Is this push/pull behavior with my ex? And why?

So I recently contacted my ex and we hooked up after 6 months. We have done this before, off and on, since he broke up with me in March. It seems after we get together and spend time together, he'll "disappear" and never keep in touch. But after a few months, he'll become more open with me, like answering texts, and phone calls, and ultimately wants to hang out. I have always kept the line of communication open with him, and have always respected his space. I've read about this behavior and I'm beginning to wonder if this is how he deals with how he really feels about me. If he's confused about his feelings for me.

Has anyone done this with their exes, or has anyone experienced this type of withdrawal with their exes after spending time with them? I would think if you were completely over them and have moved on, you wouldn't be doing this. Am I right? I would appreciate your views on this!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey doll, thanks for sharing. OK first & foremost, this type of behavior is called the "revolving door complex". You keep going round & round & never really get anywhere. This type of behavior can be so damaging. I've never seen a couple have this type of relationship & then all of a sudden the couple gets things right & learn how to be together the correct way. This type of behavior usually causes the relationship to be destroyed beyond repair. Reason being, you never really learn how to be together. You only learn how to be apart. I can almost guarantee with 100% certainty that he is the one who continuously leaves the relationship. Men often times do this when they're not ready to commit to anyone seriously. If you don't want to see yourself in this sort of situation forever, you need to break it off. Don't allow someone to pull you down emotionally and use you as a security blanket. Someone who truly wants you, will be there consistently, not as a convenience. Always remember that you deserve whatever it is that you desire in your life. But you teach a person how to treat you. If he feels that you will always be there, he will continue to behave in this manner. Put your foot down & demand the best from whomever you deal with. And always remember that the triangle between your legs is a goldmine & is not to ran in & out of when someone else decides they want it. Elevate yourself to the throne you deserve & I can guarantee that you'll start attracting the type of guy that walks through the door & stays. Good luck doll! :)

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    • Thank you for that! I did text him last night ahout how I felt. I need to train myself to stick to my word and stop the repeat behavior. Just wish I could forget him.

    • If you're truly ready to leave him alone. Pray him away. Trust me.. he'll either get it together. Or he'll be gone. Ask to keep him away if he is not good for you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He is dating you in-between other dating interests as they come and go. He meets a new girl, dates her for two weeks, stops dating her and goes back to you. He meets another new girl, dates her a month and then goes back to you. And repeat. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I have done the same thing before, although I don't think my ex was as clueless about what was going on.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm on the same page as you and indeed, this behavior is so frustrating and confusing! I know EXACTLY how you feel and I often wonder why they choose to do this. What do they want from us? Recently, I asked him about this and he replied "It's mysterious and fun." Oh how I just HATE vague answers! Glamgoddess is on point. Sorry, I can't be any help as I am also experiencing the same crap.

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  • **Disclaimer: I am just telling you this to spare you more agony that would result from you repeating this behavior over and over again.**

    Your ex is just keeping in touch with you for sex. He might be trying for real relationships in between your periods of contact, but for whatever reason he doesn't click with the girl of the moment. Then, he ends up back at square one, with no opportunity for sex anymore because he just broke up with someone. And unfortunately, that's when you come into the picture. Word to the wise: do not keep open the line of communication with him. Move on and find someone who can treat you like the wonderful lady you are!

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    • Thank you! I had some words with him tonight via text. Lol. I know I've been making it too easy for him. Don't know why I hang on, but time to cut the cord...

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