Should I break up with my boyfriend for calling me fat and was it that bad that I called him childish?

[luckymanifestt]

My boyfriend and I were sitting and watching a movie and he made a comment about the heater being on, I jokingly made a face at him (it’s an inside joke from a meme) and rather than laugh or just wrap up the conversation he instantly turned away from me and passive aggressively jammed his headphones on and began ignoring me. He does this often where he over reacts or maybe I’m joking and he gets mad. I went to talk to him at his desk and asked if he heard me and he proceeded to ignore me so I said he’s being childish and he said “if I’m a child then you’re a disgusting fat fucking bitch” and then again proceeded to call me fat a second later. I said “you think you’re so cool huh using that type of language all the time” and he said “well I’m with you so that’s proof that I’m not cool”. Wtf! I pulled my phone out to start recording him and was asking him why he thinks it’s ok to name call me and he said I did it first. Well, I said he was being childish he on the other hand called me derogatory disrespectful names. I said if I’m uncool and fat then why are you even with me and he replied “I ask myself that all the time”. He also physically shoved me away from him and kept screaming to get the fuck away from him when I tried to record him being verbally abusive. Whether or not I was standing too close in his bubble I feel that it was wrong for him to put his hands on me to shove me. What would you do in this situation? It’s been hard for me to leave cus he used to tell me I’m the most beautiful and treat me so kindly, but I’m done.

[Anonymous]

You’re both in the wrong. First of all if he does this a lot than that’s on you for staying w someone like that. Your choice. Second, yes he may have called you fat but you have no idea how much calling him childish really affected him. Everyone is different. Call me childish I’d just laugh. He was probably serious about the heater. But most men can’t really say what they feel because women go extreme. So you’re dismissing his feelings. You’re saying your feelings matter more than his. Which is one reason a lot of men don’t talk about their feelings because women always dismiss a man’s feelings. Society does the same in general. You sound like you’re full of drama. You didn’t just go to talk to him as you said, you were mad. You wanted to push the issue cause your feelings were hurt. Instead of leaving it alone for a while to calm down you ignited it more. Plus you tried to record him. Which is going to make pretty much most people mad. I’m not saying him pushing you was justified, but sounds like this has happened before. Again your choice to stay w him. But you sound like a lot of women who love drama, you just fired it up more rather than thinking ok he said something out of anger as did I. Let me leave this alone for now. Plus, if he’s been like this before you know how he reacts, probably pushed you before. So w that said why didn’t you back off? Because you wanted to catch him in the act that’s why you kept antagonizing him. I’m sure he has a completely different story.

[motownplayer2000]

Yeah. I would love to know his side of the story because it’s going to obvious that some details are missing, like what you actually reacted like, how you been treating him lately, are you a toxic person, do you communicate well. Stuff like that. However, 1) calling him childish isn’t a bad thing. Most adults can benefit from being more child like, that makes for a more wholesome relationship. Now if you used the word immature. That would be a better connotation for the behavior. And as it sounds to me, you are as immature if not more than he is. 2) you stated you were in his personal bubble or might have been. So if you probably were and weren’t moving out of it, what do you expect the man to do? Just because you are together doesn’t mean you are entitled to his space. And pushing you to gain separation isn’t necessarily putting hands on you in the way you want it to read.. again, context matters and by your own admission, it was justifiable. 3) he sounds toxic, and needs to work on some issues, particularly anger if what you stated is correct. You are as well, you need to work on being a better communicator and a better partner for your SO. Clearly he isn’t getting something he truly needs, and this doesn’t necessarily mean sexual, it means any kind of thing he wants from you he isn’t getting. And it balloons to outburst. You need to re-evaluate how you view your partner.


These days I hear women say all the time, he needs to learn to treat ME with respect, he needs to take care of ME, he needs to do xyz for ME, ME, ME… it’s always about the woman, never about there significant other.. and they don’t know how to treat a man, what he really wants or even cares to bother.. they thing pussy is all a man wants and will manipulate accordingly. You all are finding out quick that’s not the case.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Dude, it sounds like you have a lot more reasons to break up with him than him being vulgar. Whoever he was at the start of the relationship clearly isn’t who he is with you now. I wouldn’t confront him about it though, if he’a genuinely abusive he’ll manipulate you or threaten you into staying with him. Just take all your things and leave quietly. Tell no one but the people you’re going to stay with and make sure you leave when he’s not home. You don’t owe him anything, and I’d block his number as soon as you’re out.

