My ex girlfriend broke my heart three months ago after a three year relationship. I was devastated! Especially since I was about to propose. This girl was the love of my life. I've actually already posted about our life together, so I won't go too far into it. I've had the hardest time getting over her.
At first, I thought I might have some hope of reconciliation. I decided to give her a month of no contact. A month went by, and I called her and left a message. I haven't heard back from her. I found out later that she started seeing a friend of mine, six weeks after she broke up with me. I couldn't believe she had the emotional capacity, after a three year relationship, to move on with someone else. I realize now that she probably checked out of our relationship long before she pulled the plug. She definitely had me believing otherwise. Obviously. I feel like a fool. I've been hoping that this new relationship is just a rebound, and that it'll fail, but I hear they're having a really good time together. The hardest part is that she's been "flaunting" her new relationship on twitter and facebook. I know better than to stalk her status, and I've generally done a good job of staying away from it, but it doesn't take long to catch up if you slip up and look. I guess I just expected her to be a little more delicate. I thought she might have a little more regard to my feelings. I feel like she's punishing me for something, when all I've ever done was treat her like a princess. I deserve better than this. It hurts. Another stinger is the fact that he doesn't live in the same city that we do. He's off building the exact same career that I've always wanted to pursue, and the only reason I haven't pursued it, is because I chose to stay here, take a crappy job, and pursue her. Ouch. I now know that she probably would have had more respect for me, had I pursued something for myself. I imagine she might have admired that. Hind sight. This just sucks.
I don't really know what I want from her. I guess it would be nice to hear that our relationship actually meant something. I just feel used. Some validation would go a long way for my closure and healing process. I had a dream that she told me that she was with this other guy, but that I meant a lot to her. It was a huge relief. Then I woke up. I've been a total wreck. I've lost twenty pounds, my job is suffering, and I'm thinking of moving. I've even been seeing a therapist. It's quite ridiculous. It doesn't help that all of my friends are mutual, including her new guy. I can't stop thinking "what if they get married?" All of my friends will be at the wedding. It's embarassing. Humbling. I just wish I could make sense of it. I loved and love this girl with all my heart. How could she be so cold? I still wish I could open some kind of communication with her. I don't know what it would accomplish. I just miss her to death! We were best friends! And now nothing? What am I supposed to do with all this love?
At first, I thought I might have some hope of reconciliation. I decided to give her a month of no contact. A month went by, and I called her and left a message. I haven't heard back from her. I found out later that she started seeing a friend of mine, six weeks after she broke up with me. I couldn't believe she had the emotional capacity, after a three year relationship, to move on with someone else. I realize now that she probably checked out of our relationship long before she pulled the plug. She definitely had me believing otherwise. Obviously. I feel like a fool. I've been hoping that this new relationship is just a rebound, and that it'll fail, but I hear they're having a really good time together. The hardest part is that she's been "flaunting" her new relationship on twitter and facebook. I know better than to stalk her status, and I've generally done a good job of staying away from it, but it doesn't take long to catch up if you slip up and look. I guess I just expected her to be a little more delicate. I thought she might have a little more regard to my feelings. I feel like she's punishing me for something, when all I've ever done was treat her like a princess. I deserve better than this. It hurts. Another stinger is the fact that he doesn't live in the same city that we do. He's off building the exact same career that I've always wanted to pursue, and the only reason I haven't pursued it, is because I chose to stay here, take a crappy job, and pursue her. Ouch. I now know that she probably would have had more respect for me, had I pursued something for myself. I imagine she might have admired that. Hind sight. This just sucks.
I don't really know what I want from her. I guess it would be nice to hear that our relationship actually meant something. I just feel used. Some validation would go a long way for my closure and healing process. I had a dream that she told me that she was with this other guy, but that I meant a lot to her. It was a huge relief. Then I woke up. I've been a total wreck. I've lost twenty pounds, my job is suffering, and I'm thinking of moving. I've even been seeing a therapist. It's quite ridiculous. It doesn't help that all of my friends are mutual, including her new guy. I can't stop thinking "what if they get married?" All of my friends will be at the wedding. It's embarassing. Humbling. I just wish I could make sense of it. I loved and love this girl with all my heart. How could she be so cold? I still wish I could open some kind of communication with her. I don't know what it would accomplish. I just miss her to death! We were best friends! And now nothing? What am I supposed to do with all this love?
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I appreciate the comments. I've never known pain like this. I can't find consolation. It's strange; all I want is to be held by her, and to hear that I meant something to her. Pitiful, I know. I haven't talked to her in 48 days!
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