My ex wants me to pay money back, but I don't think I should have to...am I wrong?

[Healingfrmlove]

It's been almost seven months since my ex left me to be with another woman. After months of no contact he recently calls me to tell me I owe him money. I ask what for, he replies for helping me get my car and for a loan he took out for us to take a trip. We were together for 5.5 years so all of money doings were together. Originally we were paying the loan back. I would pay when he needed to take care of something else. As far as my car, it wasn't like he loaned the money, we helped each other when we needed to, he gave me $1000 on my car, I paid $1200 in legal fees for him. It was never a tit for tat deal. He also tells me I need to refinance my car and get him off of the loan, when I never asked him to do it anyways, he volunteered, saying its a step towards us actually managing our finances together because we were gonna marry in the summer. It's like he wants me to give him everything back and undo everything we did when were together all because he has a new girlfriend. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded paying anything had he not fed me bull crap lies asking me to marry him, then up and leaving for her. Not only that but basically putting me out for her to move in. Not to mention cutting my cellphone off and cancelling my car insurance all because she wanted us to lose all ties. I am a fulltime student in med school so our arrangement has always been for him to mainly take care of home until I finished. But he up and left the relationship without notice causing me to have to work two jobs and med school fulltime in order to support my self. I have really struggled mentally emotionally and financially these last seven months all because of him, so honestly I don't feel I owe him...am I wrong?

[ryanrhino]

You should not have to pay him back, but the car loan is an interesting dilemma. If YOU were the one who co-signed on his loan, what would you want done?

Legally, since you never married, you do not need to remove him from the loan. Is his name on the title of the car?

Now, shutting off your cell phone and cancelling your auto insurance was a bit harsh, not to mention that if he's on the car's title, it was quite interesting to cancel the insurance on the car.

Well, let me ask you a hypothetical question. If you get a new guy in your life, what do you think he'll think about your ex on your loan?

I would recommend seeing if a family member can co-sign for you and just ending every little bit of relationship with this boy, yes BOY.

[Healingfrmlove]

I don't think I would have a problem as long as the payment gets paid, which I pay faithfully. His name is still on the title. I never thought about if I got a new guy. I didn't really see it being a problem, but up until this point it hasn't been a problem. It hadn't caused us to have any contact, I haven't been late and I have no need to talk to him. It's like he just woke up seven months later and decided to ask me for money

[ryanrhino]

Well, you should not get the loan refinanced until he's off the title. Why give him rights to the car if he is not responsible for it, but in 'name' only. ;) Once you pay off the loan, he's still on the title, so when you go to sell the car, you'll have to get his permission.

You both are stuck together with this asset and debt until maybe you can just trade it in for another car or sell it to someone once it makes financial sense. He'll have to be there for that to sign over the car.

[vIRGOpERSPECTIVE77]

hELL nO DONT PAY HIM BACK HE IS THE ONE WHO LEFT HE BROKE THE CONTRACT

[TyroneJayJackson]

You both paid for things to help each other out, There was never a deal to say that you had to pay each other back, If he wants money from you for what he "did" for you then you should actually say you want money from him for what you did for him, Such as legal fee's. We both know he wouldn't pay that or he wouldn't be asking you for money back. I say you tell him no get off his lazy ass get a good paying job take his money out of that and forget about anything you both think you're in, Cut all ties with him!

[arbaby]

i say f*** him... tell him you own him nothing and he should go get the money from his whore of a girl friend if he really wants money that bad... and if he continues to bug you... try ignoring him... my last boyfriend did the same thing to me with housing...and if he was asking for money... I would laugh in his face and tell him to go f*** himself... you don't owe anything to him... and he is a d*** head for asking...

[Briseide]

No, you are not wrong. You are more than right. You do not owe him nothing. Your ex is just like my ex. They want to come out the relationship without any loss at all. They are the dumpers and they want us, the dumpees to take all the losses and that includes the money as well. These guys are not men at all.
Ignore him and sort out whatever complications you still have together. Move on and leave that loser alone.

[butterfly_girl]

When you're in a relationship you do things together, you both spend money on things so unless he loaned you money and you had an agreement as to pay it back or you had some arrangement for saying off a certain thing then no you don't owe him money. You can't at the end of a relationship start counting how much you spent on the other person and try to claim it back. I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out x

[Shaun]

If it was a loan and you were paying him back during the relationship, then you have to pay him back after the relationship. Otherwise tell him to pound sand.