The Term "Cheating" Is Erroneous and Foolish, and No One Should Use It

I expect to get some peoples' feathers in a ruffle with this one, sadly; can't be helped. It is what it is.

The term "cheating" is erroneous and stupid, and no one should use it.

Some of you may have noticed that I make ^ that comment at seemingly every available opportunity on this site whenever I see a post about "cheating/cheat/cheated." Why? What's it supposed to mean? Girl has sex with guy who isn't her boyfriend/husband/significant other, that's cheating, right? Guy has sex with girl that isn't his girlfriend/wife/significant other, that's cheating, right?

(sorry that's a big bigger and more imposing than I wanted it to be but oh well)

Why no? Well, it's complicated, as are many things in life. The easy answer is that life, relationships, sexual desires, physical attraction, are not normally black & white-- they're generally rather grey. To use the term "cheat" implies that there are, well... rules. If you cheat on a test, it is to get you an advantage (getting a higher/passing grade) that you wouldn't have otherwise gained without looking at someone else's paper when the teacher's back is turned. If you cheat at the board game Monopoly, it is to get an advantage in either money or property that you could not reasonably have gotten had you followed the rules and not moved ahead three spaces when the other players weren't looking. Because if you could have gotten it by following the rules, in either of those instances, why would you do it at all? Why circumvent the rules?

The Term

What am I getting at? Well, simply put: Romance does not have any rules (we're not talking about criminal elements here like domestic violence or sexual assault; this topic is only about non-violent and consensual stuff). Romance, sex, physical attraction, etc. are constantly being fretted over and over-analyzed by people both male and female every day, a million times a minute. There is no interpretation of the rules of Chess or Risk or Stratego-- they're written there on the page in the game box and either you follow them or you don't, and if you don't follow them but the other players do, that's cheating. To imply that relationships have rules is to imply that there is some overlord to it all, some mastermind that says what gets to fly and what does not, and that's crap. "Well aren't some rules inherent and unspoken?" you may ask. And I would argue that... well, no, not really. Respect your partner(s), love them, and don't physically hurt each other, and try not to emotionally hurt them either. That's about it. But that last one comes with a caveat...

Notice, hopefully-- I said "try not to hurt each other emotionally." No one wants to feel pain, not really, outside of controlled kinks or whatever like spanking or BDSM. I sure don't, and most other people don't either, right? Physical or otherwise? Well what if some inherent desire of yours, even one that's actually quite normal, would be something that would emotionally hurt your partner, and you know it? Such as the very, very normal desire due to evolutionary biology -- especially for most guys-- to want to have sex with several people at once, like a threesome? Or to have multiple partners? Should you force yourself to shield those desires, tamp them down beneath all the layers of being a "normal" day-to-day everyperson in order to please everyone but yourself? Your partner especially? Well... no. You shouldn't. And you shouldn't because you will simply end up winding down a path of frustration that you are not getting what you want out of life. We all only have one life to live.

How does this relate to "cheating?" Simply that people "cheat" due to being unhappy with something. They are not satisfied in their relationship. They aren't satisfied with just one person. They aren't satisfied with the sex. They aren't satisfied with the attention or affection they're getting, and so seek it elsewhere. It is

*NORMAL*

The Term

for people to want to have sex with other people, and not just one. Especially guys to want to have sex with other girls, because that's what having dicks and lots of testosterone have designed us for. If this was a Take about why girls want to reproduce so badly and get baby fever and want to settle down due to their evolutionary biology, most people wouldn't bat an eye. But as guys, wanting lots of girls is seen as "immature" or trifling nonsense, when it's not.

Here's the part where most of you who are already annoyed by the title and have only gotten more progressively annoyed as you read-- since people these days aren't used to actually reading things that challenge them and that they don't already agree with-- are saying "Cool man, have sex with whoever you want and however many you want, as long as you're HONEST AND UP FRONT ABOUT IT." And, sure, that makes sense... at least, before you scrutinize it. Telling a girl that you like (or guy for that matter) on your first meeting that you think the mindset that strict monogamy is *supposed to be* the default for the human race (despite all the evidence to the contrary) is actually weak bullshit, and that people should be freer with being able to have sex with other people, well... no one is going to give you the time of day. She, your date, will be like "Oh cool this guy's a pig or a 'player'" or whatever else.

But think about it: Do girls who want to get married or who want a serious relationship (which is almost all of them) tell the dude on THE FIRST DATE as they casually grace the blueberry sorbet that, by the way, they want a ring within a year? Or else, there's no point in us going out on a second date? Uh, no. They don't. Because that is a surefire way to get the guy to fucking RUN AWAY AS FAST AS HE CAN. Why do you think that is? And why, in that instance, is *female* silence--holding her cards, so to speak-- on an important romantic/sexual matter something that isn't a big deal, but *male* silence on a different but similar matter is seen as shitty? We really believe that people are supposed to talk about their deepest sexual desires on a first or second date? How incredibly unrealistic and naive is that ideology? I guess it's possible, I mean it probably has happened, maybe, at some point, with some people, but it's incredibly rare and not something most people are going to do. People naturally hide some of their cards; they hide some of their desires out of fear of unnerving the other party.

