Depends on whose side you are on. To me it seems like you had a very bad experience with your ex and you obviously don't like him. I would tell her. It would probably provide you with some reassurance to know that he isn't cheating with another girl again. I'd say it's the right thing to do because at some point he needs to be stopped. People need to see the real him and maybe, just maybe he himself will realize what he is doing and it will contribute to his own personal growth. That way he won't make the same mistake again. It's a win for everyone involved. You get to sleep peacefully knowing he's not doing that, the new girl will have avoided so much heartbreak or heartbreak that could be worse at least (she won't have had wasted her time on him) and he might go on cheating, but the next time it won't be your business. Eventually he will see that he is a bad person and the cycle will stop as he matures.
It's like a a person who was raped. They have to muster up the courage to do the right thing and turn the bad guy in. If they don't and he isn't put in prison, he will continue to rape other innocent women. This goes for male victims as well.
By doing this, you could make him realize something or not. If he is a natural cheater, his true colors will show through eventually. He's not always gonna be able to hide it from each girlfriend forever. (Some are smart some are not)
If you choose to tell her. Do not tell her that you are his ex. If you tell her that you were his ex, she will think that you are trying to sabotage their relationship just so that you two can get back together and she won't believe you.
Its your choice, I can only give you advice.
Good luck.
-Heaz
To be honest, I can see why you're conflicted. On one side, I don't want anyone to have to go through an emotional turmoil because I pretended not to see something that I actually did and on the other, I don't want to get into a mess wherein my own personality will be questioned and perhaps even tarnished. But as a woman, I can see why you'd want to talk to this girl. But we should keep in mind the biases that may exist. Personally, I think I'd go and confront my acquaintance who knows about that guy having a girlfriend. My plan of action after will depend on what she has to say for herself. Of course there's also the whole "if not this girl, he'll just go for another to cheat on his girlfriend with" but his new girlfriend can't possibly be that dumb. Give her some credit. And also give his two-timing butt some credit. He's bound to mess up and she's bound to find out. As much as I know that maybe telling her how he's treated me and the kind of person he seems to be would possibly be the kinder thing to do, I think for a girl who's already been hurt, I'd choose to be kind to myself first and not get into unnecessary drama that'll leave me exhausted.
Good luck and hang in there, sweetheart! Can't say the next one you meet will be any better but we CAN say that you'll be even stronger.
I would anonymously tell her, and keep it simple + to the point + with clear evidence and facts. Sure, it might not be your "business" and people are likely telling you to stay out of it because it's convenient and comfortable to not get involved in a situation you technically have nothing to do with. However, I know for a fact that if I was being cheated on, I would 100% want to know. And it wouldn't matter if a friend or a complete stranger told me. I would just want to know. So that's why I think you should tell her. You of all people know exactly what she's going through, and you could potentially save her from a lot of extra pain by telling her.
Okay, you're 17. When I saw your question on the front page I thought you were a no-life cat lady.
Don't try to be anyone's savior. Just focus on living your own life to the fullest.
Yes. I think the spirit of what you are saying is to avoid him hurting someone else, so that's positive.
I think of it this way... this boy (he is not a man, but a child) is a loose cannon and he's going to hurt other females women, possibly some innocent offspring and in the end, he will hurt and destroy himself. Look at all the women who have been harmed by prior nut jobs, I knew some in school. It goes on until someone was brave enough to come forward or some change is required. Could the whole Jeffrey Epstien episode have changed, and he not killed himself and women suffer... if this came out earlier?
So, taking action is a good thing when done for the right motive and purpose? But it is risky as well. Some will say... it isn't your right, stay out of his life, etc.. Ok fine, I can give examples of how this is valid and invalid. The choice is yours, it is your life. I learned not to be passive.. that intervention is sometimes required if one sees a pattern of abuse.
I say yes, pray about how to do it, do it anonymous, or invite her out for coffee and share what you know. She may not believe you, it may go very badly, but maybe it will help along the path. He will certainly flip it back on you and demean you. Be ready for the psych war. Devils (people who are emotionally warped) do not like to submit, and people don't like to change. They will fight to hold what they feel is true.
This is kinda dangerous stuff... it's emotional. I know how I'd phrase this. good luck with your choice. Since you are < 18, talk to a counselor, your parents before doing anything.
Stay out of it don't get involved he's your ex for a reason let her find out on her own because if you get involved nothing good will come from it you'll be thought of as the crazy ex who's trying to get her ex back by sabotaging his new relationship with his girl. And unless you have solid proof you can't go by heresay.
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Maybe she knows... maybe she is also cheating on him... don't let this kind of thinking bite you in the ass.
STAY OUT OF IT. Concentrate on you!
Most likely someone else in school will tell her. It is hard to hide things like that for too long in a school setting.
Stay Clear, Dear. You all Go to the Same School and it Could all Backfire with Fire. Stay OUT OF IT.
Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck.
* SHE will FIND OUT. xxoo
Tell her: "He played me. He'll play you. Run." Then get out of there. Let her figure it out from there. If she's wise, she'll say: "Noted." Then let you leave and conduct her own investigation. From there, you need to make yourself scarce. Don't indict him for his present, only demonstrate that past may be prologue. Plant the seed, let it grow. Don't micromanage it.
Now, if she's a fool, she'll scream at you and curse. Walk away, ignoring her. If she attacks physically, press charges. But give her nothing else. She'll deserve whatever her darkened foolish heart gets.
That is how you serve your part, bring yourself closure, and avoid becoming too entangled in another's mess.
