Struggling with trust issues. Would you stay in the relationship, or break up?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for one year and a half. I struggle with trust issues and in the beginning he didn’t make it very easy for me to trust him. I had found in his phone gallery, semi naked pictures of a girl he used to talk to, and I also found out he had been liking semi naked pictures of girls on instagram. He was all new to being in a relationship and we’ve talked about it and now it’s stopped but I still can’t help but wonder if it’s sometimes still happening. I end up checking myself. I have talked to him about all of this and said that I think it’s best if I go my own way. Focus on myself. Because I really don’t want to be unhealthy like this. I cried my eyes out, asking him to let me go. He wouldn’t. He told me we can work it out together and that if I need to work on it, it’s best if I do it while in a relationship. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m not in a position to trust fully and I really don’t want to be in this position in a relationship. I want to be loose. But I’m not. Constantly checking what he’s looking at when together and also checking his followings online. I feel like it’s becoming too mentally draining for me. I know it comes from a place of low self esteem but I really sometimes just want out of all of this. I find it hard to trust, I’ve been wronged in the past and whenever I try to communicate to him, he turns all defensive. I don’t see how we can work on this together, while being in a relationship, when every time I try to bring something up about this matter, he turns all defensive and lowkey dismisses/invalidates my thoughts and feelings.

[Mr_twoface]

Staying or breaking up is to me irrelevant because either decision you make, you have to work towards overcoming this issue you are facing. Say you want to break-up, what are the short-term steps you are going to take to help you overcome this matter? Have you written it down? Who will be there to help you take these steps? What if it becomes tough? Questions are endless... bottom line is can you get help on your own? Cause I'm sure you want to overcome the trust issues so you can fall in love again and be in another relationship.

Say you do stay, at least its the two of you. Still though have you written down how you are going to get help? How can he help? What can you do together? Can he help finding professional help? Can you overcome it together? Again, endless questions.

Whichever decision you make, understand that this is a serious issue you have to overcome and its not going to go away in a "next" relationship on its own. If you see a guy liking girls on instagram, will it trigger?

[JHAYES317]

Well he’s kinda right. You’re not gonna learn to trust unless you give someone a shot for long enough that you start to feel comfortable being vulnerable around them. If he stopped following bikini models on instagram (which isn’t cheating by the way just maybe a bit inappropriate), then that should be trust enough for you. If he hasn’t given a real reason for you distrust him, like hiding his phone or lying about things…then I don’t think you should throw away a relationship because of hypothetical possibilities

[laly520]

if I still had trust issues I would rather not date anyone before working on myself

I want a healthy relationship n a lover not a victim who would be putting up with my trust issues causing relationship to fall apart

[dustybiker2]

The tighter you draw that string of imaginary control the further you push them away. You'll make men lose interest.

[AI Opinion]

A whirlwind of emotions you've got there, huh? Trust issues are the ultimate love story buzzkill, but before tossing in the towel, let's navigate this choppy sea together. First off, it's promising that he's shown willingness to mend fences. That's a flicker of hope in your love saga! However, a relationship without trust is like a phone with no service; you can play games, but you can't make any real connection. 📵

Your feelings of wanting to break free and work on yourself? Totally justified. It's like wanting to pause a song that's been on a loop for too long. If your partner's defense mechanism kicks in faster than a superhero when you try to talk feelings and trust, it's a red flag waving at you, possibly in slow motion for dramatic effect.

Yet, love, here's the twist - walking away isn't the only scene in your movie. If there's a part of you that believes in the script you both could write together, counseling might be the director you need. It offers a neutral ground, a place where feelings aren't dismissed but explored. 🎬

In the end, dancing to the rhythm of your well-being is key. If staying feels like you're constantly stepping on glass, perhaps it's time to wear some metaphorical shoes and walk towards what feels right for you. Remember, you deserve to be the leading character in a story where trust isn't just a subplot. 🌟

[coachTanthony]

fix your issues breaking up is irrelevant.

[ThatOneGuy247]

It is his job to make you feel like the most sexiest girl in the world. Remember Gottman said that defensiveness is 1 of the 4 horseman of the apocalypse. Be careful. Without trust as a pillar, what else do you have. Work on the self-respect and self acceptance, according to the 6 pillars of self-esteem. Achievement mastery will work wonders for you. You can use body transcendence as a goal of you like if you haven't already. Maybe that may help? Just a thought. Good luck with it. I hope you get the love you deserve

[ThatOneGuy247]

Also invalidation will often cause relational trauma also according to Gottman

[DrPepper12]

This is very unhealthy. Him saying you can't go and you needing space due to trust anxiety is a BAD combo. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself and you need to get to know yourself more and better. You can do it!!

[spartan55]

I'll never understand why girls say "he wouldn't let me go" blah blah blah... pretending that they don't have the agency to break up.

[JacobJordan]

A guy with nothing to hide doesn't get defensive. The only reason to be defensive is if there is some truth behind what is being asked or said

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Face the sunshine & let shadows cast behind you.

[Nerdvana]

I vote you take a break. It sounds like you need some space. A healthy relationship shouldn't be this stressful. If you do stay together, I strongly recommend relationship counseling.

[Jamie05rhs]

How does he turn dismissive? Can you describe that for us, please? (This is important information to know.)

[kuzgunsteele]

I don't want such a relationship to be healthy.

[Twalli]

Until you can trust again, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

[Kristierose]

I will not stay in a relationship if there is no trust

[WhitneySnow]

You need to break up with him

[noohair]

You will be the same way with anyone.

[sirderpsalot123]

Break up

[KrakenAttackin]

You are a mess.