Is it possible to be heartbroken after seeing someone for only 3 months and knowing them for 5?

[Anonymous]

This guy and I ended things about a month ago. I had known him for 5 months when we ended. We were seeing each other weekly for 3 months. I feel like my feelings are invalid because it was only 3 months and seeing him once a week but here I am with all the feelings and symptoms of a heartbreak that I haven’t ever felt before in my 26 years. I’ve had relationships that were longer and guys I saw more often and ended it and didn’t look back or feel much, or at least if I felt sad I didn’t feel like it was the end all be all of my life. But here I am, extremely upset and heartbroken especially since I know I allowed myself to be treated in ways I should never have allowed and it makes me feel rotten and disgusting. I feel fully to blame even though I know he was a jerk and was dishonest and just was selfish the entire time, I still allowed it so yeah. Anyways, is it possible to be this heartbroken or am I crazy or immature or one of those psycho weird obsessive girls? I think about him 24/7, mostly in pain.

[Anonymous]

It is possible to feel heartbroken. This question kinda made me laugh because you are the living proof to yourself that it is possible to feel heartbroken after 3 months as you are currently experiencing this, yet you still felt the need to ask. Some heartbreaks hit you harder than others, your feelings are still valid. Just remember you’re feeling withdrawals from him like a drug. But he’s a bad addiction, toxic for you, and will not help you progress successfully in life. The only thing that will heal you is time, focusing on yourself and your goals and distracting yourself from him. Live your life, have fun, and be happy. Be happy it ended in 3 months rather than being stretched to years. You saved yourself precious time that you could’ve never gotten back.

[Asker]

Haha, yeah you have a point there. I don't know why part of me feels like I “shouldn’t” feel this way and I’m being juvenile or something. But yes you are so right, I hadn’t thought of that, it could have persisted and only gotten worse given he is who he is and that isn’t changing. I feel like this is my first heartbreak and they sure do suck!

[Opinion Owner]

It’s because you feel guilty you let this man treat you so poorly and are ashamed he was able to have that power of you. You are condemning yourself for not being stronger. What you don’t know is that you are still a human being with a heart, and brain, and feelings and expectations. When someone does damaging things like that to you it fucks you up as it would with anybody else. Take this experience - albeit negative - as a learning experience. It will help you understand guys better and look out for red flags sooner. Next time you will be able to make a more informed and conscious decision.

I recommend watching this ted talk: how to fix a broken heart. This man explains everything so well and I’m sure you and countless others who’ve experienced heartbreak will be able to relate.

https://youtu.be/k0GQSJrpVhM

[Asker]

You’re an angel. I have been so sad with this gnawing dead feeling and guilt and I’ve tried talking to some friends but they just kinda didn’t say what I was needing or something and I felt worse lol. But reading this made me kinda cry just because that is exactly it and it’s put into words, and tell me it’s ok, thank you, it’s reassuring. I do need to forgive myself.
And thank you for the video ❤️ I will watch it now

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. I’ve been there myself before which is why I understand your situation completely. It can be very depressing to deal with especially during the first few weeks but keep your chin up. A lot of girls especially (and even guys) can relate to you - it’s extremely common. Keep focusing on you. Invest in yourself before anyone else. You got this.

[Asker]

I will ❤️ Thank you. I watched the video and I feel inspired. It makes sense, and I definitely have been feeding what I felt was now gone with stalking and obsessing about him. I have to fight a little more to actually let go. Since part of me still hopes he’ll come back around saying he messed up but that isn’t doing me any good.

[Opinion Owner]

He did come back around for me saying he messed up and making deep proclamations of love. And guess what happened? He left again. It wasn’t even a big deal to him coming back and leaving and I was meant to believe I was crazy. It is an endless cycle and words are used to manipulate, meaning nothing without action. Let’s hope he doesn’t come back again, especially now when you’re vulnerable and hopeful.

Also, you can fall in love with anyone with enough polarity and attention. That is why love is never enough. Shared values, beliefs, goals, and the way you are being treated come first and foremost. Love with your head as well as your heart. Think of if you were fully fulfilled when with him or had a few moments of happiness and then prolonged periods of worry and feeling bad about yourself? You will realise with time he was never as great as you thought.

[exitseven]

You feel the loss. It doesn't matter how long you were together. You have to allow yourself to mourn the loss and soon it will just be a memory.

[Asker]

Ugh I can’t wait until it’s a memory, that sounds so sweet right now

[exitseven]

Thank you for the MHO

[In_Trance]

I think you're being irrational. Perhaps inexperience shining through

[Asker]

Irrational how so?

[In_Trance]

It's been a few weeks; you don't even know him yet

[Asker]

I’ve known him for 5 months?

[In_Trance]

5 months is nothing