My Boyfriend Paid for His Exes, But Now He Wants Me to Pay, is it fair?

[Clarity2929]

I met my boyfriend online in November, and we plan to meet in person for the first time in May. Since he lives in another country, he invited me to visit him, but he asked me to split the cost of my ticket.

What bothers me is that, in the past, he traveled back and forth to the Philippines to visit his ex-wife and even paid for long hotel stays with his other exes. He paid everything without them contributing! He often tells me he values me more than his past partners and sees me as his future wife. However, when I questioned why he treated his exes differently, he said it was because they were poor, while I earn a better income. I explained that I have major expenses, including living alone in another country and supporting family in my home country, but he insisted that since I’m in a better financial position, I should contribute.

It’s not that I refuse to split the cost, but I can’t shake this uneasy feeling about why he’s treating me differently. Am I overreacting, or is my concern valid?

Please advise what should I do?

Updates

8 mo

“Is it fair for me to pay half or not? Pls advise.”

[HollyK21]

You seem to have this expectation that since he put so much money into his exes, he should do the same for you and that’s quite ridiculous. He’s already gone down the roads of paying for everything and maybe he doesn’t want to do that again because he doesn’t want to be used and you’re already trying to do it.


Maybe this isn’t the right relationship choice for you. Living in different cities can be taxing when it comes to funds, let alone a different state but an entirely different country? Neither of you can afford this regularly, and already you seem to think he should be making it happen with his own money and that’s not the case.

[PeachyPie93]

Don't do it.. Guys who give you less than what they gave an ex aren't that into you.

[Finchie40]

It’s not about being fair , it’s about being wise , he is probably over paying for girls’ that used him for money , and doesn’t want to go down that road again. If you want a guy that pays for you , then you are best to move on from him and find someone else. You both aren’t on the same page with things and sadly it’s just going to get worse if you aren’t. Realize he isn’t the guy for you and move on

[abc3643]

Get rid of him. An LDR that involves travel in a faraway country is only asking for trouble and lots of wasted time and wasted money. It costs way too much to travel and you only spend very little time with the other person; too little to be able to get to know them well enough for marriage.

[AI Opinion]

Ooh la la, love dilemma alert! 😄 Okay, let's decode this puzzle. Your boyfriend's past generosity with his exes vs. his current stance is raising an eyebrow, and it's understandable! If he truly treasures you, then communication is key here. Feeling valued shouldn't come with invoices attached. It's not about the money, but about the principle and equity in the relationship. Discussing your feelings openly might help clear the air and reassure you both. Sometimes, love shouldn’t require keeping score! 💕 Good luck!

[Clarity2929]

is it fair me to pay or not? please advise 😢

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps he has learned a lesson from prior relationships and doesn't want to set himself up to be used again.

[JesseP1nk]

Wtf? That is not acceptable. Don´t give him any money so he can flex to his ex. That is fucked up.

If he is too stupid to understand it. Ask him how he would feel if you asked him money to spend that money with your ex boyfriend in a hotel together or whatever.

[Smile456]

Sounds like there's a real difference here. Shouldn't make a difference if they're poor, paying (or at least paying for half) is the gentlemanly thing to do. I appreciate your concern, I'd share it too.

Maybe let him know that it's a turn off for you (like it would be for a lot of people). No shame in bringing that up

[Akashrangwani1997]

I think whoever is capable of paying should pay it. It is possible that he might be facing some financial problems right now.

[aycosko]

If it's fair or not, why haven't you made it clear to him yet?