Taking A Break; A Very Thin Line To Tread

I'm sure you all or at least most of you have at one point or another heard or said those fateful words:

"Let's take a break"

....while you were in a exclusive relationship with someone. For whatever reason you have decided to make your relationship nonexclusive, just be friends for a bit and try it out. There can be pros and cons to this, but it is a very precarious position to be in nonetheless.

Gogus olculeri

I have had my share of partners and have heard my share of stories where the significant other wants to "take a break" and see where things go, whether there was cheating involved, the spark was fading, a new person entered the picture, you both or one of you is bored, etc. This can be a good thing for a relationship, but also a very bad thing.

On one hand it lets some fresh air so to speak flow into the relationship by allowing both partners to see what's out there once again and see if the person they are with is really the one for them. On the other it allows one of them (generally the person who initiated it) to look/date/screw around with others without it being considered cheating.

It makes it an easy out for girls who just don't want to be with their guy or vice-versa and want to find an excuse to leave them. So here is a list of pros and cons that I am able to think of from the top of my head.


Pros:
  • Allows partners to see what's out there.
  • It lets them spend time apart to re evaluate feelings.
  • It can relieve stress of certain troubling aspects of a relationship.
  • You can find someone who better suits your needs.

Cons:
  • It's an excuse to "cheat" (not technically with them so can't technically cheat mentality).
  • It's an easy way out when the relationship isn't satisfying enough and you don't have the courage to dump them out right with "no apparent reason."
  • It's a way for the initiator to keep their partner on a short leash if they're not "partner material."
  • Finally, and this tends to happen more with girls than guys, it's a test to "truly test their resolve to be with me."

I have seen so many girls try that last one and be disappointed miserably -Ladies, don't "take a break" to test your man unless you are actually trying to look for one yourself. Otherwise when you hear about/see him at a club/party, etc. with some girl all over him you'll get all angry and say how horrible of a boyfriend he is...oh but wait...you wanted to "take a break" from the relationship which means he's a free man, free to screw, party, dance, do whatever with whomever he likes.

Another thing is when girls are emotionally stressed with some major event in their lives (family member dies, has disease, something along those lines of severity) and they want to "take a break" for whatever reason that makes sense in their minds, then they expect the guy to act the same way, treat her the same way, basically be her boyfriend, but without the added title.



I'm sorry ladies, but after I've wooed you and gotten together with you, if you suddenly want to remove the title of boyfriend/partner from things that I am to you and just be friends for a bit, you can expect me to stop treating you like my girlfriend and more like a friend. That means the roses stop coming, the kisses stop, the cuddling stops, everything. You can't have your cake and eat it too as cliche as that sounds.

Same things go for guys if you want to "take a break" so you can screw around or whatever, you have no right to slug that guy who's hitting on your previously exclusive girlfriend. If she decides to stay with him, your loss, too bad. If you just aren't ready to commit but get angry when she hangs out with other guys, sleeps with them, go on dates with them, etc., you have no right, you didn't want the exclusivity, so you have to deal with her being with other guys.

Finally, and this goes for both genders if you aren't officially together and/or exclusive you have no right to them, they are free game to whomever comes along, it's not their fault that you have commitment issues. Also if you just want to play the field and see what's out there, don't expect for your partner to be waiting there for you as a backup like so many people do.

"If you just want to play the field and see what's out there, don't expect your partner to be waiting there for you as a backup!"
If you want to break up with them, have the courtesy to just be frank and truthful about it, don't just "take a break" until you find someone better, all the while expecting them to remain faithful, it's kind of like being an Eco-terrorist an still expecting the oil company that you work for to pay your for the position of corporate management, you just can't do both and expect to retain the other for long and be able to cry foul play.

So next time you think about saying those lovely words "let's take a break," think REALLY hard about WHY you're doing this and if you are willing to lose your current partner because of it, because it just might happen and it will be your own fault, no one else's, just yours.

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What Girls Said 2

  • That was quite good, I'm glad you went from both a guys and girls point of view, so many articles seem rather one sided. And thankyou, you've given me something to think about.

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  • good article...sadly I think you are right...

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