Why do parents fight for full custody of their kids in divorce, instead of celebrating the idea of having days off from having kids around the house?

[Bethany22]

I mean really, why don't they just assume 50/50, whereby the child spends half the week with one parent, and the other half with the other parent? That way, each parent can have free time to explore hobbies that they don't have time to do when the kids are around. It could be good for the child, too, if they tend to get along with one parent better than the other, so they can then get one parent all to themselves for a little while.

[PamelaRivers]

I don't know personally. I've heard of a few scenarios growing up. One where the parents were just so bidder they both wanted to "one up" the other. Another one was scared for the child's welfare as the other would neglect the child's needs. Another situation also concerns the child's welfare but one parent was caught molesting the child. Last one I can think of one parent wanted to raise the child in a way the other felt was inappropriate. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons. The most basic could be just not wanting to be away from the child.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think the parents feel a sense of love abandonment if they can’t choose how often or when they get to see their kids, since the kid is a biological extension of their own bodies and they cannot cope without not having access to someone they view as rightfully theirs.

[Chris_675]

I guess it depends on the divorced couple.

We never actually got divorced (Just separated permanently), so we both still have full custody still. When my son was little she just left him with me most of the time because she wasn't into being a mother, and to be honest I didn't trust her fully with him anyway. She has a bad temper and if I wasn't there to calm the situation she's gonna be aggressive, yelling, pulling him by the arm, hitting him etc.

If she hadn't been such an absentee parent anyway, I probably would've had to fight for full custody just to make sure he had a loving childhood.

[SnowedIn]

For my parents, I was a pawn on their chess board of acrimony. Mom used me to hurt my dad. Dad used it as one more tool to out maneuver mom in court.

In terms of 50/50, the logistics make that really hard and it is (at least for me personally) egregiously hard for the kid. There's issues with schools and friends and church, etc. I would up spending the school year and most of the summer with my mom, but a month every summer with my dad.

In my book, there isn't any good or great way to do divorce and kids. Some parents handle it better than others, though, so my lens on this reflects the shitshow that was my parents'.

[lightbulb27]

spite! they are getting back at the man for something.

I have step kids, my wife has two from her ex and I credit her with keeping the family as a unit and the success of the kids development. She orchestrated a uniform family. As she said, the women make the family... I think that's true. And they blow it to bits if they are spiteful hurt $$$ches with selfish values.

There may be cases there's dangerous males, that seems the exception in my view.

yes, they should appreciate they have free time...

[Immie85]

I got lucky and the dad didn’t hang around after I gave birth, but still needed a solicitor to ensure he didn’t have any legal parental responsibility. In my career as a nurse have seen times of domestic violence and especially coercive relationships where the man tries as a final act of control or to cause more hurt by removing the children. Seen times where one parent has mental health needs, drug problems or drink where a parent wants to protect the children. Many reasons but families are never simple

[inhua]

not sure which parents you are talking about specifically? the fight for full custody can be either a genuine care for the kids safety or a cruel vengeance to spite the other parent.

a lot of anecdotes and lived experience stories seem to point to fathers doing the former and mothers doing the latter which would make sense.

I've never heard of fathers complain about fatherhood but I've heard plenty of mothers complain about motherhood. also MRAs and the wider manosphere have no issue with supporting fathers and wanting them to stay in homes but feminism does the opposite and tries to convince about the worst aspects of motherhood and sadly a lot of them fall for it.

at the end of the day, it's the kids who suffer when going through this.

[TrueConfection]

I'm not divorced, but a friend of mine split with her cheating husband. She fought for full custody because she didn't want to worry about the stream of women (and even a prostitute) that he might have in his home while her daughter was with him.

[snackthatsmilesback]

It can be because they think the other parent is a bad influence on the child, or even a bad parent, and the child will be better off with them full custody. It can also be selfish and they want to make sure the other parent doesn't get custody, just to be mean or to spite them. And I'm sure other reasons I don't know

[DJB72]

Some parents use the child as a way to hurt or control the other.

The idea that the other person might be a good parent despite them not being able to get along with them is so alien to them that they'd rather live a life of hate and fuckwittery than find a way to get along.

[peedy]

I wonder sometimes when people get divorced that they use the kids a weapon to get back a the other one, barring abuseiveness and alcohol &drug problems there is no reason to keep someone away from their own kids just because you don't get along with that person anymore doesn't mean that the kids don't get along with them and in the end its the kids that get hurt the most when the parents fight over custody

[melanieeeB]

Some parents don't want the best for their kids and use them to punish the ex (like my father) ... I suffered the most in-between and wished my mom went for full custody right from the get go.

[Sixgunsound]

If you become a parent one day, hopefully you will then understand the love parents have for their children and would fight as hard as you can to have them in your life.

[Anonymous]

People are petty when a relationship ends on bad terms and they want to be able to lord it over the other I guess. Sometimes it could even be due to financial reasons. Then there are a few where the other parent is unsuitable. But sadly I think the fact the kids are basically used as bargaining chips is more common.

[anon1903]

They just don't want the other person to be happy, that's all. They wanna snatch kids just for the sake of snatching.

[Noahzaid]

Because it’s a matter of ego plus the love they have for the child.

[Andres77]

It’s vindictiveness. It hurts the kids but they don’t care:

[nawtee_me]

My divorce was equal and I ended up raising my two sons most of the time anyway. She was the one with the break

[msc545]

Child support. The parent with the most custody gets the child support. 90% of the time that is the woman.

[pizzalovershouse]

Cuz they want what they dint have with their parents

[clampfan101]

They want to be responsible for their kids because they love them.

[Zolly99999]

They love their kids or they want to punish the other parent