The Term

Takeaway

What is the takeaway from this? Well simply that monogamy doesn't have to be the default, but since people *think it does,* that leads people up front to not be altogether honest with each others' innermost deep desires. "WELL THAT'S DUMB STILL BE HONEST OR YOU SUCK OMGWTFBBQ KLAHDHS &(Q^(T!!!1!" is what some peoples' reactions online seem to be, and that's all very well and dumb, but if they're honest with themselves about all the times they haven't been honest at every single juncture in life, since total honesty at all times 100% by everyone about everything is not possible or sustainable, they'll realize that they're being silly. An inherent desire for monogamy to not be the default is what leads some guys and gals to have sex with people who are not their significant other. Or, "it's complicated."

"But @Anon-ymous1, are you actually arguing for alleged dishonesty?" Nooo, I'm not arguing for dishonesty; people should be able to be honest with each other about what they want. But that's just the issue: People often can't be honest about what they want with their partner because the vast majority Bell Curve of partners wants to sexually own their other partner like property, which is unhealthy unless it's something both people are into, like a kink or something. But despite being unhealthy (cough, jealousy, cough), people do it in spades, because people often are not logical about romantic matters.

Semantics; why does this matter?

Is this all just semantics then? Yes and no. Would a better term for "cheat," since there are no rules, be instead "Having sex with someone who isn't your significant other?" Well... actually yeah that would a lot better. So, say that instead. WHY DOES THIS MATTER, you may ask? Because over time, without the unnecessary stigma associated with the word "cheating," hopefully we will end up closer to a world in which people are more freely able to flirt and be fun and open with and have sex with more than one person, and have more open sexual discussions with their partners-- sexual dissatisfaction is a large component in breakups and even divorce according to some studies I've read, and though there are other factors present as well usually, why not eliminate that one as best as we can?

If you disagree and actually have substantive reasons for doing so, please leave comments below. Thanks for reading.

The Term "Cheating" Is Erroneous and Foolish, and No One Should Use It
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Psycho21924

    Nice take

    Is this still revelant?
    • jacquesvol

      On gag I've seen people using the word 'cheating' about liking photos on Facebook...

Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

2544
  • Goodwifie

    A really small part of me feels sorry for you.
    And now it's gone.

    • A small part of me wishes you were intellectually capable of making a solid comment.

      And now it's gone.

    • Goodwifie

      Okay genius.
      Say you're getting it on with your side chick while your partner at home totally oblivious of the cheating. The condom breaks, what do you do?
      Do you take the word of the side chick when she tells you that she is taking the pill?
      Do you demand that she takes the morning after pill?
      What about STDs and STIs do you then turn around and have unprotected sex with your partner because she is taking the pill and you don't need to use a condom?
      Condoms aren't 100% affective against all sexually transmitted diseases and infections.

    • ManaX

      @Goodwifie don't bother arguing with him. He states his unpopular opinions like they should be new laws.

    • Show All
  • Angelina25

    Your logic makes no sense to me.
    How can you even justify Cheating?

    • Unit1

      Yeah, don't worry. We humans don't and will not understand certain things in this world. This being one of them.

  • OlderAndWiser

    SSDD.

    • Goodwifie

      Can you please elaborate 😂

    • @Goodwifie Absolutely: "Same shit, different day!"

    • Goodwifie

      OK cool thanks 👍

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  • Zefram

    First off, like myself I guarantee you 90% of people posting here aren't even reading the fucking article, the title in itself is enough to trigger.

    Second... fuck it. I could state why it's all wrong, but what would be the point? It'd just be more wasted typing. I'll just leave you with your article dude.

    • Mkay, thanks. So, you sound like an idiot then, if you didn't actually read it. If you DID read it and actually have something to say, then say it.

  • Mi2mi2a

    Abuse also doesn't exist as a word by your logic. LOL. We have desires in us to be violent especially men with high testosterone. You want me to go on with the same type of your logic? lol

    Puh-lease, looks like someone is a cheater and looks for excuses to ease his guilt.

    • The term "cheating" is erroneous and stupid and no one should use it. You're not even talking about what the point of the post is. Try again.

      You're also bringing up violence as an example of... something? even though this isn't a post about violence. Try again with that too.

    • Mi2mi2a

      I'm using the same logic you use to justify abuse. Or what? cheating can only be justified and abuse not your same logic?

    • ... Are violence and non-violence equal? They're the same thing?

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  • Jon_25

    I, uum... Well hang on a second.

