So he beat me, gaslit me, what have you...{insert EXTREME sob story here}. Then he comes crawling back violating the no contact order. This fool put me on blast on Facebook like a highschool girl (I deactivated mine to resist the temptation), he tried to sell his lies in court (he forgot about screenshots lol), and then he gets caught talking to me and reported so he says, "put a gun in your mouth because it will solve all our problems." Now I have a choice: A) I cooperate with the D. D. A. and volunteer further evidence. This will result in him going to county for 30 days, losing his job, and getting a felony assault IV on his permanent record. Or B) take the high road, stay out of it, and hope Karma gets him in the end. Gotta tell ya, I'm a high road person and the older I get the more I feel like Karma is a myth and most "bad" people don't actually get what they deserve in the end. Thoughts?
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+1 y
I had forgotten that in empowering myself by holding him accountable, I can help other victims to seek to regain their own power, and save other potential victims from suffering the same fate. Through tears I want to thank all of you for your support and the unanimity of your responses, you all clearly have big hearts❤️💜
First, let me say I'm very sorry for what you've been through. As a survivor of physical abuse myself I totally understand how you feel. And like you, I myself try to take the high road. I also believe karma is a TOTAL myth. But as to the question of revenge? I myself get tempted to get revenge on someone who wronged me, but I don't act on it, cuz I've found that the best revenge is moving on, letting that person know they no longer have the power to hurt you or control over your life. But if we act on the temptation for revenge, we're still letting them control our actions That being said, if he was physically abusing you, it's not revenge to work with the DDA, he should and needs to be held accountable for his actions. You're not doing that to him, it won't be your fault if he goes to jail, loses his job. He chose his actions, now let him deal with the consequences of his actions. And, please don't let this color your regard for all men. Not all men are like that. My first husband was very controlling, abusive. My second was one of the best things that happened in my life 😍💕 till he passed away. Hence why said karma myth. When the scars from this toxic relationship start to heal, you may find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
I feel you should be practical and go through the legal way.. you can ask the lawyers whether he is ready to settle and stay away for real. He needs to agree that he won't torture you anymore. Then you can leave it to karma
Thanks, I can tell you this guy is like a typical movie abuser. I guarantee even if I cooperate and he gets all he deserves he'll still try to get me back😔
Thank you. I wish I wasn't four years in and Soo frickin broken I don't recognize me. I would have said the same thing, now I don't know which way is up:(
It's gonna be difficult but you are gonna find yourself soon which is gonna be LIT AF.. be excited about it and focus on your future.. don't let the past drag you down.. PRAYER is gonna help you a lot. Have faith.
That's because abusers have a way of getting in your head trying to brain wash you into thinking it's your fault, you did something to deserve it. And, even if he promises no more contact, he already showed he won't stop breaking the no contact order. And I know it feels like four years wasted, but don't think of the four years you lost think of how bad those years were and use it as a determination to start fresh. I know it's very difficult to do, but you can do it. You will find yourself again and you'll be all the stronger even you do. If you're scared he'll still come back, there are domestic abuse shelters that can provide you a safe place to stay, provide counseling and other services to help you through this. Because restraining order or no, if someone means you physical harm, a piece of paper isn't going to stop them. Just something to consider.
No problem hon❤️ you'll get there. I'm not saying it will be easy, but well worth it. Baby steps. And never ever forget that it was his failings, a reflection of what kind a person he is, not YOU!. And some will not agree, but let go of the anger and even tho he don't deserve it, try forgiveness. "I forgive you so now I'm truly free of you" I did with my ex and no once I finally got free, would of never went back, but actually became, not friends, but could react friendly. I attended his father's wake to show respect. This is a quote that sums it up best... " I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry And accept an apology I never received"
Thanks for the mho 😍 And if you ever need an ear, feel like giving up, follow and pm me I've been through a lot in my life and still going through a lot and it helps to have a support system.
I presume there's been nothing resembling an apology or does he have any regret or think he's done wrong? This is NOT a decision about revenge - this is a decision about right and wrong, and what is just. By doing nothing, or what you call "the high road", you are essentially condoning his actions and leaving him free to do the same things, with impunity, to the next girl. If it costs him his job, he did it to himself. If he has a felony assault on his record, he did it to himself. He WILL do this again, there's no doubt about that. Your only concern here should be "is my life in danger" after he gets out of jail?
