Would you stay in a relationship when trust is broken?

Question

Would you stay with someone because you were in love, and invested time into a relationship where he has treated you better than any other man you've been with...
but... through a rough patch had downloaded a dating/hook up app? it never went further than the app, and he has apologized and tried super hard.. he even cried, begging me to stay, saying how much he really was in love with me..

but i struggle everyday with trust and self confidence and insecurity. I think about it... and I constantly worry... everyone says time will heal and to forgive... but he could do it so easily again...

The1Guy · Accepted Answer

We react to our emotions. He felt the way he did in the rough patch whoch made him download the app. He is sorry, but he didn't have much choice in the matter. The app is there and it's so easy to download it.

The environment is there and our emotions come from our environmental circumstances.

Trust is also an emotion. You should talk about trust and what kind of environment you could build around you to build trust. You could do an activity together that requires you to depend on each other and do things for each other. Brainstorm ideas what activities would give you the deepest sence that you are doing for each other something, that you struggle to do on your own.

Things like a vacation where you go out in a boat together, kayaking, can work, but best of all if the activity is something you constantly do in your daily life.

You can find many activities if you look for them.

Me and my wife for example live in different countries at the moment, but we study together. We took a course, it doesn't matter what kind of a course. And since I don't have time to sit down and write, or read for that matter, she reads to me and writes down my answers and thoughts.

This helps me a lot. I wouldn't be able to do the course without her. And she takes pleasure in that as well and likes the way I think. So as a result we get the feeling of interdependence and trust grows with every session.

We shouldn't judge people for their emotions and lack of control of their emotions since most have no control at all. We should only try to create an environment for ourselves, that will cause us to have the emotions that we want.

Also talking about the emotions we feel helps to be aware of them and be more objective toward them. We can learn to be above those emotions too, by working on the importance of our responsibilities toward each other.

broken_heart_at_48 · Accepted Answer

You are an absolute knock out your old man is an idiot. I can't imagine he would do it again. I guess if your sex life is lacking it's possible, but communication is key when trying to rebuild your relationship. A relationship takes work and he should be thinking of your feelings and trying to put himself in your shoes and think of how he must of made you feel and doing everything he can to make you feel confident in yourself and in your relationship. In turn so should you. For example my wife (were separated now after 28 years) is extremely jealous and I always figured it was due to me having several girls I messed with when we first got together even though we weren't exclusive and I wasn't exclusive with any of the other girls. I'm not a cheater I was straight up with all of them. But since she was jealous like that once we were exclusive I barely even talked to other females period. I mean I went as far as we had friends that we knew for years and I wouldn't even know the wife's name for a ridiculous length of time. One couple I didn't know the girls name for probably 2 years I would avoid even talking to women when my wife wasn't even around because I loved her as deep and true more than any other love ever and wouldn't want her to feel anything but secure. If he's not doing his part you should probably just bounce and find someone more mature like an older man. Hint hint wink wink

Rei02 · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't, must not. Once trust is broken, things can't be the same anymore, no matter what you, him or both do.

I am telling you this because of experience, not just with people who want a romantic relationship with you (and then things get worse when you could have put your foot down and say no or I will call the police because of harrassment) or with the ones whom you really liked, dated, but due to trusting issues the relationship sank. This kind of issues and problems can also arised in friendships and family.

I can't deny that some can easily forgive and "let bygones be bygones", but in my case, I have experienced what it is giving another chance when the fault is of high degree, and even if you really like someone and want things really to work, it is sad, but things cannot be the same anymore.

Just remember, one thing is to hold a grudge and another is to give another chance. The problem is that some want to take the advantage of forgiveness = things will be the same or better for me. That's why I can't give forgiveness.

Stacie3 · Accepted Answer

I do believe that sometimes when going through rough times a man or woman can be tempted to see what else is out there. Does that mean they would cheat.. not necessarily
But as everyone else is saying TRUST is essential without it you can literally drive yourself insane wondering everytime he is away from you if he is with another.
Relationships can recover from infidelity with a lot of support and reassuring from the partner, and if you can truly let go.
Talk it out.. to the point of nothing more to say about it.. then leave it in the past. It takes work to force yourself to not think about it when a memory triggers it.. but if he truly loves you, and you truly love him it can be done. Especially since he didn't actually cross the line into full out cheating.

Anoniemus · Answer

No. That time invested? You're never going to get back. So what sense does it make to waste MORE time?
Trust is the foundation of the relationship as well as communication. So just because you two had it rough, as all couples do, he decides to lurk? That tells me that he doesn't care for you as much you do him, because if he did, he wouldn't have done it.

