What would you want to hear in order to take an ex back?

Question

My ex and I were together for 6 years. We built an entire life together have a child etc. the last few months of our relationship were really rocky. I fell into a bad depression episode and just had a hard time with life. That interfered with our relationship and he couldn’t handle it and we ended things. It was a bad break up. Very bad. But the “problem” I’m still madly in love with him and I honestly can’t live without him. He’s the only person I will ever love and can ever love. I’ve tried telling him and asking to talk and he just doesn’t give me the time of day. I’m going to talk to him tonight and I told myself if it doesn’t work out this time, then it’s time to move on. I’ve told him everything. How much I love him, I want to grow old with him, I want our family back together and he just says, “you can’t convince otherwise, I’ve made up my mind.” I know some of you will say “that’s your answer right there leave him alone” but this man is my life, my world. I love him more than anything in the world and I’m willing to give it another chance if there’s even a possibility. What can I tell him to make him see how much he means to me and how much I love him. How to show him that we are meant for one another?

snowgirl123 · Accepted Answer

you have the most beautiful feelings, this is all I wish I could hear from someone. I will tell you my story and I hope that you can understand my point of view for you.

well, I did have the hopes of marrying someone too. I'm a girl and I thought this man was going to come for me, to protect me, because he's very rich, powerful and extremely skilled. look I live a horrible life and I thought that he was meant to protect me, that nothing in this world could stop him from protecting me. if there was a reason why he could not help me, I at least wanted him to be here with me, to hold me, to touch me not just sexually, but to make me feel cared for. or at least I wanted him to talk to me somehow and explain why he could not be here, to instruct me.

well, I might be wrong, but I have not seen any of this. I suffer so much sadness also, I have been completely defeated. all of this has also taken an immense part of my capacity to use reason and wisdom in life in general. it may not seem like it, but I have been wise before, and now I'm not wise at all. I have completely given in to survival instincts and believe it or not I am far from friendly. but I can work hard and be friendly if I put all my strength to it. I wish people could understand my reasons.

I just wish he was here with me, beside me, or if not even that he could do, that he would at least let me know with words of love.

maybe there's a reason why he cannot be here, or maybe he just cannot live up to the expectations I have for him, maybe he could never feel the way I do. I am uncertain. the heart wants love to happen, but we live in real life.

look, do you know why he has made up his mind that he does not want to be with you? was there something you did or did not do? maybe you should try understand how he feels, because we can only truly understand someone when we go exactly what they go through. you can try to be loving and see through his eyes somehow.

if you feel true love for him see through his eyes.

however he must love you truly as well. one of the worst things in this life is to be with someone who does not love you truly. think about it, about the reasons why he does not want to be with you. talk to him if possible. maybe he loves you and you can work this out together, or maybe not. maybe it will take a very long time to heal from him, but if you work truly hard you will forget him.

NicoletteXO · Accepted Answer

The best thing you can do at this point is let him know:

A) You love him and you would much prefer to be in relationship with him, however,
B) You RESPECT HIS DECISION and
C) Let him know that you are taking steps to improve the parts of yourself that contributed to the breakup - regardless of whether he comes back to you or not.

Then cut contact - except for the contact you need to coordinate care for your child.

You will go through a grieving process. And then, once you begin to emerge from that, start working on yourself. Do things that help you become a better person.

If there is any hope to get back together, it will be when he sees you as the beautiful and woman he first met.

Also... without rushing things or bulldozing your grief... when you are ready, don't be shy to start dating again. Men often have a realization of the value of a woman when they see she is about to be snapped up by another man. However, I'm NOT encouraging you to play games with other men here... just simply... go on some dates when you're ready, so that you become less fixated on him. It will be healthy.

I wish you all the best.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Get right with God, then get to self-improvement. Always leave him an opening, but don't come off desperate. And set boundaries. You have a child together. But he has to want to marry you and do right by God to enjoy life with you and the child. No more freebies. Learn how to not need him. So you will admire him as an individual and as the father of your child, not as your sole latch to feed off of.

If you do all this, and he has a change of heart, hold him to it, and yourself.

If you improve in all these ways, he doesn't improve, and he doesn't respect the new you, then cut him off completely. You don't need him anymore, and he has nothing you want.

