My girlfriend told her ex that she loves him, what should I do?

Me and my girl have been dating for almost a year, we have both expressed deep feelings for each other. We have both said that we love each other, and we want to get married But over the last few days, things have changed. I have been working all the time and I haven't been able to talk to her, and over the weekend she left her Facebook logged in to my computer. I'm not going to lie I was curious and looked at her sent messages, and two days before she sent a message to her ex saying that she misses him and loves him, it was a really deep message. I feel destroyed, and I don't know what to do, and I feel like I can't confront her about it, because I was dishonest in getting the information. I love this girl so much. Please help me

Updates:
I recently confronted her and she denied even talking to him. She said that I needed to trust her. Then I told her I knew that she was really talking, she became real defensive, and started accusing me of spying and not trusting her.
I want to break up with her, but her brother is working on my car and I don't want her to go crazy and destroy it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to confront her. You'll have to admit that you looked at her messages but she'll realize that she has wronged you too. Her telling someone else that she loves them while being in a serious relationship with you in a classic example of deception. You have to ask her why she did this, if she meant it, how she feels about you, and what this means. I understand if you feel scared. I had to something similar a few weeks ago with my boyfriend. It wasn't as serious as this, but I told him we needed to take a break to see if we should be together. After a week of not seeing or speaking to each other he had realized oh too well how wrong he was and how much he wanted to be with me. This could be the case for your girlfriend, perhaps she was feeling lonely from not seeing you lately and resorted to an ex. However, you have to stand your ground and let her know that it still is not right and it hurt you deeply. Though you're scared and you don't want this to be the end, realize that it could be. If she doesn't love you then it's over. If she does though, you have some major work on your hands. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 5

  • That exact scenario happened to me just a few days ago. I'm still horribly confused and upset. I don't really know what to do, or how to handle it. He's the only person in 19 years that I've ever loved, and the only person in all that time that I've ever opened up to. It's... I can't get it off my mind, not even for a second. And I want to because we all say things and make mistakes. Well get angry or upset or feel alone and turn to people we were, or maybe are close to, and tell them things that maybe we don't mean afterwards but... Doesn't make it hurt any less, ya know? Well.. Hah, of course you do. I'm guess I"m just thanking you for posting this.

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    • I figured out that sometimes things are better, I have not been with her for a while, and yes I still think about her but now I have moved on to new and better relationships. I think it was for the best. I know that's hard for you to say now, but eventually you will forget and move on. Good luck

  • yeah.. that's f*cked up. I'd feel betrayed but be calm about it and ask her out on that. relationships are based on honesty.

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  • honestly you only did that because you care I'm not saying it was right but its better than what she did. you need to confront her about it and if she is truly sorry then you should forgive her ask her why she said those things and ask her if all the things she said to you were a lie like if she really loves you and you will be able to tell if she is being truly sorry and if not f*** her:)

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  • Break up with her.

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  • I realize you don't want to confront her, but you should do something. You're only going to get hurt and the lack of communication between you will get worse. You really do need to confront her, and do so honestly. Which means admitting to looking at her Facebook messages, unfortunately. She'll probably be royally p*ssed off, but when in a serious relationship with someone it isn't just about her or just about you. It's about the two of you. Admit that you were seriously wrong and that you really were just curious. See where the conversation leads you.

    For all you know she may just be very good friends with her ex. It isn't so uncommon. And it isn't uncommon for girls to tell people other than family and significant other they love them. There're different forms of love, and for all you know this could very well be a platonic love that she feels for her ex.

    It's best to be straight and hope that it's a misunderstanding, rather than letting yourself get hurt further.

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What Guys Said 3

  • man...i hate to sound harsh, but grow some balls. how many other messages do you think they've sent back and forth the whole time you've been with her? Surely, you don't think this was the only time, or an isolated incident, right? She's been doing this sh*t behind your back since she split with this dude. Man, what would she do if the tables were turned? She'd flip on you and never let you live it down. I know you care about her, but if someone does this behind your back once, they'll definitely do it again. I say drop her, theirs plenty more fish in the sea, bro... and honest ones at that! Don't get played by her.

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    • You can't just assume there were other messages! Or assume she is "playing" him based on one email (she could have been drunk when she wrote it for all we know).

      EG109 - Best thing I would suggest is confront her calmly about it. You are understandably upset but staying calm and rational is important. If she goes on the defense or refused to talk about it etc then you will never truly be able to trust her again and it would probably be best to move on. relationships need trust. Good luck

    • While I get your point, Angel....what if the tables were turned? Do you honestly think she wouldn't assume anything? And since when did being drunk qualify for justification for screwing around and lying to your bf/gf, etc? Drunk or not, she's being sneaky. And if she can't control herself under the influence, then she shouldn't be drinking. What if she was drunk and "didn't know what she was doing", as you insinuate, and she ran over someone's kid, would being drunk be a valid excuse?

  • if she got defensive then that's not a good sign and she also denied it! when you clearly saw the message written out before you. tell her you need some time away see new people. I know its been a year but be realistic its only been a year you can't tell if she's wife material after only a year. once you take some time off you just play the waiting game and in the mean time go look out for other fish because apparently she's not holding back either.

    and about that car situation I would get the car back and unless he's a cold hearted killer that will take out all your break fluids just because you broke up with his sister then I may want to think twice about what I said lol I doubt he will do anything but I recommend finding another mechanic

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  • Confront her and seek closure. She's betrayed you, and you need answers.

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