My boyfriend messed up big time and I don't know if I should forgive him or not?

My boyfriend kissed a girl 2 months ago and just told me about it. I broke up with him and he's doing everything to get me back. He had a panic attack when I broke up with him and he cried the entire day. He also reread my notes and told me what he would miss the most about our relationship. He knows that what he did was wrong and he wants to change but I don't know if I can trust him. Is he sincere or not? And did I do the right thing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Awwww poor baby had a panic attack! ...and? Drop him, never look back. How pathetic, don't let someone treat you like that. Of course he's doing everything he can to get you back.
    He's told you about it, alleviating HIS guilt because it was eating him up. Now HE feels better, and wants his cake and to eat it too.
    Don't look back. Let him whine and beg all he wants. He doesn't value you, otherwise he never would have done that. Be glad he told you, but remember he only did it for himself.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Anonymous speaks the truth. If this ever happens again—and it will—you've increased the chances that he'd just conceal it. You should just be thankful that he told you the truth—this time—and move on.

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    • I know. Especially because I wouldn't have found out if he hadn't had told me. Few people knew of the occurance

  • okay if this is his first mistake, honestly, only if you feel and want to then you can give him a second chance. but there is not going to be a second mistake. once he makes that second mistake call it quits and tell him to eff off.

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    • Okay, he did make an earlier mistake. He broke up with me 3 months in our relationship due to "schoolwork" when in fact he liked someone else

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    • Thanks. I only hope to keep learning more and make right decisions

    • and you will. i still got a lot to learn as well. haha. good luck to you

  • Yes, you did the right thing. There is Zero tolerance for cheaters and liars. Liars can be people who hide stuff from you. There are plenty of good looking guys out there lining up to date you who wouldn't even think about doing that. Cheaters and Liars are always pattern offenders.

    I think he is sincere. Trust him if he has NO current contact with the girl he kissed. No text, No facebook, etc.

    Do not trust him if he has some form of contact with the girl he kissed.

    If you trust him, then forgive him. You only forgive people you trust.

    If you cannot trust him, then don't forgive him.

    Caution: if you date him again, set the expectations from the start. Even if it means Zero flirting with other girls until you can trust him again. If he is for real, then he will follow and obey your expectations with no rebellion and to the detail.

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    • Well we all row on the same team so he does, but not currently because the season is over. They might have contact during summer camp though. I don't know if he has her number but Im pretty sure they're Facebook friends

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    • Well, 3 strikes and your out. You must be a forgiving and patient person. In the relationship world, you only get 2 chances (strikes) and your out. You got the power in this relationship now and you got options if it doesn't work. No Chemistry=No Relationship. Good Luck!

    • Thank you so much. Your support helps

  • No bullshit? Honestly? Look him dead in the face and ask him if he's done. If he's the right one hell say yes. Being done means when you look at her your done looking. That's she's everything you've ever wanted. No excuse. Tell him it has to be that or your out. That's as real as you'll get your answer from a guy.

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    • That question of being 'done' can be misinterpreted to mean 'are you done with me/this relationship?' so I don't think that's the best question to ask

  • You done the right thing zero tolerance for cheating is the best way to go by.

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  • Of course he messed up its always the guy. We all know the women in the relationship never messes up. Sarcasm.

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    • Lol. Silly males

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    • Dude, stick to the asker's situation instead of making a misplaced gender speech out of it.

    • WTF is your problem? I answered her question learn to read.

  • Why would he tell you about it?

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    • The guilt was eating him alive

  • dont trust him! mean are evil! naw but seriously, you should find a guy that will treat you better than him

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    • Thanks. He did treat me pretty well during the relationship despite his teenage thirst, but I should accept that that is over now

  • And then people wonder why people rather lie than be sincere...

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    • What do you mean?

    • People lie to avoid the repercussion for their errors. This is why children lie as well: because if they're honest, they get punished far more severely.