If he tries to come back, but gets rude and nasty about the new boundaries that you set, don't cave to pressure. Stand your ground.

If he tries to come back, but only as a mooch because you're now successful and he's failing at life, don't give in. He would only be using you. A mosquito is better company.

If he instead retaliates against your success by outright lying, and spreading baseless, scurrilous rumors about you to turn family, friends, and town against you, sue him until he's begging the judge for mercy.

But do be prepared for anything. And don't come on strong right now. In fact, take pains to seem uninterested. Don't talk to him, or look his way.

Don't leave yourself open to him issuing a restraining order. And if he does, move to another town. Burn every last picture of him. Treat him as if he'd made an attempt on your life - and your child's!

And if the order is lifted, and he comes looking for you, friendzone him. He has forfeited the right to romance you forever. May he find himself like that old man in the music video to "Miss Atomic Bomb" by The Killers.

Shizunk · Accepted Answer

I don't know enough about the problem that caused your breakup to be specific. If I had a child with someone, I wouldn't be willing to leave unless they were physically abusing me or the child, so it's hard to compare, since I would consider my personal happiness to be secondary to that of the child at that point and would do anything I could to be of service to you as well to make that possible. Which is why I am careful with whom I would have children to make sure they are worthy of such commitment.
But since I did leave a girl a short while ago after 7 years of a decent relationship, perhaps I can still provide a useful point of view. In her case, we had different visions for the future (or rather, I had one and she didn't) and I started to be more and more obsessed with reliability and not breaking promises. That is because of my plans how to raise future children. And then, though that wasn't the first and only problem, she broke a promise. She had a chance to work on it every day for more than a month, and she didn't do anything to deliver. Not a single bit of effort. That is when I decided to end things. I would be happy to take her back. But I would need to believe, that this is more than just another promise. I would need her to make it clear she takes the future seriously, that I can rely on her word and her actions. I would make conditions and test her determination for months before I would accept a full relationship again. And that wouldn't be nice. Because that wouldn't be a relationship of equals, it would be me dictating conditions and choosing to have mercy on her or not and she would be in a very submissive position for a long while without either of us wanting it. That is basically why she ultimately decided to not attempt that and just leave.

t-8900 · Answer

I honestly can't give good advise for this because and advice I could give imho would be bad advice and giving false hope. I can only say I'm truly sorry for this situation and would kill to have this level of loyalty and dedication openly and honestly expressed to me. Personally I wouldn't just outright leave a girl over something like depression. I suffer it too, I get it. But even still adding in a child I had with her in the mix, I couldnt ever imagine being able to leave you in that situation. I honestly feel his excuse for leaving was crummy in the first place.

You might have been lashing out but if he was actually patient with you and tried to communicate with you in a gentle way this could have been avoided. I really dont like that he bounced on you like this, not one bit. I know you love him deeply and I'm not gonna say what to do and now with the kid it's harder but you really do deserve better for yourself I think. I hate how in society today people just walk out of other's lives when they shared something like that. It feels like you took it all more seriously than him though, based on what little I have to work with here. I wish you nothing but healthy and joy, truly.

J2ohhhhh · Answer

Just blackmail him, that you'll fuck his life over in court, tell that you'll rise his child to hate him, that he'll not have a single second in the rest of his life that he can enjoy without worrying about you ruining it. Just kidding don't be a psycho. He left you cus you didn't care about how he feels. There was some shit going on in your life and you thought you can just pass it to him, cus your well being is more important than his. And now you again focus on yourself you don't talk about him, just you you you and you, that you miss him, you need him, your life, your family, you and more you. Language is a powerful tool. Just talk about him, ask him questions, what you could do to make him feel better, tell him what he could do to make you to make him feel better. We men need solutions, we don't wanna listen in the rest of our life some bitch nagging about some problem that only white women have to face. You got a problem you talk about solutions and let others help. And you need to learn patience, once you learn it, you'll worry less, cus you see a longterm picture and will be less annoying.

Anonymous · Answer

I want none of my exes back. Even the “one who got away”. After a long time of agonizing why she acted the way she did when we split I deduced there is a 99.99% chance she cheated. It would explain why she behaved so inexplicably callous on several issues.

