Why do dumpers text back and check whether dumpees are OK?

[valeriewen]

So basically he's the one who wants to initiate no contact, and two days later telling me it's hard for him too and that he hopes I'm OK.

Previously I've tried every possible effort to keep things in place, but at this juncture I already came to acceptance that I'm not the girl he wants to have a future with. I've cried and still crying, but thankfully this hasn't majorly affect my job.

Just don't quite understand why does he text back.

[404filenotfound]

It could be a control thing, he could have doubts and/or maybe he genuinely cares about you and hopes that you're taking the breakup well. I've "dumped" girls before, but only because I didn't want to be with them romantically, not because I disliked them. I've tried to help them understand that I want them to be okay, plus there's the fact that we're only human and it's hard to be one hundred percent sure about the decisions we make and we wonder whether we should try to salvage a bit of that bridge or let it burn. hopefully, I could be of some help. I wish you the best.

[valeriewen]

Well, to me it's more about burning the romance part down, as we both understand it's not workable due to the distance - then build a new bridge called friendship. And this is the reason why I think we both should leave each other alone for now.

But yeah I do agree, no one can be 100% sure of their decisions when it comes to this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

[404filenotfound]

You're welcome! :) Maybe you should tell him that you both need some space while you're sorting out your thoughts?

[valeriewen]

Hmm, eventually I told him to stay firm to his decision, don't look back and he'll be OK..

[404filenotfound]

That's good, I find that it's generally best to look forward.

[hotstuffSRD]

Hey gorgeous n don't regret for things you do in life n I'm sure you'll get a boy easily

[valeriewen]

Haha don't need a boy.

[hotstuffSRD]

Why?

[Anonymous]

This sounds all too familiar

Either he is confused and doesn't know if he really wants to cut you loose or not and once he does he regrets it...

OR it's a mind game/manipulation/power struggle/etc

either way, I've been there with an ex... over and over and over and over again

Your best bet is to just completely move on if you can. I stuck around and dealt with this for about 8 months and in the end we just broke up officially. Spare yourself the heartache and move on now. Best wishes <3

[valeriewen]

Yea, especially when I've done my best to keep things in place and he still saw no future. I don't think he's playing games, but equally we can't be tango-ing around this anymore.

[BellePepper]

Does he always push your boundaries like this? It sounds like a set up for some type of manipulation. Either he wants to turn the relationship back into a romantic situation, he wants to keep you under his thumb, or he wants some sort of friends with benefits .

[valeriewen]

It's a little complicated, but it seems the primary reason he doesn't want a relationship is the physical distance between us (it's super expensive for us to visit each other, and therefore in his words "it sucks to think we have no future together"). So I definitely don't think he's looking for a "long distance FWB", and not sure about the rest, but I really also don't think he's looking for a relationship with me.

[BellePepper]

They always want something when they bother you right after you've broken up. We just don't know what it is yet XD

[valeriewen]

Haha, basically what I'm sure is:
1. He doesn't want a relationship
2. Casual sex is out of the question due to distance

My best guess is he feels guilty.

[BellePepper]

Ooooooh! That's a good guess! Is he prone to that sort of thing?

[valeriewen]

Erm, I think he's much more prone to letting go. His past relationships are:

1. First girlfriend, dated a Christian, sexless, and very different beliefs. They had religious difference and eventually broke up when living in two different countries, and he took about one year to even start thinking about other chicks again.

2. Second girlfriend, she wanted to get married, he didn't wanna get married, she dumped him (or so he said, although I really don't agree that's the case). He saw her in the streets with a new guy two months later, did nothing, but went home and feels beaten up inside.

Then there were some other chicks in between but we never talk about them.

[BellePepper]

Woooow talk about a varied past. Is this the first time a girl has broken up with him instead of him breaking up with her?

[vet31bSoldier]

shoot me a PM. I might have an idea as to why