Also, suggest a place if she's inquisitive, but don't name names. Compel her to spy, and want to see if she can catch him in the act. But otherwise, tell her she heard nothing from you. And get out of there.
Question: is he dangerous? If he's the sort that would pull a gun if she catches him in the act and confronts him, then tell her not to confront him. But to vanish quickly.
Not sure the level of toolbag we're dealing with here, but no amount of cheater shaming is worth your life, or hers.
That would be very unwise to get involved. This type of drama for your own sake is best kept out of, because getting involved with it will not turn out well either way.
Plus, other than make yourself a target of some emotional people, you may end up damaging your reputation as a gossip who can't be trusted.
In this world the only wise approach is to deal with that which is your business and in your control. In this case it's neither your business or a situation in your control.
If i had to guess, the only reason you're even considering this is this isn't about her, or even him... this is about you.
You're his ex, and i take that to mean he's the one who dumped you that you're still a little sore on, and maybe even wondering if he cheated on your too before dumping you. Most likely, he did.
In either case, if that is your motivation for why you're considering this, this honestly in the long run is not in your benefit. Let it go, and move on, because the only person you're really hurting by not letting yourself move on is yourself.
I hope this helps.
Only when you have the proof and is prepared to be harassed or worse, have your life threatened because of your need for justice. Send hints, but until you get proof, out may get looked at as being jealous. Sometimes you have to allow the chips to fall on its own.
You should tell her. She has the right to know it. If you have a question like this think to yourself.
What would i like if this happened to me. I would love to know the facts. Keep in mind that she won't belive you. If you have any proof show it and be kind te his new girlfriend. She doesn't deserve that A hole... I think that he needs to feel in order to learn...
Choose wisely..
Goodluck mu dear
I think you should find a good way to let her know anonymously, you dont need to be tied to all of that. But I know a woman whose twin recently told me that she cheated on her boyfriend in highschool... now if her twin had told me this 10 years ago I wouldn't have married the girl and wouldn't have to live through her doing it to me now.
No, it is none of your business!!! You just want Revenge!!! And Why would you want to Out your "Acquaintance"? One, this is hearsay, wouldn't hold up in Court since your little mind Equalizes this to Rape!!! You Know Nothing and He Can Sue Your Ass for Slander!!! Stop trying to throw your dirt in someone else's yard!!!
I mean, it seems like the right thing to do, and I know I'd want someone to do it for me. But, at the same time, it could just make you look like a jealous ex trying to break them up, even if that's not the case. Your ex could certainly spin it in that direction if he wanted to, especially since you say he's manipulative, so it might be best to let her find out on her own, as I'm sure she eventually will.
If you decide to, be prepared for a lot of drama. After all, it is high school.
It's likely you'll be made out to be the crazy ex who is just trying to get in her head - you already said he's manipulative. Overall, unless it's someone you know well, you almost always end up being the bad guy.
It's not your business, just stay out of it. If she catches wind of it then maybe speak up.
Personally, I wouldn't. She'll probably just think you're an interfering jealous ex. And she'll probably believe him over you, because he'll be able to manipulate her into believing you're a scorned jealous ex. Even if you could prove to her that he's cheating, she'll wonder what your motives are , and more than likely turn on you , not on him
The phrase "don't shoot the messenger"springs to mind. Because in most cases, the person who has told someone bad news or information is blamed. The messenger usually comes off far worse.
Instead of blaming the person who is responsible for the situation, they blame the person who told them.
It's serves you no purpose telling her. She won't believe you have her best interests at heart, even if you do
Leave it alone, shitbags like your ex get discovered quickly. You are friends with a girl who is messing around with a guy in a relationship... that doesn't reflect well on you.
There are good arguments for telling her, and for not.
How do you feel about staying out of it vs getting involved
(not that you have to get involved per-sey)
Which ever you feel better about do it. Remembering that just because you say something to the new girlfriend, doesn't mean she will listen.
Whatever your decision, you will have to live with that going forward, so what can you live with?
I say tell. But make sure you have proof. My last ex cheated on his new girlfriend with me. I hated them both. I had text messages, voicemails, and pictures of us together. When I showed them to her she was completely devastated, and then she dumped him which completely devastated him.
Yes. I did the same thing; told a girl her boyfriend was cheating on her.
The biggest reason why i did it is because if it was me in her shoes i would like to have been told rather than wasting my time and looking like an absolute fool. Also cause as woman I think we should be supporting each other.
And the guys who cheat are fucking scumbags.
Cheating is not a crime. Tbh I don t think people are or should be monogamist. That s just a bullshit humans came up at some point in they re evolution for they re own need of being in controll, at least this is how it seems to me, personally.
Also I find a big difference between feelings like love and sexual desires.
My opinion is that you should stay out of it. It s not your buisness.
I don t mean to insult anyone, but it s just phatetic to mess with an allready messed up situation that dosen t have anything to do with you directly.
I’m going to tell you something different than everybody else well here. I am going to say that you should let her know. Even if it means that you’re going to be the bad guy because he’s going to make you look bad. The reason I say you should tell her is because even if she doesn’t believe you and finds out on her own. At least you tried to save her life because if he’s cheating on her he could bring her a disease and that something no one here is thinking about.
Why let this clown get away with this behavior? He doesn't deserve any girl and deserves to be exposed. Don't let this douchebag get away with this shit. Tell her!
Follow your heart , if you think she needs to know.
. did she come along before or after you were the ex, if before and she doesn't know I'd be inclined to educate her.
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