Please help me I'm so heartbroken😢 What do I respond to this?

[Anonymous]

My ex sent me this, and I've tried so hard to convince him I've changed and he just won't believe me no matter what I say, I know actions speak louder than words but he won't allow me to prove it him by giving me a chance. He cheated on me and broke up with me yet I'm still fighting for us. I took time apart from him to work on myself and make positive changes and I then apologised to him and admitted my part in the downfall of our relationship. we got along really well and had a good conversation yesterday and now all of a sudden he has turned. I'm so hurt

[BasicFlake]

If you make changes they should be because you have identified that changes need to be made. That is how the changes are genuine. If the purpose is merely to win someone back then your reasons are wrong. Even if the reasons are right, there is nothing to say that a person will give you a second chance. Life doesn't always give second chances, which is why it's important to try and not fuck up too badly in the first place. You had your chance the first time around and you didn't take it. He is clearly angry with you and hurt and is in no mood to take you back. You have to take that on the chin, suck it up and move on.

[Asker]

I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them.

[BasicFlake]

You say that those rare connections are never broken but unfortunately they are, all the time. Love is not without limits, don't get caught up in idealistic and romanticised notions. Everything has a breaking point. The deepest of friendships and relationships can be broken and/or stretched too far. People have emotional limits and whilst they make accept shit over and over again they will eventually snap. It sounds like he is truly over you and you can do nothing but accept the reality of that.

[Asker]

Yeah maybe you're right. I've put him so much effort and everyone told me that I deserve better but I didn't want anyone else. So what do I say back to him?

[BasicFlake]

I would reply with something along the lines of "There are clearly a lot of unresolved issues for you and I cannot change those. I am working on myself to become a better and stronger person, for myself more than for anyone else. Whilst I can acknowledge my mistakes I cannot live in them, I have to move past them. If you cannot forgive then I understand that. What's important is moving forward, either together or independently. I intend to do that with or without you".

That's my advice. You don't have to use any or all of that.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your help, I will use that. However I really just want to explain and ask him to try, because he won't ever know I've changed if he doesn't give me an opportunity

[BasicFlake]

Just bear in mind that he might not care if you have changed, it might just be too late.

[Asker]

Well do you have any ideas as to what I could say about that? Like just give him something to think about

[BasicFlake]

He has already said that his feelings won't change no matter what you do or say. It would be better to stick to the kind of thing that I said, which shows that you are not going to beg and that you will not be broken and frozen in time. That he has every right to not want you around but you will move forward regardless. That you aren't going to spend your life pining for him.

[Tim75]

I've spent 3 months begging asking for forgiveness trust me there bastards I would t mind she cheated on me I only called her a name I forgive her for cheating but she can't forgive me for being angry lol wtf there senseless idiots trust me 3 years for me to

[Asker]

Yeah exactly!!! He cheated on me twice yet I'm the one begging... I wasn't perfect but he was far from it. I was immature and didn't know how to be in a relationship and I fought with him bc of my insecurities because of him cheating hey I'm the bad one

[Tim75]

I agree with you sounds like we are in the same boat.. how odd but interesting, it's hard to understand why and how we have ended up trying to keep our relationship when it's not us that have done anything wrong hey... at least you can contact I am resorted to e mails only

[Tim75]

Where you from if it's ok to ask

[Asker]

But I really want to fix this, I want to show him I have changed 😢

[Asker]

I have done everything I can and no matter what he won't listen. But I have to respond to that text and I don't know what to say

[Tim75]

Ok let me look at it again

[Tim75]

Well for one he calls you a cunt? A hoe.. and do you think that's respect or love?

[Asker]

Thank you

[Asker]

No I know it's not but I don't want to lose him

[Tim75]

Well it's hard and can only tell you what people have told me I guess one thing I'd say is give him time don't push or force him if you want him back begging doesn't seem to work just makes you look a twat.. I know I've spent 3 months being one

[Tim75]

Pm me we can talk

[Asker]

It won't let me pm you, can you pm me

[Tim75]

I just did

[Watermelon15]

I feel like there are things from your relationship that you did that made him mad, that you aren't telling us. And also, if he cheated on you, why is he acting like you were the one who cheated? He cheated and you shouldn't go back to him.

[Asker]

I didn't cheat on him, I lied and I was immature and I wasn't ready then.. so after we spent this time apart, I realise how wrong I was and made changes. He had hurt me several times yet acts like I'm the bad one and I was the bigger person and even apologised when it should have been him apologising

[Watermelon15]

And you saying these words, prove that you deep down know that he was wrong, and if he can't even see it now, then you also know that you shouldn't be together

[Justacatlady]

Seems like more to the story then him cheating on you. I would say its in your best interest to move on and get over him. It is clear he wants nothing to do with you so why waste your time

[Asker]

Well I was immature and didn't know how to be in a relationship, I lied to him and broke his trust, and I argued with him because when he cheated on me twice, I became insecure. It's not easy though because there's so much invested here, he made that clear but he changes his mind all the time which just confuses and hurts me even more

[Justacatlady]

look, I have been in a situation similar to this and it will never change. If you are insecure now it won't get better. If he cheated twice, whats to stop him from doing it again.
I stick with the move on suggestion because in the end it will be better and you will be happier

[BeautifulPromisesx]

M O V E - O N

Seriously you're literally beating a dead horse. He cheated, you fight a lot and use disgusting language when you argue.. nah that ain't love. Move on.

[RaskolnikovRo]

Move on, I just got cheated, well got aware that was happening, even though I tried (stupidly as if I was the one that disrespected her) to fight for us.

