what do you guys think about that statement?
because that is how my guy is.
when he was with his ex, he was whatever she wanted him to be. a huge pot smoker, someone who wears trashy clothes with tons of holes, large skater shoes, and long long hair. He is not a christian with her, and they do have a ton of sex. Her mom lives with many men, not married to him and he lives with them. It's like a whore house.
when he is with me he is not a pot smoker. he wears business casual clothes, he is not a skater. he has super short hair cut. He is christian and now goes to church every Sunday and listens to classical music instead of hard rock and other stuff. He doesn't want to talk about his past anymore and says that she forced him to live with her... etc. And says it was a terrible mistake and she was a terrible person so wrong for him. and that he is right with me.
But is he just making this up?
Plus he starts saying he likes stuff I like, but is it true?
Like I like willow trees and he starts to say he does too. It's like he does NOT have an identity.
Or can guys really be whatever you want them to be. Do you believe in that statement? Has anyone else also been with someone like this, or any guys also done this before? Said this before? Just wondering. I am a bit confused and a little bit skeptical of his true identity.
Most Helpful Guy
I think he's sort of a chameleon...but that's not too unusual for us.
This is probably who he truly is:
He's a guy that wants to be appreciated, he wants to be loved, he wants to have sex, he wants to have nice conversations about what's important to him, he wants to be around family and friends, he wants to enjoy his hobbies...even if that's just watching football or whatever, he wants to be without sickness or pain, he might want children, he wants a connection with the women he's with.
OK...That's the big list of what's really important to most men. Although you and his ex are quite different, it sounds like both of you are able to fulfill what actual IS important to him.
All of the particulars that you're pointing out, e.g. pot smoking, going to church, living with a weird mother-in-law...all of these things either could or could not satisfy his needs. If his needs are being well met with his crazy ex...then he'll get involved with what's working for him there...If you are able to satisfy his needs, then he's on board with what you're doing. All of these particular things that you've mentioned, while they seem so vital and important...really are just a means to an end.1