I found out he cheated. He broke up and blocked me?

[Anonymous]

I found out my boyfriend of 1.5 years had cheated on me by sexting another girl and then continuing to keep in contact with her. He matched with her in April on tinder (when we were dating 8 months at that time), and then would send her messages every once in a while telling her how good she looked (tbh, my ex even admitted she wasn’t that good looking. But she was ok. She wasn’t ugly and below my level - so I’m confused why he gave her so much attention and made her look pretty - i guess because he wanted her for sex). Anyways. I found out by logging into his social media accounts. He got mad at me. Telling me i broke every last ounce of trust he had in me. Called me a psycho and blocked me.

The thing is. I’d question him about that girl he cheated with for months (because. I knew he updated his tinder and that was a whole other thing). But, he lied straight to me and something just didn’t feel right.

[Livinglogical]

He has narcissistic personality disorder. U can tell because he didn't accept any blame for the horrible thing he did and also tried to make u out to be the crazy, bad one. Classic narc. U say read up on narcissism (there are lots of supportive YouTube videos too). Also check the term 'narc hoovering' (he will probably come back in a few month time acting like nothing was wrong between u). Don't take him back.

[Anonymous]

He got caught. So what better option to put it on you? He can’t be a man, and own up his mistakes. So he’s gonna play the victim and make it your fault. You’re better off moving on. Sorry sweetcheeks

[Asker]

He told me logging into his accounts was way worse than cheating. And he said “i tried to chat because i was miserable with you at times. But i never met up with that girl because you didn’t deserve it”. It’s so messed up. I can’t help but think it’s my fault !!

[Opinion Owner]

He gave you a reason to be suspicious. And honestly, i feel like if he didn’t get caught he would have never told you. And you deserve to know. And just cause at times he’s miserable with his partner, doesn’t give him the reason to cheat 🤷🏻‍♀️ just how i see it

[Asker]

He told me he couldn’t be honest because of how i would have reacted - which is exactly the same thing he said when he updated his tinder and i found out.

[Opinion Owner]

He could be. HE just didn’t want to.

[Asker]

I think that was him switching the blame. I didn’t always react well to things. But , that’s not a reason to not tell me or do bad things

[Opinion Owner]

None of this is your fault. And you deserve better

[Jaysfortner]

Well I mean, honesty is just as important as trust. In fact, it's directly linked to trust. He wasn't honest, but he tells you that you broke HIS trust? He sounds like a narcissist.

[PrincessJess49]

Agreed

[Asker]

Tbh, i saw many narcissistic traits. I’m not sure why i avoided them :/

[Ripper_E]

Unfortunate, but if he isn't even willing to have that closure you both could use, then just be glad to be rid of him.

[Asker]

He told me “we both have 1 min to say what we need to say” and then when i called him he really only gave me 1 minute. But, this was after i messaged him on all social media and he got annoyed. And it truly was 1 minute and he hung up on me in the middle of what i was saying

[Asker]

It is funny how someone claims to care for you, and then cannot give you any ounce of closure.

[Ripper_E]

Sometimes people hide who they truly are in order to get the girl or guy. While in a relationship, they to their partner and themselves that that's what they really want. Always good to know who you're dating, which is why I wouldn't even think about it unless I know that person well. Most people see an attractive person and will say "I'd date her/him"

[Asker]

Yes. We met on tinder and dated for a few months before becoming official. The signs were there, i just chose to ignore them i guess. I tried to end things 3 months in, and he convinced me to stay and try it out. I thought i knew him, because the things he’d say. He was so good at having a reason for why he did things that i didn’t like. I’m not sure how he was so good at it. But, it was like lying was natural to him. I caught him in a few slip ups (when he couldn’t explain how he knew the girl he was cheating with - when i first asked him about her). He made himself out to be a good guy who was just misunderstood by me. I mean, i was jealous and insecure with him. Maybe i drove him to resent me and cheat? :/

[Ripper_E]

Nope. While everyone has their reasons for cheating, not all of them mean they don't care about you or love you, it is NEVER your fault. You were the one that was betrayed.

[Asker]

But why cheat on someone and betray them if you care about them and love them? That was my sole reason for never cheating.

[Ripper_E]

Like I said. People cheat for many different reasons. It could be that they are unhappy or unsatisfied, they enjoy the thrill or are turned on by the taboo of cheating, could be that they don't love you, battling their own insecurities, they are intoxicated, and the list goes on.

Betrayal goes beyond just cheating. People lie to each other all the time. Big or small, a lie is still a lie. People hurt their partners all the time in different ways in every single relationship. Doesn't mean they don't love them, but it doesn't exactly make your feel better about it. Cheating is just one if not the most painful act of betrayal.

[Asker]

If unhappy, why can’t they just leave? I don’t understand. I was unhappy at times, and i was weak at times, but, i never cheated!

[Ripper_E]

possibly for the sake of staying a relationship. It happens all the time, especially in marriages. You take those vows for life. They become unhappy, yet stay married, often for years. They could just leave, right? but they made a commitment for life. They have to stay. Some people just don't want to be alone, or stay for the other person.

[Asker]

But we weren’t married lol. And he always said “if i was unhappy, i would leave you”. But, clearly that wasn’t true. He told me the times e tried to cheat he was miserable with me. He said the other girl was easy and an escape from me.

[Ripper_E]

I know, but same concept. You stay for the sake of staying. I've done that with TV shows that I don't like. Watch it for the sake of finishing it even though I don't like it.