Should I break up with my boyfriend for calling me fat and was it that bad that I called him childish?

Question

My boyfriend and I were sitting and watching a movie and he made a comment about the heater being on, I jokingly made a face at him (it’s an inside joke from a meme) and rather than laugh or just wrap up the conversation he instantly turned away from me and passive aggressively jammed his headphones on and began ignoring me. He does this often where he over reacts or maybe I’m joking and he gets mad. I went to talk to him at his desk and asked if he heard me and he proceeded to ignore me so I said he’s being childish and he said “if I’m a child then you’re a disgusting fat fucking bitch” and then again proceeded to call me fat a second later. I said “you think you’re so cool huh using that type of language all the time” and he said “well I’m with you so that’s proof that I’m not cool”. Wtf! I pulled my phone out to start recording him and was asking him why he thinks it’s ok to name call me and he said I did it first. Well, I said he was being childish he on the other hand called me derogatory disrespectful names. I said if I’m uncool and fat then why are you even with me and he replied “I ask myself that all the time”. He also physically shoved me away from him and kept screaming to get the fuck away from him when I tried to record him being verbally abusive. Whether or not I was standing too close in his bubble I feel that it was wrong for him to put his hands on me to shove me. What would you do in this situation? It’s been hard for me to leave cus he used to tell me I’m the most beautiful and treat me so kindly, but I’m done.

motownplayer2000 · Accepted Answer

Yeah. I would love to know his side of the story because it’s going to obvious that some details are missing, like what you actually reacted like, how you been treating him lately, are you a toxic person, do you communicate well. Stuff like that. However, 1) calling him childish isn’t a bad thing. Most adults can benefit from being more child like, that makes for a more wholesome relationship. Now if you used the word immature. That would be a better connotation for the behavior. And as it sounds to me, you are as immature if not more than he is. 2) you stated you were in his personal bubble or might have been. So if you probably were and weren’t moving out of it, what do you expect the man to do? Just because you are together doesn’t mean you are entitled to his space. And pushing you to gain separation isn’t necessarily putting hands on you in the way you want it to read.. again, context matters and by your own admission, it was justifiable. 3) he sounds toxic, and needs to work on some issues, particularly anger if what you stated is correct. You are as well, you need to work on being a better communicator and a better partner for your SO. Clearly he isn’t getting something he truly needs, and this doesn’t necessarily mean sexual, it means any kind of thing he wants from you he isn’t getting. And it balloons to outburst. You need to re-evaluate how you view your partner.

These days I hear women say all the time, he needs to learn to treat ME with respect, he needs to take care of ME, he needs to do xyz for ME, ME, ME… it’s always about the woman, never about there significant other.. and they don’t know how to treat a man, what he really wants or even cares to bother.. they thing pussy is all a man wants and will manipulate accordingly. You all are finding out quick that’s not the case.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You’re both in the wrong. First of all if he does this a lot than that’s on you for staying w someone like that. Your choice. Second, yes he may have called you fat but you have no idea how much calling him childish really affected him. Everyone is different. Call me childish I’d just laugh. He was probably serious about the heater. But most men can’t really say what they feel because women go extreme. So you’re dismissing his feelings. You’re saying your feelings matter more than his. Which is one reason a lot of men don’t talk about their feelings because women always dismiss a man’s feelings. Society does the same in general. You sound like you’re full of drama. You didn’t just go to talk to him as you said, you were mad. You wanted to push the issue cause your feelings were hurt. Instead of leaving it alone for a while to calm down you ignited it more. Plus you tried to record him. Which is going to make pretty much most people mad. I’m not saying him pushing you was justified, but sounds like this has happened before. Again your choice to stay w him. But you sound like a lot of women who love drama, you just fired it up more rather than thinking ok he said something out of anger as did I. Let me leave this alone for now. Plus, if he’s been like this before you know how he reacts, probably pushed you before. So w that said why didn’t you back off? Because you wanted to catch him in the act that’s why you kept antagonizing him. I’m sure he has a completely different story.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

Dude, it sounds like you have a lot more reasons to break up with him than him being vulgar. Whoever he was at the start of the relationship clearly isn’t who he is with you now. I wouldn’t confront him about it though, if he’a genuinely abusive he’ll manipulate you or threaten you into staying with him. Just take all your things and leave quietly. Tell no one but the people you’re going to stay with and make sure you leave when he’s not home. You don’t owe him anything, and I’d block his number as soon as you’re out.

Hulk_kitty · Answer

I think he was not happy about the heater, when he made the comment. Because he was not happy about the heater, you didn't take him seriously, and joked about it.

He probably feels that you didn't take his feelings seriously about the heater. If you don't take someone's feelings seriously about a situation or whatever it could be, it will cause some people to lash out.

The heater situation might be a small thing to you, but it might be a big thing to him. I would not trivalise someone's elses feelings about a situation.

If you are joke about something with him, then you have to find the right time for it.

I would suggest, you say to him, what is wrong and what exactly, what have I done to upset you? If he does explain the situation, you say sorry I didn't understand how you felt about it. But please do not call me a horrible names regardless.

Now if he carries on ignoring you over it, even though you are trying to be calm and civilised about the situation. I would then suggest, you tell him, If you carry on like this. Then I think its best the we go our separate ways, end the relationship. Its clear we are not right for each other.

Don't tell him to grow up, or shout rude comments at him, it will only make him more angry. Just get your point across, get straight facts, if not your going to talk to me about it, then i think its best we move on, I can't deal with this anymore.

