Depends on whose side you are on. To me it seems like you had a very bad experience with your ex and you obviously don't like him. I would tell her. It would probably provide you with some reassurance to know that he isn't cheating with another girl again. I'd say it's the right thing to do because at some point he needs to be stopped. People need to see the real him and maybe, just maybe he himself will realize what he is doing and it will contribute to his own personal growth. That way he won't make the same mistake again. It's a win for everyone involved. You get to sleep peacefully knowing he's not doing that, the new girl will have avoided so much heartbreak or heartbreak that could be worse at least (she won't have had wasted her time on him) and he might go on cheating, but the next time it won't be your business. Eventually he will see that he is a bad person and the cycle will stop as he matures.
It's like a a person who was raped. They have to muster up the courage to do the right thing and turn the bad guy in. If they don't and he isn't put in prison, he will continue to rape other innocent women. This goes for male victims as well.
By doing this, you could make him realize something or not. If he is a natural cheater, his true colors will show through eventually. He's not always gonna be able to hide it from each girlfriend forever. (Some are smart some are not)
If you choose to tell her. Do not tell her that you are his ex. If you tell her that you were his ex, she will think that you are trying to sabotage their relationship just so that you two can get back together and she won't believe you.
Its your choice, I can only give you advice.
Good luck.
-Heaz
To be honest, I can see why you're conflicted. On one side, I don't want anyone to have to go through an emotional turmoil because I pretended not to see something that I actually did and on the other, I don't want to get into a mess wherein my own personality will be questioned and perhaps even tarnished. But as a woman, I can see why you'd want to talk to this girl. But we should keep in mind the biases that may exist. Personally, I think I'd go and confront my acquaintance who knows about that guy having a girlfriend. My plan of action after will depend on what she has to say for herself. Of course there's also the whole "if not this girl, he'll just go for another to cheat on his girlfriend with" but his new girlfriend can't possibly be that dumb. Give her some credit. And also give his two-timing butt some credit. He's bound to mess up and she's bound to find out. As much as I know that maybe telling her how he's treated me and the kind of person he seems to be would possibly be the kinder thing to do, I think for a girl who's already been hurt, I'd choose to be kind to myself first and not get into unnecessary drama that'll leave me exhausted.
Good luck and hang in there, sweetheart! Can't say the next one you meet will be any better but we CAN say that you'll be even stronger.
I would anonymously tell her, and keep it simple + to the point + with clear evidence and facts. Sure, it might not be your "business" and people are likely telling you to stay out of it because it's convenient and comfortable to not get involved in a situation you technically have nothing to do with. However, I know for a fact that if I was being cheated on, I would 100% want to know. And it wouldn't matter if a friend or a complete stranger told me. I would just want to know. So that's why I think you should tell her. You of all people know exactly what she's going through, and you could potentially save her from a lot of extra pain by telling her.
Okay, you're 17. When I saw your question on the front page I thought you were a no-life cat lady.
Don't try to be anyone's savior. Just focus on living your own life to the fullest.
Yes. I think the spirit of what you are saying is to avoid him hurting someone else, so that's positive.
I think of it this way... this boy (he is not a man, but a child) is a loose cannon and he's going to hurt other females women, possibly some innocent offspring and in the end, he will hurt and destroy himself. Look at all the women who have been harmed by prior nut jobs, I knew some in school. It goes on until someone was brave enough to come forward or some change is required. Could the whole Jeffrey Epstien episode have changed, and he not killed himself and women suffer... if this came out earlier?
So, taking action is a good thing when done for the right motive and purpose? But it is risky as well. Some will say... it isn't your right, stay out of his life, etc.. Ok fine, I can give examples of how this is valid and invalid. The choice is yours, it is your life. I learned not to be passive.. that intervention is sometimes required if one sees a pattern of abuse.
I say yes, pray about how to do it, do it anonymous, or invite her out for coffee and share what you know. She may not believe you, it may go very badly, but maybe it will help along the path. He will certainly flip it back on you and demean you. Be ready for the psych war. Devils (people who are emotionally warped) do not like to submit, and people don't like to change. They will fight to hold what they feel is true.
This is kinda dangerous stuff... it's emotional. I know how I'd phrase this. good luck with your choice. Since you are < 18, talk to a counselor, your parents before doing anything.
