Should I pay an ex back?

[Anonymous]

So it was about June 2024 we ended, for many reasons. I (24) didn’t feel like he put effort in. So he (20) didn’t ask me out, just told people we were dating. I told him to pick a movie one day and I’ll come over in 2.5hr- he didn’t pick a movie and got super stoned instead. He’d spend so much money on nicotine but not on things for us to go do etc. He never planned dates and then he lost his license (he’s one of those car guys and will do a skid anywhere and do illegal stuff to his car) so I’d drive us to work (we worked at the same place)… then lost his job… but he’s an extremely nice guy, a lot of emotional intelligence, he’s loving and funny (sometimes extremely immature) but he’s got a good heart and is one of those genuine people, he’ll never ever do you wrong.

Two weeks after we ended, I got into an accident and I called him. He was there less than 5 minutes later in the rain and towed my car and kept it by his a few days until it got fixed. He even gave me a tyre of his for my car and he said it just drop it off when I get new ones. Fast forward, it’s march 2025 and he didn’t get his tyre back because we completely stopped talking and I think he started talking to someone and I thought it might be weird to go by.

I was thinking to relieve myself of the guilt, I’d put money in an envelope and pop it in his mailbox with his name and leave it at that.

Updates

1 y

I also don’t have his wheel after I did a 3 month road trip around my country and got my wheels changed after

Updates

1 y

Well I dropped the envelope with money off at his house and somehow now we’re meeting up this weekend… lol, confusion

[ohsheeT]

Wow well I see you as being a good person and doing the right thing. . I can't tell you what to do.. only you can do that.

Even tho he was a bad boyfriend in ways. But good in other ways. When you truly needed him , it's sounds like he was there for. You.

And I'm sure he Probably regret The way he treated you and was when around you.

Almost all relationships are a learning experience. And you take what you learned into your next relationship.

But no matter what you have to be true to yourself

When we were born we were all given a gift. That gift is choice
We get to choose who we want to be in life by the things we say and do..

So it's your choice. Do you want to be you or do you want to be someone else.

I mean one of the best things about you
Is that you are you. And I think it's just who you are. To do the right thing. And you have to be proud of that.. and should never want to lose that it's A quality that you just do not see anymore. And is so hard to find in a person..

If you do decide to give his tire back You can go down to a junkyard . The junk yards in my town you can get a new tire on a rim. For 10 to 25 dollar's and the 25 dollar tire is because It comes with an aluminum rim 10 dollar's for a new tire , and steel rim..

[Asker]

Don’t have the tire as I did a 3 month road trip and got them changed after hence why I’m wanting to give him money😅
But even after all this time, I can’t not have given him something, I’ve felt bad this whole time and think about it a lot… I drew the money out and tomorrow will pop it in his mailbox.

[DreamCrescent]

i wouldn’t pop random money in his mailbox, girlie. text him about it like “ i know this is so late but i never forgot… “ or give it to him directly

there’s no reason to be stealthy or ashamed about it. if he finds money in his mailbox, chances are he won’t think of you the way you assume he would

[ohsheeT]

Yes just hand it to him that way she knows he got it⁹

[Asker]

@DreamCrescent oh he will. I was his first and only girlfriend for one and two, he doesn’t go out much and doesn’t like people so yeah he’ll know lol.
It’s not anything to do about being ashamed either, we’ve just not spoken since things ended and I’m not trying to be friends or reconnect, just trying to clear my conscience

[ohsheeT]

I think your a really good person People like you are hard to find

[ohsheeT]

That is a beautiful thing . It's all because you have a beautiful heart

[SteveSmith1985]

Wait. the paying back is for 1 tire?

You can try and pay him back if it'll make you feel better, but don't do the envalope thing! Just talk to the freaking guy! Especially if you want to be friends... that speach is better given... not in an envalope. Texting it is better. But stop being weird about it. He almost certainly does not care about the tire. He certainly doesn't think you ripped him off or anything. Talk to the guy if you want to be friends. Don't show up at his place, but get in touch with him. 🙂

[Asker]

Him and I haven’t spoken since things ended. I’m not trying to be friends, just clear my conscience haha. Also I’m from a super small town, putting money in the mailbox wouldn’t get stolen

[SteveSmith1985]

Alright. That's cool. It sounds like you know the answer to your question. I'm sure he'll be pleasantly surprised. Good on you for being honest.

[Anonymous]

Dont pop money in a mailbox it could get stolen and I think he did that out of the kindness of his heart cuz he cares , I would personally pay someone back for it tho cuz I know it’s not cheap , I don’t think he expected you to pay him back and did that a sign of kindness. If you don’t have a lot of money at least do something else nice for him to show you appreciate him.

[Asker]

Haha it’s safe where I live, I can assure you, it won’t get stolen but yeah I drew the money out yesterday and will drop it off today

[Opinion Owner]

Why not give it to him in person?

[Asker]

Because we’ve not spoken or seen each other since things ended. I feel like meeting him in person would be seen as trying to reconnect or something. I also don’t want things to be awkward and weird, which they will be. Things didn't end the best… I just felt that dropping off the envelope and maybe a note saying it’s for the wheel would do the job. He reached out to me two months after things ended as a friend prank called him🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ he was blunt and dry- understandable but yeah the mailbox thing I felt would be the best

[Opinion Owner]

Poor guy , I hope things work out and y’all are both happy

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[Cormac995]

Tires aren't cheap so yea pay him back, but I recommend you just give him the cash and I actually advise you to go separate ways after. Staying friends with your ex after breaking up makes building new relationships harder and less trusting. If I found out a girl was still friends with her ex after breaking up I'm not dating her end of story.

[Asker]

Him and I aren’t friends. We haven’t seen or spoken since things ended.

[Cormac995]

Yes but your message said you wanted to be.

[Asker]

No that was a message from him hence why it’s not blue, blue messages would be from me and grey and from the other person- this is iMessage. This was also from back in 2024 when things ended and he sent me this

[Cormac995]

Ohhhhhh ok I see well that's him being dumb then in my opinion

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Cormac995]

As in it's a mistake to try and be friends with your ex. That's just a rule in general to follow. It doesn't matter if your a guy or a girl that's a bad look.

[Asker]

I was his first heartbreak so I suppose he was trying to hold on to whatever he could. I understand it and he is a wonderful guy.

[Cormac995]

Yea that makes sense but speaking from experience if he does that, he's just going to torture himself hoping you'll come back.

[Asker]

Yes, but again, that was nearly a year ago and we’ve not had contact since then. I’m very sure he’s moved on from wanting me lol

[Cormac995]

here's hoping for his sake woman don't realize how hung up a guy can get on a woman. The last woman I was in love with that I knew was 4 years ago and I still haven't healed.

[Asker]

I mean I’m sure he was seeing someone a month or so after things ended so😅 doesn’t sound like he’s seeing someone now though so I assume it didn’t work out but yeah

[Fury_storm]

just give the tire back

[Cyrus000]

Yeah sure