Don't get me wrong, when I say I'm not over my ex it's not in the stalker crazy way. It just means what he and I had was special and I choose to hold onto it. I truly believe that holding onto the hope that this love could be something special and could prove to come back can be healing.
Let me begin by expressing who I am, and painting you a picture of who he and I were together. I battled a lot of terrible things in the past and was never treated very respectfully anyone who has read through my questions can get a peek into what I've been through. That didn't matter when I met him though, suddenly I was put into a world where the door was held for me, I was validated not just for my looks or what I had to offer but on my personality and goals, most importantly dates weren't something that demanded to be reciprocated with sexual acts. I was finally being treated as I wish every person could experience. Our love was something that shocked us both it hit us and we were inseparable, a side from the gaping distance that our scholarly endevors demanded. When it came time for the demise of our relationship it was done with care and love. I truly see where he came from and how he was only looking for both of our best interests.
What does all this have to do with me healing? Well I'm a firm believer in the extraordinary way of life working out. You see my life though I've hit some road bumps that seemed more like unforgiving walls, there always seemed to be a way through and something great waiting once I forced on. No matter how outrageous or unbelievable, or tragic the things that happened to me seemed, things always worked out. I'm also a hopeless romantic and since day one I've dreamed of loves that would fight all the odds, yes that has put me through some hellish things and I've stayed in some situations way too long. The way I see it though is if I could stay and be loyal to men who walked all over me, why should I walk away and give up on a man who is patient, and kind and loving, his only set back was he needed more time for himself and honestly I think I did too. So if keeping that part of my heart reserved with the hope that we will find our way back to each other keeps me from turning back to the past I had before him then why be ashamed. You see I can love myself better by being proud of not giving up, does this mean I'm focusing my energy to getting him back? No it means that I'm going to continue to work on myself with my heart tucked safely away waiting for his gentle hands to pull it out of hiding.
If that day never comes you may ask? Well at least I will know what I am looking for. Let me tell you, you would have to be something really special to fill the space he left behind.
I will never make apologies for holding onto hope, and I will never be ashamed for not giving up on something people spend forever looking for. Everyone has their way of healing and learning to love myself and using the positives from my past relationship is how I heal and for that I can not be ashamed.