Smothering, is he back?

[Marta111]

Hi guys. Long distance relationship. In December my partner has mental breakdown- he said it. He said it's nothing to do with me, I'm amazing etc. I was texting him sometimes how is he, how is my day etc. He never wanted to talk about it. Last week I texted him that I'm going for wedding and we'll stay in his city. He was angry and texted me that he tried tell me that I was smothering him, and he can do this anymore. I was in shock as he never ever mentioned about it, never said anything to me, if we had proper conversation I would change something! I was so angry with him. Is he back to me? Or it's over? Since we are together he never said anything bad about me, only that I'm amazing how lucky he is. I don't get it. He doesn't want to speak with me. I stopped texting him, calling. I regret that I didn't stop in December but he didn't say that was me. I thought that he is tired with job etc.

Updates

+1 y

Maybe more details. Before Christmas he said to me that he is exhausted and needs breath. I asked him: what do you mean? He was angry and said: you know what I mean. After 2 days he texted me: If you need me text me. After two weeks time we chat and he said: I'm in bad place, not your fault, you are amazing. So I thought that he is depressed. I was sending him emails, texts whats going on, that I think about him etc. I was trying to be supportive.

Updates

+1 y

Last week I emailed him that I booked hotel in his city as friend has a wedding. He get mad and texted me: I tried to tell you that you were smothering me and now you doing this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. That's it. I get mad. I emailed him so is it over? Why I don't deserve proper phone call? No reply. Whole story. I don't understand guys, I don't.

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like maybe you need to cut ties and move on from your description. Doesn't seem like he is in the right place for a relationship.

[Marta111]

I think he is lost and blame me, whatever it is. We don't have any contact at the moment. He didin't even say it's over. I asked him if it's over? Nothing, silence.

[PrettyPriya]

@Marta111 Wow, that seems kind of childish of him. I find that if two people sit down and just really talk about things, there is usually a way to solve them, unless one of the two truly doesn't want to put forth the effort.

[Marta111]

Extactly. And this guy wanted to spend live with me. I'm so confused. When he texted me about smothering I was angry, I emailed him that why we can't talk about it like adult. If I knew that I'm doing something wrong and his mental breakdown is because of me I wouldn't text him every second day, I would leave him alone! I made everything worst.

[PrettyPriya]

I don't think you made it worse. He should have said he needed space and acted like an adult instead of throwing a tantrum by the sounds of it.

[Marta111]

The worst is that I didn't deserve a phone call, proper talk. I don't recognise him anymore. I blamed myself. I didin't know that he feels that way. He get mad when he found out I'm in his city. But I wasn't my choice, my friends decided to stay in this hotel. I feel like stalker! I never was in long distance relationship and maybe I was doing something wrong, but I didin't know. I hate myself as I love him do much and I think I lost him forever.

[PrettyPriya]

I really don't think you are in the wrong. I think he didn't properly explain himself and blew up for something stupid in my view.

[Marta111]

I don't know. In my last email I said I'm sorry, I didn't know that he feels that way and I'm sorry for all text, phone calls etc. But I think I burned everything. He never was so angry.

[PrettyPriya]

How long has it been since the email?

[Marta111]

More than a week. I gave up as there was no point. I was trying to be supportive after his breakdown and I've done everything wrong as it was because of me, which i wasn't aware! Such a mess.

[PrettyPriya]

Would it be worth waiting another week and then emailing a kind and positive message to him just to see if he has improved at all?

[Marta111]

Now I'm afraid to do anything. I think he just broke up with me without saying that it's over. I'm hopeless.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he needs a break from relationships.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It sounds to me like a sad case of miscommunication. If someone's mind is in a bad place you never really know WHERE you stand.

[Marta111]

Thank you. Two weeks ago he said: It's not your fault, I'm in bad place now. A week ago said that he tried to tell me that i was smothering him and he can't do this anymore and on the end "I'm sorry". That's it! I get mad and said: so is it over? what does it mean? Nothing, no reply.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I don't think he wants it over.. Well he might, but I think he just wants to be angry at the whole world for some reason.. The problem is you are in his line of fire.. I would give him the space he needs to calm down and fix his mind..

[Marta111]

I stopped texting him, calling. I regret that he didn't tell me in December. I thought I was supportive but I made everything worst.

[TommyMountainFigure]

On reflection it sounds entirely his fault.. He needs to work this out for himself.. I really think you should keep your distance (Even if it is online) from him until he knows what he wants.

[Marta111]

Thank you for advice.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're welcome.. and I hope he sorts himself out.

[Marta111]

I'm hopless. I don't understand why guys can't talk and say what's wrong, simple conversation. It was beautiful relationship and I can't belive what happend. I'm so devastated.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Some guys can. You've just been unlucky.. I know I use this analogy a lot, but if you buy a car and it gives you problems you get rid of it and buy a different one. right? Same thing with relationships..

[Marta111]

I'm unlucky. Thanks Tommy.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're welcome, but it doesn't mean your luck won't change next time around..

[Jamie05rhs]

He's a woman in a man's body. He's too much of a coward to tell you how he really feels. You need to dump him immediately.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Iron_Man]

Work it out with him

[In_Trance]

Gong show. Walk away