Downloading an app shows the intent to cheat and if you caught him, of course he's going to fess up. He likely didn't tell you himself and is going to say anything to keep you.

So no. I wouldn't. I would dump him.

Lliam · Answer

Trust is everything. If my partner had an affair, I'd be done. But your boyfriend seems to have acted on impulse, motivated by pain or anger. He didn't follow through, though, which tells me that he really cares for you. And he feels really bad and apologized. So actually, no harm/no fowl. And have you examined what your role may have been in the dispute that caused him to question the relationship? What made him lose trust in the future of the relationship?
I think it's possible for you two to work it out. I might recommend seeing a couple's counselor to learn more about yourselves and each other.

lowell2593 · Answer

No I would be absolutely out. I am glad he has treated you well but the true test of character isn't when things are easy, it is when they are hard. If you have another rough patch he could do it again, maybe it would go further maybe not. When the going got tough, he caved. In a relationship both people should be committed even when it gets tough. It does not mean he is a bad person but you will have no peace since he broke your trust. You dont want to have to be worries everytime something goes wrong.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I think I would have to test the trust after finding out something like that if I loved them. Anything less than love I would walk away. Do you believe his reasons for downloading the “app” in the first place? Are you thinking of this is what he does after a rough patch then what about “ for better or worse “ I think I know how your feeling but only you can know if you can get over it. Ask yourself what will help you get past it and then at least try , if you can’t then be honest and say so. I honestly believe people can just make stupid mistakes in relationships but intending to hookup , I can’t quite get my head around calling that a “ mistake” :)

rjroy3 · Answer

I would look at several things.

1. Did he come forward with it or did you find out?

2. Showing remorse. Apologizing and actively making amends.

3. Them putting up with the hurt and distrust you have in them now, as they work to earn it back. Essentially, putting in the work to make the relationship work.

If their attitude is "things just aren't the same, is it even worth it?" Then to me it is done. Because they did something wrong. The natural consequence occurs and if they are unwilling to deal with the consequences. To me that is the biggest indicator for saying goodbye.

FriendToBe · Answer

For me it's a no when I will take a decision from my mind and yes if I think from my heart. It totally depends on the situation, the person's involved and the relationship they were in. But it will be the toughest job to forgive that person and accept again.

traimwreck · Answer

see we can make that relationship beautiful again if you truly love them or he/she truly loves you. because love can't be change hurriedly but if mistake is like you cheat on your partner, I'll definitely say move on because that person can do that thing again, i know it's not easy but for making your future secure so it will be beneficial to go and leave them ❤

SjE78 · Answer

not really no, though depending on reasons for the broken trust and whether they are making the effort to rebuild etc and whether the trust can be rebuilt then those are the exceptions
if those are met then sure but a lot of work and honesty MUST be primary to make it work

markscott · Answer

If he has treated you very well, and didn't contact anyone, I'd say stay, and see how it goes. However, there is a question begging. You said he treats you better than any other man has. Does that mean he treats you real good? Or that you have had other jerks, and he's just the best of the jerks? If he's just the best of the jerks, I'd leave, and find a non-jerk.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I haven't:) I've seen it done, and what results is people find their flaws and correct them. But in genreal, it's hard to change... so you are running smack into a... devil... or rather... a deep wound/ value issue and it will be hard to live in a world of dis trust.

so the question is would you... that's all that matters, not if we can handle it.

SpacedCharr · Answer

No.

You sound like you already know in your heart what you want to do.

Follow that.
Your reasoning is sound, he has no guarantee of improving, and his emotional reaction speaks a lot of his lack of foresight.

You have a lot of time ahead of you.

Move away from this, spend time on yourself, and move towards something more wholesome.

You don't need that sort of worry evident in your last paragraph in your life.

ecfresh · Answer

Depends on the relationship but yes there are cases where I would stay. But in those cases we would need to start at the ground level and recreate the relationship. Without total trust then you can’t have a healthy relationship. That does take time but it takes hard work from both people and a consistent proof they can be trusted from that point onward.

Tommy2017 · Answer

If trust is broken in any relationship, no matter how great the sex or no matter how effective communicators you guys are, that relationship is doomed.
You might try patching it but it will never be the same again because of the cracks and any little mishap, it is over.
I'll advise you to just call it quit now before wasting your time and energy on sth which is doomed to fail.

soleil2666 · Answer

That's the crux of it - you can either leave, or address it directly and in completeness - there's nothing in between.
In theory, perhaps, it can be rebuilt in silence, if you see the other person specifically not doing what broke it - but you really are much better off putting it on the table and having an honest conversation (mentioning all the topics that 'should not be spoken about' - there is nothing in that category except if you are faking or scared like a child)

13IsALuckyNumber · Answer

That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. To me, trust is the most important part of a relationship. If I can’t trust someone, then I won’t date them. It varies from person to person. And sometimes people don’t change. Sometimes they do, but it takes a big risk to continue being with someone when you don’t trust them. I could never do it, but this is you.