    I am gonna try and have a few substantial reasons for disagreeing with you. Let me list them:

    1: There ARE rules (in a relationship)
    A relationship is historically based on the very principle that you are to have relations with that person, and just that person. Otherwise, it's called (in today's society) a "fuck buddy," or "friend with benefits." There is not usually any real, substantial relationship between two people who just have sex with each other with no strings attached. The whole point of a relationship is to, well, have a relationship. That means you both put in the effort to spend your time, energy, and love on THEM, not just anyone. Being in a relationship means you are both saying you want to make the other person special to you by choosing to treat them differently and with privilege compared to others. You are making them your partner in everything-- exclusively.

    (If they are both fine with open sex there's nothing wrong about it, and no that isn't "cheating," but I don't really think it's much of a relationship either. If it's open to anyone at any time, then it's no longer special, because you have the same "relationship" with everyone).

    2: If you are not happy, why not just work it out or leave?
    So you said people don't want to hurt their partner, right? Well if you know that having sex with someone else is going to hurt them, then why not just try to work out with them how to fix why you feel the need to have sex with someone else? If you don't want to fix it, then chances are you should probably leave. You obviously don't care about this person as much as you care about your own sexual desires and satisfying them as fast as possible, so leave. Go satisfy your lust. But for goodness sakes, don't drag someone else into it who will be hurt by your selfish actions!

    3: I am weird, or you are wrong.
    If you are right that monogamousness is not normal, then I am definitely not normal. I don't think you are right about this, because the very fact that a man wants to be in a relationship with a girl means he wants to have something special with her (usually). As I said in reason 1, it's impossible to have anything special if you want to have it with lots of people. That cancels out the special, and leaves you with a bunch of ships, without any real relations to any of them. I think most guys do want to have someone they know is theirs, who they can find sexual satisfaction in, and relate to in a special way.

    • Goodwifie

      Thank you.
      I think it's special to only share love on a highly intimate level with one person, this to me defines what a couple is.

    • Jon_25

      @Goodwifie Exactly, yes.

    • Sure there's a lot of merit in what you're saying but in its underlying assumption is your desire, and your partner's to own each other sexually like property, as I said. And that isn't healthy. Come back to me after thirty years of marriage and tell me that that mindset is a good one.

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  • Pineapple_Boy

    "... Especially guys to want to have sex with other girls, because that's what having dicks and lots of testosterone have designed us for."

    How can anyone take this seriously when you believe such nonsense?

    • ... Are you a guy? Apparently not.

      Perhaps I should have included a bit that said "the vast majority" in order to appease sensibilities like yours, but I didn't think it was necessary-- I thought it was implied.

    • Yes I'm a guy.

      The vast majority feels that way? Bro you are delusional.

    • Okay man. Good luck out there. Come back to me once you've learned a thing or two.

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  • Trisha13

    This is a huge disservice to amazing, mature and thoughtful MEN who truly are faithful and love their significant others. That's right. They LOVE them. Meaning they would never hurt them. Which is what cheating does. And those guys are out there. Obviously you are not one them. But I think you're just bored and bitter, no? 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • You didn't read it all, apparently. Try again.

  • This strikes me as a very entitled, narcissistic view of what a relationship ought to be about.

    There's sacrifice involved, too, and apparently you think that's wrong.

    • Sure, and why are you sacrificing your desires? What exactly do you get out of that? Other than being jaded and unhappy?

  • EmiliaB

    It IS normal for people to want to have sex wth other people, you're right.

    The option is there not to get into a relationship. If sleeping around is what you want, go for it... but stay single. Chances are, you aren't mature enough for a relationship anyway.

    • And that's nice and all but the point I've made above is that people naturally don't think it's possible to do ^ what you're suggesting-- it's "oh we've had sex, now you're my boyfriend." It's inherent socially-trained monogamy, which is irrational and isn't helping anyone. People's assumptions about the way things are "supposed to be" mean that no one talks about this, out of fear of what the other person might say.

  • Juxtapose

    If you fuck other people without telling your partner when you know it will hurt them then you are a terrible person.

    You can find people who are into open relationships if you're not lazy.

    • I don't think you've ever met an actually "terrible" person in your life, or you wouldn't use that term so fluidly.

    • Juxtapose

      I have actually. I have looked into the eyes of people who have killed.. and into the eyes of a parent who let their own daughter get tortured and raped and even participated in the torture. I have looked into the eyes of a cousin who raped several of his own cousins.

      You are not comparable to those people but you display a lack of empathy to the point where I would consider you a possible sociopath.

    • Hahaha lol okay man. Very serious.

