Hello all, I need your help... I suck at making apologies. I believe I have really hurt my introverted friend by neglecting to invite her to a gathering... but that is just my guess as she won't return my texts, and has blocked me on Facebook.
I did seek her out the next day and she shut the door in my face after saying she doesn't want to talk or be friends. I realize that confronting her too soon was the wrong way to go. But when she upset me, she text and called many times right away... and she even cried when we did meet to talk. I assumed I could do the same.
Is there any hope? It's been weeks and I have kept my distance. I have been constantly thinking of what I can do or say to get her back in my life and it doesn't seem possible... I am afraid I will upset her even more.
What is the best way to apologize to an introverted girl?
Google "apology languages," go to the 5lovelanguages link. Great resource for couples.
They are: - expressing regret - accepting responsibility - making restitution - genuinely repenting - requesting forgiveness
A hand-written letter apologizing for your actions & acknowledging how you hurt her may be hopeful. Mention that, because she pursued you in conflict, that you assumed it was safe to do so with her as well.
After that, give her time & space to let it go. Some people just need space to process their feelings.
(I'd be willing to help with the letter if you want.)
Good luck!
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Thanks, I will look up that info. I am thinking short and concise is the right way to go. But, I don't even know exactly what I have done wrong... is it OK to just be vague or guess what I am sorry for?
Tell her that you deeply valued her friendship. You're not sure what you did wrong, but whatever it was, you'll gladly apologize/make up for it. (If you can ask one of her friends what it was, try that. Let her friend know why, plus it may give her a bit of a heads up.)
Remember that the goal is to make amends -- no justifying on your part is okay. (You may already know that, just making sure. :)
As much as we need friends we could do without. We want to know our existence is as meaningful as the extroverts that boast their presence to draw attention that we as people need. You neglected her existence by not inviting her. Couple that with dragging an introvert into an activity & interaction. Bad move. We just want to add to the party. One more body but a fly on the wall. Just the right amount of interaction and we're cool. Women are still different lord knows exactly what's what but you can keep trying.
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Keep trying... so she isn't going to hate me forever?
I don't know, women are different. She could have shut you out of her life total possibility. If she's willing to give you a second to discuss it you may salvage your relationship.
Being introverted isn’t the issue. In fact, if that was the case she would be happy you didn’t invite her.
Own up. What did you actually do?
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I think her being so introverted makes her closed off about telling me what she is feeling. Extroverted people would easily yell out and confront someone when they feel wronged.
But... regardless of that, I have no idea what I actually did. She was at my party just the week before and all seemed well.
At my party, I didn't ignore her. I actually called her over to sit with a few of us playing a game I started. She quit in the middle of it which I thought was odd, I asked why and she said "It's too much for me." There were other girls joking with me during this game because I had to explain the rules to them again and again. ... you think it's because she was jealous?
She did pour a lot of extra alcohol in my drink, before the game started... so I thought we were cool.
You are giving contradicting information. First you didn’t invite her. Then you included her in a game and she refused. Then she apparently gave up but wanted to get you drunk. And now you were drowning in women.
Yeah its a bit hard to follow, here is a timeline:
-Invite her to my party. She shows, we talk normal. She pours me that drink. I ask her to play the game with us, which she quits half way through. -Few days later I post a pic on FB from the party, she comments, I reply. -Next weekend, mutual friend wants to hang and we both invite people (I thought he would invite her, it wasn't that important of a hang out) -Pic goes up of my friends and I hanging out that night -She blocks me on FB, I text her asking what happened and why'd she block me -I stop by her house the next morning, she answered the door not expecting it to be me and immediately shuts the door in my face after saying she doesn't want to talk, and she doesn't want to be friends.
Its been about 8 weeks since then, no contact, besides me asking her friend what was going on, why she didn't want to be friends, and her friend only replied that she is staying out of the drama until it blows over.
I would let her go if it has been 8 weeks and you have tried to apologize or figure out what happened. I agree that it isn't her introvert-edness that is causing the problem, I think she is just rude or REALLY angry
She’s not communicating and you’ve been patient. Let it go. She will probably crawl back saying she expected this that and the other but her attitude is awful. You can’t fix it if she’s acting like a spoilt princess.
Thanks... you guys are right if she isn't communicating then I will have to let it go. I haven't tried to formally apologize yet, since I am unsure of what it is I have done... so whatever I say to her next is my last shot, and then I'll have to walk away.