Nurehman · Answer

Please keep in mind that I'm talking from my own experience and that you need to recognise every person is different and deals with and handles everything differently Honestly it doesn't matter what he did, if it brought you to the point that you can't trust him again walk away cause it doesn't matter what he ever does you won't be able to trust him again

Duckysback · Answer

When there is no trust or respect does love actually matter?

Hyak94 · Answer

Installing a dating app while being in a relationship is a huge red flag in my opinion. If there is no trust and if he gives you a bad feeling, why stay?

shimmeryns · Answer

Most likely not. When trust is broken, he is no longer a safe place for you. You constantly feel the threat of him snooping around when you least expect it.

LifeEqualsLove · Answer

When things get tough, you can always see someone's true colors. Make it work if you rlly want him deep --only you know what you can and won't put up with. I wouldn't though.

LoU_Hades · Answer

I don't need another one backstabber in my bedroom. Dating app and dating profile is a clear sign from my perspective

boggboss · Answer

Why else did he download the app but to entertain cheating meh I wouldn't because trust is essential and he broke that

MarkusCopeland · Answer

I wouldn't. The app is a conscious choice to begin looking for another person for a relationship/sex/attention.  Crying is a cheap move to garner sympathy when you were the one on the short end here.

Vasius · Answer

Take it from a guy that stupidly hoped and prayed and for 20 years after being the idiot that kept falling for the love and didn't listen to his head after the first time and let it happen again and again. Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces.

4eyes2mouths · Answer

No way but I did because the sex was absolutely amazing

no1else · Answer

Personally? Probably yes. Until I saw the damaged space between us for myself

Máiiréad · Answer

No, I leave the moment I cannot trust them anymore.

Rich123456789 · Answer

It’s tough. You have to know you can put it behind you and let it go. If not you are going to have a rough time. Has he ever lied to you about anything else?

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should have left him. I have been in your shoes and girl if I could turn back time and leave I would have. But since you didn’t leave you have to be prepared to leave at the next sign of a fuck up

brkninpcs70 · Answer

The problem is that once trust is broken it is extremely hard to get back. There will always be that little jolt in the back of your mind saying did he? And that will crush both of you over time.

drkwolf · Answer

Maybe try to work things out but if he does it again might need to call it off. My ex girlfriend did that and I cought her she got rid of it, but she downloaded it again a couple months later so I ended it.

kales96 · Answer

If trust is broken, why still stay with them? You never know what they have done before.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

No trust = no love. If you still stay, you're fair game and will have only yourself to blame when all hell breaks loose.

Y_Misty · Answer

If you think your relationship is worth saving for, try to fix things and start again, earn each others trust again

loveslongnails · Answer

I can forgive a lot of things if I think it's worth it.

TonyBologna25 · Answer

Trust can be rebuilt again. It’s difficult though. Most aren’t able to.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

No. No trust, no relationship. That goes for romance or friends.

rockrewls · Answer

Hard to answer, nothing physical happened but I understand the betrayal, do what your heart tell you to do.

GreenGold1992 · Answer

hell no, next to communication, trust is everything in a relationship

filipswagson · Answer

i would regain her trust and tell how much i love her

Ddg615 · Answer

No, because to me there is no relationship without trust. But that's just my opinion and I could be wrong.

daytuymanin · Answer

i'd stay to get even. so they learn there's consequences for fucking up.

Marie01995 · Answer

No once it’s gone then it’s gone i wouldn’t be able to see them again.

TacocaT6969 · Answer

I can’t love someone I don’t trust.

egarcia1360 · Answer

No. Without trust, there is no relationship.

cavmanier · Answer

What did he do when you downloaded the app?

Avicenna · Answer

Only if we had kids together

outside_Toronto · Answer

So what is your question here?

hana12 · Answer

ofc not trust is important

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

No. there is no need to.

Mindtea · Answer

Trust is very important to me, so I can't

Betti · Answer

Just no

finesse68 · Answer

Nope

jonesin4u · Answer

Without trust there isn't a relationship

shermanbean · Answer

No trust is the main thing

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

JermalTheBlackDog · Answer

Hell no

Pejtu · Answer

No, F off 😌

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I doubt I would.

SecretGardenBlood65 · Answer

Hmm nope

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