[Hulk_kitty]

I think he was not happy about the heater, when he made the comment. Because he was not happy about the heater, you didn't take him seriously, and joked about it.

He probably feels that you didn't take his feelings seriously about the heater. If you don't take someone's feelings seriously about a situation or whatever it could be, it will cause some people to lash out.

The heater situation might be a small thing to you, but it might be a big thing to him. I would not trivalise someone's elses feelings about a situation.

If you are joke about something with him, then you have to find the right time for it.

I would suggest, you say to him, what is wrong and what exactly, what have I done to upset you? If he does explain the situation, you say sorry I didn't understand how you felt about it. But please do not call me a horrible names regardless.

Now if he carries on ignoring you over it, even though you are trying to be calm and civilised about the situation. I would then suggest, you tell him, If you carry on like this. Then I think its best the we go our separate ways, end the relationship. Its clear we are not right for each other.

Don't tell him to grow up, or shout rude comments at him, it will only make him more angry. Just get your point across, get straight facts, if not your going to talk to me about it, then i think its best we move on, I can't deal with this anymore.

[JacobJordan]

Both of you are in the wrong. You are in fact wrong for calling him childish and for recording him and yes for invading his personal space. He is wrong as well for calling you a bitch, putting hands on you among other things. In my family a man never puts hands on a woman especially the woman he is with romantically. I have a brother 3 uncles and a father all of whom would ensure I hit a early grave if I put hands on a woman like that. As for if you should break up? Absolutely. Is his comment about your being fat valid? I have no idea. You very well could be. You also could have gained a lot of weight since you first started going out which if the case may make the statement true but certainly not warranted. Many better ways to bring up something like that.

I wish you the best regardless of your choice and do advise extreme caution going forward if you stay

[1sexyrobot]

SO MANY RED FLAGS!!! he is not ok in the head, first of all, second, he has no right to insult and demean you. I actually flinched when I read the first thing you quoted him as saying. He sounds completely unhinged and, realistically, mentally ill. this is definitely a 'him' problem.

[Screenwriter]

This guy is angry and abusive. Get yourself away from him as quickly as possible.

He's asking himself why he's with you? You're fat? Even if you are, he lashed out at you by using a physical putdown that you can't address in the moment.

Calling someone childish is a point for discussion. "So, why do you say I'm childish? What do you mean in this instance?" Calling someone fat is mean and said to hurt.

Something's wrong with this guy from your description of him. Definitely angry. About what, I don't know. But you can't help him or solve his issues. Leave him alone and get away.

Good luck in your better life.

[TomMarks]

What were you going to accomplish recording him? But, that is not what you asked. You said he called you fat, but in the subject did include he called you the B word and then he implies being with you is proof he isn’t “cool.” I’ve been called childish a lot by girls, sometimes I responded better than others but that doesn’t give him clearance to call you that. I’d say you should let him go, being a lone has got to be better than putting up with that.

[luckymanifestt]

Evidence. Because he denies that he says things so this way he can’t gaslight me because if he say as oh I’d never say that then I can physically show him

[TomMarks]

More reason you should just let him go. He thinks he can just deny what he said.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. When you call him names, the names actually fit and they represent the truth, so you are not at fault and whatever feelings he has can be ignored.

2. When he calls you names, the names don't really fit and they aren't true, so he is at fault and has hurt your feelings and. . . since he has done that, you are justified in calling him even more names.

Do you see a possible problem here?

[Xoxocutekitty]

Not ok for him to call you "fucking fat" or say things like "I don't even know why I'm with you."

He's saying that he's with you because he thinks he can't find someone better, not because he's actually proud to be with you or because he is genuinely into you.

You wouldn't water a plant with salt water just because "some water is better than none". I say wash your hands of this guy and embrace single life for a little bit.

[7Phoenix7]

You need to leave this relationship. There's no love, just toxicity. He will continue to treat you like that and won't go back to being what he pretended to be when you first got with him. Don't stay..

[SimplyPut]

Two sides to every story and you know where your enough point is. If you don't and you stay you will find that point unfortunately but it could be from a backhand or closed fist that leads you to find that point. I say tell yourself you're time is to precious to with for that point that you seem to inevitably feel is in your front windshield. Take the next exit hit the speedy bypass around
Done-town and put that place in the rearview mirror. Don't be staring in that rearview either concentrate on the road ahead. Done-town will quickly be a sec disappearing out of site in your rearview if you do

[pass_the_celery98]

The both of you need to talk and set boundaries that he can't insult you and you can't to him (not saying you did). He needs to be respectful so if you give him one more chance there needs to be a level of respect between the two and he can't talk that way. I mean personally I've been called worse by guy friends playing sports. But I understand for a significant other its different then just a bunch of guys playing sports.

