Girls, What does it mean that my ex girlfriend wants to be single and independent to be happy with herself, find herself and love herself?

[Anonymous]

I just need some perspective. My ex girlfriend (23) and I (26) have dated for 4.5 years. Couple of days after the break up, we met up and both acknowledged that we were very much compatible, fit well together, and we were both very happy when being together. She clearly said that if she wants to be back in a relationship, she wants to be with me, and if she wants to marry, she wants to marry me. She wants just to become become more whole and come back more confident. Essentially, she lost the sense of herself and she did not know who she was apart from this relationship and that made her very anxious, stressed and very lonely apart. She was finding her happiness in me. Graduating university soon, full time work, personal family issues, and her herself really not knowing what to do in life made her very stressed and unhappy. Naturally, that leaked into our relationship and naturally lost affection towards me because she did not have the space, energy, abundance to show affection to me. She felt sorry that she could not, did not know how to give me back love like I gave her. I was just always ther for her supporting her. She just really really wanted to be single to find herself as she was dating since 16 (I was her 6th boyfriend) and she finds it suffocating to be in a relationship. Additional context, we did think of marriage seriously, and we were both planning around when we should, but she came to a realization that if she did not take this time to fully enjoy her singleness, she would be miserable when married. She knew if she were to continue with me that she would marry me. Hearing from a close friend of ours, who led her in the talks when my ex was thinking through the decision of the break up, my ex said to her that she knows for sure that I will be a great husband, father, and will be really hard to find a man like me who can love her fully. I let her go, understanding her situation and wanting the best for her. I went to no-contact for a month

Updates

1 y

She broke up with me and I really hope to get back in the future. I am giving her the space. However, she felt sorry that I will wait for her so, she did say to date other people and at the moment she does not want to talk about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

It means you shouldn’t waste anymore time on her. People like her don’t make good life partners. You can’t trust that they will be in it for the rest of their lives, because they likely just won’t be. Be happy that you didn’t marry her, if you did you would with 100% certainty ended up in a divorce sooner or later. Find someone better suited for marriage. Nowadays most people, both men and women, don’t have what it takes to be worth marrying. Most judt aren’t husband/wife material because mental issues, commitment issues, lack of the right values and morals, delusional beliefs and so on. But there are some good ones out there, even they may be hard to find. There are absolutely women who are not afraid of the commitment and would not see any point or happiness in breaking up with their man to get to be single and just want to find the right guy and settle down for life with. Granted most of them are religious, but not all are.

[Asker]

Thank you for the response. We are religious as well. The ex did not ever had her singleness until now. However, I totally understand what you mean. Thank you!

[Secret6620]

There's a saying that goes "you can't love anybody else until you learn to love yourself *first*".

I believe this to be partly true.

From my personal experience, I cannot give the proper attention or consideration to my partner if I am not in a good place with myself.

I hope you and her can reconnect after she is done finding herself. Fingers crossed. Best of luck 🤞

[Asker]

Thank you for your perspective. I am just trying to focus on myself right now.

[Secret6620]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Do you think doing no contact is better? She did want to remain friends at the moment...

[Secret6620]

Yay! Thank you most helpful girl!

[Anonymous]

It means you should leave her alone.

[Asker]

Yes, I do feel the need to do that for the time being.