Why is the second break up harder than the first?

my ex girlfriend and I dated for about a year before breaking up in the summer. while we wanted things to work out we were fighting a lot so we decided to split up.

it wasn't nearly as hard on me as it was on her and I got over it in about a month. also, about a month after our breakup I traveled to Ireland to study abroad...so I figured since I was in a completely different country I couldn't even worry about her if I wanted to.

when I got back she contacted me and we started dating again. however, we ran into the same problems. we dated from September to November and ended up breaking up again.

however, unlike the first breakup, this one seems so much harder than the first. even a few months later I can't move on completely. while I'm not nearly as sad as I was in November, I still have moments here and there. I'm about 90% over her, but can't get over her all the way, which is strange because in the summer when we broke up I definitely felt like I was all the way over her.

why is this? why is our second breakup harder to get over than the first? we broke up over the same reasons both times.

i kind of want to talk to her and hang out with her again and see where it goes, but I don't know if a third time around will even work.

help? thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Its obvious this time your feelings are in it more then the first time so of course it will take longer to get over her. However if you can't find it in you to get over her completely and you find yourself still wanting to be with her take it slow start all over again! Become her friend see how those arguments could have been avoided look deep within her see why she does the things she do. Or why she gets annoyed with the things you do. I understand it was the same reasons both times and you don't want a third break up let her know that. Let her know you still want her in your life but you want to take it slow become her bff!

    I hope this helps xoxo!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Because your feelings for her are much stronger this time. I would think that was fairly obvious.

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  • well maybe it was hard on you the first time sometimes it can happen and you not know but you love her and try working on those reasons you to broke up maybe that would work but trust me on this if that doesn't work maybe she's not the one for you

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  • i think the second break up is harder beacause when you went out 1st time you were getting to know each other but in the second time you alredy kno mostly every thing this is y its so hard because you feel like you know every thing about eachother

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What Guys Said 1

  • Ok think of it this way. The second time is theoretically about 2 or 3 months. Realistically, it's been since you two first originally started dating. You've already invested so much time, emotions, and care. It's like a bank. as much as you'd like to start from scratch, you already have everything there. I know what you would think, the second time around you build up your defenses again, but that just isn't so. it may be true for the first couple of weeks, but then you get back in to the groove of things like they used to be, and all that crashes down. So to sum it up, the second time around you are in vesting more everything(emotions, etc...)

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