Stay out of it don't get involved he's your ex for a reason let her find out on her own because if you get involved nothing good will come from it you'll be thought of as the crazy ex who's trying to get her ex back by sabotaging his new relationship with his girl. And unless you have solid proof you can't go by heresay.
Opinion
80Opinion
Maybe she knows... maybe she is also cheating on him... don't let this kind of thinking bite you in the ass.
STAY OUT OF IT. Concentrate on you!
@jayden888 This isn't even close to what you are saying and comparing the two is ludacris!
How so? If you saw someone steal, wouldn't you tell the owner of the object? If you saw someone raping, wouldn't you do something about it? After all, these things don't directly concern you, but it certainly will embolden criminals knowing they live in a society where people won't bother.
@jayden888 He's calling your argument nonsensical because it is in no direct relation go what he mentioned. Nor does it hell this girl decide what to do. You're just justifying your own means to an end for some gratification. Sure, allowing criminals to run free after committing a crime would do no good. However, that's why there is punishment. Every action has an equal or opposite reaction. The dude will get his dues one day soon enough. Kt would do this poor girl no good to interject herself into that mess. That's as simple as it gets, be logical and pragmatic before you get all philosophical and egotistical.
@Nexovous Not being egotistical or philosophical either. It does have a direct relation. It's a simple thing - if you see something wrong happening, do what little you can to prevent it or deter it.
Like an anonymous tip or evidence to the girl being cheated on would be ideal. Like @coachTanthony said, "Maybe she knows...", but it's also possible that maybe she doesn't know also. So in extension would you stay quiet if a babysitter is abusive with a child and only you knew? Or if someone is sneaking stuff regularly out of a store you frequent? Or would you "STAY OUT OF IT. Concentrate on you!".
It's not ego or some big philosophy. It's common sense that tells me the person being cheated on has the right to this information.
@jayden888 it’s still none of her business. You keep bringing up other things like child abuse as if that is in the same level. Of course you would report child abuse. Apples and oranges dude! Butting into People’s personal life is not the same as reporting a crime !
@coachTanthony
It's not the same level of severity, but it is severe nevertheless depending on how far their relationship is. It's more severe than someone regularly shoplifting small items - which is also something I would report.
So between us here, it's about what either of us consider a crime and the level of it's severity. Because you don't see this as a crime, you seem to see it in the level of something small. Sorry, cheating a partner (especially a loving one) is a crime in my books.
Would you report the shoplifting? Say it doesn't cost the owner more than 1% of his monthly profits and you see this happening regularly by a bunch.
@jayden888 consider a crime? Cheating isn’t a crime. Nothing to consider or guess. Shoplifting is a crime. Again apples and oranges! A crime is a crime... there’s a difference dude!
@jayden888 stop comparing real criminal acts with cheating. Is cheating terrible yes but that is part of someone’s personal life which is nobody’s business but there own. What if you are wrong? Now you have created distrust between two people because you think they need your righteous interference. Agree to disagree dude! Let’s move on! Thanks for the comments!
Well said
Most likely someone else in school will tell her. It is hard to hide things like that for too long in a school setting.
Stay Clear, Dear. You all Go to the Same School and it Could all Backfire with Fire. Stay OUT OF IT.
Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck.
* SHE will FIND OUT. xxoo
Tell her: "He played me. He'll play you. Run." Then get out of there. Let her figure it out from there. If she's wise, she'll say: "Noted." Then let you leave and conduct her own investigation. From there, you need to make yourself scarce. Don't indict him for his present, only demonstrate that past may be prologue. Plant the seed, let it grow. Don't micromanage it.
Now, if she's a fool, she'll scream at you and curse. Walk away, ignoring her. If she attacks physically, press charges. But give her nothing else. She'll deserve whatever her darkened foolish heart gets.
That is how you serve your part, bring yourself closure, and avoid becoming too entangled in another's mess.
Also, suggest a place if she's inquisitive, but don't name names. Compel her to spy, and want to see if she can catch him in the act. But otherwise, tell her she heard nothing from you. And get out of there.
Question: is he dangerous? If he's the sort that would pull a gun if she catches him in the act and confronts him, then tell her not to confront him. But to vanish quickly.
Not sure the level of toolbag we're dealing with here, but no amount of cheater shaming is worth your life, or hers.
That would be very unwise to get involved. This type of drama for your own sake is best kept out of, because getting involved with it will not turn out well either way.
Plus, other than make yourself a target of some emotional people, you may end up damaging your reputation as a gossip who can't be trusted.
