Broke up with girlfriend because she was too shy. 3 months later still miss her and am doubting my decision to break up. Did I do the right thing?

I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 months because she was too shy (we only saw each other on weekends since we lived 100 miles apart). She didn't have any friends that she would hang out with which also bothered me. Literally, very introverted. Hated going out in public but would do it for me. Many times I would have to bargain with her or make deals just so she would hang out with my friends with me. When we were physically intimate she was never assertive and I would always have to initiate any physical intimacy which really bothered me.

But aside from all that we were a wonderful match. As time goes by (and I basically meet nobody, can't get a date to save my life, don't feel like I will ever find a girl as good as her overall, I know lots of people who say their ex girlfriend was the one that got away, etc) I'm feeling like I made a mistake. I just don't know if she would ever change (be less shy/introverted) and if I could deal with it, which is why I'm hesitant to get back together even though I really want to right now. Part of me wanting to get back together could also be since I started contacting her after 2months when in reality I wasn't over her yet.

What do you think, did I do the right thing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't do it man.
    Speaking as a fellow introvert (not as bad as her tho), she is not going to change. She will always be like that.
    The fact that she let you in would have been a MASSIVE step for her.
    The things that you find so easy to do when it comes to socialising would be really hard and emotionally draining on her. She really did a lot for you- but you wouldn't know.

    You seem like you just want to go back to her because you're lonely. You miss that she put 100% of her focus on you and the more extroverted girls that you have been seeing since her won't do that because they simply can't as they have too much focus on other things as well.

    Trust me, if you loved her you would know.
    Don't put her through that again, you are to unstable for her, and if you get back with her and then decide you cannot do it again then her introversion will only get worse, if it hasn't already from the first break up.

    Move on.

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What Girls Said 5

  • wait... so u want to get back with her because you can't get a date? you're gonna reel her in and have her think that you are doing it for the right reasons and get her to emotionally invest? and what if some girl likes you along the way who is less shy or "better"? are you gonna break up with her as easily as you did the first time? be far to her. consider waiting for someone who is better suitable for you, who you would stick with any day. let her find someone who believes that she's the right package just as she is

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    • "wait... so u want to get back with her because you can't get a date? you're gonna reel her in and have her think that you are doing it for the right reasons and get her to emotionally invest? and what if some girl likes you along the way who is less shy or "better"? are you gonna break up with her as easily as you did the first time?"

      Don't assume. I never said any of that.

    • "As time goes by (and I basically meet nobody, can't get a date to save my life, don't feel like I will ever find a girl as good as her overall,"... what does that mean? that's a direct quote. and i was just asking and saying if it is so then...

  • I wouldn't break up with someone because they're quiet, make her feel comfortable or something around you. That's how I was with my ex boyfriend I was quiet and didn't talk much but still he made me feel comfortable in some ways. Try comfort her when she's around you or something maybe she was just nervous and didn't know what to say it happens. Comfort her, hug her, make her feel safe. Then maybe she'll open up just a little bit

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  • I think that's a silly reason to break up with someone. If you love her it shouldn't matter what her social life is like.

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    • Well that plus my friends and family didn't particularly care for her, but weren't against her either. My mom made a comment one time about how she can't even converse with people normally. As for love, I don't know, she said she loved me after like 3 months and I said it after like 8 months but I've never been in love before so I didn't know if it was right (I said to her when she was upset about our relationship one evening)

    • It sounds like you don't really love her but maybe just miss her friendship. If that's the case you did the right thing and it will just take time to get past it :(

  • It sounds like she was just uncomfortable. Positive reinforcement would have worked, but it's done with so just remember for next time.

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  • Are you a quiet guy? Or are you an extrovert?

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    • I'm an introverted extrovert I guess. I'm not really sure though, when I was younger I was very introverted and I have gotten more extroverted over time.

    • If you miss her than I think you have feelings for her. Usually introverts open up once they feel comfortable. Did you give her any compliments? Maybe her self esteem is just a little down.

    • You just saw her on the weekends for 10 months? Every weekend? So 18 days altogether.. Maybe you should see her more.. spend a week straight together and see how it goes..

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