I'm The Girl Your Boyfriend Cheated With!

[Anonymous]

First off let me start by saying this isn't something I'm proud of. I used to pride myself on not being that girl. I can't stand the thought of being the cause of someone else's pain. I have flat out rejected guys who have tried to cheat with me in the past. But, one drunken night changed that all. I had just started a new job and had been flirting with this really hot coworker for weeks. Only to find out at the Christmas party the he had a girlfriend, one the he apparently routinely cheats on. I was dejected, but as the alcohol kept pouring and he kept flirting the idea of his girlfriend started to drift farther and farther away. She was no longer a person, she was an idea. And to be honest she barely occupied my mind.

It wasn't until the next day that I had even realized what I had done. I went over and over it again and again in my mind trying to figure out how I had been so stupid. I looked for anywhere to place the blame but myself. He had invited himself back to my place, he had put his hand on my thigh and he had been the one to initiate every single thing the we did. He has his own share of the blame, but that doesn't absolve me of mine. I didn't go into this blind. I could have put a stop to it and I didn't. I have to live with that. What is the point of this you say? The point is to make you all realize that you are just as capable of doing what I did. The human brain is very capable of finding excuses, finding loopholes. But, in the end it isn't worth it. He wasn't worth it, my sense of self wasn't worth it. Stick to your guns.

[keepswimming_96]

I think the point of the matter is not to put yourself in that position (drinking too much) to follow through with an excuse. No excuse would make me stay with my boyfriend if he got too drunk or whatever and hooked up with another girl.

[myTake Owner]

Which was exactly my point. It didn’t matter what his excuses were or even mine for that matter. I made a choice in that moment, one that I’m entirely responsible for. Lesson learned for me is not to put myself in that situation because my morals aren’t enough to hold myself back.

[ChrisTruthseeker]

That's a good lesson for everyone.
Not to put themselves in that situation because morals will not be enough to hold you back.
I got involved with a married woman who I didn't really know was married at first.
I felt the same way.
I was shocked at how weak I became to the whole situation.
I never thought I could let that happen, but I fell in love with her.
It can happen easier than people think.

[myTake Owner]

@ChrisTruthseeker Way easier than people think. Until this happened I was one of the people who thought I could never do that. The truth is we could all do it given the right situations and the right circumstances. We all need to be vigilant in those situations.

[ChrisTruthseeker]

I totally agree.

[Anon-ymous1]

"my sense of self wasn't worth it." What does this mean.
Also, The Term "Cheating" Is Erroneous and Foolish, and No One Should Use It ↗

[myTake Owner]

It means I felt horrible about myself after it happened. The guilt I felt wasn't worth it. I've given the post a read through, but I don't agree. I think relationships do have an agreed upon set of boundaries. Do these boundaries look the same for everyone, no. Mutually agreed upon poly relationships are great. But if you are in a relationship where fidelity is expected you have a duty to maintain that, leave the relationship, or renegotiate the boundaries.

[Anon-ymous1]

The point of the post is that the boundaries are very, very seldom actually defined in the first place. No one talks on a first or second or even third date about this kind of stuff-- the other party would run away screaming, just like they would if you brought up marriage or something. And what happens when peoples' tastes change over time, as often happens? It's not the sort of thing that's easy or even possible to bring up to the other party.

[Anon-ymous1]

And unfortunately the boundaries are always assumed to be sexual monogamy forever and ever, if no one says anything otherwise, and they barely ever do due to fear of being negatively judged and then broken up with. So instead people, usually guys, just stew unhappily.

[myTake Owner]

I feel like we live in two very different cultures. Ever since I've started having sex, fidelity hasn't been assumed until it's been discussed. Both my last boyfriend and I were seeing other people when we first started dating until we decided to make a commitment. That's pretty normal where I'm from. And fear of being broken up with is a poor excuse. Your partner doesn't have to agree to a non-monogamous relationship if they don't want to. It doesn't make either one of you better then the other it just means you may not be right for each other.