    • And then when they're found out the punishment is so much worse. Id rather have brutal honestly

What Girls Said 10

  • Well why did he do it? Was he pursuing the girl for a while, or was it random and not thought out? Either way he took you for granted in that moment, and he can whine and try to win you back all he wants if you take him back there is a chance he'll think he can do whatever he wants and you'll still take him back. You did the right thing in my eyes. And besides it says your under 18, don't waste your time with a chump, you have plenty of years to go through guys like that, change it up find someone who knows how to control themselves.

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    • The girl appeared to be random though I knew her, but who the hell knows. And yeah, there's so much more out there. Im only going to be a junior in highschool

  • You definitely did the right thing; if my boyfriend kissed another girl at any point in our relationship -- be it the first month of us dating or 4 years into our relationship -- I would leave him and would never look back. No non-cheating person deserves to be cheated on in a relationship, and I'm sure that you'll be able to find someone who would treat you better.

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    • Thank you. it definitely hurt because we were having no problems when he cheated or when he told me about the act. Since he did that I think that I do deserve better

  • How serious were the two of you when it happened? If it wasn't serious or a really bad rough patch then forgive him. He seems sincere to me.

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    • It was a rough time actually. I was mad at him for things that he didn't really have control over and I was kind of ignoring him but I don't know if he kissed her in early April when things were fine or in late April when things weren't

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    • Well maybe he needs to learn to express his problems before getting back in a relationship so I should let him work that out

    • Maybe it's your choice.

  • I believe kissing is considered cheating. I agree with the person who said that he told you so that he could relieve his own guilt, because he probably couldn't live with it. Now he wants your relationship to continue? I'm sorry, but if you allow him to treat you like that and get away with kissing someone else...he is going to take advantage of you during the course of your relationship. I wouldn't take him back, its just going to be a huge waste of time in the end.

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  • I hate to say this but if I were you I would have probably forgiven him if I was in love with him.

    But I know that'd be a mistake so I say don't take him back.

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  • You Should only do what you feel is right but it seems he is very sincere to me. If you love him and want to give him another chance then go for it

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  • You actually lucky to have an honest BF, i think you made the wrong decision by breaking up with him cos clearly you did/ said it with anger. Forgive him and try fix the situation. Take it as just one of those obstacles in life. at least he opened up to u and told you the truth cos he wasn't proud of what he did. Hope my opinion add value.

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    • Thank you. I know that he feels guilt, but its so shameful to get back with a cheater

  • If a guy tells you instead of getting caught he genuinely cares about you and yalls relationship im not saying take him back immediately but it sounds like he's sincerely sorry. it could be worse luckily all he did was kiss her. I say tell him you wanna try to trust him again but he has to earn it back and that you haven't forgiven him yet but your willing to try.

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    • Yeah, can you please read some of my comments for the rest of the story like his other mistakes? And I know that he feels really bad about what he's done and im kind of scared what people will think if I do get back with him because they know what he's done

    • Look I'm engaged and my fiance and i split at one point during the engagement during that time he was apparently "vulneraable" and slept with an old close friend and without my requests when we got back together he blocked her on EVERYTHING and it's still that way and he did the same thing your boyfriend did. My fiance is currently at basic training for the army while I am at home planning our wedding and we've never been happier and we've worked on all our issues and when this happened i didn't find out from him i found out from his mom because she thought I had known

    • That is awesome! I am so glad that you guys worked things out and are now happily in love. Hopefully I can achieve the same in my relationship

  • You can forgive him but that doesn't mean you should take him back

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    • I don't see a point in holding a grudge because I know that does nothing but make me unhappy

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    • Good. He should be.

      Don't fall for it because it'll just happen again.

    • Yeah, forgive and forget

  • Why would he Kiss another girl to begin with! I don't blame you for breaking up with him. I will do the same thing.

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    • The girl convinced him too and he said there was no reason. Later he told me her pity story and maybe he felt bad for her

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    • It is very stupid. I'm sorry he hurt you

    • Yeah, I am too

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