How to recover from a breakup

How to recover from a breakup

Beyond the tears and the pain, this difficult period in which we believe we are dying also helps us to grow. It sheds light on our capacities for resilience as well as on our ability to gradually find our autonomy.

1. A feeling of emptiness
When the veil disappears, we realize that we are "existentially" incomplete. The emptiness arounds us resonates with the one we carry within us. We experience this moment as a transition from all to nothing. Especially when we need our partner to support an ideal, strong and positive self-image. The narcissistic issue is then so important that the answer is in depreciation, sometimes depression.

2. Fear of abandonment
It starts with this terrible question which, since the Oedipus complex, torments us: am I not lovable? Because if, since the very first separation that is birth, we have learned to manage on our own, the end of a romantic relationship also awakens a very childish fear of abandonment. As in our childhood years, we feel helpless, passive, vulnerable.

3. Acknowledge our grief
First, we have to prepare ourselves for the most urgent: absorb the violence of the loss, the fear of emptiness, of the future, absorb the disappointment... Little by little, we'll start to find ourselves, and, in the process, learn, grow, and redefine ourselves.

How? We have to start by acknowledging grief. While the word "breakup" trivializes the event (everyone is breaking up nowadays), we should start acknowledging the heartache, admit the pain, and take our role of subject, therefore our responsibilities. As there has been a co-construction of the couple, there is also a co-separation.

4. Understand the reasons for the breakup
When the cloud of hatred that allows us to feel better by designating the other as the culprit passes, it is necessary to understand what went wrong and how we participated in this failure. "What projects did we have together, what commitments did we make? Who had more power, who made the big decisions?" These are some of the questions that will allow us to avoid the exact same fiasco later on. If we always play our love stories on the same tune, we can indeed learn, from one relationship to another, some variations.

5. An opportunity to redefine ourselves
Every separation (and the pain that goes with it) teaches us a little more the essential: how to deal with our fundamental solitude? It is a frightening question, but one full of promise. Being alone then gives us the opportunity to redefine ourselves. Some people realize that because they wanted to stick too closely to their partner's expectations, they lose their true identity.

The opportunity has come to reconnect with ourselves, and to reconnect with others. By realizing that we are not collapsing, that we can count on those around you, the breakup is also revealing resources, both internal and external, unsuspected or forgotten. Little by little, we discover that we can live without a partner. To have fun without one. And even to be feel good alone.

When the pain goes away, we are ready to make "the bet of love" again. Knowing that we will never find total satisfaction does not prevent us from risking it again, with lighter and less existential expectations. We will find a more "dignified love", a love matured by previous sorrows.

How to recover from a breakup
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Most Helpful Guys

  • SjE78
    I've found the best way to recover is to have all or at least sufficient answers to the questions that will be raised when a breakup occurs

    "what did i do wrong?"
    "what went wrong?"
    "did they ever love me the way i loved them?"
    "how do i move forward?"

    these are just a few among many that were going through my mind and while some won't get answered, events surrounding those we broke up with will actually provide reasons and explanations for you to formulate an accurate answer for your questions

    once you have sufficient answers to your questions... look forward...

    if you broke up on good terms though many of these will not need answering, cos the "why" would be simply you both outgrew each other and realised you want different things
    Is this still revelant?
  • rrggbbgg
    I find this post a little hard to read LOL... I mean no offense but honestly it seems to be women are trained to move on from any man who they "love" LOL... Like be it after a marriage of 20+ years the husband dies or divorce after 10-20 years or just a normal long term relation ship.
    Its like they move on as if they never loved the guy to begin with, so to be honest when women talk about moving on its funny to me, as at least from my experience it seems they never truly love a man to begin with
    * just my take on it *
    i'm sure there will be a bunch of SIMPs and offended women who will start attacking any time now LOL...
    Is this still revelant?
    • Right on. Like you ruined your favorite pair of shoes so just go out an get another pair.

    • Tally_ho

      No women are just good at making it look like that. They feel pain the same way. They feel it immediately. I’ve found with my exes that the guy usually goes out and parties first then comes back when the girl has moved on and it’s too late.

    • Unit1

      This is pretty much how supply and demand works in the economics and it applies here too. Average women generally speaking have significantly more options than average men.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Anonymous
    I needed 3 months to move on. I thought it would be much harder to move on. lucky, I tried to get to know several new friends. and some of them are nice. and then I found someone much better than him. and he likes me too. since that time I stopped thinking about previous guy. and this current guy made me became mature. I don't need to feel worry, jealousy, sad, crave for his attention. ❤️ so the point is, breakup made me learn that someone is temporary, to learn the mistakes from past, and gets much better person in the future.
    Is this still revelant?
  • NaomiPop
    In my opinion you will find someone else right now it will be hard to recover so talk to your family or friends just anyone about it that won't judge and slowly from time to time you will find better things so continue to do the things you enjoy though 😌
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • alligatorblues
    It sounds like these thoughts are vague guesses. Break-ups and heartbreak are caused by failure to observe traditional moral principles. Sex outside marriage causes a man to view the woman as an object, barren flesh to sate his primal urge. The man is able to fulfill his natural function, to inseminate the female. But the female is cheated. Her natural function is to conceive, bear, and nurse the man's offspring.

