...
Woman, you're the kind of woman who gives ALL women a bad name.
YOU.
Are the type who fucks it up for ALL of us.

Do you have ANY agency?
Do you have ANY control over yr own life and relationships?
Have you ever OWNED a single decision or action of yours, in yr ENTIRE LIFE?

I mean...

"I wasn't attracted to this guy... but I magically ended up on dates with him... and after the wind started blowing a certain way, we were magically engaged!"

"I... like... I totes dunno what's gna happen with *this* relationship, either"

Ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu woman.

How many times IN YR ENTIRE LIFE have you said the word NO?

Do you even pick out yr own clothes?

Ughhhh

The good thing is, at least you probably spend most of yr life in the background, not being noticed. That way girls like my daughter will actually SEE stronger, more dynamic women WHO CAN ACTUALLY MAKE THEIR OWN DAMN DECISIONS, and emulate them instead.

[GoldMeddle]

Try as I might, I really don't understand cheating. If you want to cheat on someone just break up with that person and then you won't be cheating. It is an entirely selfish act.

I remember reading that Trey Parker, creator of South Park, had a fiancee who cheated on him (not his current wife- this was a long time ago.) He named Cartman's mother after her. I thought that was awesome.

Whether a man cheats or a woman cheats or the main is straight or gay or the woman is straight or gay- doesn't matter. It would be hard to trust someone again after going through that. And it sounds more or less like you just gave into your desires.

And then there's the question of why you are writing this? Are you writing this because you want to confess. Unlikely, seeing how you chose to do it anonymously. Are you writing this because you want forgiveness and don't want to have to deal with the guilt you feel? That seems likelier. In that case, writing this is helping you. But it doesn't matter who here forgives you. If the person you cheated on doesn't, you aren't forgiven. You can't seek forgiveness from outside sources.

I'm not going to call you names but I do not forgive you. And it's not up to me or anybody else to forgive you.

[hellionthesage]

I don't understand this. This situation could have been easily avoided, I mean incredibly easily avoided yet you persisted for a long time knowing what the inevitable conclusion was going to be? I feel no sympathy I do not feel pity just disgust at what you did. What you stated did not clarify anything, you feel bad, okay good for you? What does that even mean? I mean really its something you chose to do you chose to destroy some ones life and sense of self and it wasn't spur of the moment even (which is still unforgivable) but rather a slow buildup one that you knew was coming you knew it yet you let it happen? I have no idea what some one is suppose to take from all of this because it essentially reads "I destroyed a person but its okay because I feel real bad about it" which of course is absurd, feeling bad about something doesn't negate the consequences of it. Your clearly a terrible person not only because you destroyed this guy, but you didn't feel bad enough to cut contact with the other guy, you just kept doing what you where doing. That's not a sign of change that's a sign of being self absorbed and not caring about others.

[Fathoms77]

Can we not be too hard on this author, please?

We all make mistakes. Many people never admit to them, and many more aren't brave enough to share those confessions with the general public. Yes, bad decision made... and she acknowledges it and wrote about it. That's not a crime, regardless of your opinion as to why it was written. :)

[FallOutBoy2001]

Agreed

[Sex-Kitten]

I do feel so sorry fir Alan. When your feelings aren't reciprocated it is the worst and most painful feeling. But what can you do? You can't help how you feel. Perhaps your mistake was in stringing him along at all. You shouldn't have led him on for so long. As for Greg... Look, you can't help how you feel. You might be in love today and the next you could realise what an asshole someone is. My advice is this: don't make the same mistake twice. If the feelings for Greg just aren't there, or if the good moments aren't worth the fights, let him go, don't string him along. But if you feel you really care about this guy and can't stand to lose him, fight for what you have. Good things are worth fighting for.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@Fathoms77 Lmao nope we can be free to say what we want constructively, be that negatively or positive on the author.
This is a recognized problem so good on you. But perhaps in your case it would be better if you reflected on the propriety of your actions rather than string a perfectly good man along. The fact that you are still involved with Greg and still talking to alan means you still do not grasp the situation entirely and are, in the end, only doing things for yourself.
If you had cared about alan, you would have both cut off greg, cut off alan and focused on your work considering how shaken up you make it appear on your my_take I argue it is the exact opposite.

[Fathoms77]

Never said people couldn't be constructive. I advised people to not simply jump in and scream "slut," which is hardly constructive.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@Fathoms77 If they didn't understand that before this question then that's on them and their opinions will be removed.