[Staximus]

Calling him childish is no reason for him to call you a fat bitch. Recording him and standing next to him when he's throwing his big baby temper tantrum is like pouring gasoline on the fire. He shouldn't have pushed you, but you did escalate the situation. I suggest you leave this big baby bitch boy.

[JustAsking2023]

As soon as he put his hands on you, you should end it. Guys like that normally do not stop, and sometimes it gets worse.

But he was asking childishly, so I do not think you was in the wrong.

Now the question is why is he like this it could very possible be that he is not happy. He could have possibly did meet someone and does not want to come across as a cheater so wants you to break up with him to give him a green light. He could be just having a bad day or under big stress. But what ever it is that is not an excuse to hit or push you.

After thinking about this, I think he lost something because of you or your relationship. But there is no way to know, to know you need to do an investigation. But if you leave him there is no need to.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

I can't believe you pull out your phone to record your argument?
Why would you do this? Show your friends? The second you pull your phone out to record someone who's already pissed off tells me you were trying to get a reaction out of him.
Why would an inside joke make him mad - I don't think you're telling the whole truth here lol.

Your profile says your 31 but I find that incredibly childish. Like... holy shit I was videod while having an argument id be sooo gone

[Sasha0426]

He’s abusive so he deserved it 🤷‍♀️

[luckymanifestt]

nope. stupid assumptions. he constantly denies saying disgusting things that he said, and he actually is the one who started recording arguments to put in his group chat with his friends. so i decided if he's gonna do it for that reason, why shouldn't i, in order to show him exactly what he said if he tries to deny something and escape accountability? im actually 27 and dont find it childish at all. he started it, the only reason I did it is to have evidence so he can't gaslight me.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

This doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I think the situation is forcing you both into actions which I would consider toxic. Might be reactionary but neither of your lives are worth spent over such issues. There's someone out there who won't gaslight you and make you have to defend yourself.
I've been in a toxic relationship too, she would constantly lie and chip away at my confidence then act like she never said those things. You don't forget those specific things when they hurt so much, and it's incredibly frustrating when they pretend they didn't say it.
I stand by the recording thing, childish to need video evidence of things being said

[Finchie40]

Calling someone childish is not a big deal , but recording someone is especially without their consent , Yes it was wrong for him to call you a fat fucking bitch and push you but sadly you were just as wrong by recording him , So either you both work things out or you both walk away from each other

[sean1234]

Copying worldly meme crap is your fault, this is why I stay away from TV shows, movies, famous singers songs and any other internet crap that shouldn't exist. You should realize how what you said from the meme could make someone angry. Everyone breaks up these days, you think anything different would happen with someone else. People need Jesus in their lives not the world of man and its crap.

[WilliamPamer446]

Sounds like he over reacted and made a rude statement but don't take it to personal becaus he felt insulted by you calling him a child and he feels like you were calling him a child and he didn't mean it for he was tryna go in defensive mode or be like well if I'm this then your this kinda thing stick up for him se respect he still loves you your not fat buddy

[WilliamPamer446]

I'm not taking his side I'm just saying to put it into perspective

[WilliamPamer446]

Oh NVM he shoved u ya consider break up with him he doing more than I thought but just know u did nothing wrong ajd he over react

[curious_gul]

No, but If he's always trying to make you feel insecure, and lower your self-esteem then yes do it now sister!!!

[curious_gul]

So, I just read what you wrote, and Giiirl, you better run, and never ever look back.

[luckymanifestt]

lol thank you! i absolutely will

[Ashenicky]

Leave him. You do not deserve to be treated that way, at all. That's an abusive relationship and you need to get away fast

[DubiousIntentions]

I would tell him to...

You don't need that shit!

[Sasha0426]

It’s obvious he hates you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore. So yes you should.

[Sasha0426]

I’m not surprised at the amount of men standing up for the abusive boyfriend.

[luckymanifestt]

girl me neither. they are all probably ugly as fuck losers, shows a lot about their character. and i love how they are all concerned with my weight but not his abusive nature. who the hell raised these garbage losers

[Lliam]

Right off the bat, turning away and putting on his headphones was very immature. And then he got much worse. That guy acts like a child.