However I would like closure. People have this saying “closure is over rated” but that is sociopathic and selfish (and it’s usually coming from the person who do the dumping).

Giving someone closure isn’t giving them false hope nor does it cost you much other than a few uncomfortable minutes of your time. It helps the other person understand what went wrong. It answers questions and clears up confusion. The truth might hurt but it also gives people the ability to develop.

When I broke up with my last ex (different one that I mentioned above) I tactfully gave her full closure on why I wanted to split. She went Hollywood ballistic and nuts. Screaming, yelling in public, crying, throwing things. It got so bad that her grandma has to call the police because she was threatening to kill herself. It was agonizing and embarrassing for me. But I left knowing that I did the right thing. She got to say and ask everything that crossed her mind. She can look back with little or no unanswered questions. I gave her an opportunity no woman ever gave to me when the roles were reversed.

HayleyMarie · Answer

Did you two break up recently? If so, the best thing you can do right now is give him time. If you’re after him to get back together constantly and he says he’s made up his mind, it would be good to give him his space. Take some time apart. Give it a chance for you two to miss each other.
Once the break up isn’t so fresh, ask him if he is willing to meet up to talk. In your situation it would probably help if he knew that you are willing to make changes (perhaps therapy etc) to deal with the depression. Perhaps if he sees you taking care of yourself, that would make him more likely to want to give things a second chance. But obviously actions speak louder than words so you’ll have to really show him that things can work the second time around. I wish you the best of luck!

lightbulb27 · Answer

have to plead to deeper emotions: your child needs you, encouragement he can be a good father.

I think an explanation of what went wrong might help and how you take action to correct that. Lot of guys don't understand women go through broad hormonal swings and it unfortunately, can be normal, and a shock. If there's more to it, then evidence you are working on that. Once restart, take some courses on how to work together more effectively, doing positive relationship building things together.

people today aren't so resilient. Guys don't handle emotional pain well, me included. We dont understand it, aren't trained in it... and so many aren't married (not that that alone will stop the split, it can slow it down enough to work through issues), so we run from the pain and chaos to safety. I did that, my girlfriend got us back together. It was not easy. It's going good now.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Damn i dont want any of them back but if i did, i’d have to hear “Baby I've missed you like crazy and been trying to get in touch with you but you changed your number and address. I've been thinking about you nonstop. I know i was dumb back then and regret it everyday. I dont wanna live another day without you. Im ready now. Im ready for the marriage, the kids, us. Everything. Other girls tried to get at me and we never even made it to the first date nor did we have sex. You’re all i want.”
lmao yea thats not ever gonna be said so i’d never take their asses back

sonic_fever · Answer

Look I’m going to be brutally honest. You’re being needy and he doesn’t like that. Unfortunately you have to take a risk at this point and do no contact with him. I know it’ll be extremely difficult since you have a child together but minimize all contact with him. That will get him moving in your direction. It always does. Now it doesn’t mean he will beg for you back but it will put you in the position you want to be in. Show him you can be fine without him. That you still have a great life without him. Go out. Look happy. Thrive. That will make him think. He will eventually reach out to you when the missing starts

EssenceOfLight · Answer

If he loves you and he thinks there is a little chance that you really love him, he won't let you go away.
We men are emotional dumbasses who hope some girl will really love us they way we love them. However once we are convinced it was just our naive illusion, there is no way we change our minds.
If you overstepped some of his red lines and he came to the conclusion "someone who loves me would never treat me that way" it's over. No matter what you say and do, no matter how much affection you will show, he will interpret this as manipulation attempt.
His contempt will grow every time you try that

Anonymous · Answer

I've never taken any of my exes back. Except one. I was a firm believer that once you break up, there's no going back because there is a reason you broke up.

However, I was madly in love my ex boyfriend. Even when he broke my heart. I have to admit, I was no angel and some of my of my insecurities and expectations also led to our breakup.

I didn't think there was anything he could say or do to make me get back with. I was torn between love and hate.

But, after agreeing to talk to him and hearing the maturity and sincerity in his voice. Coupled with the fact that he apologized and said that he was extremely regretful for his choices and he realized that he doesn't and can't live his life without me. I believed him. Because he was be honest and assuming responsibility for his actions.

He even made several sacrifices to make his way back to me. His actions began to speak just as loud as his words.