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  • Ellie-V

    Wanting to cheat may be normal, but when you are in a committed relationship, you are breaking the rules that were already set in place when that person agreed to be with only that one person. So... the lying cheater is supposed to get a pass because they still have feelings for you? They get a pass because the desire for other people is normal? No they don't. Maybe the were thinking "well cheating is my only option". It's not. Whether your partner can handle the honesty or not, you are still responsible for your actions. There is no good reason to lie about seeing other people. Rip the ban-aid and get it over with, because eventually, cheating is only gonna bite you in the ass later. People tend to be more heartbroken when they find out you covered up your lies instead of just being up front from the beginning. Cheating is selfish no matter how you look at it. The cheater is the only one who wins and gets what they want, until all their shit comes to light. Now, a fresh new dating thing, that's a completely different story, so i'm just talking about an agreed committed relationship between two people.

    • The term "cheating" is erroneous and stupid and no one should use it.

      How would you propose someone "rip off the Band-Aid?"

    • Ellie-V

      The person should tell their partner that they are sexually and/or emotionally attracted to other people and that they want to step out on the relationship and that it's probably going to happen sooner or later because of whatever reasons they have.

    • When should that happen to best serve both parties?

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  • Celtero

    Why having sex with a lot of people so important to some... That I'll never know. Free love is just unbridled lust only suitable for people who can't control themselves.

    • Control? If "control" was actually important to you, you wouldn't seek out sex with anyone. Sex is not a logical thing, in and of itself; it has the ability to ruin your life. Why seek that out? If we're only being logical about it? But if you *do* want to seek it out, as most people do, then it's fine to logically acknowledge that people want more than one person.

      You don't just yet? That's fine. You will.

  • FinalVow

    You know this was so dumb I will just give you the dictionary definition of cheating to prove that your entire post is wrong in less than 15 seconds. Cheat: Verb: act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination. Informal definition: be sexually unfaithful. alright point proven bye enjoy your "cheating is erroneous and foolish and blah blah blah blah blah" view

  • I just read the title, so I already know its a stupid article. Didn't read.

    • You sound like a dumbass, then.

    • Not sure how an idiot became a "guru" on this site, though you're not the only one I've seen, admittedly.

  • Kuraj

    This is the dumbest shit I read on this site in a good while, props to you sir.

    • Kuraj

      I especially liked that part where you said that you don't advocate for being dishonest, just that you advocate for not telling people what you actually think because it might not get you laid as people tend to have a different opinion.

      That's comedy gold right there.

    • Yawn. If you have something interesting to say, then say it. I doubt you did actually read it.

  • torken

    "There are no real rules in a relationship"
    That is categorically untrue. However, a better way to say this is "Rules are different for every relationship and an important early step is defining those rules."

    Infidelity should be defined by the couple and not society. That will allow for people like you to find ladies who agree with your free-love mentality. However, when you try to force your believe on others the same way you feel yours are being forced on you... well you're no better.

    Lastly, the term cheating conjures up the exact scenario that people are trying to describe with the word. No one is confused when someone uses it. Therefore, from a language standpoint, it is not stupid or erroneous to use such a term.

    • Perhaps people should be more detailed in their verbiage.

    • torken

      No, they shouldn't. We have a simple word for a complex idea that the masses understand. More detailed language isn't always better. It is often more confusing.

    • ... You're arguing *for* dumbing things down? Uhm... why?

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  • SarahsSummer

    I can tell you've put a lot of thought into this umm, ... drivel. While the word “cheating” is often misused, (for everything from masturbation to liking someone else’s Facebook post) it’s still much more to the point, accurately represents the act of being sexually unfaithful to a romantic partner and equally as accurate as using your unnecessary wording “having sex with someone who isn’t your significant other” lol. perhaps rather than the word cheater, you’d like another single word that describes the actions you speak of. That word is “selfish”.

    • Anon-ymous1

      "While the word “cheating” is often misused"... correct.

      "equally as accurate as using your unnecessary wording 'having sex with someone who isn’t your significant other'" ... incorrect.

      "That word is 'selfish.'" ... as in, my (or your) desires are less important than my (or your) partner's. Right. Got it. Gotta say that I disagree; I'm naturally going to consider my desires to be pretty important, slightly above my partner's, since they're, you know... mine. Just like she does the same. Everyone does. You want to put *your* partner's desires above your own, then uh, go ahead I guess. You're in the minority.

    • SarahsSummer

      Rather than to continue debating your selfishness, I’ll just step back and feel very sorry for you and your ultimately lonely existence. peace.

    • Anon-ymous1

      Haha thank you. I appreciate your pity. You're great.

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  • hasrett

    Call it however you want. It's still hurting another person and it's a shitty thing to do.

    • If your partner's desires hurt you, it's your partner's fault. Got it.

      What a crummy way of looking at romance and relationships.

    • hasrett

      Yes.

    • hasrett

      One more thing I wanted to add - there's no stigma because of the name, the name is there because there is stigma - and it's there for a reason.