In this world the only wise approach is to deal with that which is your business and in your control. In this case it's neither your business or a situation in your control.
If i had to guess, the only reason you're even considering this is this isn't about her, or even him... this is about you.
You're his ex, and i take that to mean he's the one who dumped you that you're still a little sore on, and maybe even wondering if he cheated on your too before dumping you. Most likely, he did.
In either case, if that is your motivation for why you're considering this, this honestly in the long run is not in your benefit. Let it go, and move on, because the only person you're really hurting by not letting yourself move on is yourself.
I hope this helps.
Only when you have the proof and is prepared to be harassed or worse, have your life threatened because of your need for justice. Send hints, but until you get proof, out may get looked at as being jealous. Sometimes you have to allow the chips to fall on its own.
You should tell her. She has the right to know it. If you have a question like this think to yourself.
What would i like if this happened to me. I would love to know the facts. Keep in mind that she won't belive you. If you have any proof show it and be kind te his new girlfriend. She doesn't deserve that A hole... I think that he needs to feel in order to learn...
Choose wisely..
Goodluck mu dear
Thats a whole lot of opinion for someone who doesn't have any dynamic of this situation i. e. you sound like a fuckin retard spitting out diarrhea from your mouth
@CausticHippy way to counter his argument by not countering it at all and using ad hominens
Though guy you are hea?
Act like you age big child.
My point to her is that she needs to do what feels right to her even if that isn't what other people want her to do. She had enough shit with that ex so i feel like the best thing to do is just snitch him.
I think you should find a good way to let her know anonymously, you dont need to be tied to all of that. But I know a woman whose twin recently told me that she cheated on her boyfriend in highschool... now if her twin had told me this 10 years ago I wouldn't have married the girl and wouldn't have to live through her doing it to me now.
No, it is none of your business!!! You just want Revenge!!! And Why would you want to Out your "Acquaintance"? One, this is hearsay, wouldn't hold up in Court since your little mind Equalizes this to Rape!!! You Know Nothing and He Can Sue Your Ass for Slander!!! Stop trying to throw your dirt in someone else's yard!!!
I mean, it seems like the right thing to do, and I know I'd want someone to do it for me. But, at the same time, it could just make you look like a jealous ex trying to break them up, even if that's not the case. Your ex could certainly spin it in that direction if he wanted to, especially since you say he's manipulative, so it might be best to let her find out on her own, as I'm sure she eventually will.
If you decide to, be prepared for a lot of drama. After all, it is high school.
It's likely you'll be made out to be the crazy ex who is just trying to get in her head - you already said he's manipulative. Overall, unless it's someone you know well, you almost always end up being the bad guy.
It's not your business, just stay out of it. If she catches wind of it then maybe speak up.
Personally, I wouldn't. She'll probably just think you're an interfering jealous ex. And she'll probably believe him over you, because he'll be able to manipulate her into believing you're a scorned jealous ex. Even if you could prove to her that he's cheating, she'll wonder what your motives are , and more than likely turn on you , not on him
The phrase "don't shoot the messenger"springs to mind. Because in most cases, the person who has told someone bad news or information is blamed. The messenger usually comes off far worse.
Instead of blaming the person who is responsible for the situation, they blame the person who told them.
It's serves you no purpose telling her. She won't believe you have her best interests at heart, even if you do
Leave it alone, shitbags like your ex get discovered quickly. You are friends with a girl who is messing around with a guy in a relationship... that doesn't reflect well on you.
She’s an acquaintance
There are good arguments for telling her, and for not.
How do you feel about staying out of it vs getting involved
(not that you have to get involved per-sey)
Which ever you feel better about do it. Remembering that just because you say something to the new girlfriend, doesn't mean she will listen.
Whatever your decision, you will have to live with that going forward, so what can you live with?
I say tell. But make sure you have proof. My last ex cheated on his new girlfriend with me. I hated them both. I had text messages, voicemails, and pictures of us together. When I showed them to her she was completely devastated, and then she dumped him which completely devastated him.
Yes. I did the same thing; told a girl her boyfriend was cheating on her.
The biggest reason why i did it is because if it was me in her shoes i would like to have been told rather than wasting my time and looking like an absolute fool. Also cause as woman I think we should be supporting each other.
And the guys who cheat are fucking scumbags.