[Anon-ymous1]

It's not about being better than anyone, you're right. I dunno why you're bringing that up. And no we likely don't live in different cultures. It's not fear of being broken up with-- it's fear that you'll never even find anyone to be with you who you like, in the first place, at all. That's a very reasonable fear. The point of the post is that sexual monogamy shouldn't be what's naturally assumed. It should be the opposite that's naturally assumed. Sexual monogamy isn't normal. It leads to a lot of people getting really bored and unhappy over time.

[myTake Owner]

You are reading more into the "it doesn't make anyone better than the other" statement. I just mean there is more then one way to do a relationship. You act like the polyamory community hasn't been having these conversations for decades. I know people who practice poly and the absolutely do have conversations about polyamory as soon as the first date and continue having that conversation throughout the relationship. They do just as fine. Poly is a growing community, but you won't find it if you don't suck it up and have the awkward conversations.

[Anon-ymous1]

Yeah but what I'm saying is there shouldn't be a "poly community." Even saying that is putting it aside as an *other. It's simply normal sexuality.

[myTake Owner]

I think it's a normal type of sexuality. I don't think it's the only one, but anyway you can save yourself a lot of trouble by having those conversations early. If someone reacts poorly they clearly aren't the right person for you anyway wouldn't you rather know that early on?

[Anon-ymous1]

Not really, because they may be perfect for you in every other regard. No one has conversations like that early on, as I've said.

[myTake Owner]

Yes they are. Nobody is going to be perfect but there are things that you can't compromise on. And yes many people do have these conversations early on. I've had conversations like this early on. It is only as big of a deal as your making it. Embrace the awkwardness and find like minded people. This isn't the 1800s there are tons of women open to poly relationships but you are never going to find them if you don't talk about it.

[Anon-ymous1]

Again, you're making it sound really simple and easy when it's not. The point of the post is simply that more people should be open-minded. It shouldn't be a niche thing.

[Anon-ymous1]

Thanks for MHO

[watercolor_lions]

I admire your candidness. I learned this the hard way as well. That is why I always put up healthy boundaries for myself.

Cheating was one of the best things for me... It taught me how to be a better person, by humbling me and showing me, bad people aren't the only ones who do it. Sometimes it's just careless people, too.

[bhavy24]

There is no point in regretting it now whatever has been done is done just take a lesson from it to be careful wen you drink too much or choose your company wisely wen decide on getting drunk heavily, all mistake wasn't yours but nothing can be reversed now just move on widout thinking much about it

[FreshOutaIdeas]

Forget prostitutes and escorts...

It's women (like OP) and her bosses/colleagues who are the real whores of society...

[ChgzDaniel]

It sounds like you where raped and you are not to blame even a little bit.

[myTake Owner]

In retrospect the phrase as the drinks kept flowing may have made it sound like that, but that is definatley not what happened. I was never at a point where my ability to consent was in question. If it had been I would not have been able to analyze the situation like I had. I thought I should say no, I just didn't. But thank you for the concern.

[NerdInDenial]

It’s a good lessons learned here. We all make mistakes. Since you ended it, you’re not as bad as others

[Anonymous]

Because you are taking ownership of your share of what happened, I have much more respect for you than the thousands of other women who would have called this exact situation "rape".

[thothahuramazda]

I am the guy who did your mom is such a hard sentence to start with.

[myTake Owner]

Go for it. Provocative titles gain more readers.

[Anonymous]

the fact that he still has a job, is beyond me

NEVER SHIT WHERE YOU EAT

[Marinepilot]

At least you're honest.

[CocoDana]

You should tell her.

[LegateLanius]

Disgusting.

[myTake Owner]

Oh don't worry no one is more disgusted at my actions than myself. The point of the post is to make people aware of how easy it is to "rationalize" yourself around even the strongest of morals especially when alcohol is involved.