    • Show All
  • MadManInBlueBox

    I agree. There may be no unwritten or unspoken rules, but that's why when I get serious with someone, i make sure we are both on the same page of rules. Are we monogymous? Yes? Okay, rules set, only one person for me. Now, if I get to a point where I am unhappy and can no longer be with that person for whatever reason, I break it off. We agreed to a set of rules, therefore, I would be, in this case cheating or breaking the guidlines.

    • Really, you have a contract you go over with your partner or something? I doubt it.

  • anmari2001

    i agree human relationshios are a complicated thing and nothing, nothing is black and white but cheating is cheating, you might have your reasons but you still have cheated, this doesn't mean you have to be judged but if we dont call it cheating then what, its just a word

    • "i agree human relationships are a complicated thing and nothing, nothing is black and white " Correct.

      "but cheating is cheating" Incorrect. You were doing much better at first.

  • bubble_tea

    Erm.. maybe girls don't say it on the first date that they're looking for a serious relationship, but as time progresses, we will express that desire and it's on you to either agree (and live by the well-known standards of the "normal relationship rules") or express your desire to fuck others.
    If you agree to a serious relationship while omitting your desires and go on to fuck others, you are indeed a dishonest cheater.

    • Mmm... no. Don't you think it's, you know, possible that your partner could still really like you and care about you, while also wanting to have sex with other girls? Which is an incredibly normal thing to desire? Like I covered in the post? Basically, ^ this comment you've made is exactly what I mean: Your partner *can't* be honest with you because he knows you will judge him and resent him for wanting what he wants. But he likes you and doesn't want to lose you, so he stays quiet, and then is just unhappy.

    • Desiring and actually doing it are two different things. It seems like you're proposing the latter without informing your partner. Are you saying you're merely proposing open communication where you can express desires?

    • I'm saying people resort to having sex with other people without informing their partner because *they feel like they have no other way.* They know their partner can't handle honesty, because in most cases, people can't, which is genuinely sad. Heck, look at the vein of many peoples' comments here on this very post, and these are people *who don't even know me or each other,* and these are their reactions to something that ruffles their feathers. How would they react if their partner said this stuff to them? Well... badly. So people are forced to stay quiet, because they *don't* want to hurt their partners' sensitivities. If people could actually *handle the truth* about their partner both loving them but wanting sex with other people, then yeah, absolutely open communication is the whole ideal.

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  • Guanfei

    Sorry dude, you could write a book about it, cheating is still cheating. No matter how much you try to find excuses to make it ok, it will never be.

    • You apparently didn't follow anything I said. Try again.

    • Or didn't actually read it at all.

  • SirenDep

    We have logic to control our desires. When you are in a serious relationship, you focus your desires on the one you love, and don't go after others. If you face problems in the relationship, you discuss them with your partner or you break up. You stay loyal or you don't commit to a serious relationship. You don't have to make a speech to your date why monogamy is not for you. But not make her believe you want a relationship, when you're interested only for sex. That's taking advantage of her, to satisfy your urges, and not ethical.

    • Again, you're acting like there are rules.

    • SirenDep

      Not rules. You willingly commit to another person because you want to. You are being honest about what you want, so as to not take advantage of others.

    • ... That's exactly my point-- due to the entire romantic/relationship zeitgeist that we are all caught up in, *people are not capable of being honest with each other about their desires* due to fear of judgment. So we all stay quiet. The same as why girls stay so quiet for so long about wanting engagement or marriage or a kid.

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  • Tomblebee

    I didn't read.. Mainly because as a single 16 I feel it doesn't concern me. But also there is like debate: how do you call that cheating? It was just a kiss! Yet good old google defines it as 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, and stuff so basically it still counts.. Yeah and it's also a metaphor because no one is actually a really fast feline...

    • So... I have no idea what you're talking about, but perhaps you should read it.

    • Tomblebee

      Cheeters are fast animals. Definition. Possible dialogue.

  • Markasaurous

    Cheating is wrong period. Self pleasure is a terrible pursuit my friend. When people make sex or in other words, "getting more experience and being who they are." a priority, it is no longer about love but about lust.

    • ... You didn't read it, apparently. Try again.

  • Load of millennial relativistic bullshit. If you have an open relationship, then fine, everyone is aware of the situation and details upfront. Your nonsense about respecting your partner's desires is incredibly selfish and one-sided. So your desire to be polyamorous is more important than someone elses desire to be monogamous?

    People like you particularly grate my fucking nerves because you all, nearly 100% of you, claim polyamory is the "natural" way and what humans are inclined to do. I've NEVER had the desire to have sex outside of a relationship. Ever. Literally never. Why do you feel you can speak for everyone else?

    Again, ITS CALLED CHEATING, because you're violating trust and going against an understood limitation. If you want to be poly, find some who is accepting of that lifestyle. Dont sit there and play the fucking victim because society judges you as a cheater.

    • So, your justification for "people don't feel this way despite all the evidence to the contrary" is "I know that because *I* don't feel that way." How... dumb.