[Imbisexual19]

I mean you shouldn't have been with Alan at all, it seems like you never really liked him. But Greg you really like. I've been cheated on and I know how bad it hurts. But I also understand everyone makes mistakes. I would be hurt if my husband did this, but I'm going to look at this from your side not Alan's. I can understand. Alan wasn't handsome and you felt little emotional attraction to him. Greg was handsome and you felt an emotional attraction to him. When you're with Alan who is a 4 on a scale of 1-10 and you're around Greg a lot who is a 7 on that same scale, it's easy to do things like you did. I think I'd be more upset with you if you felt an emotional and physical attraction to Alan like you do to Greg. Have you told Alan to stop pursuing you?

[vonasaurus]

first of all, let's make one thing absolutely clear: i do not feel any sympathy for you.

you got exactly what you deserved, and i hope that you have truly learned from your mistakes. if you really are sorry for what you've done, and have made a genuine effort to ensure that this does not happen again, then you deserve a second chance just as much as anyone else.

[myTake Owner]

I am not on here looking for sympathy. I take responsibility for my actions. I am sharing a story, and my perspective is one of regret.

[gbjackalope]

It's weird reading this because my name is Greg too.
I'm actually surprised that you stayed together with Greg. He made the first move and on his best friend's girl too. It sounds like he initiated the cheating which who is to say that he won't do it again. If I was you, I would just leave both of them and move on to a completely different social group to avoid any of that previous drama.

[TheDevilInside]

And your point of writing this take is? You want US to understand you, to empathize? Lol i didn't even read it because it seems like it would be like reading a soap opera. Which is more boring than watching it. Good if you feel Bad about cheating. I still don't know what you want to achieve by writing this take.

[BoobMan]

This doesn't sound TOO bad to be honest. I mean, you'd basically broken up with Alan since you were returning his ring when you kissed Greg. And at least form what you said it doesn't sounds like you started having sex with Greg right away.

The one question I do have is, how did you end up engaged to Alan after only a month if you weren't even attracted to him? When did you start having sex with him?

[myTake Owner]

I hadn't slept with either. I lost my virginity to Greg 2 months into us being official. And honestly I was rebounding... my parents loved Alan and i was trying my best to make them happy... and I know Alan would have been good for me.

[BoobMan]

Yikes! So you got engaged to Alan without ever having had sex? Did you do ANYTHING sexual with him? Or was Greg your first everything (full sex, oral, hand jobs, etc.)? Are you still together with Greg?

[myTake Owner]

I am still together with Greg. Alan and I fooled around, but never went all the way. Greg was my first full sex experience.

[BoobMan]

Okay, I guess that makes a bit more sense then. I was just trying to get my head around how insane it would be for a guy to ask you to marry him when you hadn't even seen each other naked and had an orgasm together. lol! I guess it's still kind of insane he asked you after SUCH a short time.

Don't feel too bad, it doesn't really sound like you two would've been good together. He comes off as a bit desperate and try-hard, and you weren't physically attracted to him. Seems as though you have a much better chemistry with Greg. In the long run Alan can be better off if he learns the (important!) lessons of this experience.

So how would you say things with Greg are now?

[myTake Owner]

Honestly, we fight a lot. Unfortunately he is very emotional immature, and quite lazy. I chose a boy over a man (although that man was very much emotionally all over the place). We shall see what happens.

[BoobMan]

Well, Greg may be a bad long term choice too, but I don't think Alan is/was the answer. Maybe you should look elsewhere. It sounds like this was your first real relationship anyway, so no huge loss. Learn the lessons and move on. You don't live with him, do you?

[myTake Owner]

We have been living together for 2 years. :(

[BoobMan]

Oh wow! Hey, I'd love to discuss this further (so many questions!). You can add me and we can do it via messages.

[Bluemax]

"Only time will tell what will become of this mess."

I would advise breaking it off with both of them. Neither is a good match for you. You aren't attracted to Alan, and Greg fights with you.

In future, it would be wise to date someone you actually find physically and emotionally attractive.

[RachelBrigs]

I think everyone involved in this story is kind of silly..

[Library]

I understand this is because of the dual mating strategy but it's okay I forgive your actions. A lot of people on here will attack you for this. Be prepared for the triggered people.

[Relentless_Hippie]

You shouldn't have dated Alan to begin with, but truthfully you writing this take sounds more like an apology to yourself than a take trying to give the perspective on anything. It's more like you're venting.

[posted]

Well may all your relationships be as fucked as this one.

[10dsw]

This story proves the whole "Don't be a gentleman, it will get you no where" so well I almost think it was secretly written by a guy lol

[true_love_lover18]

It's hard. Love is complicated, with many twists and turns. I can see you truly regret your actions, and for that, I have no. I wish you good luck

[true_love_lover18]

*And for that, I have no hard feelings against you, I sympathize with you*

Once again, good luck

[Rawrzz]

"I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both."
Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life