Cheating is not a crime. Tbh I don t think people are or should be monogamist. That s just a bullshit humans came up at some point in they re evolution for they re own need of being in controll, at least this is how it seems to me, personally.
Also I find a big difference between feelings like love and sexual desires.
My opinion is that you should stay out of it. It s not your buisness.
I don t mean to insult anyone, but it s just phatetic to mess with an allready messed up situation that dosen t have anything to do with you directly.
Wow. Plain girls are usually more sisterly than this...☕
Heh. Never was or felt like I should be sisterly (with girls)
I usually tend to simply find a big bullshit all theese 'rules of romantic relationships' society promotes, this including commintment. I believe that love is something more pure and simplyer. Love is not the need of possesion. Love is not fear of loosing that person you love. Love is not having sex only with that person, cause again carnal needs and deep feelings are two separated things, even if they combine really well one with eachother.
Sex is a need. Like food is. No matter how much you like some kind of food, if you d eat only that food for the rest of your life you ll get bored of it, eventually. Humans need diversity and that includes sex too.
So yeah... Not at all sisterly
by the way, my profile pic is plain, not me
I’m going to tell you something different than everybody else well here. I am going to say that you should let her know. Even if it means that you’re going to be the bad guy because he’s going to make you look bad. The reason I say you should tell her is because even if she doesn’t believe you and finds out on her own. At least you tried to save her life because if he’s cheating on her he could bring her a disease and that something no one here is thinking about.
Why let this clown get away with this behavior? He doesn't deserve any girl and deserves to be exposed. Don't let this douchebag get away with this shit. Tell her!
Follow your heart , if you think she needs to know.
. did she come along before or after you were the ex, if before and she doesn't know I'd be inclined to educate her.
She needs to know but I’ve decided not to tell her she’s naive and I don’t want to put myself in a predicament
Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to know if it were you? Id personally consider giving her an anonymous tip somehow, or if you straight up tell her, make sure you have evidence or proof just so it doesn’t look like you’re a crazy ex trying to get him back.
I've told someone in a similar situation and she just accused me of making it up to get him back. So at the very least bring documents!
Get a friend to tell her. Do not get yourself involved in any shape or form. It's very easy to find out who used to go out with who, and being an ex de-legitimizes your claim. When (not if) she finds out whom you are she may just not listen and think you are jealous or any host of other things it sounds like this guy is terrible enough to say you are. Third party involvement here will help. If you know any of her friends even better. Ask your friend to get in contact with them instead.
It’s best to stay out of it. I know it’s tempting to tell her the truth, but is better to be unsaid as well. If u tell her, ur ex might spread nasty rumors on both social media and non social media. Plus u are putting yourself more at risk and drama. And she might not believe you at all. Let them handle this situation, not u. U did enough and have been through enough too. I know it sounds mean, but that’s the truth.
Hope this helps :)
If u have the nuts to deal with the backlash then I say do it. Iv often stayed outta shit like this and tbh I regret it. Speak the truth and though the world may hate u god will love u
I don’t have the nuts to deal with the backlash , I’m going to protect my school environment and stay out of itv.
Tell her. Ket her know that you don't want to get back together with him but that you are letting her know for her own good.
I would stay out of it... If you are very close with his new girlfriend and are 100% sure he is cheating then I guess you could say something BUT!!! You should definitely stay out of it because without any real proof it's very easy for both your ex and his girlfriend to make you look like the bad guy or the "jealous ex-girlfriend" and you dont want that reputation and I'm sorry but it's honestly not worth it.
No, she likely won't believe you and it will only backfire on you. You're the ex in the situation and he's likely talked mad shit about you. It would be best to forget the dudes existence and focus on yourself more.
I would tell her but I would try to get proof first, if possible.
Thank you for caring about her. I wish more girls/women looked out for each other (and didn't get involved with a guy when she knows he already has a girlfriend).
And please tell her to read Smashword's free ebook: "Woman to Women" to learn what to look out for when in a relationship.
Have the girl he asked out tell his girlfriend. His girlfriend will doubt you if you tell her and he defends himself by saying you're just a vengeful/jealous ex. I know I should tell you to be a bigger person and stay out of it, but I don't ever want cheaters to get away with what they're doing. This is a safe strategy.
Nothing beats the loyalty of an Indian husband or wife and I'm shocked to see so many questions about cheaters on this app. Then they say they are "better". Yeah right, I can see how much "better" after seeing these posts and also their interactions with me which are basically about saying something mean to me. No wonder the divorce rates are so high. Even an innocent woman can't take so much nonsense and would leave.