      So your desire to be monogamous is more important than someone else's desire to be polyamorous?
      ... See how easy that was?



    • "So your desire to be monogamous is more important than someone else's desire to be polyamorous?" - No, it seemed easy because you suffer from Dunning-Kruger). You flipped my argument around even though it was crystal clear from my response that polyamory is fine so long as both partners in the core relationship are in agreement. Your banter stinks and reeks of shaming the monogamous into accepting cheating, or rather, DROPPING the word 'cheat' because its simply a matter of a persons "desires".

      Lets try to reduce this again. Polyamory is fine as long as everyone is in agreement. If not, its cheating. End of fucking story. You dont have the right to bully or shame anyone into accepting it. If they dont like it then break up with them and go have sex with everyone you know. See how easy that was?

    • " "I know that because *I* don't feel that way."" - Moron, I don't constitute 100% of the human race. You say its how nature operates even though the animal kingdom has a huge variety and mix of monogamy, polygamy, alpha-beta mating structures and homosexuality. There is no single bond that can be called "nature's way". You're just an edgelord SJW whos trying go against the grain push YOUR WAY of doing things.

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  • madhatters4

    i think the problem you have is you are apply YOUR opinion to other people. you make claims that basically everyone wants to have sex with multiple and that is simply not a fact. i am happily married and have zero desire to be with anyone else. i've always been a person who desired a single partner

    approaching relationships is a matter of personal taste for everyone. each person has and is entitled to view relationships and their constructs as they see fit. you may not consider cheating to be an issue or even a reality for you but for others it can be and both positions must be respected

    • Anon-ymous1

      "approaching relationships is a matter of personal taste for everyone." Truth. Except that we all affect each other's perceptions, don't we?

    • madhatters4

      perhaps but if everyone was simply influenced by everyone else there would be no unique feelings. either we'd all have your feeling or all have my feelings or some other feeling right? so while we are influenced by others we still form rather unique opinions and preferences regarding relationships, monogamy, etc

    • Anon-ymous1

      And my point is the feelings that many form surrounding sexual monogamy are emotionally harmful to themselves and others.

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  • NearlyNapping

    Cheating is cheating, that's all there is to it. No need to even read this.

    • Wow. Your IQ is likely below room temperature.

    • Great response mother fucker.

      Cheating is just a word. Everyone knows what it means. It's pretty god damned simple.

  • LegateLanius

    Romance does have rules. We all agree to them when we say we are exclusive. People should discuss what they happen to expect. Everything in life involving humans has conditions. That includes a relationship.
    Make a deal with someone which to me includes all interactions. So, no. Cheating isn't erroneous and foolish because everyone has exceptions of what they happen to want out of a relationship, most of which includes loyalty. If you do anything your partner doesn't like without telling them when you know it will hurt them then you are a terrible person.
    You can find people who are into just about anything if you're not lazy.

    • The point of the piece is to discuss why "cheating" is bad terminology, and why that matters.

    • To me, it's rather a cop out from actually giving people advice to tell them the terminology is stupid.

    • It is stupid, and its stupidity matters in our overall cultural/romantic conversation. That's the point.

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  • TatyanaTheEmpress

    WTF? You wouldn't think that if your girlfriend was cheating on you 🤨

    • Anon-ymous1

      Cool so, did you actually read the post?

    • Yes I did, but not all the people cheat just because they are not happy, and some people cheat even when they are happy, just because they are not loyal to their girlfriend/boyfriend.

    • Anon-ymous1

      I... am not sure I understand you. By "happy" do you mean like, sexually satisfied?

      And people aren't dogs. We don't have to be "loyal" good little pets to only one other person.

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  • IlyaTheImpaler

    Yes, to use the term cheating one needs to refer to a rule... and I thought it's obvious that a rule immediately followed from definition of a regular relationship, is that you shall not engage in sex/romance with someone else. So "cheating" refers to breaking that rule in a regular relationship. It's a simple term with simple meaning.
    Sure you can use "Having sex with someone who isn't your significant other" whenever this term comes up, but if people start doing this for such simple concepts they will fail miserably when they do basic math for example, when there are more complex abstractions involved (e. g. see the idea of compactness lol)

    A rule about "cheating" is (probably) not stated in some legal document, and prior to dating a girl you may ask whether you can sleep with someone else to get a rule in writing (with signatures), in most cases she'd (probably) look at you like you're retarded though.

    So to falsify the concept of cheating you need to redefine the idea of a regular relationship. That's a good starting point, monogamy doesn't have to be default, is the essence of this article and it should be the title.
    There's nothing wrong with the term "cheating" when it applies to the standard definition but not your own. And I daresay the standard definition is useful and effective for most people. Like it is theoretical possible to use square wheels, you just need to rebuild all the roads in the world to suit its movement :))

    • Well I appreciate the thoughtful response at least. More than I received from most people.