Since Yesterday I started moving on. Letting Go.
I started by going back to the Gym, focusing in Myself and also resting from so much jealousy from her, jealousy that was all in her head, her insecurities, having to pick her up so far away. Imagine I went back to her. Now I'll be the one insecure, having trust issues.
JUST LET GO

[Vanjasper]

You need to give this time. It's still all very raw with him. And given the baggage you both have, the temptation to bring up misdeeds on both sides is to great.
Maybe he's being coached by someone who doesn't have both your interests at heart and won't let him do as he wants.
Try finding out, very very quitely.

[Awesom]

Just leave him alone and move on. There are many guys that are single and willing to go out with you. Enjoy your life while you can. Do not fixate on somone who does not want you. If he really love you, one day he will relized it and come back. For now, date other people.

[realperson02]

by the text and your neediness, it doesn't seem that he cheated on you. sounds more like it was the other way around.

see a lie spotted. i doubt you might have changed. why don't you leave him alone?

[Asker]

He cheated on me not once but twice so you're very much wrong.. I forgave him for all he did to me, I was immature and didn't know how to be in a relationship so that was my downfall.
Because I didn't want to lose him over stupid things and fights

[realperson02]

Even if i assume you are right , then he has cheated on you twice. Why would anyone forgive their partner for cheating not once but twice. I have had my first girlfriend cheat on me. Even though she was 10/10

[realperson02]

I left her and have no desire for her. why would you go back to him?

[RokFerry]

Hi Anonymous: If you are certainly sure that the text was from him then drop him. He shouldn't be calling you what he has called you. Since when did Love use language like that?

[rzvcam]

CLEARLY you cheated. Leave him alone. You're only making him feel more and more disgusted. I've been there so i know what i'm saying.

[Asker]

I didn't cheat on him. He wanted to try this and I was showing the changes I had made and then he keeps changing his mind everyday, how is that fair to me

[rzvcam]

He acts like you cheated. I wouldn't see why he called you so meny ways in such a short time ;) I get that you want to feel that you are doing what is right. But you're clearly hiding from us what you did and it's obvious from the way he talks that you should feel bad about yourself. I don't even know you and i can easily confirm that you haven't changed at all ;) You can't even admit that you are the one at fault to a group of strangers.

[Asker]

What is there to admit? I was immature and I lied to him and broke his trust by snap chatting a guy who was my friend that liked me a long time before we got together, he didn't want me to talk to any one of the opposite sex. I never ever cheated on him

[rzvcam]

You lied. That's equally as bad. Once you break your SO's trust, it will never be the same. No matter what you do. I've been there and i gave the girl another shot. Worst idea i ever had. I never believed a word she said even if i forgave her (you forgive but can't forget). Plus.. She never really changed (she only tried to make it look like she did but after a week her true colours showed yet again) and guess. what? More lies. Dumped her ass and we never spoke again.

[Cocacola1985]

I was in a similar circumstance. Ex cheated on me twice and I took her back. Then she called me manipulative and all sorts of other stuff. I eventually let it go and was the best thing I have ever done

[ravedave]

Just move on. Nothing good is going to come from you obsessing and wasting time on a dead relationship. Put it in the past

[Asker]

But I was just trying to be civil and have a friendship as we were bestfriends before dating.. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

[ravedave]

There's a lot of people who just don't want any sort of contact or relationship with their exes.

[Asker]

Yeah I understand however he agreed and we got on really well, so he changes his mind everyday and it's not fair to me

[ravedave]

Which is exactly why you should be moving on from this guy

[Asker]

I wish it was that easy

[Razabaza]

If you really did what he accuses you of. You have to accept that he doesn't want you anymore and reflect on your actions and hopefully not screw over the next guy.

[Razabaza]

Also once you find someone else. You'll forget about what's his name and find happiness

[Lyndsielee666]

Why try to get back with someone who cheated? Time to move on

[Anonymous]

something big is missing from this situation. he cheated on you, yet I am reading this text of him describing, you as manipulative, being a liar and never admitting when you are wrong. I dont trust you for one second, sorry.

[Asker]

Yeah he cheated on me not once but twice. He has always done that, always blame others for mistakes he has made. I don't care if you trust me or not, I'm not here for you. Yeah I was immature and lied, and didn't know how to act because I argued a lot but I never realised all of this until we had the time apart. I thought I was ready but I wasn't as it was my first everything

[Opinion Owner]

if you dont care then why reply? you obviously do care if you are asking for advice. Ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? well, apply that to this. you are a known liar, and even if you are coming clean the majority of people here will not take anything you are saying serious. besides that, you are describing him the same way he described you in the text.

[Asker]

Please do not think you know me based off one text my ex sent me lmao.. I am telling you what happened so I don't understand why you think I'm the bad guy.. everyone told me to leave him to move on because he's a narcasist but I didn't because I loved him and didn't want to give up on that

[Opinion Owner]

I dont know you, nor do I trust anything you say especially after that text. People dont just send text like that without warrant. here's how I see it, you can also be the narcissist trying to frame him too.

[Decentguy]

not to sound rude, but sounds like your ex was a nice guy
you both should let go and find someone else

[Red88xxx]

This is long I need more details message me if you want I might be able to help you

[LGRITN]

You can't. He doesn't want to be with you. Your only option is to learn to accept it.

[Asker]

I did when we first broke up however he wanted to try and give me a chance then he changes his mind the next day.. that's not fair

[LGRITN]

That may be the case. I'm just answering your question though.

[Anonymous]

it says he's done so yeah accept that its done. dont come play victim here on gag. its over deal with it woman.

[Lynx122]

It's over you can't do shit.

[akadatank44]

Simple. You don't. You move on with your life.

[MisterSir]

you don't.
he is clearly not interested

[Daynada]

Ok then. Move on