You are mistaken karma is real the only thing is you are his karma just give the evedance needed taking the high road is not allowing someone to get away with abusing you that's being a doormat
Even though the people around me (mind you they agree he is extremely abusive so they aren't getting a different story), say it's not worth my time and I should rise above?
Lol you "rising above it" gives him the opportunity to to do it to another women out there he was legally told not to contact you but then still did it this guy don't care about you or the law and should be taught you can't do what u want and not be held accountable if you want stuff like this to stop you have to fight for it to stop
I know it will be hard but please don't let scum like this get away with this type of behaviour we live in times where everyone says people like him should be held accountable for what they do but then bury there heads in the ground when that opportunity arrives (the people around you)
Man I wish you were the one that could be in the courtroom with me holding my hand so I can be as brave as I want to be. Awfully hard when it's just a girl and a roomful of people that still deep down believe the woman must be to blame either for not leaving sooner or being crazy (as the numerous court appearances that have already occurred have revealed) 😔
It's because everyone likes to think what they would have done and I use to think the same being so angry that the abused would put up with it that i also blamed them but I now understand it's not that simple the only reason people like him get away with things is because they prey on others that are not as mentally strong or vulnerable at the time and it's not as simple as just leaving because you are brainwashed into thinking what's happening is your fault or normal just remember that none of the people in the court room had to put up with what he did to you so there opinions of what u should have done are irrelavent all that matters is that you provide the info the court is asking and you tell the truth
Enliven then they can attempt to shame you all they want but again if they never expiranced what you had to put up with how can they hope to give a valid opinion on what you should or shuldnt have done if it was there child would they say the same thing ofc not
Any time you wanna talk about this or anything else just send a message my dad was abusive towards my mum and my now girlfriend hate a abusive partner before me so I tend to get a little zelouse for things of this nature but thankyou lol will be holding your hand the whole way
Very sorry to hear that. I do not view what you would be doing as revenge. I see childish people who take revenge on a person simply because he/she broke up with them so they will lie claiming sex crimes or whatever to ruin the person over piddly shit but that is not the case in your situation. I do not view anything you would do as wrong because your actions may save someone else out there from possibly being harmed by this turd. This not only will teach that sick SOB a lesson but it is extremely beneficial he gets his ass handed to him. You will be doing other people a service too.
Screw that karma BS. You are karma! Kick the fuckers ass and make sure he doesn't do this crap to anyone again.
If you want revenge, first dig two graves, The Universe will work things out for you, but yes imho co-operate with the DDA (Deputy District Attorney? I'm UK btw) it's not revenge as such because you are not being pro-active in causing his demise, and hopefully helping to stop him being an a-hat to others in future,
It's actually funny you put it that way because he maintains I am "using the law to solve typical relationship problems and it's just wrong." He seems to think bashing a girl's head in, feeding her pills to get her to kill herself, and verbal evisceration are all things that only should be dealt with within a relationship.
Good point. Kinda torn. Feels like it might be the only way to piss him off enough so he'll leave me alone, also feels like he should learn a lesson to save the next girl. Thing is, it's more time and drama in the present... Oye!
The best revenge is to be amazing and work hard and go far WITHOUT HIM. He is holding you back. Just be unbothered and live your life to the fullest. Don't let him distract you. If he tries to build a wall blocking you from happiness, climb over it. Once he sees that there is nothing he can do to stop you, he won't try anymore
It's not revenge but justice!! Go with option A My mother let his now ex boyfriend get away with beating us as and and almost electrocuting her to death (among other things) and I wish I could have done something but I was a minor, you're a woman, you can do it!
I say make him rot. He is an asshole and most of the time karma doesn't act fast or ever. Put that man in his place whether if hell exists or when he is in jail. Fuck that man over.
I can agree with that 💯 and I can agree that over the years I think I have become Soo empathetic, so completely and utterly able to see the other side of things, that I can rationalize even the most abhorrent behavior 😔
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