  • ZestyWatermelon

    Relationships have rules and those rules are usually set by the couple upon entering the relationship and that rule set evolves over time. So yes they broke the rules. They cheated.
    In addition, "cheating"can also be used in the term that you cheat someone out of something, which means you use deception tactics to take away something that belongs to someone else. Upon entering the relationship, you give your SO certain rights and you have a silent contract with each other. Once you cheat, that contract is broken and you strip that person of their rights, many times deceiving them into believing your contract is still valid, hence deception tactics.
    I feel like cheating is an appropriate use of the word, not to mention language is a societal construct and the word for cheating could be pickling and it would still be a valid word to use because that is what society claims it to be.

    • "a silent contract with each other" is exactly what I'm talking about. Silence is a big, big problem. Thank you for agreeing with me, even though you don't know that you are.

    • You literally missed the whole point of what I said. Im sorry you're so ignorant.

    • ... No, I heard exactly what you said loud and clear. You literally missed anything I said ^ up above in the actual post where I make the point that that very silence you're talking about and that tacit acceptance is sexually damaging, regardless of whether everyone does it or not. Perhaps you didn't actually read it.

  • 1nittol3arn

    Most will say ahead of time if they want a hookup or a relationship.

    Keep hookups with hookups and relationships with relationships.

    That's why the visious cycle never ends. People either refuse to differentiate that or don't want too.

    One thing to remeber is that, what goes around... comes around. Cheers. 😋

  • keenosamz

    yiur pseudo psychology aside I think you have ignored the fact that it does violate some rules.

    • Where are the rules; where's the law; where's it written; show it to me.

    • DianaWest

      Ha ha, i suppose we must all teach our young daughters that selling their bodies is perfectly fine because it is "not written down," following your logic, a few centuries ago, before any laws "were written down" it was okay to poke people's eyes out for stealing bread becuase that was the purpose of retribution and an "eye for an eye."

    • DianaWest

      also, allowing your prospective 5 year old son to watch some filthy channels with you will also be fine, right?

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  • Aki6000

    This no cheating thing is not so much rules as it is taking care of the feelings of your loved one. Like you said there are no rules but if you truly loved someone you would want them to treat you as someone special and one of the only few differences between couples and friends other than kissing and holding hands in a relationship is sex. They don't want to know that one of these few intimate things unique to a relationship is for some reason being shared with another person this making nullifying its uniqueness. Of course it works in reverse as well. 'Cheating' is not really representative of the issue as much as 'being inconsiderate'. However if for whatever reason the other person in the relationship is fine with it then I suppose 'being inconsiderate' doesn't apply anymore.

    • I agree, but the logic of "you desire other girls, which is a really normal desire to have, therefore you don't think I'm special" is a false equivalency.

    • Aki6000

      Perhaps, but my personal opinion is that even though the desire itself is normal to have, one must show some level of self restraint when it comes to acting on said desires if it makes your loved one feel special and happy. That, I believe is one of the differences between single and in a relationship as you must take into consideration the emotional needs of your partner.

    • Cool, uh what about making *yourself* happy?

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  • Iamanintrovert

    Honestly what I'm thinking is you fucked and cheated someone. Here writing this fucking my take to support your self. Or just tell me. Didn't you cheat someone ?

    • I wrote this because the term "cheat" is erroneous and stupid, and no one should use it.

    • That ain't what I asked. You better not replied that.

    • Didn't you hook up with someone?

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  • Real_princes

    Life and relationshipship is not all about Romance, sex, physical attraction it is about commitments and sharing so you started with the wrong premise

    • Humans are animals. We're talking about sex here. Not commitment. And if you were unsatisfied with those first things you ^ just mentioned, you wouldn't be interested in the second thing (commitment) with that person... would you.

    • You were condoning cheating as it is only sex and lust I disagreed as in life you can't separated things as everything is one package... you cheat on me you are out don't care about your sexual desire or any thing else

    • No... love and sex are not the same thing. They are separate.

  • " Because over time, without the unnecessary stigma associated with the word "cheating," hopefully we will end up closer to a world in which people are more freely able to flirt and be fun and open with and have sex with more than one person, and have more open sexual discussions with their partners"

    I hope not, It's a very Marxist view.
    If we ignore the health risks of stds then biology provides incentive to monogamy and polygamy depending on the environment. However if you have kids that environment must be monogamous, otherwise it takes away dependability on either partner.
    However sexual discussions with your partner is okay, it's a private discussion to better sexual experiences.

    • Uh... I have no idea why you're bring up Marxism in a post that has nothing at all to do with politics.

    • It's part of a general idea to kill tradition and the family unit.
      Open sexuality has a limit before it negatively impacts society.

    • Uh... nah man.

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  • DashboardLight

    ''To use the term "cheat" implies that there are, well... rules.''

