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In love with someone that's currently in a relationship

SomeGuyWithaQuestion
In love with someone thats currently in a relationship

Last February I went to Spain to study abroad for six months. I lived with two guys but I lived to far from the centre to do the student activities I wanted to do, I also couldn´t go out and meet new people. So I decided to move to the centre. At first I couldn´t find a flat, most flats in the centre were rented by girls and refused to live with a guy. Then I found a flat with two girls who didn´t mind living with a guy. The girls were both really nice but only one was living there, the other one was abroad for a while. The first month I lived there I talked to her when I saw her but other than that we just went our separate ways. During this time I made a lot of friends. Then the Corona-virus quarantine started.

Me and the girl became really close friends and I even developed feelings for her and I was sure she had feelings for me. We would dance, sing and drink together, we would watch movies or excersize. Anything to pass the time being locked up in quarantine. At one point I confessed my feelings for her, she told me these feelings were there because of quarantine and that she had a boyfriend. I moved on and started dating other people (after quarantine, during quarantine I was just texting girls I met before). We stayed friends. After quarantine my friends could tell we were really close and even one friend of the girls boyfriend asked me if there was something going on between the two of us. I told him no, we're just friends

Then she started having trouble with her boyfriend. Eventually I learned that she was having trouble with him even before I knew. This gave me a little bit of hope. Then she started crying a lot (or stopped hiding it) and told me what exactly was going on. To me the relationship sounded abusive and she even admitted to me it was (not physically, that I know of). Later I also learned the guy was manipulative as hell with her. I told her to break up, because she was clearly not happy. She almost did but eventually didn't. My other flatmate (the other girl) came home, they talked and the break up didn't happen. She told her that she can be with him and just have fun and break it off when she goes home. Because of this I gave up on her again, but it was hard seeing her with someone else. Especially because I didn't like the guy at all and because of him being abusive in general.

I continued to date other girls and was succesfull in this untill going back home again. I was still close friends with my flatmate and also became friends with my other female flatmate, just not as close. The goodbye between the girl I was in quarantine with and me was very emotional.

When I came home, I kept in touch with the friends I made abroad and also my flatmate. I could tell she missed me especially for the first weeks because she would call me randomly just to talk, she told me during this time and a lot of the times after that she really wants me to visit her. During this time she was still with her boyfriend travelling around Europe (which she already regretted planning with him). I was teasing her because of this, I also teased her all the time while living together so why stop. She told me she would break up with him once he would go home (because he is from another continent and because of the unhealthy relationship). I told her I would visit her once he would go home (because I don't like the guy), she understood.

She is still with him and he will leave in one month time. First I didn't care anymore, that she was with someone else, I was just friends with her. Then my friends pointed out I still had feelings for her, the way I talked about her. This made me realise I still had feelings. I am still in contact with her quite a lot but it's killing me, lately I have been crying a lot and I haven't been sleeping that well. The thought of her being with someone that makes her unhappy and someone I despise is hard..... I stopped talking to her (without ignoring her), to take a break for a few weeks.

My original plan was to visit her when this guy is gone and use this window to try again, to see if I can be with her but I think this isn't happening. My mom became very sick so I can't leave for at least the next few months. I am afraid because I can't physically be with her that she will find someone else (the window will close at one point). She knows I can't visit her at the moment because of this. The only thing I can do is stay in contact and hope she feels the same about me. The things that give me hope is her interest in my love life and the fact we are still quite close.

I saw this video tribute about Ted and Robin from How I met your Mother and it made me think about my own situation, me keeping coming back to her (even after dating other girls). I like the thing they say about chemistry ''If you have chemistry you only need one other thing'' and the part about cheering her up (because I was doing this when she was unhappy, it made me happy just to see her smile). The fact that she looks a little bit like Robin even makes it more relatable

If you made all this way congrats :)

I just needed to vent but I hope somebody can see beauty in this story....

In love with someone that's currently in a relationship
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  • Not_Average
    You sound... emotional. She has a man already. Back off and pour your heart out to another girl who’s single.
    • Well that's because I was, I think it's just a combination of everything. She is one of the good things that happened to me in a long time. Before I met her I was really depressed, I wanted to die.

      Now I am better but my mom is fighting for her life and I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm just watching her die. The girl is a distraction from this and she helpes me cope. I just trying to not slip back into depression again. The thing was, talking to her makes me happy but once I put away my phone I couldn't stop thinking of her with somebody else. It was depressing me. That's why I stopped talking to her.

      I started talking more to another female friend during this time. I always had the feeling this girl had a crush on me but after talking to her more, I'm almost sure. I like her too but one of my friends has a crush on her. If I would start dating this girl I would feel like an asshole. Other people say I can make my move on this other girl because I have given my friend more than enough time to make a move and if this girl has a crush on me, my friend would get rejected by her anyways.

      Also the only reason why I haven't backed off is because she will be single again in a few weeks but thanks for the advice anyway :)

  • Fantastic_
    Well good luck man, I think we all know how that is in one way or another. That's a rough spot to be in.
    • Thanks man

      The two week break I was taking is over. I decided to talk to her again this weekend if she doesn't first. It will be good to talk to her again, I think I will call her to hear her voice again. I am currently trying to make the best of things and wait for all of this to be over.

      I am also in contact with another female friend, I always had the feeling she had a crush on me. This girl is also really nice and is my second choice but I'm starting to think maybe she should be my first choice. She has always been really sweet to me. I met her during the same time abroad and she is also living in another country. A few days ago I had a video call with her and she was saying she wants to visit me or maybe I come visit her. I said I couldn't because of my mom and my new job. She looked like she was about to cry when I said this, this made me feel bad. I feel like maybe she cares more about me then the first girl, so maybe I will go for her instead

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