Why does the break-up hurt so badly if we weren't even together for long time?

[Anonymous]

I had my eyes on him 7 months ago and there was a lot of flirting going on but we actually never met up. He was a customer at the casino I work at and saw him often. However, I got fed up with his games and he would always spark so much emotion and interest in me and suddenly leave without saying goodbye. He would interrupted me whenever I was talking to any attractive colleagues and flirt with me in front of everyone but he never asked me out. I got fed up so I asked to work in a different department of the casino so I don't see him anymore. I didn't see him for 3 months until I unexpectedly bumped into him a day before Christmas and i saw him sobbing that his flights got cancelled and he couldn't fly back home and he finally asked me out. That same night everything escalated and we started dating for a month, did so many things together and met each other friends and always spent time together. Until he decided to break up because he said I am too much for him and he just said he's not feeling it. He said I deserve much better and he can't be the guy I want him to be. How convenient, he flew to the Caribbean 3 days later with his male single friends and he's gonna stay there for a month. Anyway, I am having extremely difficult time accepting its over and that I might never see him again. I can't understand how can such short-term relationship have such strong impact on me? Have I developed feelings for him? How do I erase him from my life?

[kyleelyn199723]

Well you need to come to terms that he probably actually dumped you because he wanted to whore around during his vacation, but instead of being honest he blamed you. He wasted a lot of your time just to not take you seriously in the end. He sounds like a shitty guy. I know it hurts now, but sooner or later you are going to understand why everything happened and laugh at ever having him as a boyfriend

[Asker]

That's exactly what I told him, that he's a fucking user and just used me over the Christmas holiday because he got stuck here. I told him you took advantage of the fact that you knew how much I liked you and just used me and now he's off for holidays he wanted to go as a single man and fuck around. I told him not to hurt people that actually care about him and genuinely like him. There's karma for everyone. He denied using me and said that he was trying for a serious relationship, but didn't feel it at the end. I asked him, how could someone change their mind like that after 24 days, especially a man who is 39 years old? I feel used like a whore and thrown away like a piece of garbage. It really bothers me how he just used me like that when from day 1 he told me he's looking for a relationship and that he's always liked me... I am speechless and I dont even know why I feel so broken. I can't believe that he even introduced me to 2 of his friends and boss from work and also sent photos of me to his family and spoke about me... what was the point of this whole thing at the end? He decided to shift the blame on me just to make the break-up even more painful and that he genuinely tried to have a relationship but "just wasn't feeling it" ... How disgusting

[kyleelyn199723]

@francesca93 usually any guy that is 39 single, and actively looking there’s a huge issue with him. What he pulled just completely confirmed that he is the one that actually has issues , relatively commitment issues and he also is a manipulative gaslighter for making you seem like the crazy one. I’ve been in a similar relationship to this before myself. I was 20 and the guy was 27. To this day, he is still in clubs every weekend pretending like he gets “bitches” and is “famous” it will get easier I promise

[Asker]

Oh yes indeed any man who is 39 still single and looking for girls on tinder, going out with younger girls, drinking problem, also I found cocaine and condoms at his apartment... HUGE RED FLAGS... I just can't believe he actually put all that effort and played me so well.. Commitment issues for sure, he even admitted it himself... I guess there's nothing I can do about it. What's even worse is that he said he knows he will never marry me and that we won't even be together in 6 months time and that I am too pushy and suffocating me... What should I do if he contacts me once he comes back from the holidays? Should I meet him and treat him like shit or not even bother?

[kyleelyn199723]

Honestly, you are better off blocking him and moving on with your life. He sounds like the opposite of a guy that you should want to marry and have children with?

[Asker]

My friend said If I play cold hearted bitch I can change him to whatever I want and she said I should withhold sex and manipulate him... is there a chance he could change or not really?

[kyleelyn199723]

Your friend is stupid. You can’t change a man like that. He is 39 and stuck in his own “grown” man ways. That tactic will only work on young men that actually want love. A man dumping a woman to simply be a whore on vacation, there’s no changing that. He had you for sex and he still looked for other women anyways.

[Asker]

Yes you are absolutely right and there's a reason he's still single at 39... he even admitted he used to cheat a LOT constantly on one of his ex girlfriend's. I genuinely believe that he's just a user and piece of garbgage whose purpose in life is to use young girls no wonder why he said his most relationships only lasted a month or two... he's just there to use, abuse and discard... he could only hold to a woman for a few months until the psycho mask slips off... what a sad pathetic existence for a man... i thought people had a higher purpose in life than that

[kyleelyn199723]

Some men will just never understand what they want in life. I’m sure his friend group is a huge contributor to why he is the way he is. He sounds like a nightmare guy that also isn’t a leader to his own life. That’s sad news when a 39 year old man is still following a troubling lifestyle. Don’t let a man like this tear you down to his level

[Asker]

you are so right... the moment he spoke on the phone to his friends making plans for their holidays his whole personality shifted and even voice changed... before the break-up I asked him if he would call me every day while he's on holiday, I mean it's 4 weeks holiday in the Caribbean and he looked shocked.. like why would he have to call me every day? I think his whole friends group is the same type of older loser men who only get satisfaction in life from pointless holidays, drunken nights and using young girls.. I can't believe I met him.. I kept beginning him to confess the fact that he just used me and he kept denying it and saying it's not true... He even had tears in his eyes at one point and saying how sorry he is and that I touched his heart in such way that he hasn't felt for years.. were the tears real or just fake crocodile tears?

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. I feel hurt by a guy who I was never into for years. We hung out for a week and became closer emotionally he made a sexual advance and I turned him down. He stop speaking to me. I see him in my neighborhood a lot, but we don’t interact anymore. I don’t want our bond back but it hurts.