    There are in relationships, and ''NOT CHEATING'' is one of 'em

    • The term "cheating" is erroneous and stupid, and no one should use it. Which is literally the point of the piece. Read it again.

    • @Anon-ymous1
      Having sexual intercourse with someone else, whatever you like to call it, it's wrong, and YES, IT'S BREAKING A RULE. Not an official rule, but a morale rule. Something of which you should know is wrong to do. I like to simply call it cheating.

      Either you agree or disagree on the fact that cheating is wrong. Either way, this is a ridiculous take.

    • Sorry you feel that way sport.

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  • mordredwinter

    That's why I do polyamory. As long as the girls agree, then it is good.

    • Unless she's not okay with it, and they generally aren't.

  • MysteriousDarkness

    @Anon-ymous1
    Since you do not think a person who is with someone that wants a monogamous relationship but has sex behind their back with someone else who is not their boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, husband/wife is called cheating then what would you call it? Do not say that the word cheating is erroneous and stupid when talking about this.
    You want to claim that there are no rules in a relationship as if anything goes. Seems like you are trying to justify having sex with others without your significant other knowing. What would you do if you got someone else pregnant that you are not with?

    • Anon-ymous1

      The point I'm making is that people shouldn't be assuming that monogamy is the go-to, and that assumption causes people to not be able to talk to each other about their actual desires. The result is that people go behind each others' backs. And I wouldn't get someone else pregnant. That's a moot point.

    • @Anon-ymous1
      What Makes you think you wouldn't get a woman pregnant?

    • Anon-ymous1

      I'm not an idiot and know how to have sex right so that that won't happen.

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  • chrisbigman

    While I do understand and agree with some of what you're saying, I can't in good conscious agree that the term "cheating" should not be used. Unless you have stated and clarified early in the relationship what exactly all constitutes as cheating (whether physical, emotional or otherwise), there's no way for any person to know that they are cheating if they don't know what is/has been defined as cheating in the relationship. That's why it's important to clarify everything early on in the relationship, which a lot of people don't do (probably because they don't want to). Otherwise, what's the point of being together if you don't know the boundaries/lines that you may or may not be crossing?

    • There's a lot of truth to that, but people gradually change over time, as do their sexual tastes; what happens when they want something else? They're still bound to what the originally said even though they don't want it anymore, or just want a slightly altered version of it?

    • Do people really change over time? Perhaps. But not necessarily for the better. What happens when they want something else? The key word there is "want". When it comes to marriage, there's no selfishness anymore - at least between the two people in the marriage. People tend to forget or ignore their wedding vows, and is a large reason why marriages continue to fail to this day. You two are together "to have and to hold, from this day forward, in good times (richer) and in bad (poor), in sickness and in health, until death do us part". You may ask about dating. Dating is when you first get to know someone. You shouldn't really be having sex at that point yet in the relationship.

    • You shouldn't really be having sex at that point in your relationship? Uh... I think millions upon millions of people would disagree with that. People can have sex whenever they want, as long as both parties want it and are ready for it. And yes vows are nice and all that, but so are basic human desires. Passion. Excitement. New sexual desires. It's all poor and bad to say that those things should be magically overruled by two words-- "I do"-- said one day in your life, but that's not exactly realistic. People change sometimes. And that's okay.

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  • CoffeeWC

    I assume you wrote this because you or someone you know has cheated before.

    • I wrote it because the term "cheat" is erroneous and stupid and no one should use it.

    • youtoo

      so who did you cheat on, anon-ymous1? 😂

    • @youtoo Lol no one.

  • watercolor_lions

    Your opinion doesn't exhibit any more grounding than a person's argument that cheating is wrong.

    • ..."Grounding?"

    • Yes. Your opinion doesn't hold any more clout than a person who believes in cheating.

      That is how culture works. It's not a law. It's defined by social norms. So you can't illegitimize anyone else's opinion anymore than they illegitimize yours.

      That means we have to respect other's views.

    • And my view is: cheating is wrong.

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  • John_Doesnt

    I cheated on my right hand with my left. I guess I'm going to hell.

    • Goodwifie

      Well that's just not right at all 😆

  • Aiko_E_Lara

    And what do you call the act if cheating? Are you trying to change the ideology?

    • Anon-ymous1

      Did you read it?

    • Aiko_E_Lara

      Not interested at reading someone's take about changing a meaning of a word

    • Anon-ymous1

      ... Are you an idiot? Then why are you even asking questions about it? Like if I wrote a summary of climate change and how it's real, and you commented with "What are you even talking about here? !!1!!!1?" and I was like "Uh, read it and you'll find out," then you're like "no I don't want to," then how dumb are you?

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  • laughinglad999

    l hate all cheats l have been cheated on 3 times

  • CT_CD

    I agree

  • Casus_Angelus

    👏 👏

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