Mind your own business. You are not close to either of these girls so your interference, even if appreciated by one of them, might bring you scorn from the other, much to your amazement. He'll be found out soon enough, so just leave it be and laugh at the drama.
Would you want to be told? Would you care who told you? Put yourself in her shoes and act on what you think is the right thing to do. If she reacts good or badly at least you will know you did the right thing.
I think you should say something. Leaving things alone does sound nice but if you know someone is being lied to, they should know the truth. Better sooner than later.
And if she doesn’t believe you then she can only have herself to blame.
Either way your fucked. Don't say anything she's going to be mad. Try telling her she's gonna be mad. You women are complicated as all Fuck. That's why no one can figure out women. Men feed us food and sex we think we are kings.
It´s really none of your business. Move on, leave it all behind.
You were his ex. It’s not like he forced you to that relationship , you went there. Now after breakup you want bad for him , whatever he’s doing is his business not yours
I don’t want bad for him , I just felt sorry for the girl
Are you friends with her? I'd you're not, it's not your business to tell the girl. People will think you are just jealous
HELL YES YOU SHOULD!! How she takes it is on her. If she accepts that kind of shit... then that’s for her to deal with. The least you could do is let her know what’s going on.
I would do it anonymously or have the girl who he asked out to tell her. I wouldn’t directly do it yourself because he could make it out like you’re bitter and jealous and who’s she to believe?
I would tell. I go off the basis that I would rather someone do the same to me. So I would let her know.
He's TOXIC? That's even more of a reason to assure that another innocent woman doesn't fall into his manipulative grasp (further).
If I knew you, I would tell her for you and I would want him to try to do something to me.
You should tell your ex to stop cheating and tell his girlfriend or that you will do it first. It would be better if he said it than if you did. If he doesn’t tell her though, she has a right to know.
I would say yes if you know the girl. And if you can provide solid proof to the girl because without any proof you look petty and as if your trying to find a way to get back with him.
No. he's your ex boyfriend. stay out of it. he's not your business anymore. You are also not neutral. Itd be hard to believe you.
Regardless of how he treated you, their relationship is exactly that. Theirs. It's not your place or your business to intervene. He will get his just dessert's
How will he get his just comeuppance if no one ever tells on him? I as sure would want to know if it were me.
What is it with women and drama... It's none of your business, stay out of it..
Aw some special snowflake doesn't like the truth.. So sad.. Grow up.
I wouldn’t say a thing main reason because In high school everyone is and everyone’s business. So if you tell her or not it will surface that you two have dated and your warnings will be discredited.
Stay out of it. He could easily manipulate her to make you the bad guy here.
yes of course, help that poor girl get out of that relationship
No she will find out for herself eventually.
And you won’t look like you’re jealous or trying to ruin their relationship even though you’re obviously not. Stay out of it and let karma see to him
You're the ex, she won't believe you bc he will tell her stuff about u from his pov..
Stay out of it, he's no longer your business
Oh yes she will. I found out my guy on was seeing was twice timing with me and the other girl. I sent her Screenshots of him insisting to me she want his girlfriend. She thanked me.
Would you want to know? And if so would you care who let you know, as long as you found out? If yes then you know what you have to do.
Yes do it, imagine if you were in her shoes. Wouldn't you want to be warned?
I would tell her, because if it was you in that position, wouldn't you want them to tell you?
Yes tell her you could be saving her a lot of heartache in the long end not to mention time she doesn't have to waste on that scum
If you have the proof then you should tell her but if you don’t have the proof then don’t get involved in relationships. Move on.
Never say move on. It's a sign of someone who hasn't experienced a situation themselves and is not helpful EVER. And if she gas proof he deserves it. If not, he'll think he can get away with this shit forever
Mind your own business? Why does everyone want a irl soap opera all the time.
TELL HER, its fucked up he's doing so, I'm glad I'm not thinking of doing it one bit, geez, people these days
Have a freind tell her so he doesn't turn on you if you do. Or take photo. If he wants he can ruin the rest of your high school days. Spread rumors. Or go psycho on you.. Also she might believe them not you, a ex.
I think she has a right to know but there is a possibility she may not believe you if you do tell her she may think you are some crazy chick who is wanting to break them up so that you can be with him
I don’t condone revengeful tactics. It can get messy and you just don’t want to go there
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