Is it ok that I told my ex-gf of 3.5 years who dumped me that I’m not sure if I can be friends?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I dated for 3.5 years, but she told me in April we needed to take space apart so I could get my life together if we were to have a future. I quickly checked into a rehab and she told me she was proud. I called her twice while there. It’s now September and I just found out via Instagram that she and this guy she met at our college graduation a year ago started dating while I was in treatment.

She met up with me twice after I got out and I loved showing her the personal progress I had made. My mental clarity was so much better and I got two jobs. But when I tried to ask her about us two months after I started treatment, she just acted confused and said “I didn’t realize I left things so unclear.”

A month later I texted her that I respected her decision to leave and thanked her for the relationship and she said it didn’t discount our friendship. She texted me a few days to wish me happy birthday and I told her I don’t know if we can be friends because things ended on really vague terms and we were together for a long time. She responded: “I guess I was just under a different impression but I understand.”

She never puts periods at the end of texts unless upset or angry. Can anyone offer any advice?

[OlderAndWiser]

Usually, if the dumper says they will maintain a friendship with the dumper, it is because they want an opportunity to hold on to the old relationship and hopes that it can be rekindled. And it is almost always a mistake (unless you have a child together.)

Your greatest obligation at this point is to yourself and you must do what is best for you, and not what makes her happy. Obviously, she thinks her greatest obligation is to herself as she has wasted no time in moving forward wth someone else.

[PrettyPriya]

Yes, it is okay that you told her that if that is indeed the truth. I read through your details. It seems you had some personal issues that had an effect on the relationship and your life, to the point you went to rehab.

First, good for you for making yourself better. Too many people give up and don’t seek help. You did the right thing. Now, as far as the ex girlfriend goes, that is a personal decision that only you can make.

If you feel like you cannot be friends right now (or ever) that is acceptable because there is no point in forcing a friendship that is not there. That would be a waste of yours and her time.

Maybe this part of your life, you need to focus on you. I totally get that just by what you shared. I think that is a good idea. Make sure you are right with yourself before committing to any sort of relationship, be it friend or girlfriend. Best of luck to you.

[Guy13]

No friends or continuous torture and building animosity and confrontation would be my approach too. In the End, you both did what was best for your Person. Each of you have a different Vision of the world... enjoy yours within what is best and healthy for you.

You are being tested. In a year when things go flat with other guy and you are stable and happy... she'll test. Grateful to you and ho you worked in my life for the better for those 3.5 years is my gracious response during the testing.

[In_Trance]

Stop talking to her completely

[Asker]

Do you think I should be upset that she left things vague and decided to ditch me when I took radical action to save things?

[In_Trance]

No I don't think so because closure is overrated

[_Just_A_girl_]

It's ok.

[BerkaySamet]

👍👍 do you