Should I give my boyfriend a second chance after cheating?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months long distance... the first two months we were in the same city and in a couple of months we will be back in the same city again. The last time I went to visit him I discovered he cheated on me a little after we had been dating for two months by having a one-night stand (they actually passed out and hooked up in the morning... when he said he was still drunk but I say basically sober). He did not even use protection. He says he was planning on telling me when it was the right time but did not want to lose me. After I found this out I asked him if he had cheated on me again and he admitted to messing around with a girl once about a month after the first time when he was very drunk. I am so depressed and he is also devastated and begging me for a second chance. Immediately after I found out I broke up with him and left. He says it was new in the relationship and he was getting used to things and had to change his lifestyle because I'm his first serious girlfriend. We have still not had sex because I'm a virgin. We're both seniors in college. Before this happened, everything was completely perfect and we had our lives planned out together. When we were dating he told his family I was the person he wanted to marry and I felt the same. I'm the first girl he's introduced his family too. He said he will never make this mistake again and has regretted it ever since - that it was a drunken mistake and he wasn't thinking. Should I give him a second chance or try to move on? We're extremely compatible and I fear I will not meet someone else like him again.

Updates

+1 y

Also - he told me he loved me for the first time 10 days before he did this. And I know he does love me and regrets this. He said he doesn't know why he did it- that he wasn't thinking and let his sexual frustrations get to him. He had never met them.

[Anonymous]

ok I think now would be a good time to institute a three strike rule he has already cheated on you twice yet it sounds like you really like this guy so if it happens a third time then end it the pain of knowing he is cheating or going to cheat or might cheat again is not going to do your relationship any good it will not make you feel love or cherished or secure you are going to have trust issue constantly wondering if he has cheated again this kind of situation just don't end well very often so don't play games with your own heart decide what is acceptable and if he is not behaving in an acceptable way then move on to someone who does...hurt me once shame on you hurt me twice shame on me...

[Eiffelgirl21]

I would give him another chance. I know crazy right?! But, guys do change..he might be serious when he says he's not use to the lifestyle of having a gf..my boyfriend was the same exact way. He cheated the 3rd month of us dating..and I was afraid...when I found out I was skeptical and cautious about staying with him, but the thing that made me stay with him, was that I could tell he changed. If you think he changed..and you think that you can forgive and forget then go for it..another thing..I told my boyfriend that it would not work if she was in his life at all. And I will tell you that as well. It will bother you and you will never be able to forget about it. Good luck <3

[FierceMegan]

Once a cheater always a cheater. Cheaters are one of two people, either GREEDY or UNHAPPY. If you cannot detect a moment where you both were unhappy, than he is a greedy person and you will suffer from this relationship. If he was unhappy, than you both owe it to yourself to be happy, and move on. Don't dwell on this it's in the past. Just take whatever lesson you were suppose to learn from this and move on. It's hard, but to survive this world you must be hard.

[MandMandM]

> He says it was new in the relationship and he was getting used to things

Like fidelity? You can not fall for this.

> drunk

Or this. Drunken "mistakes" generally aren't.

I'd say you are only a few months into this relationship, so you don't have such a large amount of emotional capital invested that you can't walk away. I'd sling him out, and find someone who respects you enough to keep it in his pants so far as other women are concerned.

Different (but not much better) issue if you are say married 15 years with kids. Then there is a real dilema. Here not so much.

[sikoo31]

i didn't read it cause I have a theory that I think applies to the majority of people:

there are 2 types of cheaters:

type one: cheats and feels terrible and doesn't do it again, ever.

type two: cheats, may or may not feel bad but will surely act like he/she does. after a while, or maybe right away, the person does it again and goes through the same thing over and over until he/she grows up.

its up to you to decide what type your man is and decide to take him back or not.

[juice1]

^^^^^^^^^^

[sikoo31]

what?

[xxKillerxxKittyxx]

You forgot type three cheaters; exactly like type two cheaters except the get the rush from doing it under your nose and then go right back to you. They get enjoyment from seeing your hurt, and making up to you, then just... doing it all over... I've dated a guy who was a type three... however I'm the same as you buddy, I give people I date one chance and once chance alone. Screw that up, I'll look elsewhere.

[sikoo31]

thats why I said they may or may not feel bad, as in they could be lying and actually enjoy it or just not care.

but yeah, no one is worth more than that one chance, good for you killer kitty.

[peace-love-couture]

No, you shouldn't. He hadn't told you and he'd already cheated on you twice, he does it once(which he already did) he'll do it again.

He knew what he was doing and chose to do so. The drunk excuse is old and pathetic.

There's billions of people in this world, trust, you'll find someone better who doesn't hurt you.

[honeyltsme]

There aren't many one-time cheaters. If you choose to forgive and take him back this time you should expect to do it more or less on a regular basis going forward. If that's not cool with you, he's out

[TrailOfTears]

Short answer is "No" long answer is "Nooooooooooooooooooooo".

Basically he had a chance and he blew it. If he really cares about you he got to start over from square -5 and work his way back. Don't just let him in again like nothing happened.

[diamond3]

he will probably do it again. it seems like you will give him another chance and I think he will think if you do he can cheat and just blame it on the alcohol. I wouldn't take him back because I'm sure he woukd again

[hALLDAY]

Its your own choice. Personally, I don't give out second chances. Sure we all make mistakes but cheating is not one of them and nothing you say can justify that IMO.

[brookeh09]

If I were you, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to take the risk. Usually what happens if they get away with cheating one time without punishment, there's a chance it will happen again.

[ItsAllTheSame]

tell him you had sex with a guy and see how he feels. based on what you say, I would give him one last shot. 3 strikes though, you're out.

[tyt_2012]

I didn`t read all of that, it`s too long but I know my answer, NO. Why get back with a cheater? It`s not worth it. Your choice.

[Layla101]

NEVER GO BACK TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BETRAYED YOU.

they did it once, they will do it again.

[The_Random_Chick]

Frankly, I'd give a second chance. But a third chance? NO way. At all.

[Anonymous]

it's your choice, but I wouldn't give a cheater a second chance

[dudeman]

no just move on be glad you didn't sleep with this guy

[sikoo31]

if he cheated, he was lying.