Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still.
Love has no bounds, or at least that's what I, just like most of you, was taught to believe throughout my life. These pictures are of me and the one girl who managed to turn my world in every direction possible- up, down, crisscross, you name it. She brought to me everything, good and bad. I was happy with it, I thought I was stronger than her demons. I honestly thought I was invincible.
It was me and her against the world, and we would not back down for one another. To the point where things got insane. We decided to become webcam models, started doing drugs together, planned on moving in together and next thing you know we wanted kids... All of this happened in 6 months time. It happened so so fast, almost like a dream.
I still don't know if it's love or lust. All I know is I think about her every single day. If I lay in the same bed we did, all I do is look at pictures of her. I dream of her, and being a grown man, I sometimes find myself crying without her being next to me at any given flashback moment. So what happened?
We got our wish, she got pregnant and then the bad news strikes- Due to her medical condition, she could not have our baby and would have to abort. I wasn't strong enough for her, I broke down and my life fell apart. Hers did as well. We were broken. For the next two years we would randomly message one another, sometimes while in relationships but could never get back to see one another.
We finally did just a few weeks ago. We are both shells of our former selves, both crippled by destroying our own lives out of depression. When I say destroying our lives, I mean it.
When I was with her she wasn't the same woman I knew, or the way she acted makes me feel that way. Although, when I looked in her eyes, I could see it... I know she's still there. I don't know what to do. All I can do is think about the woman she was when I'm away from her, and I know she feels the same of me as well. But when we are together now, both crippled in defeat, it's like there is nothing there due to the drugs and our lives we have destroyed.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I guess to see if you guys think this is love or lust, should I move on or not. Honestly I don't know if moving on is even possible for me... The woman I knew is all that I think about.
It's like that woman doesn't exist anymore, and no matter how hard I look, whether towards her or other females, that woman is no where to be found.
Or perhaps I'm the problem.