Do you want to be someone who shuts down at the first sign of trouble? Someone who won’t talk? Do you want to be with someone with their own interests and feelings at heart? Do you want to be with someone who plays games and is rude?
If your answer to any of that is yes then keep going. But if it’s no, you know that it won’t work.
I could see that if this was a pattern, I would not try... but something else is happening that I am unaware of. My friends who know her well are also shocked she would do that to me, and say it is not like her at all.
We did have a conflict last summer, and she really did want to talk it out with me (calling and texting many times). She apologized and explained right away.
Bring her flowers and apologies to her for not inviting her. Be sincere about it and tell her you won't bother her anymore if she doesn't want to. Accept that it was a mistake and make more drama.
I think she wants you to notice her that's why she closed you off.
Okay it depends. What was this gathering? Was it important? Etc. Sometimes us introverted people can be petty as fck. And be extremely childish for no reason because that person we trusted broke our trust or something.
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No, it was not very important... just a hang out, that wasn't really my planning (other mutual friends could have invited her). The previous weekend she did come to a party that I was throwing, and invited her to, and it all seemed ok then.
The only other thing I can think of is maybe she has feelings for me? There was nothing that happened between my party and our mutual friend's hangout, I didn't interact with her besides replying to a normal comment she made on my FB post.
I am super confused too lol, but I will give a quick run down:
-Invite her to my party. She shows, we talk normal and she even pours me a drink... friendly right? -Few days later I post a pic on FB from the party, she comments, I reply. -Next weekend, mutual friend wants to hang and we both invite people (I thought he would invite her) -Pic goes up of us hanging out -She blocks me on FB, I text her asking what happened and why'd she block me -I stop by her house the next morning, she answered the door not expecting it to be me and immediately shuts the door in my face after saying she doesn't want to talk, and she doesn't want to be friends.
It's been about 8 weeks since the door slammed in my face and I haven't said anything to her since.
I'm sensing there's a miscommunication here. I mean cutting someone out of your life because you didn't invite them one time to a hangout? Either she's really petty or its about something else.
Dude wtf... who cares? She sounds like she's beyond immature. You're not even in a relationship and this is how she's behaving? Why are you even wasting your time?
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I could see that point, but, she is not like this usually... something has to be really wrong for her to act this way.
Fine but are you really going to waste time dealing with a girl's drama - a girl who isn't even in a relationship with you? I mean you have guy friends that won't yield this kind of nonsense drama don't you?
I am already a cold "ruthless asshole" that drops people with needless drama like a bad habit. I can't keep doing that with everyone, some are worth fighting for I think.
One girl didn't talk to me for over a year, because I started joking with her about something small (her car) and it got worse when everyone else piled on. I was mean, because I knew it bothered her, and it took me a long time to apologize.
Don't do that just be honest try and show that you do want her back in your life and you are willing to talk but if she isn't just kick her to the curb honestly cuz people like really aren't worth your energy or time.
Why'd you neglect her and not invite her to a gathering? That's a huge mistake to do to women. They automatically think you're meeting some one else. If they do it to us or me especially I don't care. But visa versa, problem.. 😁😎
Try writing her a letter that is the best way to do it. That way she can read it then decide if she wants to come to you or not. Good luck and best regards.
Ahh man tough situation. Don't think it's got to do with introverted. Maybe try in a few weeks time if she doesn't reply back. You need a lot of patience bro
A woman can tell you to go when she needs you to stay. She can say no when she means "I am scared". Communication isn't perfect and you have to both understand the language as well as know what to do. If I turned to you and said "Think fast!" while making a motion with my hands, then you may get ready to catch what I tossed at you. Alternatively I just hit you in the head with a cold Mt. Dew.
Learn the signs. React to the signs. Either you are seeing the signals or reacting to them wrong. When you figure out which it is, do act accordingly. Each person is too unique to have a universal playbook but we can universally adapt to each other.
If I had to guess, she needs you to be present. Just "be there" until the anxiety subsides.
Damn bro, just because you didn’t invite she did all that to you? That’s all it took for her to end your friendship? Real question is , is she really a good friend?
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I don't know the exact reason why, but it seems so.
We were quite close friends for the past few years. I am still in shock after being treated this way... seems I must have hurt her really badly.
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