BCA6010 · Answer

I can't think of any exes I would take back regardless of what they have to say. We went our separate ways for a reason, even though some of those breakups were mutually agreed upon and ended amicably.

The only situation I can think of that would warrant serious consideration of taking someone back is if the only reason we split in the first place was physical distance, and that not being a factor anymore.

wittymilf · Answer

I don’t think you are meant for one another, ypu feel that he’s meant for you, but he doesn’t feel that way so you need to respect his wishes. You can’t force somebody to love you.
I know it hurts and it feels like life will never feel fufilled again but that’s also not true. Once you let him go you will slowly heal and one day the ability to be able to love someone else will come back.

gabriela13 · Answer

For it to be true as well but "I only kissed her, we didn't have sex or touch each other"

Something along those lines... For him to kiss someone else was bad enough but for him to sleep with someone else simply because I wasn't ready is...

ohshee · Answer

Well when reading your post I can tell you have a very beautiful art you're very caring person it's not what they say to you because that's a lie it's what they do is how they prove it and show you each and every day words don't mean anything anymore watching him prove it does

molonski2 · Answer

" I've just won tattslotto 10 mil , I want you to share it "

" I've just had a sizable inheritance from my great aunt , property , giant share portfolio , and cash " ..

Other than that , forget it ! You left for a reason , look forwards , not backwards..:)

Diodoro · Answer

I just wouldn't take my ex back lol. I'd sleep with her, but I wouldn't get back with her. Are there some things I'd like to hear from her? For sure. But I don't need anything to be done or said.

That's just a human thing tho. Like there are people from my past who've wronged me that for sure owe me an apology that I'll never get. Just gotta deal with it and let that shit go.

markayd · Answer

if it only took him a few months of depression to break up with you, it sounds like he probably was never head over heels in love with you for most of the years he's been together with you. If he truly loved you, he would have been there for you during your darkest times.

This is the reason why so many of our marriages do not work out nowadays. Spouses put their own self interests as a bigger priority than their spouse's needs.

dustybiker · Answer

You are hurting, devastated, but you can’t talk someone back. People who are hurt, need to see change.
The only thing that would work is by your improving your life, self and position to the effect it lured him back.
If things were reversed what would be more appealing to you? Words. Or a steady stable and loving home you would want to be back apart of?
If you are still in this needy stage you need to work on self a bit longer. I hope you are talking with someone.

5points2gspot · Answer

If he couldn’t handle you at that very small measure in your life than let him go. There are more issues that could arise as you get older and he has proven he can’t handle those things. There isn’t anything in this world I want to hear from any ex. The only way I would ever consider anything from an ex is by seeing a change. Not just hearing words..

sensible27 · Answer

Do you really love him enough to change yourself? If you really love him, and care.. you just have to let him know you care, are there.. be persistent, accept that he may need some time off. Anything else only might be able to say. Have you talked to his friends?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Ok real deal is he needs time. That being said this is where you show your commitment. Either focus on improving yourself and stay away from other men, partying, alcohol. And come back when he's ready a better person. Or wallow in depression sleep around or get in another relationship and when he's ready to hear you out he will immediately be disgusted and leave for good.

Anonymous · Answer

We never did anything sexual at all and I'm still completely STD STI clean and if you want further proof: she never even kissed me nor touched me besides a handshake and that's not a dirty joke implied 😮😮😅😅

So that's how I would take someone back. If nothing physical actually happened and the emotions are gone, then I could reconcile if I felt she really was worth keeping 🤓

Wester1967 · Answer

Nothing. Impossible. I am not taking an ex back. I am not rummaging through the garbage and the trash bin for picked over scraps and left overs. There is nothing in there that is gonna be any good for me - at all.

My exes are exes for good reasons. Plus, god knows where that box got thrown around while she's busy being my ex. No. No way in hell. Bye. Good Luck and Good riddance. Don't call me. I won't call you. Bon Voyage and Sayonara

bolverk · Answer

Did you get treatment for the depression?
If you did have you told your ex?
If you have not then he may be more concerned that your mood swings are untreated, as a male who has been on the receiving end of post delivery mood swings I can understand his trepidation and I was dealing with it as a brother, he is you SO so what he is feeling is a quantum level over what I did with my sisters.
If you do not give him full information is it any wonder that he is backing away from you?

