Why does this breakup (second time we've broken up) seem harder than the first?

[Anonymous]

my ex and I dated for a year and broke up in April.

we got back together in July and broke up in late October.

for whatever reason this split seems harder to get over than the first one.

our breakups were very mutual and I told her since we weren't getting along we needed time apart. she agreed.

but for whatever reason its harder for me to get over this breakup then the last one. I can't figure out why.

any ideas?

has anyone else run into this problem before?

[CDenatale]

Hey!

Yea, I definately have felt this.

You know what I think it is? The second time came after months of being alone, wondering about the other person and how different it would all be if you got back together. Then the second time came and went. Now it feels even more "final". Any longing, you now know, can't realistically result in you getting back together because getting back together did not work out.

There almost seems like there is no more hope left.

Maybe you will be back with her one day. Maybe it'll be 10 years from now, maybe 30! Maybe then it'll be for good. Maybe you will have the same problems and split up again! And if you never get back together than it was something you had to go through to grow.

What you're feeling, I believe, is very normal. It may feel like there won't be any amount of time that can pass for you to feel better. Rest assured, one day you're going to wake up and feel really great and only realize later that it's because you're totally over her.

[Asker]

I definitely think that's a good point...it definitely is more "final." I don't know its just tough right now. I thought this time around would be easier, but it isn't. I can't really tell if I miss her or I am just feeling normal feelings anyone would feel right now. thanks for your answer, I appreciate it.

[CDenatale]

Hey! Yea, it is my pleasure to answer questions! Your feeling of longing could be because you miss her or it could be because you miss having a girlfriend. Either way, your circumstance (of mourning the second break up) is very difficult to get through. Spend time with yourself, be good to yourself. You're going to get through this and feel really great again.

=)

[rdabby]

Because:

The first time you were kinda sure that you guys might get back together so you didn't really care enough to bother... it happens!

The first time you weren't attached as much as you are right now so it was certainly easier.

The first time you probably didn't have feelings for her to a point that you could get hurt if you guys split up so it didn't affect you that much either.

What you need to do is, to know exactlly how you feel about her and act on it.

If you have strong feelings for her then do something about it, fix whatever you or she did and talk about it!

If you don't have feelings for her well, newsflash maybe you do!

[Asker]

I don't know if I truly miss her and want to be with her or if I am going through "normal" breakup feelings. its only been 6 or 7 weeks, so it might be still too early to tell. I do think our breakup was for the best, but I also miss her. so I dunno.

[rdabby]

Thats why you should take your time and think this through, but don't take too much time, cause if you do have feelings for her, it might be too late then and she could have moved on already so you wanna keep your Name on the table, if you know what I mean...just incase you did want her back!

[Asker]

I don't know if I should contact her. we already broke up twice -- something was not working out. will a third time around really be any different? probably not. that's just me being honest. last time we broke up she contacted me so she might do that again who knows.

[rdabby]

Do you want her to contact you ;)?

[Asker]

I guess...but I want to be realistic. if it didn't work out two times will it really work out the third time?

i think I'm just confused. I miss her and the good times, but I don't miss the times we didn't get along....ps..i added you as a friend a day or two ago...so I see you online we can chat about this if that's ok?

[litsaleigh]

ive had this same problem...me and my ex were guna get married then he dumped me then we got back together the second time hurt soooo much more than the first I think its more because I felt like we had put the pain and problems behind us and that this time it would really work and I had more emotion invested in it...as for why it hurts more this time for you only you truly know

[ArtistBboy]

Clarification please. What happened during the last break up and the first break up? Throughoughly explain everything and I'll be able to assist you further. If there's not enough room - send me a message.

Best regards~

ArtistBBoy

[ryanontario]

maybe the second break up seems more permanent and after doing this twice with her maybe its time to move on and date some other girls . I think that's what you need to do as it sounds the relationship with her wasn't working out anyways .

[acmocaco2]

i have. it does hurt a lot more, but mostly because you know its over now. You can't think about what if we tried again, or any of that jazz, because you did try again it didn't work.