    The female can let go more easily, because, like the male, she is naturally driven to reproduuce. If a guy won't get her pregnant, a portion of her is denied, her fertility, causing loss of feminine identity and purpose.

    The man's seed produces no fruit of the womb, wounding his manhood. The woman produces no fruit from the man's seed, robbing her of feminine identity. The couple deprives each other of the expectation of intimate relations, children.

    Without children,, the female fails to assume her natural role. Absent traditional gender roles, any relationship will end, because it is against nature. By abstaining from intimate contact before marriage, the female respects herself, and her husband can call her, 'his own'.
  • likelyOK
    It depends my last relationship I feel i;m still not totally over, but yeah i moved on with dating bc i needed a distraction, and bc it hurt that I knew he would be moving on quickly, so I did not want it to be just him. Before that the last 2 times i felt serious, I feel out of love b4 the relationship was over. The one time I did get my heart totally broken it took me 6 months to move on.
  • Chia241
    when i got broken heart.. i spend my day telling my friends about itm. and cry.. like yeah.. its just hurt us.. so its okay for us to cry.. and then u will slowly get over it.. maybe tried to date someone else..
  • Kimboslice0906
    I wish I knew the answer. Right now I'm broken heart and have been for 10 months now. I'm going to start therapy soon, so hopefully that works.
  • Unit1
    I no longer believe, that love exists after being ghosted by who I thought loved me (and she said so).


    That's it. I'll believe in it when I'll see it.
  • LittleSquid
    Most important are your female friends. Spent time with them, thought it hurts and you might not want to do anything. And talk about your feelings... it always feel better to speak it out.
  • coastisclear
    You are allowed to cry openly about your break and dump it all out on friends and relatives. Enjoy that luxury. That’s all I’m saying.
    • Akshayjosh

      That's a very appropriate thing to do.
      Instead people hold it down and never express themselves which leads to the build up of an atom bomb in the head, which explodes after.

    • @Akshayjosh as an emotional guy I almost agree with you. But you know what turns the A bomb into an H bomb? A guy who loses respect from both men and especially women for being emotional. Women “say” they are okay with this but they are actually disgusted with it.

    • Akshayjosh

      Yep can't agree more, thats another side of this story

    • Show All
  • AaronKrieger
  • Browneye57
    It is ALWAYS about the FEELZ.
    YOU are the one that gives them legs.
  • imfreeze95
    Do NOT isolate yourself spend time with friends or join a group like a book club, bible study or church
  • Ralphsylvantheisen
    Hay sweetie u just have to get back on the horse as thy say somewere I like to no were this somewere is wouldn't u
    You just do. You'll be over it eventually trust me it's part of the experience
  • Ianto
    "Men have died, and worms have eaten them, but not for love."
  • Dinosaursandanime65
    Another great way for recovery is to go on a killing spree. Kill dem skin suits
  • Ratmuffin
    True.. u just do. U just move on. It hurts but with time it gets easier.
  • MeatPuppet
    You just have to ride it out and let time deal with it.
  • shubhdelhi
    Be busy where ever u can. So that u dont have time to think and slowly time will make u heal
  • Silence00
    Think about if you are ready to die for others and coronavirus.
  • MarthaStewert
    Fall in love with yourself
  • Interstate
    Instead of asking WHY? Just give yourself time.
  • Kitty100
    With time
  • Sofiascorpio95
    Ice Cream, wine and friends and cheesy movies.
  • I pretend he dead.
  • Snickermarstwix
    I just go to a strip club
  • BoxySama
    Get some rebound D😎
  • PrettyPrincessplz
    Thanks, I really needed to hear (read) this.
  • Sea_Kay
    Just flush it off.
  • engel23
    It's all about time. Just take some time off
  • mert35
  • Anonymous
    Fuck around
  • Anonymous
    Try to be a reason for someone else break up , just kidding

    Actually one can never recover from a breakup but sure it can be covered from new memories.
    Always try to engage urself in some work coz the min u get urself free u will start thinking about breakup
    So the best way is to indulge urself in something fruitful
    And try to chill with friend
    Coz they r the real gems
    The best examples are my friends
    When ever i stuck with a problem
    And ask them for a solution
    Those motherfuckers gives such solution that i just forget the prblms 🤣😅