So you got dumped and now you are asking questions that only the person that walked out on you can answer. You are determined that you don’t want to feel this way from now on, so you take it upon yourself to do whatever it takes to get your ex back, right? This seems like the only fix that could fill this void. Wrong. What people are refusing to come to terms with during a break up is how to deal with it. Someone left and now you are alone. Well, you were alone when you first met them? They were attracted to you at some point so why wouldn’t they want you now, is what you are asking. Truth be told, people stop growing up together and forget why they started dating each other in the first place. I may not be an expert on how to keep someone around but I can say that I have been very successful at keep those I don’t want around, away.
How do we know when to move on?
We don’t we just do it. I have read many, many stories on this site about breaking up and how do I get them back? The truth is you don’t. If you were dumped you have done enough to this person, to make them wanna leave and not look back (at least that is the way you have to see it).
Does no contact really work?
This is a very interesting and popular question. So you think that if you play it cool that your ex will “sense” it and run back? Wrong. No contact is to make sure you don’t make the situation worse than it already is.
I creep on their Facebook and all I see is my ex partying and making new friends of the opposite sex, they can’t be thinking of me, how could they?
Well they are not at home creeping on Facebook so they are keeping themselves busy to get you off of their mind. What do you think they would be at home doing the same thing you are doin, when they are the ones that wanted the break up?
My ex keeps contacting me and gives me attitude, why?
Have you ever had a moment where you thought it would be a good idea to do something then at the last second realized it was too late to bail and you had to follow through with your decision, but you did it with attitude because you don’t care about it as much as you thought and are willing to do anything to get yourself out of the situation? Well, that is most likely how it went down. They picked up the phone, can’t explain why, their emotions took over and as soon as they were reminded why they don’t want to be with you, they once again lash out at you and blame you for the break up. Sound familiar?
My ex is reaching out to me and genuine sounds like they are sorry and want to make it work.
I am sure they sound sorry. They now know what it is like to be single and they miss the part of the relationship where they have someone to lean on or care for them, when no one else will. Breaking up is a selfish act so they are only acting on their own feelings and not considering yours, because if this had anything to do with you, they would have tried to make it work, rather than walk out the door.
It was my entire fault, if I’d done this, or that, they’d still be here.
Well unless you cheated they already made up their mind before they left. If they dumped you while you two were fighting, think back at who started the fight? I call it an easy way out. It’s easier for them to leave while they can’t stand to look at your face. Just like walking out on your parents when they tell you, you are grounded. You run up the stairs and scream, I hate you and you can’t stand to look at them. So you stay in your room.
I wanna be their friend because I still care, is that wrong?
Yes, you need to learn to control your emotions. When you are emotionally attached to someone it is hard not to want to be a part of their lives but you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. So if you two stay friends there is a chance you two can at least be civil and maybe work things out. Don’t forget your ex knows you so knows when you are being fake or when you are doing something, only because you hope to gain out of it. It won’t work unless you are completely over them. Friendship doesn’t expire so you have lots of time to be their friend, once you have gotten over them completely.
Okay so now that I have covered the main questions people like to ask, I wanna explain further as to how all these questions don’t mean sh*t. They only set you back. Your main focus is how are you gonna get back on track and back out there. Notice how all those questions have nothing to do with you? He/she is doin this, he/she is doin that. Guess what he/she is no longer a part of your life and is free to be stupid, free to sleep around, free to make bad choices, free to do whatever they want and not ask you. So the question that really matters is, what are you gonna do about this? Well I have a solution; you don’t have to agree with it but try to understand it. Before I explain further let me share my favorite quote with you;
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." – Marilyn Monroe.
Okay so if this quote didn’t make you feel a little better, its okay, I didn’t really appreciate it to the fullest at first either. But have you ever heard the phrase, “You miss the silver lining when you search for gold”? Well you just heard it. You might not come to appreciate the quote because you are not trying to move on. You are still stuck on trying to get all those feelings back that only your ex can do. So let’s look at it this way. The ex couldn’t have been perfect because if they were you’d still be with them. They bring out all the good in you, blah, blah, blah. What we have to understand when we highlighting what that person has done for us, remember that you allowed this person to do that. Don’t forget about the things you bring to yourself that are valued. It’s always easier to drive straight into the parking lot, than it is to back out, out of the parking lot. Now, I know all those questions I listed are good questions but ask yourself this, if you really valued that person, and cared for them why are you not respecting, what they want? Wouldn’t you want the same respect? Breaking up with someone is a selfish act, and so it should be. They are letting go of the things that they don’t see fit in their future. They are doing what they feel is best for them. Shouldn’t you be doing the same thing? What is best for you?
No contact is a rule that must be followed during a break up. Why do you say, well you don’t want to make the situation worse and you need to take the time to yourself to get your moving on mentality going so while you don’t contact them and work on moving on, the ex might wonder. Might is the key word. But that isn’t good enough you want a commitment and their heart. How do you do this? Pay them back with becoming successful and happy. Don’t lose sight of your goals, even if they were supposed to be there to share it with you. They are now your motivation to get you there. This person left you to help elevate you, to keep you focused on your goals and to give you the time to make those goals happen.
So what is it that you have to learn from this? That is the real question we need to ask ourselves after a relationship ends. We need to understand the break up and why it occurred so we know the warning signs leading up to a break up and how we can handle them to prevent a break up. The break up is really a blessing on how strong you are. You are being tested. Can you get past the things you want and move forward? Well you’re gonna have to, if you want things to improve. The longer you spend time “pinning” away at wanting to have that person back. The less time you have on improving yourself. That is what people are supposed to bring out of us. We love them because we opened our hearts to them. We worry about them because we want to be there for them. Although they might not be a bad person, you’ve missed out on what this person has taught you about yourself. All the things you are capable of giving and all the things are not willing to give up.
Please don’t ever forget while asking these questions about your ex. You are wonderful, that is why they fell for you in the first place. “People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”.
Don’t forget to love yourself, because if you don’t, why would anyone else? If you are not happy with the person you have become, you have the power to change it. Every day is another day to turn it all around. You are wonderful; don’t forget that you hold the key to your own happiness. You love yourself too much to let someone else bring you down. In order to move forward you must learn to let go. This means letting go of the ex and the person you were while with them.