Why do dumpers want to stay in touch after dumping?

I see so many here complaining how their gf/bf dumped them but then called them, then giving them mixed signals, then ignoring them, then calling them again, then wanting to stay friends, then again ignoring them... but don't want to get back together. And I am one of those dumpees who's ex keeps calling for small talks but doesn't want back.

For the love of god why? I will never understand this mistery. Are you one of those dumpers? The way I see things, is that if I breakup with someone I am gone. I disappear. I don't want anything else to do with that person. If there was still just a tiny feeling for them, I wouldn't breakup I would stick to that feeling and try to fix the problems. But I mean, if the dumper is SURE 100% that he/she doesn't want to be with that person anymore and NEVER WILL AGAIN, why doesn't he/she gather those same balls he/she had when breaking up and walk away? Are they really THAT selfish and evil to first break someone's heart and then give them false hope and not let them move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For the backup bang. Duh.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I guess they don't want to lose the person completely, maybe it makes them feel less guilty when they can tell themselves that they're still "friends" and still there for the person. When the dumper is really the last person a dumpee needs for comfort. I'm sure that in some cases, it's also a bit the "let's keep her/him on the back-burner" thing. It was definitely the case with one of my ex-boyfriends who was adamant he wanted to stay friends. Stupidly, I agreed. It went from being friends to him flirting with me and telling me that "maybe one day we can be more again". Then there was more stupidity on my side, thinking he actually still had interest in me and getting my hopes up. Well, then he found someone else and suddenly my friendship meant nothing to him anymore. This (and experiences from others I hear or read about) is precisely why I told my boyfriend that if he decides to dump me one day, we don't be friends. At least not until I'm ready, which won't be for a year or two after absolutely NO contact at all.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • To keep control of the person who got dumped - and to have someone to fall back on if they fail in romantic endeavors in the future.
    Or they genuinely like you as just a friend.

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  • They do it for their own selfies needs or they still care for them and may have some regret but either way its pretty messed up to do and causes them more pain. I personally could never do that to someone. My ex did that to me after dumping me, he gave me false hope which broke my heart even more. I let it go on for too long and now he is back to ignoring me, so don't let your ex keep calling you because it will hurt you more when he eventually stops contacting you.

    Do you want him back or are you open to being he's friend? Either way you need to ask him what he wants.

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  • I'm so sad to hear this because my ex is completely avoiding me right now. He broke up with me 7 weeks ago for no reason hat I can understand. I saw him briefly about 3 weeks ago and he texted me and said I love you and miss you. I didn't say it back because I'm so hurt. We were best friends and the day he broke up with me he said he was deeply in love with me. I'm so confused. So I guess since he's completely avoiding me he doesn't want anything to ever do with me again? This kills me

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