JacobJordan · Answer

Both of you are in the wrong. You are in fact wrong for calling him childish and for recording him and yes for invading his personal space. He is wrong as well for calling you a bitch, putting hands on you among other things. In my family a man never puts hands on a woman especially the woman he is with romantically. I have a brother 3 uncles and a father all of whom would ensure I hit a early grave if I put hands on a woman like that. As for if you should break up? Absolutely. Is his comment about your being fat valid? I have no idea. You very well could be. You also could have gained a lot of weight since you first started going out which if the case may make the statement true but certainly not warranted. Many better ways to bring up something like that.

I wish you the best regardless of your choice and do advise extreme caution going forward if you stay

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. When you call him names, the names actually fit and they represent the truth, so you are not at fault and whatever feelings he has can be ignored.

2. When he calls you names, the names don't really fit and they aren't true, so he is at fault and has hurt your feelings and. . . since he has done that, you are justified in calling him even more names.

Do you see a possible problem here?

1sexyrobot · Answer

SO MANY RED FLAGS!!! he is not ok in the head, first of all, second, he has no right to insult and demean you. I actually flinched when I read the first thing you quoted him as saying. He sounds completely unhinged and, realistically, mentally ill. this is definitely a 'him' problem.

Screenwriter · Answer

This guy is angry and abusive. Get yourself away from him as quickly as possible.

He's asking himself why he's with you? You're fat? Even if you are, he lashed out at you by using a physical putdown that you can't address in the moment.

Calling someone childish is a point for discussion. "So, why do you say I'm childish? What do you mean in this instance?" Calling someone fat is mean and said to hurt.

Something's wrong with this guy from your description of him. Definitely angry. About what, I don't know. But you can't help him or solve his issues. Leave him alone and get away.

Good luck in your better life.

TomMarks · Answer

What were you going to accomplish recording him? But, that is not what you asked. You said he called you fat, but in the subject did include he called you the B word and then he implies being with you is proof he isn’t “cool.” I’ve been called childish a lot by girls, sometimes I responded better than others but that doesn’t give him clearance to call you that. I’d say you should let him go, being a lone has got to be better than putting up with that.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Not ok for him to call you "fucking fat" or say things like "I don't even know why I'm with you."

He's saying that he's with you because he thinks he can't find someone better, not because he's actually proud to be with you or because he is genuinely into you.

You wouldn't water a plant with salt water just because "some water is better than none". I say wash your hands of this guy and embrace single life for a little bit.

SimplyPut · Answer

Two sides to every story and you know where your enough point is. If you don't and you stay you will find that point unfortunately but it could be from a backhand or closed fist that leads you to find that point. I say tell yourself you're time is to precious to with for that point that you seem to inevitably feel is in your front windshield. Take the next exit hit the speedy bypass around
Done-town and put that place in the rearview mirror. Don't be staring in that rearview either concentrate on the road ahead. Done-town will quickly be a sec disappearing out of site in your rearview if you do

7Phoenix7 · Answer

You need to leave this relationship. There's no love, just toxicity. He will continue to treat you like that and won't go back to being what he pretended to be when you first got with him. Don't stay..

FriendlyCanadianGuy · Answer

I can't believe you pull out your phone to record your argument?
Why would you do this? Show your friends? The second you pull your phone out to record someone who's already pissed off tells me you were trying to get a reaction out of him.
Why would an inside joke make him mad - I don't think you're telling the whole truth here lol.

Your profile says your 31 but I find that incredibly childish. Like... holy shit I was videod while having an argument id be sooo gone

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

The both of you need to talk and set boundaries that he can't insult you and you can't to him (not saying you did). He needs to be respectful so if you give him one more chance there needs to be a level of respect between the two and he can't talk that way. I mean personally I've been called worse by guy friends playing sports. But I understand for a significant other its different then just a bunch of guys playing sports.

Staximus · Answer

Calling him childish is no reason for him to call you a fat bitch. Recording him and standing next to him when he's throwing his big baby temper tantrum is like pouring gasoline on the fire. He shouldn't have pushed you, but you did escalate the situation. I suggest you leave this big baby bitch boy.

WilliamPamer446 · Answer

Sounds like he over reacted and made a rude statement but don't take it to personal becaus he felt insulted by you calling him a child and he feels like you were calling him a child and he didn't mean it for he was tryna go in defensive mode or be like well if I'm this then your this kinda thing stick up for him se respect he still loves you your not fat buddy

JustAsking2023 · Answer

As soon as he put his hands on you, you should end it. Guys like that normally do not stop, and sometimes it gets worse.

But he was asking childishly, so I do not think you was in the wrong.

Now the question is why is he like this it could very possible be that he is not happy. He could have possibly did meet someone and does not want to come across as a cheater so wants you to break up with him to give him a green light. He could be just having a bad day or under big stress. But what ever it is that is not an excuse to hit or push you.

After thinking about this, I think he lost something because of you or your relationship. But there is no way to know, to know you need to do an investigation. But if you leave him there is no need to.

sean1234 · Answer

Copying worldly meme crap is your fault, this is why I stay away from TV shows, movies, famous singers songs and any other internet crap that shouldn't exist. You should realize how what you said from the meme could make someone angry. Everyone breaks up these days, you think anything different would happen with someone else. People need Jesus in their lives not the world of man and its crap.

Finchie40 · Answer

Calling someone childish is not a big deal , but recording someone is especially without their consent , Yes it was wrong for him to call you a fat fucking bitch and push you but sadly you were just as wrong by recording him , So either you both work things out or you both walk away from each other

curious_gul · Answer

No, but If he's always trying to make you feel insecure, and lower your self-esteem then yes do it now sister!!!

DubiousIntentions · Answer

I would tell him to... You don't need that shit!

Ashenicky · Answer

Leave him. You do not deserve to be treated that way, at all. That's an abusive relationship and you need to get away fast

Sasha0426 · Answer

It’s obvious he hates you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore. So yes you should.

Should I break up with my boyfriend for calling me fat and was it that bad that I called him childish?

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