I think he showed his true colors. Dump his sorry ass. He's only a boyfriend.

[serious_miss419]

Facts 🙌

[Gopackers02]

I’ll say not unless he says you need to exercise to stay with him and you’re not that overweight. If I think a girl is I’ll just invite them to workout with me like a lot but for their good. I think both are childish. I hate being recorded unless it’s me doing or I’m knowingly being recorded and want to. Like who are you showing it to and why are you doing it. But him ignoring you I could see a day but if it’s extended period of time then it’s hella childish

[prakhindev92]

I won't break up , i don't think that is necessary , but will sure do something about it , i like the way i am , the way I look is some cliche stereo typic dialogues , those people are actually lazy , and the worst part is they say they are being targeted and body shamed

[Wood3nWhal3]

Who would you rather hear it from than not someone who loves you the way you are and share your most intimate moments?
I'd be pissed if for any amount of years my significant other lied to me about something like that. To further prove my point that he cares, is that maybe he was prepared to help if he had mentioned it. If that's not love by him being honest to you and had a plan to help you be your best, I don't know what is.

[SphynxUK]

Get rid of him. Life’s too short to put up with this kind of shizzle. You deserve better.

[Victoria-Marianna]

Is it out of character for him to behave this way? If so, it seems like the real him is showing himself because he's not happy in the relationship. Sounds like he is frustrated snd unhappy. He is definitely immature

Once a relationship shows signs of any type of abuse , that's when it's time to end it. If two people can't communicate effectively, the relationship will become toxic.

[DarkWinterNights]

It sounds like the two of you have been having problems for awhile and it’s a lot more complicated than him calling you overweight.

[Zavarakatranemia]

Ummmm at first I wanted to reply that no, I wouldn't break up with my boyfriend for calling me fat. He could be angry, or teasing me, or just being objective. But then I read there was a lot more to that story and from the rest of his behavior he seems quite toxic and seems like he is trying to make you to break up with him for some reason.

[malecurious]

Leave now! Pretend he's a house fire, and run. if you fall, tuck and roll. whatever you do or how you do it just get away now. it's a toxic relationship. Once words are used with such malice and hands are laid on you in aggressiveness then it only gets worse.

[RageBabe]

It appears that this reunion is unhealthy. You might try talking to him, I guess, or just end it, although that can be hard. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Nightblade23]

You should communicate with him and figure out why he said you were fat communication is key if you truly love him and want to be with him then try and work through it figure out what's going on and see if you can work things out

[Jackblue]

Yes, breakup with him. He is really sensitive and also verbally and a little physically abusive.

[fantasticass]

You need to leave him. This is not a healthy relationship.

[Bre_0611]

Yes you should breakup with him. Do not ever stay with a man who insults your physical appearance because he means that.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

I was on your side until riiiggghhtt here "I pulled my phone out to start recording him"

[ohmyguy]

Sure if it was use to consistently in crude cruel hurtful demeaning manner

Than for sure

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

[DreamLife7]

Right these trolls post the same bs regularly

[EmmaMary]

@DreamLife7

Tell me/us about it! smh

[Wise_words01]

I think I remember you from years ago. I mean your username sounds familiar back when I used to use this app.

[Anonymous]

why is it that you are still unsure about what to do?

[JDAC092299]

She isn’t lol, she also is part of the problem who tf tries to record an argument with their partner? Why do you need evidence? If someone is horrible to you in a relationship you leave, unless you have further motives.

[JDAC092299]

Also her reactions on this post to people disagreeing with her or sticking up for her partner speaks volumes about not just her but their dynamic, I think like another user here has already stated this isn’t the first time and I think this definitely was her pushing her partners buttons to try to get a certain reaction out of him. People like this will often have a long line of “Toxic ex’s” with the only common denominator being them and a story of abuse. It’s self victimisation and in my opinion a slap in the face of all true victims.

[Opinion Owner]

didn't say anything about who the problem is or who isn't, whatever it is the relationship should be over.

[JDAC092299]

Agreed before it gets any uglier, sorry by the way I didn’t mean to imply that you mentioned anyone was at fault l think I just got carried away venting on the net because I’ve been in the shoes of someone who’s being made out to be something they’re not.

[Opinion Owner]

Yea some people like to play the victim

[antelope51]

Clearly, he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Let him have his own company.