Anonymous · Answer

Here is what I would want to hear: I’m sorry for me lashing out at you over things that really weren’t that important or bad and I’m sorry that I decided to listen to my friend who didn’t appreciate what I had with you and I’m even more sorry that I thought it was right to cut things off with you. When you’re free we should meet up and discuss about our future together. I can’t imagine how hurt you were when this happened but if you’re willing to take a chance with us again then I want you to know that I will be too

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

Of the 3 I lived with, two were certainly transgender. So, no chance.
The third, potentially, but she has a da7ghter already, plus believes fucking around behind my back is perfectly fine. To be on simple acceptance terms, she'd need to genuinely denounce that.

melanieeeB · Answer

You can't change his mind and heart. If he doesn't feel the same, than there is nothing you could say or do that might change that.

Also do you really wanna be with someone, who does not love you or care enough...

CapOuPasCap · Answer

I would recommend giving him space to miss you instead of forcing stuff. He's also probably reeling from the breakup and wants to know the same issues won't happen again. Go limited contact for a little while (only communicate about the kid) and focus on yourself, become better, and then try to rebuild your relationship. It's not going to be the same, there's no way it can be, but you might be able to get him back

cth96190 · Answer

There is probably nothing that any of my exes could say, or do.
They all broke my heart and did terrible things.
In the case of my first girlfriend, I wish only misery and a slow agonising death upon her.

kjen6807 · Answer

There is nothing that could make me take my ex back. We were together for 2 years, I did everything and anything for him while he constantly showed me how I wasn't a priority. The worst part is, I wasn't even the one to end things. I loved him so much that I was completely blinded by his behavior.

He dumped me because he felt like he couldn't commit unless he had more than 1 previous girlfriend to compare me to. Brutal. I would rather be alone than be with someone like him ever again.

Andres77 · Answer

I won the lottery and I feel so bad for everything I did to you I decided to give it all to you. And I'll never bother you again, I feel horrible for making your life a living hell.

illallowit · Answer

What would I want to hear? Nothing... I would want to see some actual effort to become a better human. Words are cheap.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

For me, I will never take my ex back. Given the pain that she brought and the burden of finances she left on me, it makes sense for me to stay away from her.

WhoRtheseGuys · Answer

Our sex life is going to be amazing and I won’t sleep with anyone else. Simple. Other than that he can do what the hell he wants.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Nothing I don’t want my exes back I want them to stay in the past where they belong. Because they have no place in my future.

Ninani · Answer

If I ended it, nothing he could say or do would change my mind.

jennajordyn · Answer

"I'm not scared... I've got this and you, and taking care of you is easy cuz you worry about me too." AND 'i hate your mother/family and we never have to talk about them."

Echosoul · Answer

He isn't interested, he's made it clear. You can't magically change his mind by saying certain words. At most you're going to piss him off more by persisting.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry for aiding with that racist lady over you and saying that she is a nice person:)

rienna888 · Answer

Anything if I still love him, I’d take him back but if I don’t no matter what they say I’ll just ignore it

crazy8000 · Answer

For me isn't it anything someone can say or do to get me back after it's over.

Buterflybaby · Answer

For me there wouldn’t be anything. And ex is an ex for a reason.

zagor · Answer

"Remember my friend you thought was so hot? She wants a threesome..."

es20490446e · Answer

What kind of relationship do you expect to get from someone who doesn't appreciate being with you?

KellyTarrel · Answer

They are my ex for a reason, nothing they can say would get me to take them back.

DiegoO · Answer

Eh, nothing. I wouldn't get back with her. I have my strong motives.

Benjamin_Fred · Answer

You promise to never go back to your old way, but even at that the trust would have to start from the scratch... What do you think 🤔 ?

Alexa99 · Answer

If he can’t handle you at your worst he don’t deserve you at your best.

Slim57 · Answer

That she's genuinely sorry for everything and promises to change

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think there's anything they could say for me to take either of them back.

jamesgoldman · Answer

That they are coming back to town

whosnumber1 · Answer

you two should go see a counselor

jimmy2 · Answer

I hear you try to work it out together

Anonymous · Answer

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What would you want to hear in order to take an ex back?

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