[SotiCoto]

Is this some sort of game where you try to see who can be the most abusive? Because if so, I think you're winning.

[Sasha0426]

If you’re going to be abusive, you deserve to be recorded.

[curious_gul]

She literally said that before recording him he used to ignore he and make her feel bad, he seemed to me like a narcissist, but since there's not enough evident proof, nor have I witnessed what happened, then I can't judge nor assume.

[luckymanifestt]

@curious_gul thank you. also his mom has gone to the looney bin and is a diagnosed narc, he always exhibits splittign so he has some mental issue presumably.

[Jkgordon]

Are you fat? Because if you are he doesn’t like it. Furthermore it seems you two are not compatible. What is your astrology and his sign too.

[Samhanks]

This a clear sign of zero respect for you, so let him get lost, he might have said good things about you in the past, but its the PRESENT that counts !

[slatyb]

Yes, you should break up with him. Sounds like a match made in hell.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to call him childish. Cause he is especially at 30.

He had no right to call you fat.

Dump him girl. He's an idiot

[Anonymous]

I mean when you called him
Childish it’s probably the same feeling as when he called you fat. Guys are usually use to hearing woman say whatever they want but it’s immature. Words do affect people and we have to take responsibility for that.

[jahaims]

You're both immature and don't know how to communicate

[pervgirl]

But what if he's right and you are fat. Then you'd be breaking up because he's honest

[Sparkie460]

If your both calling each other names like you're little kids, yeah break up.

[JHAYES317]

If you were actually fat then no, but if not then yeah.

[Sasha0426]

Fat or not, you don’t ever speak to your partner like that.

[KrakenAttackin]

Maybe you should re think sarcasm in your relationship.

[Tiger288]

U and boyfriend need to grow up u record him really? That kind of childish too.

[Apple1996]

It's verbal abuse. Get rid of this guy

[red324]

Sometimes the truth helps in the long run, but there are smoother ways to tell her to get into shape.

[boggboss]

Why are u guys even together lol wtf

[boggboss]

That u are at the point of needing to collect evidence of what he calls u is ridicules just end things and stop wasting eachothers time

[blueberryqueen99]

Girl, end the relationship…. He’s a piece of shit. I wish a guy would put his hands on me. He’s getting shot! Tf

[smashleyy]

abusive. I would leave

[HelpfulWoman]

yeahhhh easy SKIP the dude

[DreamLife7]

How do u break up with someone that doesn't want u lol? As far as I could see he's done with u since ur fat

[luckymanifestt]

First of all you’re a 2/10 your face looks like a smashed blob fish that could be blinded with dental floss. Little ugly dark eyes. Second of all, if I’m fat then you’re disgustingly obese I’m 100 lbs and 5”2 you retarded bitch. He always does shit like this just to beg for me the next day and apologize.

[DreamLife7]

@luckmanifestt hey ugly, following me on every post won't make that person like u. U were still rejected, ur old, friendless, and barren. Ur worthless mext

[luckymanifestt]

lmao right im so ugly whatever makes you feel better, go back to ur own country egg roll. lmao old? im 27 so if im old then so are you. and i still look better than you and dont need to pose a weird ass profile photo to try to get validation from men on this app. sorry i offended you hun. also if you think 31 is old you are fucked in a few years, you already look 34 you ugly worthless Asian brainless bimbo

[luckymanifestt]

also you are braindead, im not trying to make anyone like me just to get mens opinions. get some botox, some boobs, a face that doesn't look like a mans then try to talk to me. by the way, he tried to apologize to me today with a $10k necklace that i refused and left him. worthless mext? for an Asian you sure are stupid as fuck. get the fuck out of my country and go back to your own ching chong go work the rice paddies where you belong

[Decoded93]

@luckymanifestt the way you say you recorded your boyfriend getting upset and then racially abuse a random lady for not joining your pity party makes me think that there's a side of this story you're not telling, maybe it's that you provoked your boyfriend to use that language or that you got up in his face when he tried to leave the situation by ignoring you, but after seeing you act this way I did a 180 and I think you made this situation with the boyfriend end the way it did

[Drumlin2001]

So. you're OK with f*cking b*tch but draw the one at fat?

[luckymanifestt]

did i say im ok with it lmao there's a reason i mentioned it. that was crossing the line for sure, didn't need anyones opinion to know that part of the equation.

[Anonymous]

Please leave him right now.

[TiaNour]

The relationship seems kinda toxic